Ch 7 Behind These Hazel Eyes

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:NY or any of it's central characters, nor do I own Kelly Clarkson or the song "Behind These Hazel Eyes". However, I do own Penny just like always!

A/N: I am so, so so sorry it took me so long to get this installment up! Eh, life. Still pregnant, working and going to school and raising two other little munchkins! You guys are really awesome! Reviewers and those that just read; you guys rock! Thank you so much for your unending patience with me and my crazy life! I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright

For once in my life

And now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together but so broken up inside

Cause I can't breathe

No I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on.

-Kelly Clarkson "Behind These Hazel Eyes

"Hey Lindsay, it's me. Danny. Listen, I really, really need to talk to you. I've been thinking about some things, us, and I really want to talk to you. Please, just call me back and hear me out. I love you and I'll never give up on us. I hope you won't either. Call me. Please."

With an exasperated and confused sigh, Lindsay disconnected the call and sank into an overstuffed chair. What was she supposed to do now? Danny really sounded like he wanted to talk to her, and she desperately wanted to see him again; desperately wanted things to return to how they'd been before. She didn't know what to do, so she did what she always did when she had no clue what to do next: she called Penny.

"Penny Morgan, best friend extraordinaire at your service. What can I do for you my frazzled big city friend," she chirped her greeting happily into the phone as she took a seat on one of the leopard print covered bar stools in her kitchen.

"Oh thank God you answered," Lindsay breathed a sigh of relief.

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good. What'd he do now," Penny asked, already feeling protective of her friend and ready to blame Danny for Lindsay's apparently urgent call. She'd never met the guy, but if she ever got the chance, heaven help him because she was already planning to rip him a new one at the first opportunity. Didn't the jackass understand that Lindsay already had her PhD from the school of hard knocks, and she didn't need him furthering her education? Apparently not.

"He called me."

"Okay...and why does that have you so freaked out? I know you've talked to him since the two of you broke up."

"Well, my boss just gave me some time off, and I really need to get out of the city, so I was going to take you up on your offer to invade your spare room, and come to that benefit your hosting this weekend. You said I could stay for awhile and I have a month off, but I'm not sure how long I'll be in Boston. I might only stay for the weekend or it might be longer. I just really need to get away from this place and get some perspective on things; and I thought coming up there might help me think a bit. If the offer still stands, that is. I don't want to horn in on your time with Jacob, so if it's not okay I can probably get a flight out to Colorado later this evening or tomorrow..."

"Lindsay! Breathe," Penny abruptly cut off her friend's nervous prattle.

Giving a half hearted laugh, Lindsay took a few deep breaths, "sorry, I'm just a bit keyed up right now."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that much when you wrote a book in one breath," Penny laughed, having finally gotten Lindsay to calm down and focus. "Now that you've remembered how to breathe again, why not tell me what about Danny's call has you so discombobulated?"

Grabbing her bottle of water off the table next to her and taking a large swallow, Lindsay allowed herself a moment to collect her thoughts before answering her ever curious, pseudo sister's question. "I don't know, I guess I'm just so confused about everything. I mean, I can kind of understand why he did it, but really that doesn't make everything better," she answered, taking a shuddering breath, holding on to her tears as best she could.

"Of course it doesn't. Just being able to understand why he did something, even partially, doesn't change that he did it and that it hurt you. You owe it to yourself to acknowledge the hurt that his actions have caused Linds."

"I know, I know. But, is it terrible that sometimes, just once in awhile, I want to pretend that he never did this and that I can still trust him. Is it wrong of me to want him to love me again? To want him to tell me that I am good enough for him, and for him to tell me that his indiscretion was just a lapse in judgment that will never happen again?"

"No, Linds, that's not terrible or wrong. What you're feeling is natural. You allowed yourself to love and trust him. You felt like the feelings were mutual, only to find out that he went and did this while telling you that he was fine and just needed a bit of time; that the two of you would be okay," Penny said on a sigh, as she irritably swiped a lint roller over a patch of black fur on her jeans; left behind by the weird little cat Jacob had gotten her for her birthday. Penny looked up just in time to see the animal stuff herself in the small three inch by three inch opening that connected the two bottom cabinetry sections in her kitchen. 'It's almost like she can smell irritation,' Penny mused and laughed to herself.

"What's so funny," Lindsay asked irritably, not able to find anything she'd just admitted the least bit humorous.

