"To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day."

- Sir Winston Churchill -

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I felt my heart stop beating, a black shadow covered my eyes and every breath burned my throat.

This was a nightmare. Nothing more.

I kept on telling myself that. Over and over until it echoed in my head.

It was no use.

Maybe I should have known that all my luck and peace could not last forever. Things on earth simply aren't made for eternity.

So why had I kept telling myself that instead of preparing myself for the day my luck would burn?

Almost unbearably slow the thick shadow lightened and my eyesight returned.

I wish it wouldn't. Sometimes it is better to stay in the dark than facing the cruelty which light offers.

Just forget bravery and courage.

I was a coward.

And then life returned and my eyes fixed on the depth in front of me. Literally and metaphorically.

It was an abyss I laid my eyes onto. And it was pale and unbearably beautiful and covered in dust and it smiled at me with warm, golden eyes.

Him.

With a flash, he was back in my life.

Apparently my assumption that he had taken back everything he had once given me, all reminders of our time together, had been wrong.

It had been something for which I had blamed him. Never for leaving me, but for taking those things away from me.

He never had.

Nothing had ever left these walls. Nothing. Except himself.

All fear was gone when I dropped my hand in between the floorboards and my shaking fingers grabbed the stack of flat items which had been lying in the dust for thirteen years - forgotten.

His picture on the top smiled at me, making my insides feel like fire.

I had forgotten just what he had been. No memory could compare to this.

I took the picture between my thumb and forefinger and rested it in my lap, not wanting it to let go of me.

As I expected, there was a second picture underneath. And this time I felt a stabbing pain in my chest.

Something I hadn't felt for a long time. Ever since I had let him go.

Him and Charlie watching TV, a coldness burned on his beautiful face. The total opposite to the his old expression.

This time the picture fell out of my hands, joining the one already placed in my lap.

It´s leaving released a third picture and this time, tears began to run down my cheeks.

Me- younger, happy in a way I couldn't remember, still in pain of the unknown.

And him. Cold, and in as much pain as I was.

Us.

A word I hadn't used to describe ourselves for over a decade now.

We were standing there, arm in arm –in a strange way both looking not very comfortable with the situation. The contrast between us just as distinct as the one between black and white.

It was still us, though.

A teardrop fell from my chin and covered my face on the picture, creating a horrible grimace.

I let the picture fall to the ground and instead tightened my grip on the CD jewel-case in my hands. Never had I thought to be listening to his music ever in my life again.

And here it was. And the memory of the sound of my old lullaby made it´s way back into my consciousness.

More tears covered my skin, rolling over my lips, their salty taste penetrating my mouth.

"Edward"

My voice sounded choked and scratchy. Saying his name was like I finally admitted my lie.

He was what I wanted all the time, just I couldn't have it.

Never had I gotten over him. And I never would.

My mind suddenly reminded me of something. I had everything back from which I had once thought he'd taken it from me. The pictures, the CD and, thick behind the jewel case, the tickets to Florida – long expired. Still, there was something else behind the tickets. Something I didn't miss.

Carefully I put the tickets and the CD away, releasing an envelope.

I trailed off into subconsciousness, opened the thin paper with trembling fingers, drenching it with my tears.

The small piece of paper which I carefully pulled out stabbed my heart. His writing. My name.

Bella,

Don´t read this letter. I wrote it when I was in pain. You are not really supposed to be reading it. Whatever force made you find this letter in the first place is a miracle to me.

I didn't write it for you to read it so you would do me a favour by not doing so. But I suppose I know you better than that. You will read it.

I hurt you. I know that. And this is not supposed to be an apology, although I owe you one, neither is it supposed to explain anything.

To be honest – I have no idea why I am writing this. Writing it while you are out there in the forest, alone. I should save you; I want to. But how can I return once I already left?

There is no way back now.

No matter what I told you Bella, I still have to thank you.

Apart from everything I said – you made me feel alive again. You gave my life a meaning. Something worth living for.

You made me believe that I am not quite the monster as which I always used to describe myself.

You were the only one for me.

But there is no way we can be together in this world. I don´t want to. This is simply not the way your life, as well as mine, should be like. You belong to your kind an I belong to mine. Me forever, you until the day you die.

Be happy Bella. Keep your promise.

I will

Edward

I stood up, dropping all the items in my lap to the floor, ignoring the thump caused by the jewel case, holding on tight to the letter in my hands.

Why did he tell me to keep his promise and break it at the same time?

This was not leaving. This was burning himself into my mind – causing agony inside of me nothing compared to the one I had felt when he had vanished into the forest, nothing compared to the hopelessness I had felt while lying on the grounds in the forest, all alone.

Why?

Did I really deserve this?

My strength left me and my grip on the letter was weaker until it finally joined the other reminders of my past on the floor.

I was just about to let the blankness come over me, pulling me back down under the surface as it had once before.

But this time, no one would be able to pull me up again.

There would be no third chance for me to live.

But then, something distracted me. The sound of an opening door.

Why was Charlie up here? He shouldn't see me like this again. Should not be pulled down with me.

I forced my arms up to my face, trying to wipe away the salty tears before I made my body turn into the direction of the door.

And what I saw was – a prodigy….