Chapter Three

Nobody's Home

"Her feelings she hides.

Her dreams she can't find.

She's losing her mind.

She's falling behind.

She can't find her place.

She's losing her faith.

She's falling from grace.

She's all over the place."

After class she stood out there on the empty basketball courts and looked up at the sky. It was raining again, which was good, because it mixed with her tears. InuYasha left her for Kagome. She knew it would come to this.

He left her...

She had no idea why. He acted fine last night on the phone, but that morning he had been all over Kagome in the parking lot. It took a lot to walk past him and on to class. It was hard to keep from crying until now. Her jeans and her "Pink Spiders" jacket were soaked, and she could feel herself almost drowning.

She started shaking uncontrollably from the lack of heat in her body. She wanted Sesshoumaru right now, but he wouldn't be there for another ten minutes at least, but fuck him. She just wanted to be alone. Hell, she didn't know what she wanted.

It was the bittersweet feeling of wanting someone close, but then wanting everyone to go away. She just wanted to die. Everyone was leaving her and there was no way that she could take anything back or say any goodbyes because there were none. There was no one from the start. No one but a very distant Sesshoumaru whom she could now see pulling into the parking lot.

She wanted to run away and never turn back around to look at him. She fell to her knees, almost not feeling when she hit the asphalt of the court. She shook wracking sobs out of her body and everything just faded away until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She knew it was him. She knew he thought she was mental for this.

"Amy?"

"No! Go away!"

He walked around to the other side of her and stared. His heart felt a slight squeeze of guilt for her pain. "No, I won't go away. You have to get up and get out of the rain before you catch pneumonia." He extended his hand and as she grabbed it softly he felt how bone numbing cold she was.

She threw herself at him and clutched onto him tightly and sobbed. "He actually did it this time, Sesshy! He left me for Kagome!" He could barely make out from her sobs, but it sounded like he was going to need to kick InuYasha's ass.

"Come on, let's get you home." He put his arm around her and led her to the car. She was lucky that he loved her because she was soaking his seat. He got into the driver's side, and slammed the door closed. "Amy, how long were you out there?"

"An hour at most, but I don't know."

He sighed and looked out at the sky from the windshield. "You can't beat yourself up over that asshole's mistake."

"Why?" She sobbed.

"Because I might not always be here to pull your ass out of it and put you back on your feet."

She put her head on the dashboard and sobbed some more. She felt that she could never cry any more after this, but she knew better. Something always caused her to cry.

"Amy."

"What?"

"I'm sorry it had to come to this. He never deserved you and you don't deserve all this pain he's putting you through."

"No... you're wrong, Sesshy. I love him."

"Well I love you, and I'm not going to let you go mental on me, Ames."

Her breath nearly stopped at that. "I know. I'm not going to. Just, please drive." She nearly begged.

He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. As they drove home, he occasionally looked out of the corner of his eye at Amy. She was clearly taking hard, but he couldn't understand. InuYasha is jackass and never deserved her. Hell, he doesn't deserve the girl he took over Amy. He thought angrily as he pulled into the apartment complex parking lot.

He slammed his door shut when he got out, and walked to the door to their apartment that they had shared for nearly three years. He unlocked it, and left Amy standing at the doorway. He went to the bathroom and got her a towel. "Go get dried off and change. I'll be up in a bit." He threw the towel to her as she was taking off her shoes.

She caught it clumsily, "Yeah, you sound like my mom." She sniffed and started upstairs. When she got to her room, she opened the door and went in and started undressing. She sighed and wiped a few tears away from her face that felt like it was on fire from them.

She changed and lay back on her bed. She stared up at the ceiling and sighed. The world was quiet as she lay there numbly in the cold and the dark. She didn't even blink as she lay still, her mind going at a hundred miles per hour while her body stood still in time. Memories of the present and recent months bled together, happy moments where she laughed so hard it nearly ripped her sides open. There was only one constant in these flashes of memory, and it was a face that she didn't want to be in her head anymore.

'InuYasha...'

