-1Title: The Human Need

Music: Lose Control - Evanescence

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I don't own KH or FF

Pairing: CloudXRiku

The Human Need

Chapter 6

A note for those of you attempting suicide, water is extremely cold at night. And that makes it a bit hard to concentrate on dieing when your skin if frozen solid. The only good thing about the temperature is that it makes everything go numb. And numb is a good thing for dieing, because it makes the outside world seem fake, as if you are looking down on it from someone else's eyes.

Its sad really, that no one even noticed me jump off the small bridge into the canal. It was pity that the water didn't kill me on impact, but I suppose the bridge wasn't tall enough to do any real damage to me. Even so, the freezing temperature of the water, combined with my poor swimming skills….I suppose there isn't much to say really. It was the perfect way for me to die.

Or at least it would have been, if it wasn't for a hobo living on the bank of the canal.

He pulled me in when I was barely conscious. According to him, my lips were tinged in blue and I was mumbling something about an apology. I couldn't possibly tell you what really happened, because I was delirious at the time. All I know is that I saw a flash of red, mixed with blue right before I passed out.

When I awoke, it was to the rank smell of trash and sewage. I wrinkled up my nose and pulled the blankets closer. I was so cold. So damn cold…

It was then that I remembered that I had jumped from a bridge, that I had attempted suicide. What I couldn't think of, was how I survived….or how I had a blanket over me.

I sat up, wincing as my brain was hit with a ton of bricks. My skin felt numb, my stomach sick.

"Looks who's up…" A deep but kind voice said from somewhere to my right. Once my vision quit spinning I turned to see the handsomest hobo I'd ever seen. He had long brown hair and sharp features. There was a thick scar that slashed right over his nose, making his would be pretty boy appearance a bit tougher. He was eating ….something out of a small plastic container. "Not dead yet I guess."

"Where…am I?" I asked slowly. My stomach heaved with each word, and I felt as if I were going to throw up any second. That rotten smell didn't help any.

"You're in the slums kid. Congratulations. You failed to kill yourself."

"Who…are you?"

"The name's Squall, but you can and will call me Leon. I'm the one who drug your sorry ass out of the canal."

"But….why?"

"Because I've done the same to every other imbecile who's tried to throw their life away by jumping off of some bridge or another. Let me guess….girlfriend left you? Parents got divorced? Lost your job? Family member died?" His eyes searched me quickly, then looked away. He snorted. "You look like you've been through hell. You're skinnier than I am. Anorexic? Or just stupid?"

The questions became a jumble of words to my slow mind, and it took a few moments for me to catch up. "I'm….not an imbecile."

Leon snorted. "Yeah right. Then you're a dumb-ass."

I growled. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Look at you kid. By the condition you're in, despite the obvious neglect, you come from the good side of town. I bet you have a college education, might even still be in college, have a meal in front of you every day, have nice friends and a family. Yet here you are, in the slums, because you thought your life was so fucking bad. Am I right or am I right?"

"How…do you know that?"

"How wouldn't I know? I've seen a dozen or so of you assholes come floating along down this river, trying to off themselves because they have it so bad. Heh, try living a week down here and see what it gets you. You'll be running back to your cozy bed and warm meals before two days are up."

My brain still wasn't functioning at this point. And it was somewhere around here that I finally noticed that I had no clothes on. I yelped and pulled the blankets closer, as if trying to hide my nakedness. Not that it would really matter, I mean, the guy had to have undressed me for me to be naked.

Leon looked over at me strangely and took anther bite out of…whatever he was eating. "Relax, you don't have anything I haven't seen before. Besides, you'd have died if I'd left you in those wet clothes."

"You should have just let me die…"

Leon looked me over, then pursed his lips and set his container down. "A'ight" He walked up to me, bent down, pulled the blanket off, and picked me up, slinging me over his shoulder. I yelped in surprise and struggled against him.

"What the hell are you doing?!?" I cried in alarm as he began carrying me toward the canal. I wrapped my arms around his neck in a desperate attempt to hang onto him.

"What's it look like I'm doing? I'm gonna kill you." he replied nonchalantly. "That's what you want right?" He pried my arms from around my neck and threw me down into the water.

My head went underwater for a moment, and I panicked. My mouth opened to let out a scream, but I ended up only swallowing water. My arms flailed about, trying to gain some purchase. Down and Up became confused, and I grabbed onto the first thing my hands could get a grip on.

Then I was lifted out of the water, coughing and sputtering like a fish. My skin was freezing from being in the cold water, and my lungs were in no better shape. Each breath stung, as if I were breathing ice.

