Lineage

Chapter 4: Infantile

CWC

Rated PG

Jayne hurried out of the infirmary where his wife, unconscious in a medicated stupor, and his newborn son, barely ten minutes old and already struggling through life, both lay beyond his power to help or protect them. He climbed the stairs up to the bridge and saw the speckled blackness of space looming outside the windows. Mal must have heard him on the stairs because he swiveled around to see who it was.

The Captain jumped out of his seat. "What's—how's River? Is everything alright?"

The mercenary nodded then shrugged. "Max is here. Doc said he's gonna be fine. I came up to Wave my Ma. Let her know she's a grandma, you know."

Mal could see the strain the man was under, and chose, wisely Inara would say, not to comment. He just left the bridge so that Jayne could make his call. Though it was the middle of the night, Mal knew Inara was still up, having acted as receiving nurse for Simon. He went to go find her and check up on his Albatross.

Jayne sank into the chair Mal just vacated with a groan. He let his head fall back onto the seat-top, and closed his eyes. The last two days caught him and he had to pull in a quick breath to keep from crying. He ran his hands over his face a few times, and breathed deep through his fingers. They still smelled like the antibacterial soap Simon made him use, and the sweat from River's hand as she held his and pushed. Jayne wiped his eyes—wiped away exhaustion, not tears, he told himself. He pulled up the Central Cortex, and went to the personal Wave address that the mining company on Ezra gave to each employed family. It was just after lunch there. His Ma would be home.

Several agonizing minutes of static and a "Finding Signal" message later, an older woman's face appeared on the screen wired into the consol. She was beautiful several decades ago when she married a tall, blue-eyed miner and left her suburban Boarder world and moved to the Rim. Rosemary Cobb had managed to retain a bit of her softness about her hazel eyes after more than forty years had roughened and leaned the rest of her.

"Jayne-boy!" she exclaimed as a smile broke her face. "This is a surprise. How's River an' my Itty Bitty Angel Baby?"

Not even his mother's nickname for Angel could ease Jayne's tension. He couldn't even look her in the eye when he said, "Angel's fine. She's sleepin'. It's pretty late here."

When she saw the tired lines around her first-born's eyes and mouth, Rosemary's joy dimmed. "What's wrong?"

"It's River." His breath caught a bit in his throat. "She, uh, went inta labor early. She just had the baby a little while ago."

"Oh, Jayne…oh, my boy. I'm so sorry." Having three of her five pregnancies delivered early, and all but two of her children die in infancy, Rosemary better than anyone understood what her poor boy was feeling. Jayne had been there and cared for her and his brothers and sisters when they were born. Like most mothers, she could guess the thoughts that were swirling in his mind right then. "Don't you worry, Jayne. You got a good doctor, Core-taught an' all right there on that ship with you. Not like the midwives and company quacks we had out here."

"Yeah, Doc's good," Jayne agreed, though he still couldn't bring any semblance of conviction to his voice. "He said the baby's a good size for bein' early, and he's makin' noises."

"That's good, Jayne. See? Everything's gonna be fine," Ma assured him.

Jayne nodded in silence for a moment before he looked up at the screen where his mother's face hovered, and shook his head. He finally let the tears show, if not fall. "We thought that about Lissy, too, an' she didn't make it more'n a month." He pulled in a deep breath that wracked his shoulders as he stared up at the ceiling trying to keep himself in check. "An' River's down there asleep, lookin' all manner a'dead. I can't do this."

Rosemary set a stern eye at her son. "You can. Don't you let me hear you say diff'ernt again, you hear me? Your sister was born at home with no one to take care of her, just a quick trip to the doc at the mines for an immune booster, and then nothing. This ain't the same as your baby. Maxwell, right? River sent me a letter what said you decided on that."

"Yeah, Max." Jayne licked his lips. "Maxwell after her grandpa, Thomas after mine. Maxwell Thomas Cobb."

"That's a nice name, Jayne," Ma said. "When are ya gonna be out this way again so I can get a look at my new grandbaby?"

If he lives, echoed through Jayne's brain. "I dunno. Hafta ask Mal when we'll be headed 'round Ezra next. Prob'ly a while. I'll let ya know."

"You do that, Jayne-y." She saw he didn't even flinch at his most hated nickname. Her boy was all twisted up, and it wrenched her heart to see it. "Now you go an' you give that grandson of mine a big kiss for me. An' you tell him his Grammy is prayin' for him, an' lookin' forward to meetin' him face to face sometime soon."