The memories kept flashing through her mind like some unachievable dream, and Amy didn't even notice as the last tear made a course down her cheek in the darkness of her bedroom. The memories didn't seem like her own anymore, but instead seemed like some tragic romance movie she'd watch when she was bored. What she thought was the last tear was joined by two more as the memories suddenly darkened.

They were arguing in this one, yelling and screaming so loud that she was surprised that the cops hadn't been called by a concerned neighbor. Even when they were in harmony, they were night and day. In fights such as this one, night and day themselves seemed to clash. At least, that's what Amy thought. Then, the memories suddenly changed again.

It was much more recent than the last, having taken place only months before. She wasn't with him in person this time, but talking with him over the phone while she was away visiting family. It was rather strange really. He had called her just after talking with his newest source of entertainment, Kagome... He talked about her as though he were already dating her. Things such as "Yeah, she's awesome, you should definitely meet her, Amy." And "Yeah, well Kagome and I are going to the mall, I wish you could come, but you're at your aunt's house."

That day had left her sitting in the apartment alone while her aunt and uncle went out, the light turned off and the TV on, leaving her in a dark world all her own.

As she lay there in her room, Amy realized why she'd been so devastated by simple phone call.

Yes, she was chained to the past. The past she'd shared with InuYasha. Now that she looked back on it, there were so many things she could have done better to make it work. So many things that finally added up in the end, and even now, she knew it was her own fault that she was laying on her bed in the dark, thoughts of the past plaguing her mind. This was her true self, quiet and locked away. Around friends, she laughed and joked, having the reputation as the crazy tomboy who could split your sides. Sometimes she was like this at home, but only on the bad days. On the bad days, she felt a need to hide her problems from her best friend, Sesshoumaru.

But on the days like this, where bad didn't seem to describe anything, she didn't care what Sesshoumaru thought.

'He's probably laughing at me right now, just like everyone else.' She frowned heavily suddenly, her body seeming to come back to life within the confines of her small room. 'Laugh at me for being the fool I am. The fool who allowed herself to fall for the one who destroyed her.'

She sat up with a growl and took two steps before slamming her door open and walking down the hall and into the kitchen. She didn't need to look around to realize Sesshoumaru was in there, she just knew. Especially since she could feel his eyes boring into her back as she took a soda from the fridge.

"Amy?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you feeling a little better?"

"I don't know. I think I may be all cried out for tonight." She closed the fridge and leaned against it. "So, um, how did your first day at work go?"

"Alright, I suppose. It's not like, 'Yippee! I can't wait to go back to work!' or anything like that." He took a bite of apple and stared down at the floor.

She tried to mask her pain with a fake smile. She knew it never worked on him. He always saw right through it because he knew her better than everyone.

He seemed deep in thought, and she almost considered asking him what it was.

"It's still a little strange to be working for my old man."

"I'd imagine..." She drifted off as she took a sip of her soda. "Hey, Sesshy., I'm going for a walk."

He sighed before throwing his half-eaten apple in the trash. "Alright, um... I'll be here when you get back. Don't do anything stupid."

"Yeah, yeah." She said as she sat her soda on the counter. She grabbed a light jacket from the closet in the living room, and she was out the door. It had been raining all day, but now it was only minimal. Amy sighed as she walked down her steep stairs and driveway, pulling her oversized hood on so that it nearly covered her eyes. She paused once she reached the empty street, looking right and left. Then, she seemed to have decided where to go because she simply starting walking down the street to her right.

Not one person could be seen or heard, which was odd because usually the neighborhood echoed so badly that any noise from a neighbor, good or not, could be heard. Sometimes it helped the older neighbors start gossip, and other times it nearly made her sick. But now it was strangely quiet other than the falling of the rain.

Which in all honesty was fine with Amy.

She loved the rain, and found it soothing to her soul in its time of uncertainty or times of anger. More than often, she found herself climbing out of her window late into the night just to stand in the rain. Sometimes if she was tired enough, she actually lay down on the grass in the backyard, often ruining her pajamas while doing so. Those times were hard to cover up, especially since Sesshoumaru washed her clothes for her.

