Pairings: This chapter contains Renji x Rukia, Hisagi x Hinamori, slight Hisagi/Kira, refererences to Ukitake x Rukia
Rating: M
Warnings: There is also slight OOC, strong language, a small lemon (really light), some other sexual references, slight alcoholism, and references to violence and war. There are also a few errors in here, thank you for putting up with that.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Tite Kubo does.
Rukia stood up and started to walk toward the door as she looked back at her captain. She couldn't even look at him as she saw him like this. His eyes had become cold as the days went by. It had been a month since he had put a hit on Ukitake, and in that month she watched him die more and more every day.
He had become a slave to the bottle, alcohol being the only thing that kept his heart from breaking every time he looked at her. And as she watched him sink deeper into his alcoholic depression, she couldn't say a word to him. As she looked into his swollen eyes all she could see was the pain that she had caused him. Every time she saw his body trembling with fatigue and sorrow all she could think about was the pain that she had caused him. She couldn't see anything else.
As she walked through the door she turned to him as if to say goodbye, only to see him absorbed in his work, not even looking at her. The month that had passed was a cold one. Neither of them talked, neither of them went out of their way to even look at one another. Once upon a time, they never had problems; everything was so simple back then, now everything was difficult.
He looked up at her for a second, her heart breaking as she looked at him, seeing his like this killed her everyday that went by. She knew that she was the one who was slowly poisoning him, watching as he suffered every night. She was going to watch him suffer until it finally took him over. She walked through the door as fast as she could, that was before a voice called out to her.
"Where are you going?" she turned around to see Renji looking straight at her.
"I was going to go deliver some papers," she answered.
"No," he shook his head. "You're going to stay right here…"
"Abarai-taichou…"
"What did you just call me?" Renji asked.
Rukia heard those words come out of her mouth, but she didn't even think about what she was saying. In the circumstances of a normal lieutenant it would be alright to call her captain such a name, but this was not a normal circumstance. This was her fiancée, this was more than her captain, yet as she looked into her captain's eyes she knew that those words had destroyed him.
"Did you call me…?" he shook his head. "You may leave…"
"Renji…" she breathed.
"Get out of here…" Renji closed his eyes tightly.
"I don't know what…"
"I said get out of here!" he yelled as he looked away from her. "Or do I have to throw you out of here myself, Kuchiki-fukutaichou?"
Rukia turned to walk to the door, hearing harsh breathing coming from her captain as she closed the door behind him. She closed her eyes as she fell along the door to the ground, tears starting to form. She tried to stop the tears; she didn't deserve to cry for what had occurred. She was the reason he was like this, she was the reason that his fuse was so short. As the tears fell all she could think of was the agony that they had gone through.
"What are you doing on the floor, Rukia-san?" the lieutenant looked up to see a captain taking to her.
"Hinamori-taichou?" she wiped the tears from her eyes. "What are you doing here?
"I was coming here to see Abarai-kun, but judging by your face I think that there's something more important for me to talk about," she moved to kneel in front of Rukia, a smile on her face.
Rukia looked at the captain; she had been going through a love triangle. She had been pulled to death between Hisagi Shuuhei and Kira Izuru until she wasn't even sure how she was supposed to function anymore. But as Hinamori looked at her deeper, she realized there was something different about her.
"Your haori looks a little big…" Rukia questioned.
"What?" Hinamori asked.
"Your haori, it looks a little big…" Rukia repeated. "And I thought you had a sleeveless one…"
Hinamori blushed as she wrapped herself within the haori. "It's not mine…" she took the haori and showed Rukia the back, the lieutenant almost choking as she saw what was on it: the number nine. "It's Hisagi-san's."
"Hisagi-san? Hisagi-taichou!" Rukia shook her head as she thought about what was going on. "What about Kira-taichou?"
"He hasn't talked to me in a month, I think he's done with me," Hinamori answered as she held onto the haori tighter. "But that's not important. Looking at you, you've been through more than I have."
"I doubt it…"
"You need to get out of here…" Hinamori answered as she took Rukia's wrist. "We need to go for a walk."
Rukia looked back at the office, and then at the 5th Division captain. "Okay," she was no longer needed here.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Hisagi sat at his desk going through papers, a chill rolling through his body. It had been a while since he had kept his arms bare, the memories of being a lieutenant all coming back to him as he longed for his haori back. He didn't want to fight with Hinamori as she took his, walking out of the office to do only God knew what, he never liked being in a fight with her.