"I will, Ma."

"And you tell River, if she needs to talk to me…'bout anything…I'm a Wave away."

He nodded.

Rosemary sighed. "You look worn t'threads, boy. You go get you some rest."

"Yeah. Prob'ly should. Gotta see ta Angel tomorrow."

"Night, Jayne-y."

"Night, Ma."

Jayne disconnected and leaned back in the pilot's seat. He propped his elbows on the armrest, and folded his hands over his stomach as he looked up out the dark windows. He let his mind go numb for as long as he could keep it. When he looked again, it was nearly one-thirty, so Jayne pulled himself out of the chair and forced his body down the stairs.

Jayne looked in on River once. She was still out cold. Her brother was asleep on the second fold-out bed: ready in case either River or the baby needed his help in the middle of the night. Angel was sleeping in Annabelle's room tonight, so he didn't need to be near her overnight. He didn't want to sleep alone in his bed, so the couch was looking mighty hospitable. He settled himself down fully dressed and fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.

&&&

Mal was the first awake just as he was usually the last asleep. Years of conditioning to look out for his people before seeing to himself kept him on a tight schedule of five hours of sleep with the occasional nap to keep him going. He wandered down to the infirmary to check on his Albatross and the newest crew member.

Laid out on the couch, his feet hanging off the end, Jayne slept on. He didn't even notice when Mal came close enough to quietly call his name. The captain was within reach to be hit or thrown, and yet the exhausted new father slept on.

"Jayne." Mal decided to risk it, and reached out and shook his shoulder. That finally got the expected response. Jayne's hand shot up and grabbed Mal's, pushing him back. The Captain stumbled over the coffee table, but having expected the assault, he had time to steady himself.

Jayne opened his eyes and saw Mal straighten himself. "Wuz goin' on?" the merc mumbled as he sat up. "Is somethin' wrong? Is Max—"

"Nah, Jayne, they're fine," Mal assured him. "Just thought I'd mention we got a fold-out cot in the storage closet 'neath those stairs there. Ya don't have to sleep all bent up on the couch."

Jayne shook his head, but as soon as it went too far to one side, he grimaced, and reached up to rub at a crick in his neck.

"See?" Mal said. "Come on. I'll help ya drag the cot into the infirmary. We can set it up between River an' the counter there where your boy is."

"No." He quickly refused, his face showing almost fear. "I mean, nah, it's okay. I'm fine here. No need for me t'be in there. I'd prob'ly just be in the Doc's way. 'Sides, Angel'll be up soon. Best if I'm out here."

Mal watched him continue to try and wake up from the scant hours of sleep he'd had. He frowned. It seemed an oddness to him why anyone who just became a parent wouldn't want to be close to that baby, and the mother of his child. Now, Mal knew Jayne had had his issues with the whole fathering-a-baby thing in the months before, but for the last few weeks, when Jayne wasn't dealing with River's crazy spells, he'd seemed almost excited about getting to meet his little one.

The Captain sat down on the table in front of Jayne, and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He looked his mercenary over. This man—ball-bustin', head-bashin', shot a man at 500 yards with a bent scope, proud to have the best drinks-to-passin' out ratio of any man in their acquaintance, only afraid of Reavers and River with a knife—Jayne Cobb was balking over going to see a baby only a few hours old. He had nearly jumped out of his skin when Mal suggested it.

"How come you don't want a nice bed where you can at least stretch out as opposed to this raggedy couch?" Mal asked.

Jayne glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "No reason. Just…better if I'm here."

Right. Subtlety not working. Plan B.

"Jayne, they're gonna need you when they wake up," the Captain murmured the way you talked to a spooked horse or a man up on a ledge. "They're gonna need you to be there for 'em. You're only gonna be half there if you sleep out here. Damn couch isn't fit for more'n a few minutes of sittin' much less sleepin'."

He just shook his head, somehow defeated by the idea of going back into the infirmary. Mal remembered the look on his mercenary's face when he'd come up to the bridge to Wave his Ma. He wore the same daunted, defeated look then. Mal had written it off as tiredness and stress. Now, he thought otherwise. Jayne really was afraid of being in the same room as that baby.

"River seems t'be doin' okay," Mal said to test Jayne's inclination.

