Sorry about the long, long, long wait for an update on this, but on the bright side, I'd bet there is something for everyone in this that one can find to laugh at. This one has reason for it's T rating. Clown carnage, and... well, you'll see for yourselves. Enjoy the chaotic mayhem!
Clown Wars: Part 2: Terrorist Mouse Alert
After finding no trace of even a single clown in the middle of the night at Saffron City, a contented Swift slept near a mailbox beside the huge standing Sliph Co. Building. Once morning hit, not a person dared to disturb the orange furred Pikachu since all the ammunition and weaponry was nestled dangerously close to him. He slept hugging his stuffed animal replacement machine gun.
A little after noon hit, a little blonde girl noticed Swift and a joyous expression ran across the five year olds face. "Mommy! Daddy! Can I hug the mousy??" She asked her parents excitedly.
Her father simply smiled "Oh, why not? It's just a..." he caught sight of the weaponry. "SWEET MOTHER OF BACON! IT HAS GUNS!!!" The father screamed in a loud, panicking voice. Alongside his wife, he immediately grabbed his daughter's arm before running of at Mach Six.
After the screaming, Swift finally opened an eye, and yawned tiredly while stretching. Thus the amber assailant awoke.
"Huh..? It's morning already?" he asked himself and got up. Then noticed his surroundings. "What am I doing here..." he thought before it all came back to him.
"Oh yeah...! Time to dish out the punishment!" He said and grabbed his machine gun, cocked it, and ran off towards Sliph Co's building. Scaring countless citizens to death as he dashed by. Somehow the amber Pikachu was completely oblivious to the fear he caused.
---
Military Hours
12:02:01
"Come on! I really need a motorcycle!" Swift demanded and slammed both paws on the desk in front of him.
Behind the desk was the President of Sliph Co. who was looking absolutely terrified right about now. Mainly this was because Swift was still loaded with weapons, black markings on his face, and also, he just so happened to inconspicuously pick up a flamethrower from somewhere.
"W-We just make Pokemon products! We don't have any motorcycles!" The Sliph Co. President shouted out of fear.
"Oh, reeeeeaaaalllllllyyyy?" Swift asked in a psychotic, twisted way. Scaring the President even further. "If you don't give me a motorcycle, I'll make you suffer a fate worse than death..." He threatened.
"Oh, please; God, no! Not Tracey! Not again!" The President pleaded hysterically.
"Not a bad idea, but not him." Swift assured.
The President let out a deep sigh of relief.
"Instead, I'll force you into one hundred hours... of listening..." the terrorist mouse paused dramatically, and made a gesture to the door."To him!"
"Aloha dudes!" Said Psy as the he burst through the door. "Yellow-dude said if I didn't do this, he'd gut me; so like, here I am! Ready to chit-chat and shoot the breeze all-day-long!" He said and walked over towards the President before taking a seat on a chair.
"Oh...well, how bad can this be?" the President said as calmed down while taking his seat in his comfy Sliph Co. President's chair. "Fire away."
Swift ran towards the exit and bolted the door shut while Psy started an endless onslaught of nonsensical gibberish.
"So anyway, today has been like, totally crazy! I was like, stuck at yellow dudes house with like, my best buddy in the whole-wide-world, so we like, decided to play Ice Hockey and then you wouldn't believe what happened next! I scored ten points like, by hitting yellow-dude's TV! Reb said the sparks were good a good thing, but then yellow-dude like, got all totally crazy, and chased me down! THEN he went berserk and almost zapped me to death! I think Reb ditched me but I'm not sure... He's always been afraid of yellow dudes Thunder attack, 'cause It's like, a scary thing dude. Hey, do you like tacos? Dude, I love tacos! I also love Pizza, do you have any pizza? Hey dude, can I like, sit in that chair? It looks comfy and this chair's not, so I could really use a place to rest my... "
The president had begun writing his Will after Psy's first two sentences, and once he finished, he pulled out a revolver. "Could I interest you in a game of Russian Roulette?"
"Sorry, dude. I never gamble. So, anyway, I like–"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Psy blinked. "...Anyway–" It never ended.
