Pairings: This chapter contains Hisagi x Hinamori, slight Kira x Hinamori, Ikkaku/Yumichika, slight Hisagi/Kira, refererences to Ukitake x Rukia, and slight Kyouraku/Ukitake
Rating: M
Warnings: There is also slight OOC, strong language, references to sexual material, and references to violence. There are also a few errors in here, one day I'm going to go through this whole story and fix all of the problems.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Tite Kubo does.
Hisagi opened his eyes as he saw the sunlight start to dance through the windows. He looked around the room to see what had happened to him last night as his anger against Kira had risen to a point where he could no longer be responsible for his actions. It was like a drug, like he was intoxicated by a poison that wouldn't let him think about what he was doing. He looked around the room as a tear started to fall down his cheek as the memory of last night had come back to him, he had done something unforgivable.
He looked to his side, Hinamori was gone but he could still feel the stinging sensation throughout his body as he started to tremble. He was disgusting. He had not only hurt Kira, but he had hurt Hinamori as well. Although he had always wanted to do that, although it was a goal, he never wanted to do it when he did. But his malice got the better of him, he didn't care who he had to trample as long as Kira went down as well.
His stomach churned as he thought about what he was doing, a feeling that he hadn't felt in a while, his body still shuddering in disgust as he realized everything that he destroyed. His skin was no longer his skin, his soul was no longer his soul, his mind was no longer his mind, he had been poisoned and the poison still coursed through his veins like the Seed of the Devil.
"Oh my God…" he whispered as he closed his eyes tightly, wrapping his arms around him. "What have I done? What have I done?"
He felt another tear roll down his face as he thought to what he had thrown away. Kira was his best friend. Kira was his brother. Kira was his other half. Kira was everything to him and more, and yet in a brief moment of gratification he threw it all away. He closed his eyes as he felt his heart start to break. He couldn't function. He wouldn't be able to live unless he told Kira. So as soon as he mustered the strength to move and put his clothes back on, he would go and do something that Hinamori should have done a long time ago.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Renji sat in the middle of the division floor as he looked at his lieutenant walking around outside. His heart broke as he looked at her, imagining Ukitake Juushirou's hands all over her. His skin began to crawl as he looked at her deeper through the window. All of those decades meant nothing; everything that he did was meaningless as he looked at what was unraveling right before his eyes.
He closed his eyes tighter as he knew that everything was changing for him. His love was like a star. It shined so brightly in its prime, and even now that it had died, people would still see the luminescence of their love until the light finally died before their eyes eons later. He closed his eyes as he saw that start burn out right in front of him. There was nothing that could be done about everything that was occurring.
"Renji," a voice announced as they walked through the door.
Renji looked up to see Kuchiki Byakuya again, looking more breathless than he thought he would ever see him. "What seems to be the problem? It must be gigantic if it got you off of your royal ass that fast."
Kuchiki took a step forward. "What is this that I'm hearing about Rukia?"
"What part? The part where I'm about to call of our engagement or the part where Ukitake-soutiachou had his hands all over him, both are true so that's what you've been hearing," Renji breathed as he still looked out the window.
"Komamura-taichou told me what you and his lieutenant have been talking about," Kuchiki continued, trying to get Renji's attention on him.
"Tell Sajin to mind his own business."
"It is his business. What you are accusing is of more importance than you think it is. You are accusing Ukitake-soutaichou of not only sullying the good name of the Kuchiki Clan, but also assisting in the breaking of an engagement that I worked to long and too hard to get together," Kuchiki started to sound annoyed. "They almost made me step down because of this."
"Well look at it this way, you don't have to step down anymore. The Kuchiki Clan has gotten what they wanted. I know that they hate your habit of digging through the garbage, but now maybe you can find her a nice nobleman who can put up with her," Renji still couldn't take his eyes off of Rukia as she talked to the men in the 13th Division. "Why does she do that?"
"What?" Kuchiki asked, his voice pretending to be interested as they got away from the topic of dishonor on the Kuchiki name.
"Talk to other men, she knows it pisses me off," Renji breathed as he looked away from the window. "You see, she is the one who caused this, she is the one who wanted me to leave her. She hasn't looked at me the same in a while. She doesn't even want to talk to me. I don't know what I did that was so wrong. I don't know what I've done that makes her want to ignore me. I'm at a loss for words."