Jayne nodded. "Doc gave her that Pax as soon as he put Max in the inc-u-bator. She's like to be up sometime t'morrow mornin'."

"Sleep'll do her good," Mal agreed. "An' Max? I ain't been in to check on 'em yet. Figured you'd've gone in 'fore you plopped down out here."

The guilty look on Jayne's face was his biggest tell. That man could bluff his way clean through Tall Card, but ask him a personal question and the truth was writ all over his face.

"Have you even looked at your son yet, Jayne?" Mal asked softly. "Even I poked my head in to see. His head's all squishy, but he's a good-lookin' boy. Obviously takes after his mama."

Jayne coughed a laugh, but shook his head.

Mal nodded. Then he slapped his knees and levered himself up. He waved Jayne standing, and when that didn't get the new father to his feet, Mal grabbed him by the arm and tugged. Jayne fought him part of the way.

"Mal, I don't wanna…."

"Come on, now," Mal coaxed. "You're a brand new daddy. Your son needs you. Least you can do is go take a look at him."

Mal practically pushed the mercenary into the infirmary—quite a feat since Jayne outweighed him by at least fifty pounds of thick muscle. They got to the counter, and still Jayne kept his eyes on the floor.

"Jayne—"

"I can't, Mal," Jayne rasped out shaking his head. "I just can't look at him if there's a chance he's gonna die. Won't do no good getting' all attached to him."

The Captain crossed his arms. "Okay, Jayne. Say he does die. Say he stops breathin' this very night and departs this world but hours after he came to it."

Jayne was going green, but Mal pressed on. "And you will have never taken one look at him. You will have lost your son without ever knowin' what he looks like, without seein' his face, without holdin' him once. Could you live with that? With the not knowin'?"

Jayne rubbed at his eyes in an A-line that could have been brushing away sweat or grit, but as neither was on the mercenary's face, Mal politely looked aside. When Jayne answered, his voice sounded like it had been dragged over cobblestones and drowned. "Nah, but it'd be ruttin' brilliant, wouldn' it?"

"What would?"

"I've killed a lot of people, Mal," Jayne reminded him. "Don't rightly know how many. I've tortured folk and turned on most everyone I've worked with. I lie an' cheat an' steal. I don't think there's one of the Mortal Sin's I ain't covered. I'm goin' t'Hell, Mal, an' I know it. I ain't got no 'lusions about that. But what better way t'pay me back for some of that stuff than God lettin' me have a child, even lettin' me get a bit lookin' forward to it, an' then takin' my baby from me?"

Mal sighed and shook his head. "I ain't Shepherd Book. I ain't gonna tell ya God works in mysterious ways, or that there's a plan that you can't see. Know enough about God that I do believe He'd do just that to make ya suffer. But I do know Book would say this, and I agree with it: Max has been blessed with the genes of two people who can live through all manner'a damage and keep goin'. He's got family that will literally go to the ends of the 'Verse for him if he needs it. Max ain't gonna give up. He don't deserve you givin' up on him. You think on what kinda father you wanna be."

With that, the Captain turned around and left Jayne in the infirmary to make up his mind. Mal had a pretty good idea of what it would be. Jayne was all of those things he said, but one thing he forgot was that he was a good father. It had surprised the hell out of everyone who knew him the way he'd taken to Angel long before he and River got together. His dedication had never flagged, either; not even when he had tried to reject it.

Jayne listened with his eyes still on the floor as Mal's footsteps grew fainter until they disappeared. Soon the room was quiet except for River's steady breathing, the beeping of the monitors, and Simon's slight uneven snore.

"I know yer awake."

Simon stopped faking sleep, and pushed himself up to sit. He scrubbed his hands over his face to wake himself up a little more, and frowned at Jayne. "You know, I hadn't noticed you haven't looked at Max until Mal pointed it out."

"Truth, Doc," Jayne demanded. "Is Max gonna die?"

Simon took a moment to thoroughly and honestly go through his mind everything he knew of Max's case and the research he'd done on preemie care before he gave Jayne his answer. "In my professional opinion, I would say that Maxwell Cobb has a greater than eighty percent chance of living. If River were awake, I'm sure she could calculate the actual probability rate for you."

"Eighty ain't a hun'ert, Doc."