Amy sighed as she took a short cut through a large orchard off to her left. The old walnut trees were supposed to have been around for many years, and she could believe it from studying the size of the trees. They looked ancient towering over her, and she almost felt a smile grace her expression when she thought of how lovely it was to walk under the walnut trees during the summer.

Almost.

Her memories were damning her, of this she was sure.

So often she let herself become lost within her own mind, lost within the memories. She damned herself during these times, the painful emotions associated with them blossoming in her chest. It felt as though a hand was crushing her very soul, slowly enough that small pieces of it slowly fell to the floor and shattered into tiny shards, like a broken mirror. More than often, she'd remain in her self initiated hell for hours at a time. Yes, it truly was hell for her.

Then again, she'd rather remain in her own hell within her mind than to deal with the hell of the real world.

Reality was overrated, harsh, and so utterly complicated it made her head spin. Everything may be in fast forward, not letting her enjoy the simple things for what they were as her life raced onward. Hours faded into days, which faded into weeks. She could barely remember what happened only a few days before, and more than often the events she recalled were a day or so off.

Was she truly so weak? So weak that she'd let her feelings for one person rule her life and how it ran? Because it truly was he that occupied her mind in those hours that she spent locked away in her mind. Fantasy and memory bled together often, and she often wondered if the moments they'd shared were really as beautiful as she remembered. More than often, she was inclined to believe she'd just made them up. Those wonderful memories of when he held her, made her feel like some princess as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Simple kisses, because she knew nothing else through her experiences, were stunning and breath taking even in their abruptness.

Maybe I should go and tell him congrats on scoring one of my friends. "Yeah, what would I say? Oh, no. I'm completely happy for you. I was just about to go and get run over by a car. I wanted to tell you that you were a fucking asshole, so thanks, and bye." She said to herself, and in all honesty, she couldn't bring herself to deny that she would actually say something like that to him.

---

When she reached InuYasha's house and knocked on the door his father answered.

"Amy, please come in."

"Actually, I can't stay long. I was wondering if you could just tell InuYasha to come to the door so I can talk to him for a minute."

"Certainly." He half smiled.

She felt her stomach clench tightly and almost considered telling him to just forget it, but InuYasha was already halfway down the stairs. He reached the door and closed it behind, giving them some privacy.

"InuYasha, I know I shouldn't be here, but I just-"

"I know why you're here and, yes it's in one piece." He said as he handed her the Evanescence album that she let him borrow a week ago.

"No, that's not it, I just wanted to say that-"

"That you hate me? Well, I hate me too right now, so get over it."

"Can you fucking listen to what I have to say?!" She yelled, the sound of her own words startling her. "Um... I wanted to say that I'm happy for you, so... you know what, I'm leaving."

"Don't give me that bullshit." He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well whatever." She turned to leave.

"I hope you get run over by a car!"

"I hope Kagome hurts you like you hurt me, you asshole!"

"Bitch!"

The tears were already washing down her reddened cheeks. "I hate you!"

He didn't say anything, and that's what worried her.

"Do you think I care?" He asked. It sounded like he was right at her ear.

She turned around and he was following her. "Leave me alone, InuYasha!"

He laughed and grabbed the hood of her jacket, causing it to form tightly against her neck, and taking the breath out of her. He pushed her on the ground, and almost kicked her until she scrambled to her feet and ran as hard as she could down the side walk until she thought she was safe.

Yes, she realized now as she closed her eyes and frowned with a heavy sigh, she was weak.

With a shaky sigh, she walked behind the shed-like building the neighborhood had commissioned to be built for the children when they waited for the bus in the morning. She didn't feel like seeking the shelter just on the other side of the wall, and she simply leaned against her back, staring into space and beyond as the rain continued to pour down upon her.

That knowledge, that deep realization fed a deep anger within her and Amy suddenly turned and sank her fist into the wood of the shelter, hearing a loud crack that made her numbly question whether it was her knuckles or the wood splintering around them. A raw sting erupted in her knuckles, a dull pain in her entire hand. She hissed as she pulled her fist back and turned it so she could observe the damage.