But as he felt the bareness of his arms, he thought back to the moment where Tousen had come back, a sickening sting going through his chest. That night changed everything, in that single moment he was not only to open Tousen's eyes but resurrect the captain that he had served under. Yet there was something that made him feel as though everything that he knew was about to change. The tone on Tousen's voice that day showed him that there was something wrong; that something wicked was coming this way.
The door then opened, his eyes going to who was standing in the doorway. "Hisagi-taichou…" he saw Iba in the doorway.
"What is it?" Hisagi asked as he looked at the lieutenant. "What's going on, Iba-san?"
Iba took a step forward, Hisagi's vision not leaving the lieutenant as there was an uneasy feeling rolling through him. "Ukitake-soutaichou would like to see you…"
"What's going on?" Hisagi asked.
"I don't know much," Iba answered, his voice low. "But there's talk of a war that's breaking loose in Hueco Mundo."
Hisagi shuddered as he heard those words. Hueco Mundo: that was the area that Tousen had gone back to. His body trembled as he thought about what had occurred since the former captains had gone there again. As he looked at Iba he knew what was going on. This was a draft. Ukitake had been plotting to fight whatever was occurring in Hueco Mundo. He was one of the possible candidates.
"Hueco Mundo?" Hisagi asked. "War? Me? How does any of this make sense?"
"You know what this is, Hisagi," Iba sighed as he walked closer to the desk. "This is a draft. Ukitake-soutaichou thinks that you could be a possible general for the army that he's going to send there. He's been recruiting people from divisions to go to war. You may have noticed that some of your men have been taken to the 1st Division."
"He wants me to lead all by myself?" Hisagi asked as he shook his head. "I can't… do you know how difficult that's going to be. How can I run a troop of men from all different divisions? If anyone from the 11th or 12th Division is going to go, how can you expect them to respect me when I have this," he pointed to the scar on his chest, Iba sighing as he noticed that Hisagi had a point. "They hate me for what I have… they hate me for everything that I did while Yamamoto-soutaichou was still alive."
"Hisagi…" Iba breathed. "I don't think you should be concerned about that. You should be concerned with how you're going to tell Hinamori-taichou."
Hisagi bowed his head. "Nothing is carved in stone; nothing is going to have to be true just because we said it. I shouldn't even give the thought life. She's going to be devastated…"
"What about Kira?" Iba asked.
"Kira… he doesn't need to know," he closed his eyes tightly as he remembered the night where he ran off by himself to his death, the look in Kira's eyes still haunting him as he ran his finger along the scar on his chest. "He'll just go crazy over it…"
"You don't want to tell him about the chance of you being drafted?" Iba asked.
"He might be drafted too right?" Hisagi asked as he placed his hand over his chest, closing his eyes tightly. "I don't want to worry him. It's bad enough that he's lost Hinamori, we should let him have some peace," he stood up. "Ukitake wants to see me?"
He walked toward the door as he could still feel Kira's arms around him, the look in his eyes sending chills down his spine. Everything that had happened to him, all of the pain that he had gone through. He closed his eyes tightly as he walked down the hall of the 9th Division; he knew that his life was going to end sooner than he thought.
0o0o0o0o0o0
"So you and Abarai-kun are having problems?" Hinamori asked as she looked into Rukia's eyes, the two of them walking along the road as she watched the lieutenant bow her head. "I guess all of us are starting to fall apart. Apparently not even you are free from the heartbreak.
"You could say that…" Rukia breathed as she looked at the ground. "Renji's been drinking pretty hard lately, I don't know whether he's going to kill himself doing it or not. All he does is cry, I've caught him doing it a few times, I know I'm not supposed to watch my captain cry, but I can't help but look at him as he's in pain. I want to comfort him but… what comfort can I give him?"
Hinamori bit at her lip. "Shuuhei went through a phase of drinking as well. I didn't know what I could do, but just being there, just talking to them can do more than you think it can. I pulled him out of his depression just as he freed me from my inner prison. We helped each other. That's what comfort everyone can provide. No matter who you are, you can always help someone by talking to them."
"Easy for you to say," Rukia breathed. "Hisagi-taichou still looked at you, and you were able to look at him. We look at each other and all we see is anger in ourselves. I did something horrible to him, and as a result he feels as though this is his fault. It's not his fault. I was the one who couldn't…"
"Couldn't what?" Hinamori asked.
"Nothing," Rukia answered. "I mean Hisagi-san and you, you're alright now right?"
Hinamori nodded. "I think so. Now that Kira is slowly weaning himself off of me, I think we can all be friends again. No one has to try to kill one another. We can all live in peace, that's what I hope."