---
12:13: 46
Meanwhile, Swift had dashed out of the building, into the parking lot, shoved a biker of his ride, and drove off throughout Saffron. Ignoring the guy shouting behind him about his bike, and the countless people he seemed to unawarely run over.
"Now where can I find clowns...?" Swift thought to himself, passing by several signs reading: Celadon City's Yearly Clown Convention Today!
On his way to nowhere, Swift ran over countless, screaming, bleeding, and horribly maimed clowns in bright over sized red shoes, colorful hair, and cherry noses. Thought the mouse was oblivious to their plights as he simply pondered on where to find the very one's he made road kill out of.
"Hmm... where does one find clowns...?" Swift tapped his chin thoughtfully, as he drove over another clown's arm; whom had tried to vainly outrun the motorcycle, and was tossed behind Swift's stolen ride. At the bump from running over the living, yet soul-less creature, a grenade slipped from Swift's supply of weaponry and rolled over to the pile of injured clowns.
As it approached each clown held his breath as they watched the green sphere roll closer, all frozen with fear. And pain. After a few tense moments later, they could breathe again as the death instrument didn't go off.
One called to the others jovially. "It's okay! It didn't—"
Swift drove on thoughtfully. Somehow, the mouse had brought himself to ignore the deafening loud and fiery explosion that erupted behind him and painted the sky red.
"Sheesh, this will be tougher than I thought... You think that my consciences would tell me where to go our something..." He said sourly as he recalled his completely misinterpreted encounter with his conscious, Chaos Knux, and continued to dart by more convention signs, somehow not noticing even one.
He drove for another hour until he hit Celadon.
"Okay, now I'm bored... Where's a sign when you need it?" He asked. A random sign smacked him in the face.
"Ouch! What the he- " Swift stopped himself and read the sign. "'You friggin' dumbass, there is a CLOWN convention in town today! Why didn't you read all the other signs?'..." He finished reading, baffled.
Confused, Swift hopped off the stolen motorcycle before it went driving into a building and exploded, the building crumbling down in a mass of smoke after the collision. The Pikachu somehow remained unscathed. "What signs?" He asked and looked behind him. It was revealed to him exactly what the sign meant as he saw as many signs behind him in a trail as there are stars in the sky.
"Ohhhhh... those signs." He murmured sheepishly, scratching his head. Then shrugged. "Annnnyyywaaaay..." Swift said, pulled out his loaded machine gun, and walked calmly into the city.
---
13:34:47
Meanwhile, in the center of Celadon City's very unusual clown convention, Rebel was busy unwillingly making fake clown dummies while Nia kept a watchful eye on the Meowth.
Rebel threw his crafting tools on the ground petulantly. "Your just as evil as Swift, you know that?!" he snapped.
"Sorry, Rebel, but I'm afraid I can't let you leave until you finish these dummies." Nia answered firmly.
"I've already set up about forty of these stupid things all throughout town!" the cat insisted on complaining.
"It's your fault he's going on this shooting rampage anyway!" Nia retorted, her patience ebbing away to annoyance. "Remember the clown-in-the-box, you sent him?"
Rebel grumbled a few things before he picked up his tools and finished another dummy. "I don't get why your making me do this," he spat crossly as he stuffed the dummy. With cheese. He also had ketchup, just t make things convincing. "Swift hasn't even shown up yet. I doubt he even knows about this stupid convention—" Rebel stopped and he and Nia jumped out of surprise after hearing the sound of bullets being fired, people screaming, and Swift's maniacal laughter.
Nia threw a glare at Rebel. "You were saying...?"
"Um... Cheese?"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
13:38:011000100...2 The clock exploded.
Meanwhile, not far from Nia and Rebel, Swift was unloading magazine clips by the dozens in military fashion on most of the clown dummies Rebel had set up while laughing maniacally.
"Colorful hair and big shoes, huh??" Swift asked insanely as the clown dolls somehow began to sweat. "Big shoe THIS!!" He said and gunned down the two clown dolls in front of him. Somehow not noticing the gooey cheese and ketchup that replaced blood. The Pikachu's clown shooting frenzy kept him from noticing even ketchup.
Nia and Rebel watched from behind a signpost.
