Chapter 12: Half Hope, Half Agony
Dom avoided Kel for the rest of the day. The couple was set to be married that night, but Dom didn't go to visit his cousin and Yuki until only a few hours before the wedding was to take place. Both of them gave him irritated looks and refused to even acknowledge he was there until finally Meg squirmed out of her father's grip and crawled her way across the floor to her older cousin. A bright smile was on her face and her big green eyes looked up at Dom expectantly.
Chuckling softly, he bent down to scoop the girl up into his arms, mumbling to her, "At least someone still loves me."
Kel had searched all over the castle for Dom, hoping to explain. She was determined to tell him how she felt, but when she decided that he must have been kidnapped by hurrocks, Kel gave up and knocked on Neal's door. And there Dom was, Kel realized, openly scowling at his back as he was bent over the desk in the room, scribbling away on a piece of parchment with a quill doubtlessly borrowed from Neal.
She wanted to slap him, to scream at him, to forget her Yamani teachings for once in her life and just tell him what an incredible git he was being. Her face was hard and set, but it loosened only slightly when Yuki unceremoniously dropped Meg into her arms. The toddler gurgled up at Kel and the knight couldn't help but crack a small smile as Meg set her firm grip on a piece of Kel's hair. Kel worked at getting the lock free as she sat down in a chair and placed the baby in her lap.
Her friends started to talk, to ask her about New Hope, and she in turn asked how things were in the capital and at Queenscove. They talked for nearly an hour, Kel casting annoyed yet curious glances at Dom every few minutes as Yuki and Neal went on denying his existence. Kel marveled at how much Meg had grown and smiled as the little girl broke into giggles during a game of peek-a-boo. It wasn't long before Meg was curled up in Kel's arms, fast asleep.
"It's hard to imagine that Merric is getting married," Neal thought out loud as he stared absently out the window. "I still think of you lot as ten year olds with big, round eyes as she stared up at the Stump like he was Mithros. Now Merric is marrying Lorraine…" Neal glanced back at Neal, his eyebrows raised in their typical fashion. "And Cleon told us the way here we should be expecting wedding bells for Kennan and New Hope as well."
Kel couldn't even hear herself think as blood pounded in her ears, her fists clenching. There was no attention to spare to the fact that Dom had frozen at the desk behind her. "I am not marrying Cleon! You could swear the man doesn't know how to take a hint." Exasperated, Kel shook her head in annoyance, settling to either ignore Cleon for the rest of the wedding or threaten him to a dual.
Neal was laughing, but Yuki's eyes were curious as she asked Kel, "There aren't any men you're considering as possible husbands Kel?"
"Why would there be?" Kel grumbled, careful to keep her body calm for Meg's sake even if her mind felt like choking somebody. Specifically either a giant, red headed somebody or a handsome, blue-eyed somebody. "When most of them can't see past their own ridiculous conclusions far enough to see what a woman is actually thinking."
Horns and bells sounded a few seconds later, signaling that everyone was to head downstairs to the ballroom for the couple's vows. Dom was the first to leave, pushing back his seat and walking out of the room without a word. Kel ignored him and handed Meg over to the nurse who'd come to watch her so Neal and Yuki would be free to enjoy the wedding and party scheduled for afterwards.
The next hour Kel spent trying to avoid Cleon while glaring in Dom's direction although he seemed determined not to so much as glance at her through out the ceremony. She sat between her mother on one side and Anders on the other. When the priestess of the Goddess stood up to say the vows for the couple, Kel did her best to turn her thoughts towards Merric and Lorraine. If both Cleon and Dom were going to act like pubescent boys then there was not much she could do, Kel decided hotily.
Lalassa had been right about Lorraine's dress, Kel thought as she examined the couple on the small dais. The underskirt was made of ivory colored silk, embroidered with what looked like thousands of crystals. The over gown was a transparent, soft looking fabric that flowed out along with the shift in a long train. Merric looked surprisingly confident and masculine in a velvet tunic of the same color ivory. But as the two stared into each other's eyes, their hands clasped and smile lighting up their faces, no one in the room but the most vain would possibly be looking too long at their clothes.
When all was said and done, Kel clapped and cheered as happily as the rest, her own troubles in love leaving her mind for at least the second. Kel and the rest of her family were the first to give the newly married couple their well wishes. Kel hugged them both tightly, gave Merric a warning to treat Lorraine well or else his 'aunt' would get him in the practice courts, before Kel was pushed out of the way by other friends and relatives who were in a hurry to congratulate the pair.
Once Kel was finally able to escape the crowd, she made her way out into the abandoned corridor to get a breath of air. She wasn't aware that she had been followed until she heard Dom ask, "Kel, can I have a word?"
Her hazel eyes looked at him through long lashes and she nodded her head dumbly. By the look on his face, Kel had to wonder if last night had ever happened. They'd gotten along fine, had laughed like the old friends they should have been. Now, Dom's face was blank once more and his jaw was set. Kel sighed outwardly, looking away. She didn't think she could take this again, feeling hopeful only to be let down once more.
"Could you give Merric and Lorraine my congratulations for me?"
Kel didn't bother to hide her surprise as she looked back up at him, her eyebrows raised. "Why don't you congratulate them yourself?"
