AN - Hi. Well I did get a 2nd chapter written but then decided against it and deleted it. This is the new one.

The way I write has kinda changed. Before I would just sit and do whatever, know though I'm kinda basing the chapters on what ever song I'm listening to and just adapting it a little.

Oh also..how great was the Twin's episode =] =] .

DISCLAIMER : I own nothing = ]

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I didn't mean to do it. I'm just way too helpful, it's always been my problem. That and I can't handle my drink.

It was a moment of insanity, that is my story and I am going to stick to it.

I told him to keep it to himself, hopefully he will. I mean it is JJ, he is smart enough to know not to cross me.

I guess I should start from where this left off. Naomi telling me she loved me. I had never really doubted her loving me, I knew as soon as we started hanging out again that we would become something more.

Anyway, after her confession everything was great. That night we slept out under the stars and just cuddled with each other.

Nothing really committed but a step in the right direction.

Then it went wrong. I woke up the next morning to a note left by her. She had gone again, I guess she got scared.

The next few days in college were awkward, but I wouldn't give up on her. I kept telling myself that she loved me, played that day by the lake over and over again. It worked for a few weeks. Then it stopped.

That kinda leads me to where I am now. The morning after the night before. A dreadful night might I add.

I had gone to Thomas's gig night, by myself. Gotten pretty messed up as well, anything to numb away the pain.

Me and Katie ended up fighting, nothing unusual there. I couldn't speak to her afterwards...I just couldn't deal with her.

That's when JJ offered for me to stay at his. And that is when I fucked everything up. Like I said I was wasted and just didn't know.

I completely blame myself for it. There is that nagging voice in the back of my head though. The one that keeps telling me Naomi should share some of the blame.

- - - - - - - - - -

She had found out. God knows how but she knew. This wasn't gonna be fun.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" She wasn't shouting like I expected.

"I don't...I just..." I sighed. " I was just drunk, it was a mistake OK. Am I not allowed to make a mistake?" I was getting a but angrier.

" Emily...sleeping with someone is not a mistake." She turned to face me this time. "Why?" she looked so hurt so broken.

A part of me wanted to wrap her up in my arms and never let her go. Another part of me, a small nagging part, wanted to let it all out. The small part ended up winning. I was possibly going to destroy her right now.

" Why? You really want to know why Naomi?" I hoped she would say no, hoped that she would save herself. She didn't though. As stubborn as always.

"Well I fucking asked you didn't I" Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

"Fine, but remember I gave you the choice not to hear this!" I paused for a second. " I did this because of you!".

She gave me a typical 'what the fuck' look. Before she could interrupt I started again.

"Ever since that night you've been pushing me away. Messing with my feelings. Telling me you want me...no need me one minute and then turning around and throwing me away like I'm garbage. Every time Naomi, every single time I got back up, dusted my self off and chased after you. Every time you said 'let's just be friends' I smiled and nodded. When really my heart was being torn to fucking shreds!" I paused and wiped away some of the tears that had spilt from my eyes.

"Until finally I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't get back up and go through it again. So instead I went and I drank and I got fucked up and I slept with JJ. Because at least in some way he wanted me. At least when he was done he didn't just throw me away." I looked up at her. She was now sitting on Katie's bed. Her head in her hands, sobbing away.

" Your really wanna know the fucked up part. All I could do was imagine it was you." Her head shot up at this.

" Because I can never really give up on you can I. Even when JJ was there, someone who wanted me, all I could think about was you."

I sat down on my bed opposite for her. For a few minutes we sat in silence. Then she did something unexpected, well maybe not unexpected. She just got up and slapped me. The next part was more unexpected because she just started kissing me. Hard and rough. Trying to cause me pain with the forcefulness of it, biting down on my lips and clawing at my back.

This was the strange way of her showing me forgiveness. She would put me through the rough passion of this and we would try and forget that JJ ever happened. We would try and piece together where we fit into each others lives and where we would go next.