Blood trickled from three split knuckles, one with a small chunk of wood embedded in it so deep that she was slightly afraid of having to remove it. A heavy bruise was already beginning to form on her index knuckle, and she narrowed her eyes when she realized that writing anything was going to be a trial for some time. Wincing as she did so, she flexed her hand and moved her fingers, assuring herself that nothing had been broken other than the wall of the bus stop shelter.

For what seemed the thousandth time, she felt disgusted with herself.

'I always told him he had anger issues. Huh, I'm one to talk. InuYasha, if only you knew what you do to me.' Even in thought, her voice seemed weak in her mind.

Suddenly, the familiar burn behind her eyes erupted and her vision blurred. Cursing herself again, she felt so utterly petty as the tears which burned her eyes suddenly began to wash down her face with the rain water, leaving hot trails of the salty water upon her cheeks. Honestly, she had to wonder if she was getting to the point where she wasn't going to be able to cry anymore. She'd cried so much lately that she almost laughed at the stupidity of it. She could have filled a large mayo jar with her tears by now if she had chosen too.

Yes, the whole situation was indeed so utterly stupid that she nearly let go and smashed her fist against the shelter again.

But she refrained, and instead collapsed to her knees with small, keening cries that would have surely made anyone's chest tighten in pity. Pity. She didn't want it. She didn't deserve it. She had gotten herself into this horrible mess of emotions and tears. As it was, she couldn't vent to her friends. Number one. They refused to pity her. Number two. While refusing to give her pity she didn't want nor need, they never let her live it all down.

Her own friends, who knew her better than anyone, teased her and judged her for this connection, this ridiculous feeling she felt for InuYasha. They said he was a failure, a horrible person with enough sense in his head to fill a shot glass. Less actually. Yes, he was unruly. Yes, he had horrible judgement. But not by any means was he a bad person, not like so many thought of him. She knew him like no other, respected what he wanted, and didn't attempt to change him. She may have wanted to change some things, for his benefit alone, but she couldn't do that to him. So many people tried to change him as it was, ridiculed him just by his appearance.

She couldn't bring herself to try and change him. She wasn't like the rest of them. Amy actually cared.

Again, a quiet cry echoed from deep in her throat and she just wanted to curl up right there and melt into the muddy ground.

[Sesshoumaru

Sometimes, he really had to curse himself. He let her get hurt. He snorted as he lay on his large bed, the dark curtains around him closing out the dim light of the rainy day. He liked it this way, concealed within darkness where the world seemed so far away. Not to mention there was the perk of not having to be blinded by sunlight when he awoke in the mornings.

Sesshoumaru was never one to linger on one subject too long. He lived his life on pure instinct and blind faith. If he wanted to do it, he did it, despite the consequences. Hence, he was currently meditating on how to kill his younger half brother.

With a loud growl-like sound, Sesshoumaru frowned within the confines of his dark room, not at all liking this sudden turn in thought.

Amy. He respected her, more than he thought he could respect anyone. She was his friend, the one person he felt gave a damn and listened when he talked. Although, he knew all too well she didn't approve of a lot of his choices, she was different from the rest of the world. She didn't even try to change him. She didn't want to, was the reason she had given him when he'd asked.

Damn, the way I'm thinking sounds like we're dating. That was sometimes brought up among their other friends. They would only laugh and say that they were too much alike. He thought it funny, though.

Ever more lately he found himself letting his thoughts wander to her whenever he wasn't actively doing something. It wasn't normal, it wasn't something he wanted, and Sesshoumaru snorted loudly when he realized he was putting more thought into the matter than there should have been.

The girl was his best friend, possibly the only person there for him, and nothing more. He didn't want anything more. He'd seen what happened during those relationships, and he frowned heavily at it. Such an overrated thing, with emotions that ran rampant through the minds and hearts of both people involved.

What are you up to now? Sesshoumaru could almost hear his father say if he even brought up Amy's name to him. For some strange reason he liked Amy. It may have been because she reminded him of a young Izaiyoi, or... his overly cheerful stepmother. Oh, how he loathed her attitude toward everything!

