From:Abigail.Lockhart
To:DocRock
Time: 23:05
Re: Just Heard
Ray, I'm so sorry, we've just heard about your accident. I'm sure you must have thought we were all heartless up here, but we've honestly just found out. I feel terrible that we've deserted you when you needed us most, but it wasn't intentional. How are you doing? Is there anything I can do? Ah, shit, I'm going to have to go we've got a trauma coming in, but please, write back soon.
Love
Abby
They've just heard, it made no sense, three and a half months since it happened and they've just found out about his accident, that couldn't be right. Katey knew, Neela knew, surely she'd at least told Abby. Saying that he hadn't heard from her since he'd come home despite her promises to the contrary, so perhaps she hadn't, he meant that little to her that she didn't even tell their friends about his accident.
But Katey hadn't told them either, that was strange, he was sure she had mentioned telling Abby and Pratt, but he must have got that wrong. She'd been so supportive even when he told her that he wasn't ready for a relationship yet, would he ever be ready for one with someone other than Neela? She emailed or rang him most days, regaling him with tales of County, of people he knew, but she knew never to mention her, and as much as he sometimes wanted to ask he didn't, it wasn't fair. He missed the buzz of County, of Chicago, maybe one day he could go back, maybe one day when it didn't hurt so much.
He really should reply. Keep it light hearted, she doesn't want to hear about the dark, black days when anything is too much, thankfully they're lessening now. Should he mention her, yes, but don't ask after her, don't single her out as different from everyone else. Some teasing that's what Abby would expect, a bit of seriousness necessary in the circumstances. A good balance, Send.
She was exhausted, it felt like it had been such a long day, but she'd only been on duty since 7pm. She'd spent most of the afternoon with Neela as she underwent so many tests and scans trying to ascertain the full extent of the injuries she'd suffered, looking for any long term damage to her or the baby. The day before she'd finally asked the question that had been on her mind since they first found out about the baby. The answer hadn't surprised her as such, in fact it was the one she'd expected. Neela wasn't loose with her affections, she felt deeply, so as soon as Tony said it couldn't be his, she'd wondered. And those nights when she'd lain awake waiting for her pager to sound to call her back to her bedside, she'd contemplated, dreaded would be a better word, how she would tell Ray. The idea of making that call had brought tears to her eyes. The added complication of not being able to contact him had made her angry and frustrated as hell.
But what now shocked her; appalled her in fact, was that she hadn't known about Ray's accident. That was a terrible feeling, knowing that one of the people who had barely had a bad word to say about her, a teasing word, a joking word, but rarely a bad word, had had to learn to deal with such a terrible injury without her support, without any of their support. She felt that she'd deserted him But she knew she wasn't to blame, no one was, the only person who had known was Neela and she hadn't been able to tell anyone.
From: DocRock
To: Abigail.Lockhart
Time: 14:23
Re: Just Heard
Hey Lockhart, weird seeing an email from Abigail Lockhart, might just have to start calling you Abigail! Yeah, I thought you guys had forgotten all about me. What do you mean you just heard? Neela and Katey have known for over two months, what have you guys been doing up there, working so hard, no coffee breaks to catch up on the gossip? I can't believe that for a second.
I'm not too bad, getting there slowly, good days and bad, it's been really rough, but yesterday I didn't need to use my chair at all so I think I'm getting there at last. Even made it to a couple of gigs. Hopefully, it won't be long before I'm back at County I kind of miss the old place! Keep in touch.
Ray
She only needed two words to reply.
From: Abigail.Lockhart
To: DocRock
Time: 22:01
Re: Re: Just Heard
Katey knew?
Yeah Katey knew, so did your precious Neela, but you won't say anything against her, won't blame her for you not knowing.
It had been a bad night, too many dreams of the unobtainable, too much pain when he woke, and a torturous physio session to cap it all off.
He felt so frustrated that she was casting all the blame on Katey, it just wasn't right. Dr Rasgotra wouldn't do such a thing, surely, she was presumably so wrapped up with Gates and their baby, playing happy families, his breath caught in his throat at that thought, that she didn't feel it necessary to tell anyone what had happened to him. Abby probably hadn't even seen Katey since he'd left, but she would still get the blame, because little Neela couldn't possibly have done anything wrong.
He fired off his reply, short though not as short as hers, made it clear that Neela knew, tried to soften it by asking after the others. He signed off, too tired for much else, too think much more.
A day off. Not from looking after Joe, or caring for Neela, but a day off all the same. There was nothing she wanted more than a big bear hug from Luka but he wasn't there, he was in Croatia caring for his sick father. So she was left here literally holding the baby.
From: DocRock
To: Abigail.Lockhart
Time: 13:54
Re: Re: Re: Just Heard
Yeah Katey knows and Neela too. Talking of who what's going on with her, she said she'd keep in touch but I've not heard from her, at least Katey keeps in touch. I dunno, I must have got her wrong, I thought she was a friend, but when I needed her she wasn't there.
How are Luka and Joe? And the rest of the gang?
Ray
She sucked her breath in when she read Ray's email. How dare he say that about Neela, she felt anger boil inside her, the fury about what Neela had gone through, and... But, she rationalised, he didn't know what had happened, and probably felt hurt and rejected that she'd not been in touch since he left. It was understandable. Katey on the other hand was a manipulative cow. She was in touch with Ray, yet sitting by Neela's bedside obviously not a word to Ray about what had happened to Neela. She wouldn't be surprised if she'd been telling lies to Ray about her instead.