Dom shook his head as he explained blandly, "We've gotten that call from the town I mentioned yesterday. The guard seems to think they'll be attacked tonight. We're going to set out immediately. I just wanted to…"
His voice drifted off and Kel looked away. Tears were stinging at the corners of her eyes but once they were under control, Kel slowly nodded her head and said softly. "Good luck, then."
The two stayed where the stood for a long moment until finally Dom bowed low to her and turned to leave. When he'd walked a few feet, Kel's voice broke away from her mind and asked before she could stop it, "There isn't anything worth staying here for?"
If Dom was surprised by her words, he didn't show it. It took a second for him to turn, but he stopped when she started to speak. When finally he showed her his face, it wasn't hard to see the strain in his emotions but it didn't stop him from shaking his head and continuing on his way.
Kel couldn't move for a long time. Her heart felt as if it were going to stop beating. Her face burned as if she had been slapped, and in a way she felt as if she had been. The shake of his head seemed to be an answer to her questions, but the emotions on her face, the look in his eyes…
"Kel? Are you alright?"
She couldn't even look up as Cleon left the ballroom to see Kel still rooted to the spot, staring down the hallway at where Dom had once been.
"Kel?"
"I'm fine, Cleon." Kel's voice was sharp and when her eyes finally turned to look up at his face, they clearly said that she was not in the mood. "What do you want?"
But Cleon seemed willing to risk it. He slowly shut the door to the ballroom behind him and he stepped closer to Kel. "I was wondering, well, if you'd given any thought to my proposal." The softening of Kel's face, he took as a good sign, but in reality Kel felt sorry that she would have to disappoint him. For even as infuriating as Dom could be, how stubborn and stupid and ridiculous, Kel knew what she was going to do. What she had to do or else risk forgoing all future happiness.
"I have," she started slowly. She openly winced as Cleon perked up. "And I've come to the decision that I can't marry you." She didn't give Cleon a chance to respond as she picked up her skirts and took off at a run down the hallways. If Dom wasn't going to come to her, than Kel wasn't going to be the woman who sat and moped.
The gates were closing when Kel pushed open the main door of the castle. She swore, already out of breath but that didn't stop her from taking the steps to the wall two at a time. It was incredibly hard, especially in the blue gown she was wearing. Why had Lalassa made the train so long? Kel hardly noticed anything else, however, as she finally thrust herself against the side of the wall, her eyes searching the ground below.
The squad was already yards away on the road. Kel could make out Dom's figure on his familiar looking mare, leading the group at a gallop. Tears threatening to fall once more, Kel slammed her fist angrily against the wood underneath her hands in a rare moment of shown emotion.
"Lady, are you all—Oh! Lady Keladry, good, you're here." Kel wanted to throw the man off the wall, but instead she turned to him, her eyes ablaze and her mouth opened to order him away. Instead, however, her jaw just fell slightly as the man at arms held out a sealed letter for her. "Captain Domitan asked me to give this to you upon his leave. You're saving me a trip to the castle."
It took a second for Kel to reach out and take it, but finally she did with a small thanks that came out more like a toad's croak. She stared down at the parchment as the man moved past her to continue his pacing of the wall. Her name was scrawled hurriedly on the outside in Dom's familiar curvy writing. Before opening it, Kel wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. She cut the seal with her fingernail, revealing more of Dom's handwriting:
You said last night that a man is capable of bringing out the best in a woman. You would most likely argue against the same being said for a woman bring out the best in a man for you have brought out the worst in me since our meeting at Whitley last summer. I have been resentful, cruel, and weak. I cannot condone my treatment of you, Kel. Nor do I look to, but have you not seen in what direction my heart truly lies? Is it not obvious? You were my only reason for visiting Whitley then and my only reason for being at Mindelan now. I needed to see you, to know whether or not all feelings between us are gone forever. My heart is yours solely, Kel, and has been so always, even if you nearly broke it five years ago. I have loved none but you, and will continue to until the day I die.
Whether you still have a place in your heart for me, I cannot tell. I am half hope, half agony. If there is any chance that my actions have not turned you completely against me and that I might call myself yours once more, I'm begging Kel, just a look, a word is all I need. I will return to you and your decision of whether I enter your father's house tomorrow or never.
I am yours, body and soul,
Dom
Kel reread the letter twice, her heart pounding harder with each word. He loved her. He still loved her. Even after all this time, after all that she had put him threw he blamed himself. Kel couldn't help but let out a watery laugh at how stupid he'd been. How stupid they both had been. She pulled the letter away from her face, her eyes scanning the darkening landscape to only see a speck that was the squad.
That wasn't the only thing she saw, however. All of a sudden, there was movement out of the corner of her eye, in the woods beyond the road. Kel swore, her sparrows shooting over the wall, calling out the alarm. Dom was headed in the wrong direction.
"Nari! Get Dom!" Kel shouted. The bird and a few other sparrows did not hesitate. The guardsman who'd handed her Dom's note hurried over, about to ask her what was wrong. Instead, Kel quickly shoved Dom's letter down the front of her gown and ordered, "Sound the alarm! Lock the gate!"