Hey you guys, here is my fourth chapter. Thanks for all the comments . It's sort of the aftermath of the doctor's appointment and how they are both dealing with all this news. The boy's will be introduced in the next chapter. I just think that Derek and Meredith both need time to cope with this by themselves before they have to deal with taking care of their children on top of taking care of each other during this hard time. I hope you like it and please please please please COMMENT! :)

Chapter 4: More Than Anyone - Gavin Degraw

You need a friend

I'll be around

Don't let this end

Before I see you again

What can I say to convince you

To change your mind of me?

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm gonna hold you closer than before

And when I kiss your soul, your body be free

I'll be free for you anytime

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Look in my eyes, what do you see?

Not just the color

Look inside of me

Tell me all you need and I will try

I will try

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm gonna hold you closer than before

And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free

I'll be free for you anytime

I'm gonna to love you more than anyone

Free for you, whenever you need

We'll be free together, baby

Free together, baby

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm gonna hold you closer than before

And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free

I'll be free for you anytime

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

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He lay awake, watching her.

Watching her breath in and out gave him something to focus on. He blocked out everything else from his mind and just focused on that one action – in and out. It was constant. It was steady – steady in a world that, for him, seemed to be moving closer and closer towards chaos.

But would it always be steady?

What would happen if one day it stopped?

At these thoughts, his own breaths became unstable and ragged as he tried to suppress a sob. His eyes traveled from her chest up towards her face…

How had he not seen it?

Her face had grown thinner, and he could see the faint outline of a bruise forming on her collarbone. He reached out and grazed it with his finger, hoping that, somehow, by just touching it, it would go away.

But it didn't.

It seemed to be growing darker with each passing minute – a growing reminder of the disease that was killing her. He didn't want to think killing. But that's what it was doing. It was killing her. And he couldn't stop it. It was up to other doctors to do that now. It was up to her.

Hours passed before she began to stir. It was a little after seven at night when slowly, she opened her eyes. And for a second, in the midst between wake and sleep, they seemed relaxed, as if she had no worries in the world. But then her features became uncomfortable, the memories of the past two days flooding her mind; the pain from her procedures earlier that day surging through her body; and the headache, that seemed to be a constant now, pounding in her head.

She turned her head to her side, searching for his eyes. Instantly, they locked, and she saw him gazing lovingly at her.

Her face was pained, he saw, and her breaths were heavy. She was breathing through her discomfort. Yet, despite everything, her eyes, those mesmerizing blue-green eyes, were as beautiful as ever.

He had never seen anything that had matched their beauty.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, reaching out and stroking her cheek.

"Fine," she lied, trying to fake a smile.

She couldn't stand that look of concern he had implanted on his face ever since she had told him she was sick.

Sick? It was such a familiar yet distant word. Her whole life, she had been surrounded by sickness.

As a child, she lived in the hospital, wondering through the hallways of Seattle Grace.

And as an adult, she was a doctor. She dealt with sick people everyday.

And then there was her mother. Her mother had been sick most of her life.

As a child, she was mentally unstable. After her attempted suicide, they had put her in a mental institution for a couple of months. Her foster parents, her aunt, or some random friend of Ellis's– whoever decided they wanted to take care of her at the time – would sometimes take her to go visit her mother. And when she did, she just remembered how drugged up she was. How people would have to feed her, help her walk. And when she got out, she just remembered how she would have to assume all the responsibilities of a mother – cook, clean, make her own lunch. Her mother was either too depressed or too busy to do any of that.

And then as an adult, her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's right before she went to medical school.

She didn't want to think about her mother. It reminded her of the strain it was to have somebody close to you so debilitated.

She would be debilitated soon and she didn't want to think of the effects it would have on Derek or her boys. At times, she remembered, she wished her mother would just die. And when she did die, she felt guilty to say, but she was relieved.

Is that how her family would be? Would they sometimes wish that she would just die? And if she did, would they be relieved?

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

"Meredith?" Derek asked, concerned.

