Chapter Seven
Rooftops and Invitations
"She just might get you lost.
She just might leave you torn.
But she just might save your soul
If she gets you any closer."
As she sat on the patio on the front of the house, she absentmindedly noticed that the fog that morning was so thick that it seemed as though you could take a knife and cut it. If that were true, she would've cut a heart out and given it to Sesshoumaru.
She smiled a little thinking of it. Some coffee would be great right now. She thought, standing, and leaning over the wooden railing. She was over the whole fight yesterday. It wasn't like it still didn't hurt her. It did. In the back of her heart. The black spots where all her secrets were kept. Even secrets she refused to tell herself.
It was odd that she was thinking about him this early in the morning. It was ten. Too early for her to be up. She usually rose around one. She thought that it was odd that she even woke up as early as she did.
She had another strange dream. It was of... flowers. Thousands of little white flowers bursting open and withering and dying. She felt that her dreams always meant something. They may have, but if she brought it up to anyone, they would've thought her insane.
Sesshoumaru was off work today. She wanted to sneak into his room and just lie down beside him, but that wouldn't have been the best thing to do. It was just best if they distanced themselves from each other.
Come to think of it, she really thought that it was better that way. Maybe a little bit of a longer distance was required this time around. Maybe a trip back to Chicago would clear her mind, and set her priorities back on track. Education, learning to drive, a career, and a boyfriend. No... a husband, and a family.
She felt happy in that moment, and as she was thinking of that, a hand touched her shoulder, and a beautiful guy that would be in her life forever sat down beside her. He told her good morning, and she could almost imagine him kissing her cheek and handing her a cup of coffee. The children would still be asleep, and she would have to get ready for work soon, but she would enjoy that sweet moment with her husband.
She laughed and looked over to Sesshoumaru.
"What?"
"Nothing. Good morning, though."
"Ames, I'm sorry about-"
"No, It was my fault. You're right. I shouldn't let InuYasha back into my life. He shouldn't have been in it in the first place."
"I guess..." He shifted slightly on his feet. "He hurt you, and I don't see any reason why he wouldn't do it again."
"Yeah."
There was a silence, and she felt that it was a bittersweet moment.
"I was thinking about going back to Chicago for a couple of weeks." She said suddenly.
"So go. Nothing is stopping you." He said, though inside he could feel himself screaming for her to stay.
"No. There is something keeping me here. You. I just don't feel right to leave you."
"Well, it's fine with me." He said, as his golden eyes glanced over at her.
There was stillness, and in that stillness she felt her heart being trapped beneath his hands. He wouldn't let it go, but he wouldn't make it his. He'd stolen it, and now she felt a little hollow.
"No," She smiled, and walked over to him. He turned around to face her, and when he did she put her arms around him, and placed her head on his chest to see how he would react. "It's not, but I need to." She heard his heartbeat speed up a bit. She wanted to laugh, but refrained. She felt him slowly give in, and put his arms around her.
He knew she had to go, yet he didn't want to let go of her. She hadn't seen her family in almost a year, and if she had any friends back in Chicago, she hadn't seen them either.
She pulled away, "I just need to clear my head, and get myself back together. I need to think about my future, and things like that."
"I understand. It's fine." He never had really given it any thought that she would have to do this one day. He had known the girl forever, and it just seemed like bad things followed her everywhere, and she would've just given up on any kind of future. Maybe her future is with me? He asked hopefully.
He loved her and couldn't get around that. There were so many things that he wished that he could change, but right then it seemed that it was that problem that he would've given anything to fix.
"Amy... do you still see yourself even talking to me in, oh, ten years?"
"Of course."
"I believe I can already see my future." He mused. "I'm going to be a forty-year-old virgin." He laughed.
His laugh made her feel a little more comfortable in that moment, "Sesshy, you are not a virgin."
"You know you're wrong. I have a little more sense than to bang a girl I've only known for a few weeks. That's how long most of my relationships have lasted."
"Yeah." She laughed. "I'm surprised though."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I just would think that you would have tons of girls throwing themselves at your feet."
"Well, I don't." He smiled. "If I do, I don't know it."
Right. There's one in front of you. She smiled and stared off into the distance, trying to stare past office buildings and apartments to see clouds. Clouds that would be white enough to explain the innocence of that time. She was compelled to leave.
He would find someone that loved him, who would do anything for him just as she would. She would be a little sad at first, but she would get over it because she would be somebody's girl, and she would make them happy. Just as she would do for Sesshoumaru.
She stood, and went inside, and made coffee. She needed energy. She needed to do and say so many things that just weren't possible. For fear of rejection. He would reject her. She would be rejected because of the simple fact that he didn't love her. The truth hurt her and left the hole in her heart wide open.
