Um…I was reading the prologue of this story, and I realized Hilary said that she never had a boyfriend. OOPS!!!!!!! I'll read over the story again, but if you know of some mistakes, then let me know! On with the chapter!

Chapter 17: Knowing You, Part 1

Friday, October 19, 2006, Ben's room, Tokyo Hospital, 9 am

Ben was taken to the hospital right when he collapsed. That meant that Tyson and I won the tournament. But it seemed hollow somehow.

Maybe it was because that stupid jerk had told Ben about us. I dunno, just an educated guess.

Supposedly, the tumor triggered in his brain when he was fighting Tyson. The doctor even told him that he couldn't do any physical activity he couldn't handle. When he fell to the floor, I thought that he was dead. I have no idea why I'm suddenly thinking about death, but whatever. I ran up to him and held him like a mother. Not a girlfriend. That wasn't my place anymore.

Anyways, here I am, at the hospital. I'm so sleepy!!! I've always hated hospitals, even before my mom died. It's just the way the nurses and doctors try to be all positive, which is dumb because if you're in the hospital, something's wrong with you obviously.

In fact, my mom died in the room next to this one, the floor for the terminally ill. My mom had leukemia, and I went through all these tests to make sure I didn't have it either. I don't, but the doctors said that my mom didn't have it when she was younger either.

Sigh. So tired….. I really don't need any of this. I have so many questions to ask, about Ben, about mom, about myself. I could do myself a huge favor and break it off with Tyson if I wanted to. But that won't cure Ben, or bring my mom back, or stop me from loving Tyson.

Yes, I admit it. I love him.

But I have no idea why though. I mean, he's a pig, a jerk, obnoxious, and never studies, even though he's world famous. Although, he has the biggest heart, a cute smile, so adorable, and he cares. He cares. And I don't think he'll leave me, even if he's sick. And no, I'm not bashing on Ben. But he hurt me, and I can't get over it.

Anyways, loving Tyson won't take up all my time. I'm not going to dream about dating him, or if or when we end up together.

So, yeah. That's my dilemma. I doubt Tyson will ever want to be with me anyways, and the only reason he doesn't want me to be with Ben is because he doesn't like him, and that he has an ego and he'll be crushed if I choose Ben over him. So I guess these feelings must be a crush.

But they can't be! I can't be feeling fake emotions! I CAN"T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I-----

Same day, hospital cafeteria, 11 am

Ben woke up to the sight of me sleeping on him. ON his bed, I mean, not on him. He started to stroke my hair, and I woke up. And when I sleep, I sometimes drool. Okay, it's my one fault, besides being an over achiever, making me have no life. And yes, I know, gross, but hey? Nobody is perfect.

Anyways, I wake up, and he's staring right at me, his eyes smiling. Which I thought was weird, because hello? I'm ENGAGED, in case you didn't hear, Ben! Shouldn't you be angry or something? Not that I want him to, but it's like your parents saying they're not mad, but disappointed. I hate that line so badly.

"Hey," he said, as I lifted myself off him. He had medical equipment all over himself, and I thought I was going to cry. It was like that movie, A Walk to Remember. The girl has leukemia, and the rebel guy falls in love with her, and yada yada.

"Hi," I whispered, looking down at him. Then it all came out. I didn't know why it did, but I was thinking it all day, and all the drama! I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Why did you leave that day?" I asked quietly, looking away from him. My chest hurt a lot, and my throat was dry, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was the answer.

And he answered. "I was sick, Hil. I couldn't tell you."

I jumped up, suddenly angry. "So you hurt me because you were hurting? Is that it?" I ask with a bit more force this time. His chest started heaving, and I knew it was bad, but I hardly noticed.

"It's not like that." He breathed, looking away.

"So you ditch me because you think I couldn't take it, huh? And you want to 'protect me', huh? I'm just some little weak girl who needed protecting, HUH?"

"Hilary, wait-"

"AND, I wouldn't understand anyway. After all, I did lose my mom. Losing a parent is nothing compared to losing a boyfriend, right?!"

"Hilary, shut up!"

I stopped mid sentence. "Don't you get it? God, how selfish would I be to do that to you? I wasn't going to tell you I was dying when you were so sad! Besides, I knew you would get along fine, and just look," he smiled softly, weakly, and sadly, "you're engaged now."

I sat down now, taking his hand in his. "Ben, it was arranged. I had nothing to do with it, I swear. If you didn't leave, we would be together by now, and I wouldn't be-"

-"in love with Tyson, right?" he finished for me, startling me. How did he know?

"Wait, I-it's not like that! I mean, like, it can't be, Ben, you know, we're-" I stammered.

Ben sighed. "Hilary, I see the way you look at him."

I scoffed. "With disgust when he eats, and anger when he makes fun of me,"

"Behind that, Hilary. I see longing, and love. You've given me longing, but love? I don't know." He said quietly, squeezing my hand.

"No! You should have seen me when you left. I was so pathetic. God, all I was thinking was, I love you, Ben!" I explained.

When suddenly, the door slammed open.

And who was there but none other than Tyson.

And did he look angry! And boy, did I have explaining to do.

"So that's it," Tyson started, his face all twisted in angry, "the only reason you didn't want to tell Ben about us was because you still love him!"

I looked at Ben. He looked at me, and we looked back at Tyson.

Tyson started to laugh. Maniacally. "I can't believe I was so dense. Man, was I dense. As a brick, right Hil? Or can I still call you that?" he asked sarcastically, fiddling with his hat.

"Tyson, you don't understand, I swear it's-"

"-not what it looks like, right? You know how clinched that line is-"

"-its cliché."

"Whatever!! Jeez, Hilary, we're engaged!"