"Don't," Meredith protested, turning away from him, and wiping away her own tears.

"Meredith," Derek whispered as he stroked her back. " You can't do this."

"Do what?" she asked, even though she knew what he was going to say.

"Pretend your fine."

"I'm not."

"Meredith, I'm going to have to know when you're not fine, when you're feeling sick, when you have a fever. You can't tell me you're fine every time I ask. If you do, and you're not you could…well, something bad could happen."

She turned around and looked at him, her eyes red and puffy. " I could die, right? That's what you were going to say. If I tell you I'm fine and I'm not, I could die, right?"

He looked away from her, no longer able to meet her gaze.

"Say it!" she urged, even though she already knew the answer. She needed to hear it from him.

He didn't say anything. He couldn't. He couldn't stare her in the eye and say it. As she stared at him pleadingly, he cowardly looked away as a feeling of nausea overtook him. She was forcing him to admit the one thing he didn't want to.

"Say it!" she screamed again. "Say it!"

Taking a deep breath, he looked up at her again. They were both so broken.

Opening his mouth, he tried to find his voice. It took him awhile, but finally it came out. But when it did, it wasn't his voice. It was someone else's. It was broken and quivery.

"Yes, Meredith. You could die," he admitted. "You could die. So, you have to tell me when you're not fine…so I can take care of you, so I can help you…"

" So you can hold my hair back when I'm puking my guts out!" she interrupted bitterly. " So you can carry me around the damn house when I'm too weak to walk! So you can dump me in an ice bath when my fever gets too high! So you can wake up every morning, dreading getting out of bed, because you know you're going to have to do it all over again!"

"Meredith," Derek pleaded, trying to get her to calm down, to think rationally. He reached out and tried to stroke her cheek, but she slapped it away.

"No, Derek! No! You don't get it! You don't know what it's like having to take care of someone that's sick! It's horrible…it's horrible! And sometimes you just wish that they were…just, No! Just put me in a home or something! I don't want you to do that! I don't want the boys to see that! No! I can't have them see me like that! I saw my mother like that…and No! No! I'm not going to do that to them! I'm not going to make them do that! I'm not going to make you do that! I'm not…"

"Meredith," Derek said forcefully, grabbing both sides of her face. " You're not making us do anything. We're doing it because we love you. I love you, through sickness and health. I love you and I will never leave you! So, you can shut up about us putting you in a home or something! Because, that will never happen! I'm not going to say I'm going to love holding your hair back, or carrying you around, or putting you in a tub full of ice…because I'm not…it's going to scare the shit out of me…But, I'm going to do it. I'm going to hold your hair back. I'm going to clean your face. Hell, I'll even brush your teeth. I'm going to carry you around the house and put you in that tub of ice. I'm going to dress you, feed you, do whatever you need."

"Derek," Meredith whispered in protest, as silent tears streamed down her house.

"No, Meredith! No Dereking me right now because I'm going to do all this and more. I'm going to hold you when it all becomes too much. And then, I'm going to dance it out with you! And, if you become too tired to dance it out, I'm going to dance it out for you. It's going to look ridiculous. But, I'm going to do it, because, you're going to need a good laugh sometimes. I'm going to do everything I can do to make you giggle, to put a smile on your face. I'm going to love you Meredith. I'm going to love you and you can't stop me. And in return, I'm going to ask for one thing."

"What?" Meredith whispered, a smile on her face as tears of fear, happiness, and most of all love strolled down her cheek.

" That you kick this cancer's ass."

"I'm going to kick this cancer's ass," Meredith hiccupped, as a both a giggle and a sob escaped her lips.

"And I'm going to love you."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him as he gently kissed both her cheeks and then her lips. She rested her head against his chest and listed to his heartbeat. He rested his head atop her head, and lightly kissed her hair.

"And I'm going to love you," he repeated.

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Oh, yeah. And don't you think this song fits this update perfectly. I wasn't sure what to title it and then I found this song and it just fit .