Cracking open a soda as the computer automatically connected to the net and his messenger as it booted up, he was distinctly surprised when he saw that Amy wasn't on AIM with her cell. It was strange, because no matter what the consequences were, she always signed on at this time and checked with her friends. His gaze narrowed, and he took a long drink from the soda before setting it onto his wooden desk, being careful of the large crack down the center.

The crack made him growl once more.

Amy had caused him to do that. She'd been angry about something he'd done again, screaming her anger at him as he'd yelled back in his somewhat controlled fashion. He couldn't remember what he'd said at the time, but she suddenly looked as though he'd struck her. But her ire had suddenly returned as she slammed her fist into his jaw, attempting to walk away. But he reached for her, pulling her back against his chest as she fought to be free.

"I hate you."

He frowned again, knowing that one phrase had been enough to make him lose his grip on her as she'd run from him to InuYasha. Yes, he'd considered running after her but instead, he'd remained where he'd stood for hours, never really moving as he found himself feeling utterly lost for the first time in his life.

Then, the thought of her hating him was more than enough to make his chest clench.

'Ridiculous.' He snorted and opened his inbox, not at all surprised when he saw several e-mails from Evanka.

The girl had been quite a pain lately, calling the house and his cell phone at ungodly hours of the night and morning. She e-mailed him nearly three times every day with varying degrees of her begging. She wanted him back, this much he knew. At one time, he'd held her higher than anyone, but that was then, and this is now. Then, she'd seemed perfect. Now, he knew what she really was. A harlot. A low-down, lying, cheating harlot.

Again, he snorted. His mind was beginning to develop a strange habit of locking onto Amy.

Feeling quite low in that moment, Sesshoumaru was about to click on an e-mail about his website when the obvious vibration of his phone went off in his pocket. He growled loudly, and didn't bother looking at the caller ID.

"Evanka, I swear if this is you I'll..."

"Sesshy?" The tiny voice on the other end killed his ire, and he could plainly hear the person's teeth chattering.

"Amy? Amy, what's wrong?" Her dark laugh echoed in his ear, and he grew worried. There were few times when she was like this and he knew if she called him, something was wrong.

"I... stopped by InuYasha's house... and we argued, and he nearly hit me before I got out of there."

"What?!"

"And I punched a wall. Pretty stupid, huh?"

He sighed, not at all liking how small her voice sounded. "Where are you at right now?"

"I'm outside." Sesshoumaru jumped up and walked over to his window to see her sitting at the top of the hill behind their house, completely drenched to the bone. He saw her phone flip shut. He dropped his onto the floor and bolted out of his bedroom and out the backdoor. He sprinted across the slippery ground toward the bottom of the hill, and was more than shocked when he felt her tiny form collide against his. She truly was soaked, right down the bone from what he could tell and as he wrapped his arms around her, he felt her body shaking and jerking from her crying and lack of warmth.

"Come on," She nodded and for once didn't protest when he lifted her bridal style and walked her into the house, slamming the door shut behind him with his foot.

About ten minutes later he'd gone up to check on her. He knocked on her door lightly and after no answer he walked in. Amy was asleep and finally her crying had stopped. He was glad for that, but he knew that it would start again any time that she was awake.

With a sigh, he collected her second wet outfit from the floor and took them downstairs to the laundry room, and dumped them in the clothes basket. After all, it seemed he was the only neat person around there. Amy was pretty much messy in every way. That thought caused him to smile slightly.

He sighed and walked somberly into the living room where he flipped on the tv. There was probably nothing on, but he didn't care. The house was too quiet. He'd thought about going upstairs and taking her camera and developing the film in the dark room for her.

Amy was an aspiring photographer and he'd always supported her because she was his best friend. He knew that the pictures on the camera would probably hurt her; most likely there were pictures of InuYasha on it. He wanted to throw the remote against the wall at the thought of him.

He had almost hit her, and that wasn't going to be looked over easily. He would do something about it. He just didn't know what.