Chapter Five

It Ends Tonight

"The walls start breathing.

My mind's unweaving.

Maybe it's best you leave me alone.

A weight is lifted on this evening,

I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,

It ends tonight.

It ends tonight."

He remembered when he'd found her watching him yelling at, and almost nearly strangling a girl to death, seeing how scared she was in that moment as she'd stared at him. Completely horrified. Of him. It had torn a wound wide open in his heart, the reason why escaping him completely, and it still left him feeling raw. Not only had she'd looked horrified, but she looked lost. Lost, alone, and scared. Just like a child. He'd realized then, just how utterly innocent to the world Amy was. Sure, she'd lost some of her innocence since he'd met her, but not a lot. She was still looking at the world with the eyes of a person who knew enough to keep them happy and sane. But with the realization of her innocence, another realization had set in.

He wanted to protect that innocence about her.

Sesshoumaru, who barely knew innocence as a personal feeling, wanted to shield her from the harsh truth of the world. Why? He didn't know, and he was sure he never would. Like many things surrounding Amy, it was a mystery.

He got up finally and got ready for work. It was already eight, and he needed to be there by at least nine. He should leave a note for Amy or something to show that he meant every word he'd said yesterday in the darkroom. He really did care about her, and it was more than he had for anyone. Not even one of him many girlfriends had made him care that much about them. She had definitely changed him in so many ways without even meaning to. He was more trusting, and he was happier after she had come into his life.

He just decided to write: If you feel depressed today, call me. -Sess. Yes, he thought he may have sounded like a doctor or a psychiatrist. Well, after all the one's that Amy's parents had tried to convince her to check in with, she didn't need that. So, he wrote another post-it: Make sure to smile, and don't fake it. - Sesshy

He felt that it made his point clear, and so he stuck it to the door of her room, and half-wondered when she was getting up.

He finally left for work after a quick shower. An hour wasn't nearly enough for him, but he dealt with it. As he was driving through what was left of rush hour, he thought back on yesterday. I wonder what she thinks of me now. He thought as he lit his morning cigarette. God, he wasn't a morning person.

When she woke, she felt a little better than she had in two days. She actually got up and ate breakfast. Eating breakfast was only an occasional thing for her, and so she felt a little odd doing so.

As she walked back up to her room, a little yellow post-it note on her door. Make sure to smile, and don't fake it. - Sesshy. She took it down and looked at it. She smiled to herself and decided that she shouldn't just sit around and mope all day. She was going to go for a walk, and she didn't care how bad the weather was.

She pulled the deep-red-velvet curtains away from her window, and looked outside. Actually, the weather wasn't that bad. It was just foggy.

She made it downtown in less than an hour. She couldn't drive, so she of course had to walk. It wasn't that she didn't want to learn. It was that she had this fear of the wheel. She almost hated being in cars because she never trusted the driver. She never took a taxi. The only car that she would get in was Sesshoumaru's.

She waked back toward the building that she had gone to with Sesshou. His car was parked toward the front of the building from what she could see. She had always loved his car. It a blue Charger, and it was somewhat of a piece of junk that he had bought for about $500 and fixed up. She somehow loved it though. She wasn't much of a girl anyway. She smiled again, and walked toward the apartment complex where her one of her child hood friends lived.

Her name was Sango, and she had known her since she was ten. They had lived in the same apartment building, and they went to the same school. They had drifted apart when Amy was just getting out of high school, because she had moved to Chicago for a few months before she felt homesick, and moved in with Sesshoumaru.

She called her on her cell before she walked up to her house. When she was inside, she felt odd because she hadn't been there in about two weeks.

"Amy, how are you? I... um... heard what happened." She said compassionately.

"I'm fine."

They sat on the couch in the den where they could have some privacy from her younger brother, Kohaku. "How's Sesshoumaru? I haven't talked to him in a while."

"He's good I'm guessing. We really don't talk as much as we used to. He's saying that I'm closing myself off to him, but I'm not. He saved my life. I mean... well... never mind."

"How so?" She got up and walked into the kitchen that was very close by, and grabbed some sodas out of the fridge.

"Well... that's the thing. I can't talk to him about that. And well... you probably wouldn't understand, but I know that I'm going to tell you eventually, so... here it goes. Sesshoumaru is inevitably hot, yes, but... it's the way I feel around him. I was a mess after InuYasha left me, but he made me feel like... I was cared about, and that I didn't need that ass."

She sat and handed Amy a soda. "So, you like Sesshoumaru? Wait... do you still have feelings for InuYasha?"