"You make it sound easy," Rukia breathed, as she looked at the captain. "Renji is different than Hisagi-taichou. Renji's falling deeper than I've ever seen him fall before and the more I try to grasp him…" she shook her head. "The more I find myself falling with him. I don't know what to do, what to say."
Rukia watched as Hinamori pulled the haori closer to her, her eyes looking to the sky. Hinamori was different than Rukia, Rukia always knew that. Where Rukia was having a problem, Hinamori had solved all of hers. As she looked at Hinamori, she saw a woman who had always gotten what she wanted. Hinamori had finally gotten trust back and was promoted to captain of the 5th Division; she was able to break off ties with Kira so that she could finally be with Hisagi. She never ever had to work for anything.
"So, when did you last make love to Abarai-kun?" Hinamori asked.
Rukia blushed a little. "A long time ago…"
"Wow…" Hinamori shook her head. "You two are that mad at each other."
"We don't talk anymore, all we do is yell at one another," Rukia breathed as she bowed her head. "When we look at each other, there's nothing there. I just want us to be how we used to be."
"I guess you'll never know until you take the first step," Hinamori breathed.
Rukia closed her eyes as she thought about what Hinamori had said. She knew that everything that she said was true. She knew that she was the one who had to take the first step. She had to be there for Renji.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Hisagi walked toward the door as he thought of the words that Iba had said to him, war was starting to brew in the world that was around him. As he took those few steps forward, he felt the fear roll through his body. The raging power of war was once again going to take over the Soul Society; there was nothing that he could do to stop that. Now to make matters worse, he now was going to be one of the men that they had chosen to lead all of these men to their deaths. The scar on his heart started to ache just thinking about what Ukitake had wanted.
As he walked through the halls of the 1st Division, he saw eyes upon him. They all knew, Hisagi Shuuhei didn't walk into the captain commander's division without a reason. They knew that he was one of the men who was going to war, all of their stares looking at him as if he were already dead. He closed his eyes tightly as he tried not to look at them. He didn't want to know what was going to happen to him. He didn't want to think about what would happen in this war if he were to die, how would that affect the whole Gotei 13? They had lost the 9th Division captain before, but without a lieutenant to assume control the whole division would cave in.
He then reached the entrance as Ukitake was sitting at the end of a long room. Hisagi stared at the captain commander, his body unable to move as he looked at him. The more he tried, the less that he could even get the command of moving across to his body in shock. He looked deeper at the captain commander, his heart stopping as the stare intensified.
"Hisagi-kun," Ukitake announced. "You came…"
"I did," Hisagi choked.
"I guess Iba-fukutaichou told you what this was about," Ukitake sighed as he looked at how scared the captain was. "I guess there's very little I can do about the fear that's going through your body right now. The power of war does do that to a person."
"So we are at war?"
Ukitake nodded. "We will be."
"And you want me to run your army?" Hisagi asked.
"I do," Ukitake closed his eyes. "This is where you convince me why you shouldn't go…"
Hisagi took no time to try to get out of this. "You and I both know that there are at least two divisions that don't like me. They can't stand me!"
"It's up to three," Ukitake answered. "The 11th, 12th, and 2nd think you're a danger to society…"
"How can you expect them to listen to me when I have the heart of our greatest enemy in my chest? They think I could turn on them. They tihkn that I want to hurt them. What can you do to get that fear out of their bodies?" Hisagi shook his head. "You can't send me!"
"Why?"
"I told you why!"
"No you told me why they don't want you to go, why don't you want to go?" Ukitake looked at the captain. "Tell me…"
"I… I…" Hisagi closed his eyes, he couldn't think of anything.
"I know: Hinamori-kun and Kira-kun," Hisagi looked up at him. "You know how upset they were when you ran off and got yourself killed; you don't want to put them through that again. You know how sensitive Kira is to the subject of you dying. You know he'll hate you if you do it again…"
Hisagi closed his eyes. "He has good reason to…"
"Hisagi-kun, Kira-kun cares deeply about you. You broke his heart when you almost died," Ukitake sighed. "But I think that you know how to keep your fat out of the fire. I think you can defend yourself; after all you do have two zanpakutou. Back when you were almost killed you only had Kazeshini, now you have Kyouka Suigetsu as well. Together, those two are unstoppable."
Hisagi closed his eyes as he heard those words. "When are you going to announce this?"
"I'm going to tell everyone about the war tonight, but in a week I will tell everyone about what captains I am going to send. You have a week to come to grips with this," Ukitake sighed as he leaned back in his chair. "Unless you don't want to take the position."
