The staff room is often a thing of speculation for your average student but not many would guess the office politics that take place behind the grey door. John being very new at the entire concept of work didn't know that he had to make the hot beverages as the new boy and he didn't know that he couldn't just sit anywhere. Adam took mercy on him for reasons unknown and let him have the chair next to him, many talked about how far Adam's hospitality for the new cute Physics teacher stretched.
"Are you married John?" They asked, he said no but said he was widowed which put the whispers to a stop not many pry further when death is involved because it makes them uncomfortable and to be honest they really don't care. They have their own problems of course like the drama teacher with the drink habit and the art teacher who got too close to one of his students.
"Pay slips," the stressed out Miss Cotton says handing out little envelopes.
John couldn't be happier, he's never had a pay slip before and he can't share his excitement because that would be very strange. He thinks of all the things he can buy now but he's never been one for processions maybe he could go down to the Oval watch the beautiful game or take Rose out for dinner.
He opts for the dinner option because if he doesn't do something he will lose her he can already feel that they are drifting apart. "Do you know any good restaurants?" He asks Adam, his first proper friend this side of the rift.
"The Pheasant is rather grand a mixture of French and gastro cuisine, or of course for a more relaxed atmosphere The Morris Men has a nice enough menu and being a pub there's always lots of alcohol if it doesn't go well."
"Thanks," he smiles thinking that the pub is his best option. He can see Rose feeling out of her depth in the formal settings but that's Rose, she'll be happy to eat in a canteen on a sanctuary base but give her a French menu and she'd panic.
Rose loves the idea and hugs him like she used to when he was still the Doctor. "I'll go get changed," she smiles rushing to her room.
He goes off to his own room and has a shave. He doesn't have a lot of clothes other than the blue suit and the pyjamas he's borrowing from Pete. Rose dragged him shopping but he didn't want to buy too much because it wasn't his money he was spending. There isn't a lot in his room other than the furniture it already had, except a couple of books and a poster with a UFO on it from some cult TV show with the words 'I Want to Belief' written across it. He thought it was funny even after everything they still don't know just how big the universe is but then they aren't ready to know yet.
He misses it sometimes. He is stuck here and every smile on Rose's face gives him hope that one day he'll not miss it and that everything will click in place but he's never been very good at waiting. The slow path Annette called it and he tried to understand but what did he know about the length of the slow path? He had no concept of time not like they do, he knows the science of it and he saw it all so terrifying clear but he didn't ever know how long it seemed to stretch out in front of you. It is no time at all not in the bigger picture but then he can't live to nine hundred years and he wouldn't want to.
"John?" Rose calls.
He washes his face and pulls on a clean stripy brown shirt, "I'm ready." He answers.
They take a slow amble to the pub under the stars.
"I bet you could name them all," she smiles looking up at the sparkling blanket.
He nods, "Would you like to know them?"
"Nope," she answers. "Dona's Granddad might be into astrology but it's not the same is it?"
"Astronomy, astrology's horoscopes and birth charts," he corrects.
She looks hurt, "You're students must love you?"
"If Torchwood doesn't work out there's bound to be a job in the canteen," he retorts.
She whacks him playfully with laughter in her eyes, "Shut up."
He looks at her and she's still his Rose and she has never looked more beautiful than she does now. He leans in and kisses her soft pink lips tasting her strawberry lip-gloss.
She pulls back shocked, "Doctor?"
He wants to say sorry to make it alright but the part of him that's Miss Noble is dying for a row. "Thought I wasn't the Doctor," he mutters.
She looks at him, "Maybe you're not," she shrugs trying to keep distant.
"Well am I?" He asks as she turns to walk away. This isn't surpassed to happen they were going to have dinner to celebrate his first wage not a Barney in the middle of the street. "Because I'm really trying here Rose, I didn't ask to be here and I'm stuck here to this blooming rock with a job and a room." He says grabbing hold of her arm.
"I'm sorry that it's so terrible for you being stuck here with me!"
"That's so not what I meant," he shakes his head. "Do you want me to leave?" He asks.
"Do you want to go?" She asks throwing his words back at her.
He shakes his head, "I want to stay with you Rose but not like this." He answers honestly.
"What do you mean like this?" She asks falling over his words like hurdles.
"I love you Rose Tyler," he says. "And I'm not the man you wanted me to be, I want to be but I'm not because he's not me. Do you understand that?"
"No," she croaks silent tears streaking her mascara.
"Neither do I," he doesn't want to do this. "Maybe until I figure it out, we can't work."
"You're leaving?" She asks grabbing hold of him. "Tell me you're not leaving me too."
"Do you want me to stay?" He asks, "Because if there's the slightest chance of us being together I need to know because I'm falling apart here Rose."
"I... I want you to stay," she sobs holding him to her. "Please stay," she buries her face in his chest.
He strokes her hair, "Why?" He asks. "I need you to say it."
She tilts her head back so she can see his face, she knows every line and curve as well as her own. "I want to love you."
"But you don't?" He asks.
"I don't know," she pulls away from him. "I love the Doctor, and you're him but you're not because he's still out there with Donna and... my head hurts."
"But you want me to stay?" He asks.
"Yes," she nods. "I want you to stay and I also want to do this," she smiles kissing him.