"I'm sorry Linds, it's just that Jacob got me a cat for my birthday and she is the funniest little thing I've ever seen!"

Oh! Here was a topic of conversation that Lindsay already liked much better than talking about Danny and how desperately she wished she could go back to that day when she did whatever it was she did, or said whatever it was she said that made him turn away from her and give himself to another woman. Feeling the tears starting to clump in her throat, the petite brunette quickly forged ahead. "So, tell me all about this new cat," she pressed,excitedly.

Penny knew Lindsay was trying to avoid talking about Danny, and she decided that was probably best...for now, so she described her newest form of entertainment, "Well, she's about two-years old, and her name is Sunshine."

"Let me guess," Lindsay interrupted, not able to help herself from taking a dig at the last 'Penny and a cat' story she'd heard while spending a weekend with Penny and her parents at their home in Seattle, "a white cat, but you took her to one of those ridiculously overpriced pet salons and had her dyed yellow to match her name?"

"No," Penny feigned irritation with her friend, as best she could, although she couldn't help but laugh at the memory. "Sunshine is a black cat. Black with really bright green eyes, smart ass."

Lindsay giggled, "no amount of Easter egg dye is gonna change that color!"

"Hey!" Penny tried feigning defensiveness but failed miserably as she remembered the incident to which Lindsay was referring. "I was eight years old when that happened, and I thought since it came out of clothes, it would come out of cat fur too! Besides, I just wanted her to be festive for the holiday," the taller woman defended as she put out a can of tuna in an effort to con Sunshine out of her hiding place.

"I remember how festive she looked in the pictures Pen. That's the first, and last, time I've seen a Persian cat resemble a marshmallow peep! It's just a shame your Mom had to shave her to get her hair to grow back the same color."

"It was getting hot outside, the cat needed a shave anyway. She just got the chance to get a funkier hairdo than most cats, beforehand, is all," Penny defended her actions in very much the same way an eight year old might.

"Yeah, okay, I'll accept that excuse this time," Lindsay conceded as she made her way into her bedroom.

"Good. Now, why don't you quit stalling, hang up with me, and give Danny a call?"

Dammit. She should have known Penny wasn't going to let her run away from this situation. "What am I supposed to tell him, 'let's just forget how you've treated me for the past six months and get back together; but if you ever do this again, I'll cut off your family jewels?'"

Chuckling slightly, Penny thought for a moment and the proceeded, "well, I wouldn't exactly say that to him Linds."

Lindsay knew very well that that wording was overkill, but it got her point across none the less. "Okay, so barring threats of serious bodily harm, what am I supposed to tell him?"

"Tell him the truth," the raven haired beauty stated, like it was the most obvious answer in the world, as she settled down to watch one of her 'Criminal Minds' DVDs.

"The truth is a complicated, painful, mess Pen. Dan hates seeing me upset or hurt in anyway," Lindsay stated the basic facts as she saw them.

"Well, that's his problem, now isn't it? If he's so protective of you that he hates seeing you in pain, then he shouldn't have slept with Ikki, or whatever her name is..."

"Rikki," Lindsay corrected irritably. Sure, Danny's actions hurt her more than words could say, but she knew that Rikki didn't deserve to have any of the blame for the situation put on her shoulders. Danny had admitted to leading Rikki in to believing that he and Lindsay had broken up around the time Ruben died. That admission from him, had led to Lindsay chucking a can of Pringles at his head.

"Excuse me," Penny questioned as she prepared to watch the show.

"Her name is Rikki. Her only child died less than a year ago; and as far as I know, she wasn't in any kind of relationship when she and Danny slept together."

"And your point is," Penny knew what her friend's point was,but she couldn't help but not like this other women no matter what the circumstances. Lindsay was her best friend, and Danny broke her heart by cheating with this Rikki woman. As far as Penny was concerned, she was just as much to blame as Danny was; and she didn't like either one of them anymore than she liked being audited by the IRS.

"My point, is that, if I can be nice where she is concerned, then so can you!"

"Okay, I'll play nice," Penny replied somewhat distracted by the images on her screen.

For her part, Lindsay could tell Penny's attention span was waning, and she had a good idea why, "Hot guys on your T.V screen, Pen?"

"Uh huh. Shemar Moore."

"Ooh!"