Hisagi closed his eyes as he thought of the words that were being said to him. Three divisions didn't trust him; the number was only going to get higher as he saw the 8th start to lose its faith in him as well. This was his chance to finally get his trust back or die trying. He thought of everything that he was going to lose if he did die, he would lose both Kira and Hinamori, and the 9th Division would lose their only commanding officer. He looked up at Ukitake to see the hope that had helped Kira get himself back on his feet. Everything that he had known his best friend for started within those eyes. He could trust him. He then gave Ukitake his answer.
"Yes," Hisagi bowed his head. "I accept your offer."
He then closed his eyes as the captain commander's words started to fill his ears. It was just like the day with Yamamoto; he had gotten something from the captain commander that he knew that he did not deserve. He closed his eyes tighter as he thought about what a ruckus he had started in this world. This was what his life was for, to risk it to finally show everyone Aizen no longer existed within him. He was Hisagi Shuuhei.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Rukia looked out the window, her eyes falling on the setting sun as he tried to catch her breath. Renji was sitting at the desk working diligently, trying his hardest to file as many of the division's reports as possible. They never talked these days; they never even looked at each other for the most part. Whenever she looked at him, all she could think about was that yesterday, the day when she proved herself unworthy to be his fiancée, the day when she knew that the fact would soon be out that she could not bear children. But somehow the words that Hinamori had said to her were still rolling through her head. She didn't have to give up, she had to keep trying. She had to be there for Renji.
"Rukia," Renji called out, taking her attention from the window, this was the first time in a long time he didn't have any trace of alcohol in his words. "What's going on with you? Ever since you experienced that accident you haven't been able to look at me…"
She looked at him, seeing a longing in his eyes to be with her. He didn't know. How could he? She had kept it so secret that nobody needed to know that the two of them had lost their first child. She looked at him and knew that he was feeling estranged, that she was isolating him.
She looked at the dark circles under his eyes as the smell of liquor and anger filled the air. She was slowly loosing him, watching as he drowned in a pool of his own self pity, his depression skyrocketing. As she looked at the man that had once said that he loved her more than anything, she knew that love was starting to die. Just like Renji himself the love that they shared was drowning in its sorrow and all she could do was watch.
"I'm sorry…" she breathed, not wanting to look at the pain that was rolling through his body.
"Rukia," he stood up and walked toward her. "You're driving me crazy! You know that, right? You are driving me up the fucking wall. First you act like you don't care about me, then after an accident you act like I don't exist. What's going on?"
She closed her eyes. "You wouldn't understand…"
He laughed as he heard that response. "Iba-san is right… everyone was right… there is another man isn't there?"
Her heart stopped as she heard him say that. "What did you just say?"
"I heard about you and Ukitake-soutaichou. How you spent most of the night with him," he shook his head. "That would explain why you flinch whenever I come near you, why you never want to look me in the eye. You've fallen in love with him, haven't you?" he shook his head. "How long did you think you could keep it secret?"
"There's no one else… Ukitake-soutaichou? You were the one who started that?" she breathed as she looked into his eyes. "There are things going on in my life that you will never understand, things that I don't want you to understand."
"I'm always the bad guy. You're always the one they sympathize with and I'm always the one who did something wrong. I don't want you to look at me like that; I don't want you to look right through me. I'm right here, Rukia, I'm right in front of you," his voice started to break as his emotions started taking him over. "I've been through Hell to be by your side! I've sacrificed so much just to get you to glance at me! The least you could do is look at me…"
"Don't talk to me like that," Rukia scoffed.
"I can't help it. I'm going out of my mind, I could potentially have a breakdown if I haven't had one already," he whimpered, his body starting to shake with every word that he said. "I want you to look at me just once…"
She looked at him and saw his rust colored eyes watering before her. Everything that they had been through together ran through her mind as she looked at him. All of the pain, all of the harsh times, none of it mattered as she looked at him. The day when she lost his child disappeared as she reached out to touch his hand, feeling it tremble in her clutch. The tears of heartbreak that were forming in his eyes disappeared as she held onto his hand tighter, looking deep into his eyes.
Renji was dying in front of her; she had grown so numb to him that she couldn't even feel the beating of his heart. As she felt the warmth of his hand, tears came back to her eyes. All of the years that she had shut herself off from him still ached within her soul, yet she was going to do it again after she had been through so much to get herself to look at him again. As she looked at him, she knew that she could no longer throw him away. She was in love with him.
His arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly as her eyes started to water, her heart was breaking every moment that went by. She held onto him tighter as she thought about what she had lost that day, he was the only part of that day that still remained in her life and she was throwing him away. Everything that they had gone through, all of the moments that they shared weren't worth them losing it all.
