Disclaimer: I don't own ER. I have to admit I was feeling very evil yesterday when I posted the previous chapter, it was initially part of this one but I decided to split them up, hence the evilness. I meant to thank Ocean of Ashes for her advice regarding these last few chapters, I've kind of listened but there will be an epilogue! As you'll see I've pinched one of my favourite lines from Guilt and used it liberally in this. Reviews please.

Watching him carry on as normal, as if nothing's changed.

Sneaking out. Visiting her. Watching as her world falls apart. Unable to dry the tears. Unable to ease her pain.

Hearing him call out her name at night but no acknowledgement in the morning. Moving on he says, but you know that's only when he's awake.

Unable to get her to eat. Reminding her she needs to eat for the baby. But she's slipping, sliding into despair, unable to claw her way back.

Trying to talk to him, trying to get him to talk to her. But what's the point, he's moving on. Ignoring the fact that the lights gone from his eyes, ignoring the fact that hers are red and raw. Ignoring the fact that neither is happy. Because he's moving on.

Waking one night. Hearing him screaming her name. Rushing to his bedside. Covers disturbed. Terror etched across his face.

A phone call from Abby.

Accident. Neela.

Crush injuries.

Coma for the last two months.

Couldn't find a number for him.

No one knew where he was.

Died a few hours earlier.

She was gone.

His girl was gone.

He would have to live without her.

A world without Neela.

A world he didn't want to live in.

He didn't mean what he'd said.

He was frustrated.

Couldn't look after her the way he wanted.

He'd pushed her away and now she was gone.

Gone.

A world without Neela.

Incomprehensible.

A world without Neela.

Unimaginable.

Waking slowly, a dream, just a dream.

Hot, burning tears on his face.

Overwhelming desire to see her.

Need to see her.

Why was he pushing her away?

Why were they fighting?

Living without her was unimaginable so why was he trying?

A figure in his room. A pitying look.

'Why are you doing this?'

Hackles rising 'What?'

'Pushing her away, hurting her, hurting yourself'

Defensive 'It's for the best'

'Who for?' Coming further into his room, sitting on his bed.

'For them, they don't need to be saddled with me, I can't look after her the way she should be looked after'

A despairing shake of the head 'Ray she loves you, she wants you, she knows there are things you can't do, she accepts that. She's falling apart without you, how's that for her best?'

'You've seen her?'

'Yes, she's 8 months pregnant Ray, I wasn't going to leave her on her own'

Guilt. Realisation that he had.

'How is she?'

'As I said she's falling apart, she won't stop crying, she's not eating. You need to sort this out, she needs you'

'I don't know how to' finally admission.

'Go to her, talk to her'

'I don't want to live without her'

A comforting hand on his arm 'I know you don't, that's why you need to work this out'

Waking.

A strange sensation of not being alone.

Someone else in the apartment.

A scream starting to tear itself from her body.

Eyes adjusting to the darkness.

A figure by her bedside. Ray.

Tears trickling down his face.

A broken man.

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just so frustrated' apologies spouting forth.

Pulling herself up 'Why didn't you talk to me?'

Cautiously sitting down, unsure if it was allowed.

'I wanted to, believe me, I wanted to but every time I tried we ended up fighting'

'Why are you here?'

Cautiously reaching out to stroke her cheek, waiting for her to pull away.

Subconsciously leaning into his hand.

'I don't want to live without you'

A querying look 'You've only just realised that?'

Frustration 'No, I'm not explaining this well. I've been trying to tell myself that this is what I wanted, that I was moving on, but I keep having these dreams where something happens to you and I'm not there and I lose you and I have to live without you, and the idea of that terrifies me'

Sadness fills her eyes 'What went wrong with us?'

Honesty fills his 'I wanted to be able to look after you the way you deserve and I can't do everything that I should be able to and it frustrates me'

'But I don't want you to look after me' he looks away, defeated 'look at me, this is a partnership, we both do our share. There are things that you can do that I can't and vice versa. That's the way it goes. You don't need to do it all'

'But I want to. You deserve someone who can do everything'

Shakes her head 'I don't want anyone but you. Someone else wouldn't be able to make me laugh the way you do, or my heart race the way it does when I'm near you, no one else would be able to make me feel as loved as you do and all of those are far more important than being able to change a light bulb or clean the gutters'

A glimmer of light in his eyes 'You mean that?'

A smile 'Yes Ray, I mean it. How many times do I have to tell you that you're all I want, all I need?'

His eyes light up, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth 'You know I'll never get tired of hearing it'

A roll of the eyes. A more serious moment 'We're going to be okay, aren't we?'

Pulling her into his arms 'We have to be, I don't ever want to be without you again'

Wearily 'Good, are you getting in then? I'm exhausted, I've not had much sleep the last few nights and your daughter is wearing me out'

A kiss on the lips, mending, repairing, making up.

'Yeah, come on then'

Tucking her back in, moving around, climbing in, and pulling her close. Holding her close all night.