Kuchiki sighed. "She can't hate you that much…"
"She never talks to me anymore…" Renji answered as he closed his eyes. "I don't know what it is. What did I do?"
"Well you better find out soon, or there's going to be hell to pay. The Kuchiki Clan has decided to go behind my back and talk to Ukitake anyway. This is more serious than you think it is."
As Kuchiki walked out of the room, Renji could only look at his fiancée and how easily she talked to everyone but him. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt another feeling of disgust take over his body. He would never know what he did wrong.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Kira was sitting at his desk as he thought deeper about everything that Hinamori had said. The more he thought about it, the more it drove him crazy. Was this all just homosexual frustration? He thought back to the moment where he attacked his once best friend, the anger still burning in his brain as he tried to put all of the pieces together. All of the anger that he had toward Hisagi, all of the times that he had cursed him under his breath, was it all because he was secretly attracted to the man. Was he falling for the 9th Division captain? He closed his eyes tighter as he tried to block out the words that Hinamori had said to him. All of this time he thought that he loved her, but was it just devotion to her combined with the need to appear normal in a world full of men? As he progressed deeper into his thoughts, he didn't know how to feel anymore.
The door then opened, breaking him out of his frustration. That was until he looked into the eyes of the person who had walked in. It looked like it was the 9th Division captain, but in his eyes he saw the same look of shame that was apparent of the former 9th Division lieutenant. The man before him was Hisagi Shuuhei, but which one he didn't know.
"Isai-san…" Kira breathed as he looked at his best friend, his heart melting as he saw the look in his eyes. "What's going on?"
Hisagi took a deep breath as he walked forward. "Kira…" he whimpered as his body trembled. "I have something to tell you…"
Kira stepped forward as he looked into Hisagi's eyes. "What is it?"
0o0o0o0o0o0
Kyouraku then watched members of the Kuchiki Clan came flooding out of the 1st Division. He then looked to see Ukitake sitting strongly on the chair that Yamamoto used to run the Gotei 13 with, seeing a blank look on his face as the last of the nobility left. Kyouraku then walked deeper into the room seeing Ukitake's dark eyes look up at him, only seeing sadness within them.
"What was that all about?" Kyouraku asked as he walked closer to Ukitake. "It's not normal to see that many members of a noble clan in one room," he looked deeper into Ukitake's eyes. "What's going on?"
"I've been accused of interfering with the affairs of the Kuchiki Clan," Ukitake said flatly as he kept looking forward, running fingers through his white long ponytail that had been thrown over his right shoulder. "They want me to atone for my sin by stepping down from the position of soutaichou…"
"Are you going to?" Kyouraku asked as he looked at his best friend.
"No," Ukitake answered. "They can do to me what they like. They can beat me to an inch of my life. They can destroy everyone that I love. They can start a war that will cost hundreds of lives. They can do whatever they want. I will never back down. I will never give up. I will never do as they wish me to do. I am Ukitake Juushirou, I am the man who was hand picked by Yamamoto-Genryuusai Shigekuni himself. I am the sole soutaichou of the Gotei 13, the 1st Division captain."
Kyouraku nodded as he heard those words. "It's good you're so passionate about this position. Kuchiki's one to reckon with."
"Kuchiki isn't the one who's leading this. Byakuya wants nothing to do with me stepping down. Everyone else in the clan wants me gone for what I did to Rukia," Ukitake sighed as he leaned back in his chair. "I must have done something horrible…"
"What did you do?" Kyouraku asked.
"Comforted her. She was in pain, she had just lost a child, a child that Abarai-kun fathered," Ukitake explained with another sigh, shaking his head as he continued. "I offered her to stay here while she was upset, she stayed until night fell. They misconstrued that as us engaging in an affair."
"Did you?" Kyouraku asked.
"No, I didn't."
"Then tell them that," Kyouraku saw the look in his friend's eyes. "You tried, didn't you?"
Ukitake nodded. "I guess the only one that they're going to trust is Rukia."
"So until she talks you're on the chopping block. My, my Shirou, I never thought you would get in trouble for chasing women. It's just so ironic that I'm the one who's trying to comfort you through this," Kyouraku laughed.