"No." Simon shook his head. "Life does tend to take devastating turns no matter what we try to do to order it. Max may die. Preemies are more susceptible to sudden infant death syndrome. But I honestly believe that Max will live. He's going to be fine. Yes, we'll have to watch him for certain things, but he was born close enough to full term that most of the adverse effects of premature birth will be either minimal or negligible—er, slim to none showing up."

Jayne nodded his thanks Simon dumbing it down for him. Finally, slowly, inching his gaze upward from the white tile to the stark cabinet doors up to the drawers and the countertop and then, at last, through the plastic of the incubator at his son. Mal was right; his head was all squished up. But Jayne remembered his younger brothers and sisters having pointy heads, too, and judging from where they came from, it wasn't too surprising.

Other than the head, Max looked a lot like he had on the sonogram, and that was where Mal had been wrong. Max looked just like his Daddy—except his mouth, which now that Jayne got a proper look at was sure it was River's. His eyes were still closed, or rather, blindly half-open. His skin was absolutely white except where the veins were. As Jayne watched Max breathe he laid his hand on top of the incubator.

"How long's he gonna hafta be in there?"

Simon told him, "To be on the safe side, I want to keep him in there at least two weeks. On-world, most doctors would go for less, but on a ship, where the air is constantly recycled, and microbes are constantly circulating…two weeks minimum. I want his immune system to have a chance to develop in a sanitary environment."

Jayne nodded with his eyes still on the little sleeping form beneath the plastic. Now that he'd had the guts to look, he couldn't bring himself to look away. He wanted to make sure Max kept breathing. Jayne tracked every single rise of his chest.

Simon's voice surprised him. "Do you want me to get that cot? I mean, if you're going to stay in here…."

"Nah. No need. I been awake longer than this. I caught a few winks, so I can keep goin' awhile longer. I'm just gonna keep watch for a while."

Simon nodded. He levered himself down from the recovery bed with a suppressed groan. Renci de Fwotzu, he wasn't even thirty yet, but he felt as if he'd aged decades during his time on Serenity. He took a quick round to check the monitors making sure River and Max were stable. When he was satisfied that they were both as well as they could be, he went back to sleep for a few more hours knowing that Jayne would wake him if he was needed.

&&&

River stirred around breakfast time. Angel and Jayne were both in the infirmary with cereal bars while Uncle Simon went to get coffee. Angel was the first to notice Mommy's eyes start to blink, and her hand stumble up her body to her face.

"Mommy!" she squealed jumping down from the side bed. Jayne set his breakfast down and brushed his hands off

"Mmnangel?"

The little girl climbed up the bed and crawled into her mother's arms. "Hi, Mommy. I met Max."

"Mmm. Jayne?"

He moved to her bedside. "Hey."

"Max?"

"He's doin' good." Jayne nodded, his eyes lifting to the incubator on the other side of the room. "Doc said he's got a better'n eighty percent chance. That's good, right?"

"Hu…uh-huh."

Angel looked her Mommy over. "Today's a sleep day, huh?"

"Yeah…" River slurred out. "Sorry."

The girl sighed, her little face steeling up. She nodded, and climbed down to stand beside the bed like her Daddy did. It made River's drugged heart ache to see her little girl have to be brave while she slept off the initial effects of the Pax. It was also going to make the next few days more complicated because as soon as River woke up from her sleep days, Angel's brave face reverted into a self-centered childishness. She became incapable of the simplest tasks insisting that Mommy do it for her. Now Max was going to need that attention, and Angel was going to have to learn to accept that. River reached out and clumsily rubbed her daughter's cheek with a wry smile.

Jayne bent down and squeezed Angel's shoulder. "Hey, Bits, can you go get your Uncle while me an' Mommy talk a minute?"

Angel nodded and went for the door. She turned back in the threshold. "Are you gonna be awake when I come back?"

"I'll try," River promised.

Angel decided to run just to make sure she got back in time.

Jayne made sure she was out of earshot before he let out a long breath. He brushed River's hair away from her face. She licked her lips, and said, "I'm thirsty."

"Yeah, thoughtcha would be." He went over to the sink and got her a little cup of water. He pushed the button on the chair to sit it up since he doubted she would be able to do it her own self, even if she wasn't doped up. After she sipped a bit, River looked over to where Max was set up.

"He's okay, right?" she asked.

"So says your brother, and Mal, and Kaylee, and every damn person. Guess it must be true."

"I'm too tired to check on him…you know. With my brain."

Jayne looked her hard in the eye. "We ain't havin' any more."