"Yes! He's taking the bait!" Nia cheered silently. "Soon he'll get sick of this and eventually go home!"
"Yeah, and it only took me four hours to make all those..." Rebel grumbled.
"Just be grateful I didn't make you dress up as a clown for this!" Nia snapped and began a low growl as she turned on Rebel.
"Oh yeah? Well I..." He trailed off as Nia pulled up a clown costume in his size.
Rebel decided the best way for him to live longer was to stay quiet, but for some reason, he didn't. "You, are one very evil Eevee... "He stopped after hearing a voice.
"Heeeey ,there, little buddy!" A livingclown this time said to Swift.
"Uh-oh..." Nia said and ducked behind a nearby parked car as a wave foreboding swept through her. Swift glared venomously at the clown. Another reason Nia took cover was because she happened to notice Swift had pulled out a round, green object.
Rebel wondered what had frightened Nia so much, then he saw the sphere too. "Cripes!" He jumped through the car window. Ignoring the breaking glass.
"You're a funny little Pikachu! Now let's turn that frown upside down!" The clown said cheerfully and honked a horn.
Swift bit off a part to the grenade.
"Would you like a pie?" The clown said and pulled out a pie before stupidly slamming it into his own face, as usual. "Oops!"
"That's it you retarded evil bastard!" Swift shouted, tossed the grenade, then he ran.
The clown's expression fell. "Well that wasn't very nice... " He was cut short by the fiery explosion that engulfed him and anything nearby, and explosion was followed by car alarms.
"There goes the neighborhood..." Rebel commented from his car window before Nia ran up to Swift.
"Swift–have you completely lost it?!" she shouted at him. "That clown was alive!"
"No, he wasn't. Clowns are dead inside." Swift responded in a mater-of-fact tone and reloaded his machine gun nonchalantly.
"That may be true, but that doesn't mean kill them physically!" Nia insisted.
"Don't worry! I'm okay!" Swift, Nia and Rebel each heard the clown's voice in the distance. "But... has anyone seen my arm?"
"You won't be for long..." Swift growled threateningly, and at the same time a voice called.
"Hey, what the heck is going on down there?" They heard Valerie's voice shout from above on a shop balcony. The feisty Vulpix was resting on a lawn chair with a sun reflector, and a pair of sunglasses tinted hot-pink around the edges. "I'm trying to get a tan! Turn off the noise, or I will!"
"Valerie?" Nia called in responce while Swift polished his machine gun in preparation to finish the clown he had blown up, and Rebel prepared to watch with a soda and popcorn, using the car hood as a replacement chair.
"Oh, hey, Nia. What's up?" Valerie's mood changed to a more friendly one in recognition of the Eevee's voice. "If that's Psy and Rebel, tell them to keep it down!"
Nia was acutely embarrassed and she looked down at her shuffling paws. "Actually... it's Swift this time..."
Valerie looked confused. "Swift? What the heck is he doing?"
"Killing clowns." Swift answered calmly with a satisfied smile. Seeming totally unfazed by his absolute madness.
"Again?"
"Yeah..." Nia replied. "At least last time there was only a few clowns, but now..." she turned around to see the city littered with happy, insane clowns as they pulled out pies, and smoked marijuana. Seeming depressingly uncaring about what their lives led to, and how society looked down upon them. But they smoked anyway as the cops did nothing to stop them.
"Man," A clown giggled. "We're so stoned... " he stated and took a deep breath of the drug.
"I can fly, man!" Another completely intoxicated clown said before leaping off a dumpster, and falling flat on his face.
The other clown just stared. "Are... are you okay?"
"Hey, boys," Finally, an officer called them out as he strode closer to the two delirious clowns. "We're gonna have to take you downtown..."
"Aww..." Both clowns groaned, the one on the floor looked up sadly.
"...To smoke some more pot!" the cop finished jovially. The clowns cheered before all three of them broke out into... Disco.
The Pokemon group just stared.