Kyouraku looked deeper into his friend's eyes. He knew something was going on beneath the surface. The scent of war was still in the air, suffocating both captains as they tried to live their lives. Strange happenings had been occurring as they all sat in their own little worlds. This was greater than all of them.
"This is really distracting you from the war…" Kyouraku breathed.
"No… I know all about the war…" Ukitake answered. "I'll call a meeting later on to try to see what captains would be the best to lead the troops into Hueco Mundo. No doubt everything that is going on in there…"
"What captains are you thinking about?" Kyouraku asked as he looked at his friend.
"I have an idea of a few…"
0o0o0o0o0o0
"You dragged me all the way out here to talk, Hisagi-san. Just tell me what's wrong?" Kira asked as he stood in the middle of a barren field, the wind gently tossing his blond hair with it's every movement.
Hisagi stood toward the wind, not facing Kira as he ran his hands along his arms. He could still feel her on his skin. The smell of his sin was still inside of him as he could hear Kira's voice ringing in his ears. He couldn't even listen to his voice without his heart breaking with the shame of doing something so despicable to his best friend. Every second that went by he could feel the pain that he had caused him; he could feel the murderous ache of guilt roll through his body.
"Kira…" he breathed. "I did something that I'm not proud of…"
"Haven't we all?" Kira asked as he took a step forward, closer to Hisagi. "I can't believe I attacked you yesterday."
"I can't believe some of the things I said yesterday, some of the things I did," Hisagi closed his eyes as the night that he had shared with Hinamori came back to him. "Have you talked to Hinamori?"
"Hinamori-kun?" Kira asked. "No, I haven't talked to her since yesterday."
"Yesterday," Hisagi laughed as he heard that word. "Funny you should mention yesterday…"
"Hisagi-san…" Kira took another step forward.
"Don't come near me, Kira," Hisagi breathed as he shook his head. "I just want to start off by apologizing for everything that's going on with me. I did something that I don't expect you to forgive. I don't expect you to ever look at me again. I know you'll hate me after I say this. But I have to tell you…"
"I have something to tell you too," Kira responded as he walked closer.
Then in tandem they said the next two phrases, words that neither of them wanted to hear:
"I slept with Hinamori…"
"I think I'm gay…"
"What?"
"What?"
They both knew what they heard, but neither of them wanted to hear the words from the other's lips. They stared at each other long and hard as those words rolled through the air. Neither of them moved as they tried to block out everything that they had just heard, a tear rolling down Hisagi's cheek.
Hisagi heard the words that Kira had said, all of this time; Kira was never in love with Hinamori. He was in love with the fact that he could appear to be normal in everyone's eyes. He looked at Kira and saw the pain that he had caused him; he had shattered the only hope that he had of living a normal life. He had killed the man that Kira had wanted to be. He closed his eyes tightly as his heart beat started to slow, his body shuddering more as he knew he couldn't go back from what he had done.
"Hisagi-san?" Kira asked. "What did you say?"
Hisagi closed his eyes. "Nothing… I said nothing…"
Kira walked closer to Hisagi, his arms taking him in a deep embrace. "Whatever you do, whatever you say, I want you to know that I will never hate you. I can never hate you no matter what happens. You're my friend… best friend."
"If you heard what I said…"
"It doesn't matter anymore does it," Kira breathed as he ran his hand along Hisagi's back. "It doesn't matter what you did, it doesn't matter what you wanted to do, what matters is that you had the balls to confront me."
Hisagi's body shuddered as he heard the tone of voice in his ear, the feeling of the caress on his shoulders. This wasn't how friends were supposed to embrace. He closed his eyes as he started to gag just a little realizing the hushed tone in Kira's voice along with the tender feelings of his embrace. This wasn't how friends hugged, this was how lovers did.
"K-Kira…" Hisagi squeaked. "What are you doing?"
Kira's embrace started to loosen as his own body started to shake. "I'm so sorry…"
"Kira?" Hisagi asked as he watched Kira back away. "Kira!"
"I'm so sorry…" Kira backed away until Hisagi couldn't see him anymore.
