So, a certain girlfriend of mine gave me this journal for my birthday.

Since she's the one in charge of all things pleasurable, I figure it'd be in my best interest to write in it.

But what about?

I suppose, since my girlfriend is the one who gave this to me, I can tell you how we got together.

On one condition.

You have to promise you won't tell anyone.

Not even your little journal friends.

Because, as of now, our relationship is top secret.

See, she's not exactly what Mum and Dad have in mind for me.

But that can wait, because we have a great getting-together story, really.

So, it was our seventh year, right, and both of us were frightfully alone.

Her friends were off doing God-knows-what to save wizarding kind.

Mine were, let's face it, all Death Eaters.

I had managed to stay at school by telling my parents that I wanted to finish my education more than anything in the world.

They believed me.

So, since I was so frightfully alone (as I may have pointed out earlier), I spent a lot of time at the lake, thinking.

Yes, Malfoys think.

No, they do not admit it.

Except to journals.

Because journals can't talk.

Or they get lit on fire.

Ahem.

Back to the story.

I was sitting at the lake, as per usual those days, and out of nowhere, I was joined by a certain bushy haired know it all.

I don't think she saw me at first, or else she wouldn't have sat down.

But as fate would have it, she sat near me, looking as alone as I felt.

Usually, this would be the point where I mocked her shamelessly, but I was rather lonely.

I think it's expected for someone who is completely alone in their seventh year dorm to be lonely, though I must say that the accommodations seem much nicer when there's only one bed.

So anyway, instead of torturing the mudblood, which I no longer called her, by the way, I decided to strike up a civilized conversation.

She, apparently, did not understand my intentions.

She actually hexed me before she realized that I was being serious.

So, we began talking. I think we started first with why we were here and they were gone.

She thought I was deep because I called us, "The Abandoned".

I will go for deep more often, if it gets me what I got from that.

Her eyes went all starry and she looked at me like she was looking at me for the first time.

Then, everything went to hell.

The giant squid chose that moment in time to make its appearance, and effectively kidnap Granger.

Just when I was sure I was going to get kissed!

Except, at that point, I didn't admit it to myself, because Malfoys don't like mudbloods.

Now, I can say with certainty, that Malfoys didn't know what they were missing.

Anyway, I have to finish the story or you'll think Granger was eaten.

That would be weird, dating someone from within the belly of the giant squid.

Precisely why I should continue!

So, in a bout of heroism rivaling that of Potter facing off with Voldy-kins, I dove in after my soon to be beloved.

I even got my hair wet.

I swam as deep as I could, but couldn't find her.

Perhaps this is because I have lungs and the giant squid does not.

I came up, gasping for air, and decided that it was time to employ something I never thought I'd use.

I transfigured a nearby rock into a muggle oxygen tank, complete with mask.

Don't ask me how I knew what one was.

You would only be disturbed.

I know Hermione was.

Anyway.

Now equipped with a way to breathe, I dove once more in search of Hermione.

I found her in the arms of the giant squid, and it looked like it was stroking her.

We later concluded that the squid either wanted a child or a lover.

We are not sure which would be less creepy.

As it was, I had to get Hermione away from the dreaded monster.

I pried her from the arms of the beast, in the most flattering and heroic manner, of course.

Hermione said I looked like a bumbling baboon, but I don't think she was conscious, so her opinion doesn't count.

I am personally inclined to think that she made it up just so she could kiss my anger away.

Ahem.

Back to the point at hand.

I pulled her up to the shore and to safety, except for the fact that she wasn't breathing.

Which adds to my point that she was unconscious while I struggled with the giant squid, but I digress.

Fortunately for me, and probably for my more favorite boy parts, I knew that "ennervate" would serve just as well as the muggle life saving technique I had seen.

Again, you really don't want to know.

Upon waking, Hermione was so overcome with gratitude that she kissed me right on the lips.

And they haven't really parted from hers since…

This was, without a doubt, the most random story I've ever written. I don't know where it came from. I was actually writing a blog when I thought about Malfoy writing a blog... only, they don't have computers, so it'd be a journal... anyway, long story short, you get this from it. If you like it, tell me, and I may continue with more entries.