That got me angry now. "So now you care that we're engaged? You've hardly noticed it, never acknowledged it, and tada, here it is! Tyson, you're so-"

"-stupid, man do I know. I actually thought you'd care about us, Hil. I thought you were through with him," he pointed at Ben, "but obviously I was wrong."

I growled lowly. "Can you shut up for a sec? Me and Ben were talking about the past, before we were engaged!" I said, frustrated.

Tyson rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right, like I'll believe that."

"Tyson! Can't you see what's right in front of you?" I asked dejectedly. He wouldn't listen to me. Maybe I've lost him forever. Maybe he'll break off the engagement.

"Yeah," he said, his eyes casting down, "and I wish I saw it before I started to like you."

Now, I have no idea if he said that, because he was starting to look away from me, but that's what I heard. He likes me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait a minute. We just had a big fight. DARN!!!!!!!! What am I supposed to do now? Maybe I should run away again, but to somebody's house. Yeah. That's what I'll do. I'll go to my aunt's! She lives right in the outskirts of town, and nobody's going to find me there. I'll just sneak out, and then Tyson will be all worried, and somehow he'll find me and we'll have a romantic scene! I can see it now:

Enter Hilary, beautiful and sophisticated girl on the beach, looking out to the sunset. She pines for her handsome fiancée, Tyson.

"Hilary?" says a voice behind her. She turned around, her hair flying in the wind. There he was, Tyson.

"Oh, yes, hi." She says softly. She looked at him, and realized he looked like he was crying earlier.

Suddenly, he runs to her, and scooped her in his arms. "Hil," he breathed, making shivers run down her spine, "how could you run away like that?"

She looked up in his beautiful indigo eyes. "I thought that you hated me, and I thought you'd end the engagement, and…"

Tyson chuckled lightly. "You know I'd never do that. I love you too much, and besides, then Ben could take you back."

My heart started to beat. Slowly, our lips came closer, and inched, then our lips touched………

Wow, am I dumb or what? Tyson isn't the gentlemanly type, and I doubt he'd cry if I ran away. Besides, I don't think there is a beach near my aunt's. Aunt Tamara is mom's only sister, younger actually, around 25. She'll let me crash her place for a bit I hope. I better go home and pack!

Same day, Tokyo train, 7 pm

Well, I'm on the train. I left a note at home, saying that I'm fine and I'll be back after I get some things straightened out. This is perfectly reasonable, somewhat anyways. Like, I didn't tell them where I was going, so I guess they'll kill me when I get home. But how can they expect me to deal with all this suddenly? I need some space, and even some thinking time, and I can't get it back at home.

So, yeah. My aunt was so nice on the phone when I told her that I was coming. She mocked me because last time my dad yelled at me for staying out late the day Ben was about to move, I went to her house and stayed there for a weekend. She's really happy to see me again, since 'I've probably grown so much." Yeah, whatever Tamara, I've grown into a bossy witch.

I wonder what Tyson is doing? Maybe he's ranting all over Tokyo, looking for me, and screaming that he loves me and live without me…Nah. That isn't happening. But I still hope. A girl needs someone to love them. And I hate to admit it, but this time it's different. This time I really want Tyson. As in, need. I've never felt this way for anybody before, not even Ben, which kind of scares me.

But yeah, I just need a break from everything. Just me, Tamara, and my thoughts. Oh, yeah! We're here!

Same day, Tamara's house, 4 pm

This place is awesome, seriously. Her house is HUGE. It has like 10 rooms in it, and she's not even rich. There were 8 kids in her family, including her and my mom. Since my mom was the last one to live in the house, but since she died, it went to Tamara. My other aunts and uncles moved to other cities and a few went to America. Tamara said that she loved her job as the head waitress at the local coffee shop, which was why she cut off her ties to my grandparents. She was the odd one in the family; the black sheep. Each person had their own talents; my mom was the best author around. She would write a story in a month, and it'll be perfect, even with all the errors in it. Maybe that's why my dad loved her; she was perfect with all her flaws.

Anyways, I'm in one of my aunt's old room. I could tell she was real smart and a total bookworm, because there were so many books and dictionaries. I'm so hungry. I need to eat!

Saturday, October 20, 2006, my mom's room, 3 pm

Oh my god. Holy crud, I'm in my mom's old room. Whoa, it's…indescribable. It's kinda overwhelming, but when am I gonna get a chance to do this again?

But that's not even the best part. Or the worst part, depending on how you look at it. After all the glass can be half full or half empty; it's based on your perspective.

Anyway, Tamara showed me to my mom's room, and I just gazed at everything. It was all so new and…preserved. After a bit Tamara left me alone, so I just looked and browsed through everything. There were posters of singers like Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, poetry books and novels. I couldn't believe this was my mom's room; where she slept, where she cried. I wonder if she snuck boys in here. Maybe my dad was in here sometime…ewwww. That's something I don't want to think about.

So, I'm in here looking, when I approach her desk and look through her drawers. I saw eyeliner, a corsage, and some pencils. But what I saw was this brown book. Not this crusty brown, but a light shade of beige.

I can't believe that Katsuro would flirt with Mayo like that. I mean, yeah, she can dance, and her legs would go on forever, but he shouldn't be doing that! But what I hate most is that it gets to me. I shouldn't be feeling so…helpless. And so jealous. He's my fiancé; he should be flirting with me! Do I love him after all? What about Suroki? He's my boyfriend and he's been so understanding about all this. How do I explain I'm in love with the guy I promised I'd break up with?

So that's it. That's why my dad wanted me to get engaged. He was engaged to my mother. It was all arranged. How could he do this? What the heck?! Why would he make my life so complicated????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????