She then felt as she was moved from the floor, to the desk, his lips falling up against hers as she started to push at the haori. She was no longer thinking, all she could think of was that day when she thought that she was worthless, but seeing that glint of joy within Renji's eyes changed everything for her. She no longer wanted to push him away; she wanted him so much closer.
"Wait Rukia," Renji moaned as his haori hit the ground, feeling her fingers start to undo his keikogi. He moved to kiss harsher up against her lips, feeling her tremble beneath his passionate force, fueling the lust deeper. "Don't you want to talk about this first?"
Rukia shook her head as she looked into her fiancée's eyes. "We can talk about this later, taichou," a smile rolled across his lips as she said those words. "Right now I need you…"
As her hakama hit the ground she opened her legs to allow him to slip in between them, using her hands to guide his arousal into her. She moaned with every second that passed by, feeling his skin on her skin, the warmth of his breath on her body. She closed her eyes tightly as she felt the electricity pulse through her body, her hands moving to grasp at his body. As she relished in the sensations, she closed her eyes tightly, for the first time in the longest time she was finally able to let go of all of the heartache and she saw able to experience the joy and love that she did have.
She threw her head back as she felt the pleasure boil inside of her, listening to the harshness of her fiancé's breath with every moment, every movement. Her body trembled as she was overcome with a combination of joy and elation, her pulse starting to skyrocket.
"Renji," she breathed as he hand on his shoulder tightened, hearing purr coming from his lips as the papers continued to fall of the desk as their lovemaking intensified. "I…" it was difficult for her to say the words, as if she had forgotten how after all of the years that had passed. "I love you…"
As she whispered those words she could feel all of the tension that was between them start to float way, the dark clouds clearing as she could finally be true to her heart and stop holding back after all of the days of sorrow. At this tender moment where he was so close to her, she was finally able to release herself from the darkness. Abarai Renji was always going to be her sunrise.
"I love you… Renji…"
0o0o0o0o0o0
Hisagi walked through the door of the 9th Division to see Kira sitting at the desk staring straight at him. "I was wondering when you'd get back."
The 9th Division captain gasped as he looked at Kira. "Oh Kira, you scared me a little… I didn't expect to see you at my desk."
Hisagi looked into Kira's eyes as he remembered the look within them the night when they went their separate ways, the night where Kira had begged him not to die. The same sadness that was present that night came back to Kira's eyes as Hisagi thought about the day when Ukitake would tell everyone that was going on in Hueco Mundo and who they were going to send to battle, he looked deeper into his eyes as he knew that very glance was going to haunt him until he died.
"I heard you want to Ukitake-sama's," Kira breathed.
"Yeah, we were talking about lieutenants," Hisagi looked into Kira's eyes as his heart started to break. "Listen… I haven't been the best friend that you want lately. I've done so much bad shit to you…"
"I'm glad you did, you saved me from making a mistake…" Kira breathed as he looked into Hisagi's eyes. "I did hear you that day. At first I was angry, I really wanted to lash out at you. But when I look at Hinamori-kun, she looks so happy. Even if he really did love her, who would I be if I wanted to deny her the happiness that she deserves so much? I know that you hate yourself for that, but Hisagi-san you shouldn't hate yourself if I can't hate you. You're my best friend, no matter what; you'll always be my best friend."
Hisagi sighed as he walked closer to Kira. "After all that I've done behind your back… you can forgive me? You're too kind, Kira. I would have castrated the person who did that to me."
Kira laughed as he looked at Hisagi. "I guess it's because I love you, Hisagi-san," Hisagi turned to him in shock. "You're the best man I've ever known and you're always going to be near and dear to my heart. I'm sorry if that sounded too gay."
Hisagi smiled as he snickered. "It's alright, I love you too… in a totally platonic way."
Hisagi looked at Kira as he thought of the moments that had been occurring throughout the day. He couldn't tell him, he wanted to but as he looked at him, all he could see was sorrow. He closed his eyes as he realized that he had everything to lose and so little to gain. As he looked at Kira he saw that night repeating itself over and over again. In those eyes, he saw the end of his life. In those eyes he saw his soul starting to die. In those eyes he saw the end of Kira. Everything was coming to an end.
This chapter put a close to the Renji x Rukia problem, it all worked out. It also put an end to the feud between Hisagi and Kira as Kira has come to more of a handle on his homosexuality. But there is more in store. What of Yumichika and Ikkaku? And what of Hisagi going to war? How will these two subjects come to an end?
The next chapter there will be a get together where the war will be announced and Hisagi will finally tell Hinamori about the draft.
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