A/N: I just thought I'd poke a little fun at all fanfiction authors out there. Me included.
. : Naruto Getting Sick of Time Travel : .
Konohagakure no Sato, Fire Country –
After training for years and years, running thousands upon thousands of missions, and experiencing countless harrowing near-death experiences, Naruto was disheartened to learn that he is, in fact, still only five years old as of press time, despite being over thirty a day before.
"Five!?" Long time defender of Konohagakure and container of a deadly nine-tailed demon fox said. "Why the hell am I five now?"
Added Naruto: "Fuck! Not again…"
According to the five year old child who claims to have forgotten his true age, the out of body experience is nothing new, citing off the hundreds of thousands of times he has purportedly lived his life only to be forced to relive it again and again through some bizarre and unexplained twist just before his death or some insanely tragic event. "Why me?" said Naruto, expressing inner angst and depression unbefitting of his perceived age.
Naruto admitted that he enjoyed the time travel experiences at first because they allowed him to do the things he missed out on the first time around. However, the experiences were never as fun as he expected them to be because no matter what he did or how strong he became, there would always be some overpowered antagonist to overcome, epic dramas to be involved in, and all encompassing romances to consummate. His impressive yet still growing resume boasts off feats that many would consider impossible: He has become Hokage 58,489 times, had intimate sexual relationships with every person imaginable regardless of his, or their, gender, race, or species, met people from alternate universes he didn't even know existed, and has consumed an estimated 5 trillion bowls of ramen.
"I just want it all to finally end," Naruto said.
The now young genin-to-be reported that he has tried 'Goddamn everything' to end the infinite time loops that he sometimes describes as 'holy shit this is fucking retarded.' Naruto even admits to several attempts at annihilating the entire universe, but he always happened to be 'Dark Naruto' during those attempts and 'some good guy' would inevitably ruin his plans through 'whatever' obscure means. "I give up… believe it," expressed a glum Naruto.
Even the malignant nine-tailed demon fox inside of the boy took his time to come out and express his sympathy. "It's like somebody out there is putting us into these situations for their sick enjoyment," said the Kyuubi, the fox who has experienced much of what Naruto has experienced through seemingly infinite pasts. "In fact, I think I met some of them. They all spout off the same nonsense. Something about being a writer trapped in the 'Naruto World' because of some stupid nonsensical inciting incident. But when we asked them if they could do anything to help, they refused and proceeded to woo Naruto and the other ninja with their unlikely yet somehow effective romantic plots."
For the time being, Naruto says he will continue to go through the motions of time travel, praying to the gods 'if they're out there' to just let him move on already. Until that happens, he hopes the gods will enjoy his 284,943th life. He also hopes it will turn out better than his last one where he was trained by Goku, a super-saiyan Gundam pilot who fights to protect the entire universe from Voldemort, a dark wizard who wields a mysterious notebook that kills people and transforms them into Arrancar that are attempting to destroy Konohagakure through means of becoming Pokemon masters.
Said Naruto again: "Fuck!"
A/N: At first I was going to write a report about a 'Mary Sue' that suddenly appeared in the Narutoverse and captured everyones hearts but it was too hard to write. So instead, I just poked fun at fanfiction in general.