Dean returned to the cabin to find Sam sitting on the front porch with what looked like a cup of coffee in his hand. No gloves or hat in this weather? At least he wore his coat, thought Dean.

"Hey, Dean." Standing up, Sam put his mug on the arm of the chair and headed towards the Impala. "Let me help you bring the stuff in."

"Sammy, you haven't been outside too long, have you," asked Dean, concern evident in his voice.

"No, I just needed some fresh air after cleaning up in the cabin."

"Cleaning? Sam, you're supposed to resting,' said Dean. "And where are your gloves?"

"Relax, Dean. I didn't do anything strenuous. I just wanted to make sure the fridge was clean and the fire place ready. Did you get some firewood?"

"Yep." Dean also got graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate as a surprise.

With Sam's help the car was unloaded in a couple of minutes. Dean had gotten enough fresh food to last them a week and then there was soup and frozen food for after that. He also picked up a microwave as the cabin did not have one. After everything was put away, the brothers sat down to a lunch consisting of roast beef sandwiches and chicken noodle soup.

oooooOOOOooooo

"Do you want another sandwich?" asked Sam as he got up to put his plate in the sink.

"No, I'm stuffed," replied Dean. "How are you feeling? Does your head still hurt?"

"No, it's fine. My neck was a little itchy earlier, but I put some of that ointment the doctor gave me on it and it stopped itching."

"Good." Dean was glad that Sam was feeling better because he wanted to have a talk with his brother about recent events, but was going to wait if Sam wasn't feeling good. "Sam, we need to have a talk."

"I know." It looked like the conversation Sam was dreading was about to happen now. Better to get it over with, he reasoned.

"Sam, back at the hospital, you freaked when the doctor tried to give you a shot. Now, why is that?"

"I don't like needles."

"Since when? They've never bothered you before."

"Since a few months ago."

"What happened a few months ago?"

Sam hesitated. He didn't want to tell his brother the truth because he knew Dean would be furious, but there had been too many lies between them lately and Sam didn't want that to continue. Taking a deep breath, he spoke, "Ruby injected me with her blood."

"WHAT?!" yelled Dean, his face suddenly turning a bright shade of red.

Sam didn't remember the last time he had seen his brother this angry. "Dean, let me explain..."

"How could you, Sam? How could you let that bitch put her blood in you?. How could you be that f***king stupid?" Dean angrily shoved his chair away from the table. Getting up, he started pacing the room, muttering under his breath about stupid little brothers.

"Dean, please, stop for a second and let me explain," pleaded Sam.

"What's to explain?" huffed Dean. "You let a demon put blood into you. After everything that yellow eyes did to you, did to our family, how could you let a demon put blood into you?"

"I didn't know at the time that she had done it."

"What do you mean you didn't know? How could you not know?"

"Dean, please sit down and I'll explain everything."

Dean sat down at the table, across from Sam. "Explain away, Sam."

"I know, I told you what happened to me after you died, about how Ruby pulled me back from the edge. Well, there's more to it."

"Keep talking."

"Ruby was helping me to use my powers, but it was hard. Each time I used them, I felt like crap afterwards. I almost always had a nosebleed afterwards and a migraine would set in. Ruby kept telling me they would go away if I kept at it, but they didn't. The headaches got more intense and my nose would sometimes start randomly bleeding even when I wasn't using my powers."

Dean softly swore when he heard this. He might not have been happy that Sam was using his powers, but he didn't want his brother to be in pain.

"It got so bad that I told Ruby I was done. I wasn't going to do it anymore."

"I bet she wasn't happy about that."

"No, she wasn't. She pleaded with me to change my mind, but I was standing firm. That is until she found a guy, who had three young kids, who was possessed by a pretty nasty demon and was terrorizing his family. I knew I had to stop him. I did, but it took a lot out of me. I passed out for about three hours. When I woke up, I swore to Ruby that was it for me. I'd do exorcisms the old fashioned way and that was it. Ruby begged me to reconsider. She said that I could get hurt, but I was adamant about it."

"So what happened?" asked Dean. "Cause you were certainly using your powers when I caught you and Ruby. I even heard you mention that your head didn't hurt."

"Connor Andrews."

"Who's he?"

