About A Soldier
Part 7/10
Tired
He's always heard it said that good things come to those who wait.
He's beginning to think it's a lie. For over half a century he's waited for things to change, waited for Maria to tire of war and look at him as something more than a tool. For a while, he thought she was beginning to return the fond feelings he felt for her, but now he knows better.
"You're angry," she says one day when he's resting leisurely on the branch of an oak.
"No."
"Lonely?"
"No."
She sighs. "Will you not talk to me?"
"I have nothing to say, Maria."
"But you do," she insists. "You avoid me now, and you barely look at me. Ever since Nettie and Lucy – "
Silence.
Just months after the fire at the house, the truth had came to light. He regrets the fact they're no longer with them, but not as much as he regrets the fact that they died by his own hand. They had attacked Maria… the biggest mistake they'd ever made.
"You miss them?"
"A little."
"I'll leave you alone."
Silence.
That's all there is these days; silence, silence and more silence. Boredom. Occassionally, a small group of trespassers would instigate a territorial fued but now they've fled back as far as Mexico. Maria's days of war were over.
"The newborns at their year mark need to go," she says professionally. "And Peter."
This catches his attention, and he snaps his eyes open. "Why?"
"His strength is waning, and he's beginning to get ideas like the ones Lucy had."
"He's no threat to you, Maria."
"Do I need to add your name to the list, Jasper?"
A low rumble vibrated in his chest. "Fine."
"I'm sorry we've come to this." Her voice is quieter, softer, though Jasper feels no regret from her at all. He doesn't respond when she reaches up to touch his hand. "I fear I'm losing you, mi amor."
He curls his fingers around hers for a single, fleeting moment before dropping from the tree. "If you are, it's because you're pushing me away."
* * *
Jasper eyes the burning pile wearily. It's been stacked up and burned down twenty-four times, and still they were not halfway through. He watches the flames dance and twist agains the night, and he is briefly reminded of the pain of his transformation into this life. The pain of death.
"Jasper?"
He blinks, tearing his gaze away from the fire. "Sorry, Pete."
"I can finish up here if you want."
Jasper thinks of his instructions from Maria. "No, Peter, it's fine… we should just keep going." Crossing a name off the list, Jasper sighs aloud and reads the next name. Turning, he calls, "Charlotte, are you here?"
A surge of pain rips through him, and he drops the list on the ground, his hand going immediately to rest in the space just beneath his chest.
"No," Peter hissed.
Jasper looks up, too caught off guard and shocked by the sudden shift in emotion to speak.
"You won't touch her."
A soft female voice comes from near the burning pile. "I'm here."
"Charlotte, run!"
"Wh—"
By the time Jasper makes it to his feet, Peter has Charlotte by the arm and they're halfway to the forest on the other side of the field. He has half a mind to go after them; he can catch them if he tries.
Why? he asks himself. Because they're in love?
Love. That's what he'd felt; that the unknown, powerful emotion that hit him so hard when Charlotte's name had been called. Peter loved her. He simply stands there, watching them disappear through the trees, his hand on his chest. Go, he thinks. Get out of here.
A stronger person might have gone with them, he thinks.
A stronger person.
Instead, he kneels, and picks up the list of newborns to be destroyed. He crosses Charlotte off the list, and then, he calls the next name.
The sun is beginning to rise with the last pile of remains is set aflame, and when he returns to the small house Maria found for the coven – the remaining seven – she's waiting for him.
"How did it go?"
"Fine."
"And Peter?"
He chooses his words carefully. "He's gone."
"Come sit with me, Jasper."
He doesn't want to, but he does. He tenses as she leans her head over on his shoulder, and does so even more when she reaches up to trace a specific scar on his next near the groove of his shoulder.
Her's.
"I never forget where this is," she says quietly, "no matter how many new ones you get."
Neither does he.
"You won't leave me, will you, Jasper?"
He closes his eyes. "I don't make promises I can't keep, Maria."
"I know." She lowers her head and sniffles. "Will you stay with me tonight, the way we used to? Just lay with me? …Por favor?"
Jasper sighs. "Why?"
"I miss you."
He folds his arms across his chest. "Am I supposed to believe you, Maria?"
She looks truly startled, and h feels more than just disapppointment from her. She's hurt. "I do, Jasper. You were always more than just a soldier to me, you do know that, si? I care about you… I know that I don't show it all the time, but it's here. Look at me."
He does.
Her hand is over her chest. "It's not beating anymore, but it's still there. Mi corazon."
For the first time, he felt a true unguarded emotion from Maria. For the first time, she wasn't keeping herself from him. She was afraid and she was lonely.
"I'll stay, Maria."
Once more, they lie in silence, her head on his shoulder and his gaze straight ahead at the ceiling. He doesn't make promises he can't keep. He doesn't know how many more times he'll give in before he breaks.