Disclaimer: I don't own ER. I hope this works okay, reviews please.
He'd slept fitfully since receiving Abby's emails two days earlier, nightmares, based on the little that he knew, plaguing him.
And now it was his turn to make deals with the devil, the angels, anything to ensure she was okay, it didn't even matter if she was with Gates as long as she was okay.
His mind flitting from the happy, carefree days when they were roomies, when all he'd wanted was for her to be happy, it was all he'd ever wanted. Evenings spent on the couch, her face hidden in his chest, cooking for her, falling further and further in love with her.
Then the heartbreak of goodbye as she moved out, as he made his feelings too clear, as he pushed things too far.
The anger when she pushed him away when all he wanted was to hold and comfort her.
The pain, the despair, the jealousy of Gates.
Seeking comfort in another's arms, and then slowly things healing, repairing.
And then a night so perfect that it couldn't be real, a night of soft lips pressed against his, his pale skin held tight against her dark skin, closer than he'd ever been to anyone. Love shining in her eyes, reflecting his. Pain and heartache fading. Dreams, hopes, opportunities reawakening.
Waking in the cold light of day, alone. The worst nightmare he'd had up until then.
Talking to her at the wedding, dreams once again reawakening, until that moment, when with a touch of her hand to her stomach, and orange juice not champagne, she'd ripped his heart out.
Bright lights, horns blaring, then nothing.
And now an accident, her accident, terror coursing through veins, images, scenes of her being stabbed, shot, burnt. Fear of never being able to take back angry words, of never seeing her again; of lesser things: unknown injuries, scarring, no hand resting cherishingly on her stomach, of loss. Waking drenched in sweat. Tear soaked pillow. Heart racing. Reaching for that one photograph, all he had. The need to see her face, her beautiful face. To remember happier times.
And the eyelids flickering as sleep called his name once more and the cycle repeats: happiness, lust, love, pain, jealousy, hope, perfection, heartache, terror, awake, repeat. Reliving every moment, real and imagined.