'A good day or a bad day?' They always asked.
'A bad day'
'Why?'
Where to start? A bad day was one:

- Where I forgot what had happened when I woke in the morning
- Where I fell 10 times trying to walk 5 metres
- Where people ignore me because of the chair
- Where she didn't call, didn't write, didn't email
- Where I remember why things are the way they are.

A good day or a bad day? They were all bad.

'A bad day or a good day?' A bad day was one:

- Where I wished they hadn't amputated my legs
- Where I wished that they'd let me bleed to death
- Where I'd been home a month and not heard from her
- Where every telephone call caused me to catch my breath, but it never was her.

It was always a bad day.

'A good day or a bad day'
'Bad'
'Why?'

- Because I can't even walk three fucking metres
- Because they rub and they cut and they hurt
- Because the medication isn't strong enough
- Because it's been too long since I saw her smile

'A good day or a bad day?'
'Bad'
'Why bad?'

- Because she removed my medication from my room
- Because she was worried about what I would do
- Because I'll never be a doctor again
- Because I'll never perform on a stage again
- Because it's been over a month since I came here and I still haven't heard from them. Katy knows, Neela knows, they must all know, but nothing
- (Because they don't know)
- Because self-pity is a terrible thing.

'A bad day or a good one?
'Bad, what else?'

- Because I'm sick and tired of physiotherapy
- I'm sick and tired of not being able to get out of bed and walk across the room
- I'm sick and tired of the dining room being my bedroom because the stairs would be too much
- Because I'm sick and tired of feeling like this about someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

'Good or bad?'
The definition of bad:

- Where I walked 10 metres and fell 3 times
- Where they reduced my medication and I could feel the pain again
- Where I dreamt of her and she wasn't there when I woke up
- Where she'd still made no contact.

'Bad or good?'

- Where I stood and walked for a solid hour, but couldn't make it to two
- Where my mother told me to tidy my room but wouldn't let me go out with my mates
- Where I imagined how her stomach would be gently swelling
- Where I wished what it held was mine
- Where I knew it never would be.

'Good or bad?'
'Bad'
'Why?'

- Because I miss our apartment
- I miss the El
- I miss County
- I miss seeing her everyday
- Because I miss her bloody English accent.

'How was your day, good or bad?'
'Bad'

- Because an old friend from school told me she was pregnant
- Because all I could see was a hand gently touching a stomach
- Because there was only orange juice for me now, no champagne
- Because I have to keep living without her.

No question, still a bad day.

'Today? Bad or good?'
'Still bad'

- Where they told me how well I was doing, but I knew it wasn't enough
- Where it had been three months since the accident, two months since I'd seen her
- Where I knew in my head that I would never see her again
- Where my heart wouldn't agree
- Where she wasn't there.

Yes, that was still a bad day.

'Today?'

- I went to a gig
- I lent against the bar
- I flirted with a couple of girls
- Didn't need to use the chair at all.

That was a bad day, they all still are, but this time when they asked, I replied 'good', they'd never understand that there never can be good days again.