He walked into the kitchen, and stood beside her. His eyes looked a little lost. "I... had a horrible dream last night." He recalled, and thought back on it. It was a gruesome sort, and he knew that she would want to hear about it, especially if it was of her.
He thought back on the dream, and it seemed odd that he would have one. Normally he never had dreams, but Amy had always talked about hers to him.
She sat in an overgrown garden and he watched her through a bush. Sunlight was reflecting off her ebony hair, making it look golden. She didn't see him as she stood, walking over to another rose bush. She bent to touch one of the roses, but as she did, blood began seeping from every pore, and he just stood there watching her scream. Watching her die. Watching her suffer. He wanted to run to her, but he remained frozen as he watched her. Her eyes fell on him, and he saw in them all the pain in the world. All the suffering, and all the sadness. He couldn't save her. No one could, and she collapsed as all the blood was drained from her. He walked over to examine her body, and found that the rose that she crushed in her death grip had turned black, and dead.
"Wow." Was all she could say as she stared at him over her cup of coffee. "I guess none of mine as that bad. I haven't dreamt of someone dying in front of my eyes."
He stared at the floor as he thought it over.
"Um, I'm going to call my mom. I'll need to tell her that I'm coming home for a little while."
"Yeah..." His voice was soft, and cold also. He walked upstairs, and she watched him.
She grabbed her phone, and called her mom. They were an hour ahead, so she might be out of bed. She only called her mom on weekends, unless it was something terribly important, so she may give the woman a heart attack. She hoped not.
"Hello?"
"Mom? It's me, Amy."
"Ah, Amy. What is it, dear?"
"Um, do you think that it would be all right if I came and stayed with you at home? I just need to get away from here for about a few weeks."
"Oh, of course! I'll pay for your plane ticket, so don't you worry about that. I'll get right to it."
"Thanks. I'll talk to you a later. Bye mom."
"Bye, honey."
Amy hung the phone up gratefully. She did love her mom, but she was a little... over the top about things. She was probably calling everyone right now telling them that she was coming home, and that they would have to stop by and see her while she was home. Great. Just what she needed to clear her head.
She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, and headed to Sesshoumaru's room. She didn't bother knocking. She just walked in. He wasn't standing there naked, unfortunately, so it was all right.
He was laying on the bed, and staring over at her. His eyes reflected the light coming in from the window.
She sat her bottle of water on the table by his bed, and lay beside him. It was normally completely comfortable. However, this time it was awkward. It was because she could feel a little tension between them.
"My mom is taking care of everything." She smiled.
"So, how long are you to be gone?"
"Two weeks, maybe a month?"
"A month?!" He asked in a you're-shitting-me tone.
"Yeah. Why? Are you gonna miss me?"
"No. I can have all the girls I want in here now."
"You slut!" She laughed, and poked his cheek.
He poked her side, and she giggled. "I'm joking. Yes, I'll miss you, Amy. Not that I would admit it to anyone else."
"I know."
He rolled over to face her, and grabbed the pillow from under her head and hit her with it playfully. She had the fabric of the pillow case in her hand, but he jerked it away and hit her again with it before throwing it to the hardwood floor of his bedroom.
"I know InuYasha won't miss me. Come to think of it, I never called him like I said I would."
Sesshoumaru felt himself become very still. In his chest something burned, so coldly he almost shivered, almost lost his iron grip on himself, and the tips of his fingers tingled with the greedy, possessive urge to pull her so close that she would grow into him. It was difficult for him to breathe, as though, with her revelation, she had just chained him to the darkness beneath the world. So unexpected and unhappily familiar was this angry, crawling feeling that he could not move.
She felt that she shouldn't have said that as she looked into those eyes. She knew he felt the same. She knew he tried to hide it. She knew everything.
There was a long pause, and she could hear him breathing. "No," he finally said, quietly.
Amy shook her head and began to draw away.
Sesshoumaru caught her hand in his own, and then, without warning, gave it a firm tug. With a soft cry of surprise she fell against him, the fingers of her other hand finding the gentle hollow between the curve of his shoulder and the rise of his chest. She could feel warmth seeping through cotton onto welcoming skin. Her face was mere inches away from his bare throat.
She froze.
Then she felt his hot breath ghost over the shell of her ear and her body melted.
"Why did you let him do that to you?" He finally asked after so long.
About five months ago, InuYasha had raped her. She never told anyone, but finally when she went days without eating or leaving her room, he couldn't stand it anymore. He got the truth out, and had the chance to ask her then, but he never did.
For a fleeting moment she wanted to ask him what he was talking about, but she could not. She knew by looking into his eyes. She could feel his long, tapered fingers prodding her, probing her heart, begging for her secrets, and of all of the secrets he sought, this was one of the deepest.
This secret was like looking into the darkness, and seeing the darkness look back.