"I have the first three seasons on DVD. When you get here we'll have a girls night in. Just me and you with plenty of junk food, we'll make Banana Bombs by the blender full and watch T.V until we pass out! Sound good?"

"That sounds like just the kind of therapy I need," Lindsay readily agreed. She needed to take her mind of Danny and, getting shit faced with Penny seemed like as good a way as any to do that.

"But first you need to talk to Danny, see if there's any way you might be able to make heads or tails of the mess you're in now. Be honest with him. Don't make a promise you can't deliver, and don't let him do that either."

Sighing, "yeah, you have a point. Maybe after some time away from each other, we might be able to get back on track and have a fresh start."

"Is that what you want? A fresh start?"

"What I want is to forget that any of this ever happened and just go on with my life knowing that someone loves and wants me; that someone thinks I'm special. But, since this isn't going away, I'll take a fresh start. I just don't want to get hurt again."

"Well, then you need to tel him all that. Hear him out, and make him hear you. You can't decide what he does with what you tell him, but you can decide not to let this dictate the rest of your life; decide to give moving forward with him a real shot," she advised wisely. "Oh, and if it's any consolation, I think your special; one of a kind even!"

Lindsay laughed, "Thanks Pen. So are you. I'll see you probably later tonight then or tomorrow," she confirmed that she was still coming to Boston.

"That sounds great. Remember, the benefit starts at 7 o'clock Sunday evening. Bring your credit card so we can do a little retail therapy beforehand. I'll spring for your hair and nails," she laid out the plans to her friend excitedly.

"Aw, you really don't have to pay for anything, but that's sweet of you."

"Hey, I'm not offering out of obligation, I'm offering because I want to. You've had a rough few months, why not let yourself be pampered on someone else's dime? Besides, you'll love the people at the salon where I'm getting mine done. I'll call as soon as we hang up, and tell them I'm bringing a friend. And don't worry, " Penny knew Lindsay too well, "I can afford it."

Thinking for a minute, "okay, I'll call you when I get on the road then."

"Alright, now go call Danny and I'll see you later. I'm so excited! It's been forever!"

"I know, me too! Okay, I'm going now. I'll talk to you later. Bye!"

"Ciao!"

Lindsay disconnected the call and took a few deep breathes before hitting speed dial three on her phone. It rang, once, twice, and then...

"Messer,"

"Danny? Hey, it's me."

"Lindsay! Hi. What's up," Danny quickly started talking as he excused himself from the strange conversation Sid had started with he and Stella.

"I got your message. You said you'd been thinking and you wanted to talk," suddenly she wasn't so sure this was such a good idea after all.

"Yeah, yeah. I wanted to find you when I got back to the lab, after being interrogated over food by Stella, but Mac said that you'd taken some time off and were leaving town," he quickly explained, hoping she'd throw him a bone and volunteer information about who she was going to see and where. He knew he had no right to ask her those questions, not anymore, but he wanted to know, nonetheless.

"Interrogation by Stella, yikes. I see you lived through it," she tried to keep the conversation light, but couldn't help but think that he deserved whatever their colleague had dished out.

"Yeah, I did. But, she made me realize some stuff. I was hoping to catch you before you left town, so that we could talk," the pleading tone in his voice was barely disguised to the casual passer by.

"Now you're thinking with the big brain and wanting to talk. Fantastic," she muttered sarcastically under her breath, but he heard her loud and clear.

"So, is that a yes or a no," he'd be lying if he said that those words didn't hurt to hear,but he knew that he deserved it. With what he'd done, how he'd hurt her, he couldn't blame her for telling him no.

"Yeah, when do you get off shift?"

Consulting his watch, "I get out of here in an hour."

"Okay, well, I'm heading to Boston to see a friend from college. She's hosting a benefit at her art gallery Sunday night and I told her I'd come for that. Even so, I don't have to leave here until Saturday afternoon at the latest, so why don't you come by after your shift?"

Breathing a sigh of relief, Danny nodded before realizing she couldn't see him; but the rest of the damn lab could. I hate glass walls. "Okay, I'll be by your place in about two hours."

"Alright, I'll see you then," Lindsay went to hang up, but his words stopped her.

"Lindsay, thank you. I know I have no right to ask you to just hear me out, but thank you."

"Your welcome Danny. I'll see you soon."

"I'll see you soon then. Bye."

"Bye."