"Kira! Come back! You didn't tell me how you felt about what I just said!" Hisagi closed his eyes as he fell to his knees, Kira leaving the horizon of his vision. "Kira… come back…" he shook his head as he ran his hands along where Kira's loving touch had brushed against him. "I slept with Hinamori…"
He looked up at the sky as he felt guilt roll through his body. He had destroyed everyone's lives. Tears started to fall from his eyes as his body shuddered, thinking of the malice that was linked with the previous night. Everything that he had done was coming back to him in a single moment, his body shaking even more violently as he realized that this was the end of his life. He was no longer Hisagi Shuuhei, he was a monster.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Matsumoto was laying in the 4th Division as she held Hanako in her arms, feeling her gently hold at her finger. A smile rolled across her face as she looked at her daughter. Everything about Hanako reminded her mother of her father. She was happy, mischievous, and already seemed like she was bright. She then looked over at Kaede who was taking a nap and she was more subdued and low key. Her daughters were like polar opposites. They were like Heaven and Earth, night and day, her and Ichimaru.
As she was sitting there with Hanako, someone walked through the door, taking her attention off of her daughter. "Rangiku-san!" it was Hinamori.
Matsumoto looked up at the captain and saw something different than she usually saw when looking at the captain. Her hair was a mess, her robes completely disheveled, she looked like she had been attacked. But as she saw the marks along Hinamori's neck, Matsumoto knew what had happened.
"You and Shuuhei get out of hand again?" Matsumoto asked as she looked at the captain.
"You could say that," Hinamori breathed, a smile on her face. "We had sex…"
"Sex?" Matsumoto asked, her eyes widening as she heard those words. "You slept with Shuuhei! Just now?"
Hinamori shook her head as she walked closer to Matsumoto, he body wobbling just a little as she moved closer to the lieutenant, her hand moving to straighten out her long hair as she sat next to Matsumoto, watching Matsumoto put her child in a cradle. As Matsumoto looked at the look in Hinamori's eyes, she saw a mix of joy and guilt within. Something was wrong.
"Last night," Hinamori continued as she looked at the lieutenant.
Matsumoto looked deep into Hinamori's eyes. "Was it that bad?"
"What?" Hinamori asked.
"The sex? Was it that bad?" Matsumoto asked, a smile rolling across her face.
"No," Hinamori answered with a nervous laugh. "The sex was good… really good… he's just amazing at everything that he does."
Matsumoto looked into Hinamori's eyes and saw the pain within them. "Then what's the matter?"
"Nothing," she breathed. "It's just… I don't know. I hurt two people when I did that… Shuuhei and Izuru are both going to hate me. The pain that I caused Kira-kun… the malice that I had toward him that forced Hisagi-san into doing something that he shouldn't have done. I left as soon as I could. You don't know what I've done…"
"I know what you've done, you've done nothing wrong. Those two will always butt heads about everything these days. Both of them have an interest in you and men will always fight over women, it's what they're supposed to do…"
"Not Kira-kun," Hinamori breathed. "I don't think he likes women…"
"You mean Kira's… gay?" Matsumoto asked as she looked at Hinamori. "How can you be certain?"
"The way he looks at Ukitake-soutaichou, it's how Abarai-kun looks at Rukia-san. I don't mean any insult to it, but I have this feeling, Kira-kun is not attracted to me. Kira-kun isn't attracted to any woman. Kira-kun likes men," Hinamori breathed as she shook her head. "And ever so… Kira-kun will never match up to how much I love Hisagi-san."
"And what is Shuuhei doing right now?" Matsumoto asked.
"I don't know. I bet he's telling Kira, he told me he wanted me to, but I can't."
"So you're going to let him take the fall?"
"No, I would… I could never," Hinamori answered. "This isn't Shuuhei's fault; this is all because of me. This is my fault," she shook her head as she closed her eyes tighter. "Whatever Kira-kun does to Shuuhei is all because of me. It's my fault that Kira attacked him earlier."
Matsumoto closed her eyes as she took in what Hinamori had said. The captain had thrown herself too deep into something that she knew was beyond her control. She didn't even think of the consequences that could occur if Kira ever found out: Hisagi could be killed, or his name ruined. She would also be deemed a whore by a large percentage of the Soul Society. Their lives could be ruined if Kira took this too harshly.
Their lives could also be ruined by other consequences. Hinamori, as she sat before the 10th Division lieutenant, could wind up pregnant with Hisagi's child, their antics behind Kira's back coming to light. Hinamori didn't think about anything, guided by her malice she went forth and did something that she was now regretting and it broke Matsumoto's heart.