Swallowing hard, Kagome shut her eyes and took a deep breath.
"I knew what he was doing, but it was... mutual somehow. I had only felt raped afterward. I didn't fight. I didn't scream." She whispered. "It was what I knew of love, and I thought I would be with him forever. It wasn't so, and now that my innocence is gone, I can't... I can't have it back." She felt tears sting behind her eyes, but she wouldn't cry over that. Not now. Please, not now.
With pale despair, she tore herself away.
And while Sesshoumaru did not like the possessiveness that threatened to overwhelm him, he liked her pulling away from him even less.
Amy gasped softly as he tugged her against his chest again, letting her hide from his scrutiny, and he was so immediate. The heat of his body, the smoothness of his skin begged her fingers to close the space between them, but she was too frightened, always too frightened to try. She didn't deserve it anyway.
"You are still innocent to the world and I." He said softly. His voice was alien and rigid, and she suppressed a whimper as his lips brushed against her ear.
There was a light prickle of tears behind her eyes. That was supposed to make her feel better?
Trails of fire ignited where he touched her, and she felt, in the tips of her breasts, in the depth of her belly, the sharp, dark burn of need. Almost casually she noticed that she could no longer get enough oxygen through her nose; she could only struggle for air through her open mouth, dragging swift streams of breath against his throat.
His hand reached her shoulder. Slowly he moved it between her shoulder blades and gently pressed her to him.
Amy's back arched. The aching tips of her breasts suddenly rubbed against his chest, rough and raw through cotton and silk, and she fought the flood of desire between her thighs, fought not to whimper, fought for the innocent thread of conversation that had nothing to do with the sudden, growing insanity of their bodies. And it was insanity. His skin was far too hot, his breath too heavy, his pulse too quick, and she needed to ease the hunger he stirred within her so badly that she couldn't think, couldn't focus. All she wanted was -
"And InuYasha?" she managed. Her tongue was thick around the words.
There was a pause, and she felt him sigh into her hair.
She wanted to burrow into the air, wanted to fold the moment around them and never leave it.
She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to snake her way between his clothing and his skin, wanted to move, restless and wild, rough and dark, over his body, wanted to crawl inside him, wanted, wanted, wanted, wanted -
He had her, now. She was here again, and Sesshoumaru did not want to acknowledge the dirty satisfaction that brought. She was nothing to him, except that she entertained and tantalized, and that was it, surely.
Swallowing hard, he was skating along the high, treacherous blade of desire; his mouth was so close to her skin that he needed only to part his lips and move across the tiny space between them to taste her, and he wanted it so badly it hurt...
And yet the moment he did, he would not stop. She was warm and needy in his arms, and he was almost certain that he could have her, if he chose, but he had already decided. He could not cross over the border of wanting to having; he wanted her there, but that was all. He was not willing to give any more.
"Tell me," she whispered to him.
He clenched his teeth.
And Amy thought his body trembled for just a moment, but then he murmured, "A bastard that stole you away from something good. Someone that loves you. Someone that needs you."
Then his powerful hands were turning her, settling her back to his chest and cradling her in his lap and Amy wanted to both cry with the loss of the building fire and give thanks for the sudden halt to the terrifying flames as he slipped his hands around to rest on her stomach. His embrace was suddenly comforting as he let her sink back against him.
"I want to get him out of my life, Sesshoumaru. I want no life." She breathed.
He gingerly touched her cheek, and cupped her chin, and turned her to face him. "I can't let you do something that foolish. You've attempted it one too many times before. Don't you remember?"
She did remember. After her brother died, she tried. After InuYasha hurt her for the first time, she tried. After she had her first argument with Sesshoumaru, she tried. She always had Sesshoumaru there, though. He stopped her. He fixed her, and put her back on her feet every time. She wanted to cry because she never really realized how much Sesshoumaru cared.
"I'm not going to do anything stupid."
"Promise me you won't."
She sighed, "I promise I won't, Sesshy."
"Good."
She put her head on his chest and nearly fell asleep before his phone started ringing on the table beside them, ruining their 'moment'. He gave her a small shove, and she removed herself from him.
"Hello?"
She lie there, and listened. It seemed that it wasn't that important. It was probably just Miroku.
"Yeah, but I need to help Amy with something today, so I can't. Maybe sometime this weekend?"
Help me with what? She wondered.
He hung up the phone and put it back on the table, and laughed slightly.
"I'm sorry about that." He said. "Miroku wants me to hear a song this song he wrote for Sango. He's insane."
"Wow. That's... so sweet. She's really lucky." She mused, and got up. "I should go and start packing." She left in a hurry, and closed the door.
Wow. How long has it been since I updated. I apologize for keeping you waiting. Thank you so much for your reviews. They mean alot to me, and I promise I'll try to update quicker next time.