She vented at the keyboard, pouring out her thoughts and feelings, no intention of sending, just releasing them. She would delete it when she finished and then send a more measured response.
The phone rang, it was Luka. By the time she returned to the keyboard she was prepared to delete what she'd written and start again. But the message had gone, she checked her sent folder and there it was, no way to retrieve it now.
Two emails from Abby. He was intrigued, especially as Abby's second email asked him to delete the first, yeah right, as if he was going to do that, he wondered what she'd written that she didn't want him to see, and with a click of the mouse he saw.
From: Abigail.Lockhart
To: DocRock
Time: 16:16
Re:
Katey knew? Really? I can't believe it, she's so fing unbelievable. That girl's got a hell of a lot to answer for. She knew that after what happened I was trying to get a phone number for you. Shit, she listened to me complaining that you never answered your cell. She knew how desperate I was to speak to you. And you're saying that she was in touch with you, that she knew about your accident, Shit, she had the power to make some of this right. You'd have thought she would have said something, I'm guessing that she never told you about the accident? I've seen her almost every single day for the last two months, shit, she was there when things were at there worst, when we thought that we were going to lose her, when I was dreading calling to you, dreading not being able to call you because I couldn't find a number. God, she's sat by her bedside everyday, being so caring and compassionate, knowing that Neela couldn't have told us about your acci
The words swam before his eyes. They made no sense. Jumbled, confused. Accident? His accident? Another accident? The meaning started to sink in. Her accident? The woman he found it difficult to breathe without? Her accident. Fury descended.
With shaky hands he clicked on Abby's next message, hoping it would clarify things.
From: Abigail.Lockhart
To: DocRock
Time: 16:32
Re: DELETE MY PREVIOUS EMAIL
Sorry, just delete my last email, I was letting off steam, didn't mean for you to read it, but Joe must have pressed Send before I could do anything, kids what can you do?
Katey knew? Really? She's never said anything to me and I've seen her a fair bit over the last two months, so that's a bit strange, perhaps she thought you didn't want anyone to know.
Joe's fine, I feel like I've not spent much time with him recently between work and everything that's happening, Luka's dad's ill so he's had to go back to Croatia, which sucks, and makes it all the more difficult. I'm sure Joe thinks the childminder is his mommy!
The temp they've got covering for you is useless, and we also get the joy of having Crenshaw doing ER consults, what with Surgery being short staffed as well, which is always fun, I'm sure Katey's told you about that though. Actually, it's not as bad you would think, he's shown a more reasonable side recently, I think because everyone was focused on one thing and we all knew that was all that was important, he realised that there was no point being so pissy.
Hope you're still doing okay
Love
Abby
It didn't clarify anything, in fact it told him less than the previous one. He realised that that was the point, she didn't want him to know that something had happened to Neela, the fury started to fade, as the fear rose inside him. Was she okay? Abby had said something about losing her, God, don't let that be true.
His response lacked grammar, punctuation, it probably made little sense, but all he wanted was to get the words down, to send it and to get a response back. He didn't care about how it looked, or read, all he needed was an answer, something to calm his heart down, to stop his hands shaking.
From: DocRock
To: Abigail.Lockhart
Time: 13:47
Re:
Abby, what's going on? I just read your first email, the words delete my previous email kind of made me curious. And to say that I'm freaking out here is an understatement. what accident? Youre not talking about my accident are you who did you almost lose because if it's the person I think youre talking about I will kill Katey for not telling me. I'm begging you, tell me what happened, if something has happened to Neela you have to tell me now, I have to know.
He clicked the Send/Receive button for the hundredth time in thirty minutes, still nothing, he'd never known fear like this, fear of something he had no control over, when he was so removed from the situation that he could do nothing. He fired off another email, more articulate than the first.
From: DocRock
To: Abigail.Lockhart
Time: 15:30
Re:
Abby, don't ignore me. I need to know what's happened. Is Neela okay, all I need is a yes or no, god, Abby you know how I feel about her, plese just tell me whats going on, I can't bear not knowing. Look I'll be on the first flight up tomorrow if I don't hear from you first, I don't care what it takes, I have to know she's okay.
Ray
He looked into flights for the next day, could he leave it that long without knowing? And then a thought came to him, perhaps she was working; with trepidation he picked up the phone and rang a number so familiar to him.
'Pratt, it's Ray, is Abby there?'Time: 16:15
'Hey Barnett, how're you doing?
'Is Abby there?
'No, she's not on till later. I was sorry to hear what happened, how's it going?'
'Greg, what's going on? Has something happened to Neela, Abby's said something's but she's not replying to my emails and I need to know'
'Ray, sorry man, it's not my place to say'
'Come on, you have to tell me'
'I promised Abby, sorry'
Greg had known, whatever it was, he could tell, but he couldn't get him to say. Why was Abby keeping this from him? He scrolled through the numbers on his phone; found that he still had a home number for Abby, so he made another call.
'You've reached Luka and Abby, sorry we can't come to the phone at the moment, leave a message after the beep and we might get back to you'
'Abby, its Ray, if you're there pick up the phone, this is driving me crazy, I need to know what's going on, please Abby, if something's happened to her…' Message left at 16.34
She hadn't answered, so he returned to watching his inbox, clicking the button every few seconds, in the hope that the more he clicked the quicker a response would arrive. His breath froze in his chest, a reply. It was short, still didn't tell him what he wanted to know, but he realised that this was all he would get until she arrived.
From: Abigail.Lockhart
To: DocRock
Time: 16:40
Re: Re:
I'm coming down to visit; I'll be there in a couple of days. I'll explain everything then.
Abby