River nodded. "'M sorry. Didn't know it would turn out like this."

He bent to kiss her just as Simon and Angel came in. "Don't worry about it."

Simon came over to take River's pulse. "How are you feeling, mei mei?"

"Sleepy. Lil' sore."

"That's to be expected." He set her wrist down and fiddled with her IV drip. "You still have more than twelve hours until the Pax is fully processed. Go back to sleep."

"Max?"

He smiled at his sister. "He's in good hands. Everybody's coming to see him. Even Dewey has minded his manners."

"Told him I'd kick him!" Angel piped up.

Jayne and River chuckled and shared a look while Simon rolled his eyes to the ceiling. River patted her brother's arm. "Don't worry. Max is the youngest. He's not going to have anyone younger to pick on."

"Somehow, I don't think that's going to stop him," Simon observed.

River's eyelids started falling. Jayne knew she'd be out again in a minute, so he picked Angel up and retrieved their cereal bars to finish breakfast. Simon checked over her monitors one last time before moving on to Max's.

&&&

Three weeks later…

Jayne felt like an idiot with his shirt this way. But River had been doing research again, and she said it was supposed to help preemies grow, and since Jayne was the one who still needed to bond with Max the most, he was the one doing the kangaroo carry. The only saving grace was that he did this in the privacy of their bunk, and not in one of the common rooms. Jayne was laid out on his and River's bed with his one button-down shirt half closed around Max's little form as the baby rested against his bare chest.

"Why am I doin' this again?" he asked as Max's fist caught hold of another handful of hair.

"Because the sound of a heart beat is soothing for newborns," River said from where she stood at the small mirror brushing out her wet hair. "Because skin-to-skin contact promotes the production of endorphins, oxytocin, and growth hormones, and because you and Max need to become better acquainted with one another."

Jayne flinched again. "Don't you need to get to know him?"

"I had eight months to get to know him," she pointed out. "A few hours will not kill you."

He tried to scowl at her, but his eyes caught on her chest before they had a chance to travel up to her face. River was at least two cup sizes bigger than normal due to giving birth. Simon had okayed breastfeeding, but only expressed milk that he checked the paxaline toxicity of before feeding. Still, that meant that her mammary glands were getting quite the work out since Max, who Simon had found was slightly hypoglycemic, was proving his fathers son in food demand as in other things.

"Don't make face—" River looked over her shoulder at her husband and realized where he was staring. "Jayne!"

"What?"

She tried to cross her arms, but the swelling of her chest made it painful and awkward. "Stop staring at my breasts. It's impolitic."

Jayne smirked at her. "Aw, come on, honey. I got weeks yet before we can do somethin'. I cain't even look?"

River shifted in embarrassment. "I suppose….It just feels strange. Like they're not currently yours to view."

He looked down at Max with a wry frown. "Guess they belong to you for now. Don't even know what ya got."

"Jayne, that is disgustingly Oedi—" River stopped and turned to look at the door. She walked over and slid it open to reveal Angel huddled against the jamb. "Angel baby?"

Jayne craned his neck to see his little girl. "You comin' in, Bits, or you just gonna stand in the door?"

It seemed at first like Angel didn't want to come in until River knelt down and held her arms out. Then Angel launched herself at her. River whispered something in her ear, and Angel nodded. River slid the door shut behind her, and after a long hug, she led the girl to the bed. Angel crawled up next to the wall and leaned her head on Jayne's shoulder to look at Max. She sighed in exasperation.

"He's definitely going to need a helmet."

"Oh, is he?" Jayne asked.

Angel nodded decisively.

River smiled at her family. On impulse, she slid next to Jayne on the very edge of the bed. He saw what she was doing, so he scooted himself and Angel over. Max wasn't too happy about that, but Jayne shushed him with a teasing threat of being sent back. Back where was left open, and both Angel and River had to giggle. They shifted around until they could all have a little space on the bed, although Jayne felt more than a little like the communal pillow. He couldn't argue too much, though.

Jayne watched River thread her fingers through Angel's hair, messily brushing it a few times while his daughter's eyes fluttered shut. It was getting to be passed her bedtime. River kissed Max's crown softly, and laid her head down on Jayne's shoulder.

It was one of those big moments. Jayne wasn't good at catching them usually, but this one he caught. This was a big moment. He closed his eyes a minute to pray to God he didn't fuck it up.