"Righhht..." Rebel managed to say, seeming very disturbed. But then stopped as he remembered something and turned around urgently. "Hey you! All of you people in front of your computer screens! Yeah, you! Don't everevereverevereverever do what these clowns, cop, or this mouse here are doing! Not unless you like federal or the maximum security prisons in Arkansas!! DON'T DO IT!!" Rebel shouted frantically. Non other than Chaos Knux came out, confirmed the cats warning with a thumbs-up, paid Rebel five bucks, then walked off the screen. Are you wondering who's narating? Well so am I. Crap, that makes tis first-person...
Valerie had left the store roof-top and joined her friends after Rebel gave his warning to you, America, and was equally disturbed as Nia was with the insane events.
"...Why does this city even waste time with something as stupid as a clown convention?" Valerie spat, eagerly wanting to change the subject from the strange incidents.
Swift finished polishing his machine gun before reloading it and gunned down both of the drug addicted clowns, then fired at the police officers, as another had joined--tempted by disco--though the cops remained standing.
"Ha! Bullet-proof vests!" An officer shouted triumphantly.
Swift fired a second time at each cop except a little lower.
"OH CRAP, MY KNEE!!"
"Well, that was below the waist, so it's not attempted murder..." Rebel reckoned thoughtfully. Ignoring the cops' shouts of pain.
"I don't know why they have this convention, but I know it's fun!" Swift said and hoisted the gun on his back.
"Swift!!" Nia shouted, exasperated.
"What? They'll be okay; that was just to teach them it's wrong to try to bring back the 70s." Swift claimed defensively.
"Has anyone found my arm??" The clown that was blown up earlier asked.
Nia buried a face in a paw with a heavy sigh. "We're so sued..."
Swift looked frightened. "Well, uh... screw clowns! They're evil! I'm actually doing the world a favor." Swift stated and almost sounded as if he was back to a sane state. Almost.
Valerie realized Swift's madness wasn't quite finished once he balanced himself whileholding a mass, and a lightbulb appeared over her head as an idea hit. "What the? Why does this keep happening?" She growled irritably and threw the lightbulb to the ground where it shattered. "Anyway, Swift?"
"Yes?" The orange pelt Pikachu answered, whom was now counting his grenades.
Valerie managed to ignore the fact Swift was going through different weapons with each passing second and continued. "I saw a bunch of very evil looking clowns head that way!" she pointed to a few decrepit building a few buildings down. "They had a, uh... Supreme Leader!" She thought up.
"Supreme leader?!" Swift echoed, sounding shocked. His desire to rid the world of clowns overpowering his common sense. Not that there was much left in this fic...
"Yeah, they were plotting to... to take over the world!"
This stunned Swift and he gasped. "Those fiends! See?" He turned to Nia. "I told you they were evil!"
Valerie winked at Nia.
Nia gulped. She was a terrible liar and wasn't sure if she could say anything that might blow thier chance to get Swift away from the remaining clowns until they could change out of thier costumes. "Umm... go get 'em?"
Swift gave a curt yet serious nod before he salvaged what was left of the motorcycle he had crashed, and hopped on the seat. "I'll be back in time for Christmas!"
"Are you on drugs?" Rebel asked. He seriously couldn't tell. "Me and Psy usually pull off any stuff relatively close to this!"
"Hey, dude!" Psy greeted with cheer, the duck had appeared from nowhere.
"When'd you get here?" Rebel asked, now more confused.
"Well, the president was having some slight issues..." PSy informed, his expression dampening as he shook his head. Then it brightened again. "But don't worry! The guys in the white coats took him away to the happy house!"
Nia and Valerie could only wonder.
Swift ignored both Rebel and Psy and drove off. Rebel stared at the mouse in severe confusion, Valerie and Nia attended to the injured and deny any affiliation with Swift, and Psy played paddle ball all by his lonesome.
Soon after leaving, Swift hopped off the motorcycle after it made some sputtering noises, then exploded again. This time a flaming mass of metal. The Pikachu made the rest of his trip on foot while whistling, 'She'll Be Coming Around The Mountain When She Comes'.
Rebel continued to stare. "...Weirdo."
Then the grenade-subjected clown's arm fell to the floor in front of Rebel in a charred sizzling mass.
Rebel fell backwards and fainted. Psy laughed.
I know this may seem way crazier than the stuff I normally write, but I hope it was funny anyway. Leave a review, and I may finish this thing faster with part three.