"Now what are you going to do?" the lieutenant asked.
"I don't know," Hinamori breathed as she bowed her head. "I don't know…"
0o0o0o0o0o0
Ikkaku walked toward the 1st Division as he closed his eyes, thinking about what had happened yesterday. He could still feel Yumichika's lips on his as they hold each other close, passion rolling through both of their bodies. He could still taste Yumichika's breath as he kept walking thinking of everything that Yumichika had said to him. They had feelings for each other.
Ikkaku knew as much as everyone did that once feelings were shared, there was very little anyone could do to fight those feelings. It tormented him as he thought back to the comment where their lips touched, remembering the trembling of Yumichika's body up against his. He was never going to be able to live in a world where Yumichika was not, he was never going to be able to live if he wasn't able to see him again.
He kept walking forward as he looked at the 1st Division, for the first time all day it wasn't crowded with members of the Kuchiki Clan discussing the potential breakup of Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia. He walked through the door as he took a deep breath. There sitting before him was the leader of the Gotei 13, Ukitake Juushirou.
Ukitake looked different than he usually did; the once caring captain now looked cold and lifeless as he stared off into space, all of the questioning of the Kuchiki Clan still in his ears as he sat in his chair before the world. Ikkaku moved closer as he watched Ukitake move his right hand to run his fingers through his ponytail as he kept looking forward.
"Why have you come here, Madarame Ikkaku?" Ukitake asked.
"There's been a problem in the 11th Division, concerning 6th Division lieutenant Ayasegawa Yumichika," Ikkaku announced as he walked closer to the captain.
"What has he done?" Ukitake asked.
"He has left me no choice but to resign from the 11th Division," Ikkaku answered.
A smile rolled across Ukitake's face, Ikkaku's heart stopping in his chest. "Do you think that to be wise?"
"I think it's the only way I can still function," Ikkaku answered as he closed his eyes. "The man is driving me insane! He's…" he sighed as he thought back on the 6th Division lieutenant. "What would you have me do?"
Ukitake stood up as he looked at Ikkaku, walking forward as the 3rd seat looked straight into his eyes. The greatness that everyone had talked about was there although Zaraki had deemed Ukitake a weak man. Ukitake Juushirou was no such man, he was someone that the Soul Society could rely on. Ikkaku bowed his head as Ukitake opened his lips to speak to him.
"What do you think is right?" Ukitake asked.
"What?" Ikkaku was confused
"What do you think is the right thing to do? Throw your division away or be with the man that you love?" Ukitake continued, a smile still on his face.
"What do you mean…?"
"I know how you feel about Ayasegawa Yumichika. I could have lived my whole life blind and senseless and I would still know how you felt about him. He's more than a friend to you, Madarame… he's someone that you can love and trust," Ukitake placed a hand on Ikkaku's shoulder. "But you have to decide."
"What if I can't decide? I'm in between my pride and my promise!" Ikkaku shook his head as if he were able to shake his confusion away, but he could not, it would always be there with him.
"Then what drives you to live more? Is it your pride that's helps you begin each day? Is it the fact that you are a proud member of the 11th Division? Or is it the smile on Ayasegawa-fukutaichou's face that makes you want to live? Is it the promise that you made to him that you'll never leave his side?" Ukitake asked, feeling Ikkaku's body tremble beneath his touch. "You will find, Madarame, there is very little difference between pride and promise. Sometimes your promise is what makes you proud, it's what keeps you alive."
Ikkaku took a deep breath as Ukitake walked back to his chair as he thought about what was occurring within him. What was the driving force in his life? Was it Zaraki or was it Yumichika? Was it the 11th Division or was it his best friend? Was it his self-deceptive happiness or was it the man that he loved? Ikkaku knew what it was, now all he had to do was act.
This chapter is somewhat of just seeing the reactions from what happened last chapter. Hisagi is feeling guilt for sleeping with Hinamori out of hate for Kira, Hinamori feels the same way as Hisagi, Kira is getting feelings for Hisagi, Ikkaku is trying to come to grips with his feelings for Yumichika, and Renji is starting to go compltely insane as Byakuya is trying to stop the Kuchiki Clan from killing Ukitake.
The next chapter Renji is going to do something he should have done a long time ago: confront Rukia.
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