"No... Yes... I don't know. It's hard to say. I mean we were together for almost a year." She sighed, "I know that Sesshou doesn't feel the same way, though."

"I highly doubt that." She cast her a sideways smirk.

"What are you talking about? Do you know something that I don't?"

"No, it's just that you two have been friends for a long time, and things happen to a guy and a girl who have been friends for as long as you and Sesshoumaru have. They eventually fall in love."

"No, Sesshoumaru doesn't have that kind of thing going for me. Besides, he's probably looking for another girlfriend right now."

"You might be right, but there's still... there's still that chance."

"Yeah..."

—

She had made it home in time to talk to Sesshoumaru. She laid the MCR tee that she had borrowed from Sango onto her bed and quickly changed into it. She loved that shirt.

She heard her phone start ringing from her computer desk, "Hello?" She asked as she flipped it open.

"Amy..." Said a familiar voice.

InuYasha, she thought. "Um, yes?"

"It's me, InuYasha."

"I know," she scoffed as she walked over to her bed and sat.

"You don't sound happy to hear from me," he stated in a disappointed tone.

"Should I be?" Amy rolled her eyes, and thought about what happened when she showed up.

"I need to see you, Amy. I miss you."

"Aww, that's nice. Why don't you go say that to Kagome?"

"Can we just get coffee or something and catch up?"

"Catch up?" Amy laughed, "What the hell are you thinking after you called me a bitch, pushed me to the ground, and then almost kicked me? Fuck off. Don't call me anymore. I have people who care about me, and I don't need you any more." She hung up the phone and flung it onto her bed, and walked out of the room, nearly running into Sesshoumaru. "Sesshy..."

He looked down to her. His face very serious, and his eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong?"

"Maybe it's best you leave me alone."

"Alright..." She said nervously.

She watched as he walked into his room. He stole a glance at her face before slamming the door.

There have only been a few times when he was acting this darkly. When his mother died, and when he had an argument with Amy. He hadn't been arguing with her, and so she couldn't tell what was wrong. Did something happen to someone?

—

'Shit.' Sesshoumaru mouthed without voice. He buried his face into his hands and cursed under his tongue. Why were things so complicated? He missed his simple life. Why did he do something so stupid? Why couldn't he have told her that yesterday was the fist time he'd felt like that ever? It would be so much easier if she just hated him. God damn it, Amy. He couldn't help but think of her.

—

Amy had got on AIM and talked to Kouga for awhile. Then Inuyasha and Kagome signed on. Inuyasha tried to talk to her.

Hanyou19: Amy, hey. Look, I know this means nothing to you right now, but I miss you. Please... I want to see you again.

YourLithium: Inuyasha, I don't want to talk to you. You've hurt me enough.

Hanyou19: I know, and I want to make it up to you. I still love you.

Something about that made her breath become shorter and her chest stiffen.

YourLithium: Fine. Meet me at Starbucks tomorrow at 2:00. I can't see you today. There's something wrong with Sesshy.

Hanyou19: That's great. I mean, it's not great that there's something wrong with him... you know what I mean.

YourLithium: Yeah.

She signed off and felt brainless and stupid.

She got up and walked upstairs, to the end of the hall where she knocked on Sesshoumaru's door. "Sesshy, let me in."

He opened the door, and stood there looking at her through dark eyes. He let her in, but didn't say anything. He simply just walked over to his messy bed, and motioned for her to sit.

She did so, and she felt the damn butterflies. How she wished she could take a figurative match to those suckers.

"Sesshou-"

"No, don't ask. I won't tell you. This is something that I'm dealing with on my own. I don't need your help."

"Oh," She said, hurt by the last part of that sentence.

He was inside screaming at her. Can't you see how much I need you right now?! He'd never dare tell her that. Not while they were only friends. "I'm sorry. I just... need to keep this one to myself."

"I... um... I understand. I think."

He was silent as he thought, and glanced over at her. She stared at the floor in thought. He needed her. He admitted that sadly. He didn't love her, but he needed her. He slowly placed a hand over hers, and she gasped. She was about to say something, but he quickly closed her mouth with his. He, strangely enough, didn't feel her pulling away. He ended the kiss, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He felt angry at himself, and stormed from the room leaving Amy sitting there feeling numb. Sango was right, he may have felt the same way, but what was the reason behind the darkness in his eyes? Could he try to be hiding it from everyone and someone found out?

She couldn't understand what just happened. It made her find that she really was alone. She wanted him. She really wanted him to love her.