"He was this sixteen year old boy who started acting strange one day and in a short amount of time he became out of control. I knew it was because he was possessed. I got him tied up and a had painted a devil's trap in the living room, but he was strong enough to crack the ceiling. Ruby had given me her knife, but I couldn't bring myself to use it. Connor's older sister had died from a brain tumor two years earlier and I couldn't let his parents lose the only child they had left. I had to make a split second decision when the demon held a knife to Connor's wrist and was about to slit it. I was expecting to feel wiped out afterwards, but I didn't. I was so caught up in the hugs and thank yous coming from Mrs. Andrews that I didn't realize until later that there was no nosebleed and no migraine. I didn't understand it. I mean, why wasn't I lying on the bed in agony? Ruby told me not to question it. She said I should just be happy that I wasn't in pain. That's when I knew something was off. I demanded answers."

"What'd she say?"

"She told me that when I had passed out that time for three hours, she had injected her blood right into one of my veins. I was furious. That's the second time that I was given demon blood and had no say in it."

"If you were so furious, why would you let her inject you again? Cause I'm guessing it happened more than once."

"I couldn't save you, Dean. I couldn't save you from going to hell, but I could save others. It's what kept me going when I wanted to pack it in. Those times I wanted to give it all up, I would picture Mrs. Andrews' face. How many demons roam the earth? How many innocent people like Connor Andrews die because of them? I was good for awhile, but then it was like Ruby's blood started to wear off. The headaches and nosebleeds weren't as bad as before and I realized with a lot of practice that they were getting better, but it was slow going. Ruby said my powers would get stronger with another injection of her blood. I didn't really want to, but I agreed because I wanted to be able to save people. Then when you came back, I told Ruby I was done with it. I was done with the injections. I knew if you found out you'd be pissed. I know how you feel about my powers. I could only guess how furious you'd be if you knew about the blood."

"So it was just the two times you got injected with her blood?"

Sam was tempted to lie, but couldn't bring himself to do that. Instead he turned his gaze away from Dean and stared at the moose head over the fireplace.

"Sam?"

"No." The word came out of Sam's mouth barely above a whisper.

"When, Sam?"

"Right after the hunt involving the magicians."

"What? Sam, that wasn't that long ago."

"I know, it's just you were talking about how you didn't expect to grow old and I realized that I didn't want you to die young. Dean, I lost you once and I couldn't take it if I lost you again."

"So, it's worth losing your soul over?" asked Dean. "Cause that's what you're doing, Sam. Every time Ruby injects her blood into you, you're slowly losing another piece of your soul."

"I'm done with it, Dean. What happened with the siren, what I said to you made me see what Ruby was really doing to me," said Sam. "Dean, I don't want to lose you. I've already lost you once and I can't go through that again."

Dean sat across from Sam trying to wrap his head around everything his brother just told him. God, Sam was just a baby when Azazel bled in his mouth and the first time Ruby injected him he had no say, but he let her do it two more times. He let her inject her blood into him.

Finding his brother's silence unnerving, Sam spoke up, "Dean?"

"How could you, Sam? How could you let her do that? Demons have stolen everything from us. A demon took Mom and Dad from us. It took Jess from you. Ruby injecting you the first time was not your fault, and the bitch is gonna pay for that, but how on earth, after everything you know about demons, could you let Ruby put her blood in you?"

"I told you."

"Yeah, yeah, you don't want me to die, but I was already dead the first time you let her do it. I know you want to save people but you know what they say about the road to hell and good intentions."

"Dean, I..."

"One word from God and the angels would smite you. Hell, Uriel would probably do it without God's word if he thought he could get away with it." Dean was fighting to control his anger. He wanted to lash out so bad, but knew that would get them no where. The last time he lashed out at Sam he accused him of having a thing for monsters. It took Sam a long time to get over having to kill Madison and Dean wished he could take back what he said, but he couldn't. He knew he had to step away from Sam until he got a handle on his anger and didn't lash out at Sam or give him the silent treatment because that ended up with Sam in the hospital. Something else he had no desire to repeat.

Standing up, Dean grabbed his dirty dishes and put them in the sink. He stood there just staring out the window.

Well at least he's not trying to kill me, thought Sam.

Dean turned around. Grabbing his coat he headed towards the front door.

"You're leaving?" There was a slight bit of panic in Sam's voice.

"I'm just going outside for a little while."

"Do you want some company?"

"No."

"Okay." Sam couldn't help the hurt puppy look that appeared on his face.

"Look, Sam, right now, I can't be near you, but I'm not going anywhere other than right outside. I'm not leaving."

Sam gave a nod. It hurt that Dean couldn't be in the same room with him, but Sam knew he brought that on himself.

"It's probably time for your next dose of antibiotics. Why don't you take it and lay down for while? You did just get out of the hospital."

Well, if Dean was concerned for Sam's health then Sam knew at least his brother didn't hate him. That was something, right?

More to Come

Thank you for reading! Reviews are always greatly appreciated! Please let me know what you think.