"What are you doing?…" Leon growled, dropping me onto the ground. "I thought you wanted to die. Well? Go on, jump in. I don't need you around here."

"You're insane!!" I choked, huddling in on myself in a desperate attempt to get warm.

"Am I?" Leon asked, turning back toward his food and the blanket. "I don't think so. If anyone here is insane, it's you." He plopped back onto the ground and began munching on his food again. "I mean, look at you. You say you want to die, but you don't have the courage to go through with it." He shook his head. "You're nothing but a damn hypocrite."

I scrambled back over to the blanked and curled up in it, desperately trying to get warmth back into my skin. "Y-you aren't supposed to help me!!"

"Why not?" he replied. "It's what you wanted. Or are you used to getting sympathy? Oh boohoo, my parents died. Oh boohoo, I lost my job, oh boohoo, my girlfriend left me." He shook his head. "Shut the fuck up and move on. You're only given a few decades to live, use them. Only an idiot gives up everything before it's due. You don't get anything to make up for it in hell."

I shivered, pulling the blanket a bit closer to me. "You have no right…"

"I have every right. The minute you jumped off that bridge your life was no longer your own. You belong to me now. Just be thankful I'm a nice guy." He finished whatever was in the box and threw it to the side. "So…tell me slave, what's your reason for wanting to end it all? I think I've heard them all, but maybe you can surprise me."

I paused, unsure of whether I should even be talking to this clearly insane person. But after a moment, my rational side won with the argument that, hell, he saved me, so why not?

"Well….my….my boyfriend…"

"Ah, so you're queer….go on."

I frowned. "Well, my boyfriend died a year ago in a fire. I was there with him. Actually it was all my fault, I was the one who wasn't watching the oven. The cat knocked an aerosol can onto the burner….and ….well…"

"Fried cat."

"…..Right. The fire spread so fast…I ran to get a fire extinguisher, but I couldn't get the tab out. By the time I managed to, the fire had spread across the room. Axel…my boyfriend, tried to grab me and drag me out of the fire, but I was….so stupid. I wanted to save the place, and I tried to put the fire out, but….well it was spreading fast.

Axel and I got cut off by the blaze. I was so scared…but he kept his arms around me the whole time. He told me he wasn't going to let me go, that we'd get out of it.

Axel heard the firefighters, and he let me go for a moment to wave at them…it was at that moment that a beam from the ceiling came down. It smashed into Axel's head, and knocked me to the ground. There….was so much blood, so much red…Axel's hair, the blood, the flames…everything was red. I passed out somewhere in there…

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. Axel was dead, and it was my fault." I swallowed. "Now it's all coming back, because of that fucking idiot Cloud. He's making it all come back. I just…couldn't live with myself anymore. It had to end."

I was crying by this time, and to me, it seemed as if Leon's face had softened the tiniest bit.

"You tell a good story kid. Too bad it's all false."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I choked, wiping back some tears with my arm. "It's all true!"

"No it isn't. Because you blamed yourself, then you blamed this Cloud guy. Seriously, it's neither of your faults. The kid died, his time was up. There is no such thing as a premature death, well, short of suicide." He waved a hand dismissively. "Would you have felt the same way If you had gotten out of the building, and he had gotten hit by a car?"

"I….guess not….I don't know, because it didn't happen! If I had been watching the stove, he wouldn't be dead right now!"

"And how do you know that? Are you psychic? Can you read the future? How do you know that if you had done anything else that it would have turned out differently?"

"Well.."

"No, I don't want to hear it. What happened happened, sure, it was a shitty thing to happen. But the fact is it happened, and it's time you let go of it. Moping over it isn't going to do you any good."

"But…"

Leon raised an eyebrow. "You want me to throw you into the river again?" I shook my head. "Good, then shut the fuck up. You're a kid, you'll live, you'll have other loves, and you'll have a good life. But if you let this one thing screw you over, then hell, you might as well die, because no one wants to sit and see you mope. It only burns out those around you. The only think keeping you miserable is you. The sooner you get passed that, the sooner I can get rid of you."

I hung my head and stared at the ground. Perhaps this hobo was right. Perhaps…it was time to move on.

But how could I do that, when Axel's ghost was haunting my every moment?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OOOOOOO Two chapters in one night. I'm tired.

Did not see this going this way until I wrote it. I love not havin a plan. Now everything is working out and falling into place. Prewriting can go kill itself. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok, I'm done.

Review please? Leon could use it. So could Riku at the moment…

-Koji