A/N: Wow, talk about things I thought I'd never touch again. When I started this fic I hadn't even started my teacher training, and now I'm on my second job.

13. Hope

Kimiko balances the tray on one hand, trying not to spill food or drink everywhere as she pushes aside the curtain. The fact she's wearing stacked-sole heels doesn't help matters, though if pushed she can perform a pretty neat haymaker-bicycle-kick combo in platforms. She wouldn't want to do it while carrying a brimming glass of orange juice, however – at least, not if she wants to keep any in the actual glass.

She's not sure whether her doppelganger will be hungry yet, but it seemed cruel to eat and not save anything for her. Kimiko Two looked so drawn when they left her earlier that, even though she's been putting on weight, her wan cheeks reminded Kimiko of anorexics and hollow-eyed models toppling off the end of the catwalk after starving themselves. Kimiko gets the feeling her doppelganger's hunger is of a more intangible nature, but a body is still a body, and even a body that periodically vanishes needs fuel. To that end, she picked out all her own favourites to bring as a sort of peace offering, although the only thing she feels the need to make peace about is that they haven't yet found an answer to the crisis, and she doesn't want to think too much about that right now.

Three days. They've been looking relentlessly for three days and found nothing useful. Even her web-connections have failed her. Last night she went into the Shen Gong Wu Vault, down deep, almost to the bottom of the staircase. There she screamed loud enough to leave herself with tinnitus.

When she emerged she found Raimundo trying to sneak away.

"Uh, hi," he said when he realised he'd been caught. "Just, uh, taking some air."

"Indoors?"

"Sure. It's, uh, real fresh, the air in here. Fresher than outside." To illustrate, he filled his lungs so full that the belt of his gi strained, and then released it all in a great whoosh that sent spittle flying onto her cheeks. "I didn't mean to do that!"

"Ew, gross! You spat on me."

"I said I didn't mean it."

"That makes it okay?"

"Don't tell me you still believe in boy-germs."

"I believe in Rai-germs, which are icky enough." She wiped herself off with her sleeve and fixed him with a penetrating look. "So, was I entertaining?"

Rai looked sheepish – a typical expression for him on any given day, especially if he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. It's usually followed by him swaggering, trying to make out that it's the world at fault, not him. Not this time, though. "I didn't hear anything."

"Who said anything about hearing?"

"You're just trying to trip me up so you can kick me and say you're justified. Stop being such a … a girl."

Normally she would've given in and segued into their usually verbal sparring, but last night, her throat still raw and her whole body feeling like it was made of lead, she just waved him away and breezed past to leave. She was tired,and not just physically. She was mentally exhausted too, but the thought of what they're all trying to do had kept her going all day with barely a pause.

The worst, however, was – and still is – the sheer emotional exhaustion that they've all been going through. The most horrible part, Kimiko thinks, is that however bad the rest of them feel, the doppelgangers are feeling ten times worse, and yet they keep going anyway. Never say die, given 'em hell, spit in destiny's eye and give fate a wedgie – they're Xiaolin Dragons through and through, which is a little unsettling because Kimiko keeps watching a person who is, essentially, her being so brave, and yet still she finds it hard to believe that she could be that brave herself in the same situation. She's not sure whether to feel proud or humbled, and mixing the two just makes her head hurt.

Rai stopped her from leaving the Vault by sticking his arm out so that if she carried on she'd be caught in a clothes-line tackle. Her manner turned instantly aggravated. She still had enough embers left to flare up if a stupid gust of wind blew them the right way.

"What?"

"Teammates, right?"

"What?"

"We're teammates, aren't we?"

"Well duh."

"So how come you're trying to go all lone wolf?"

"Shut up, Rai."

"Seriously, Kimiko." Raimundo looked uncomfortable, but kept on talking anyway. He's good at talking when it's a better idea to shut up. Usually it's when he's saying something dumb, chauvinistic, inappropriate, or all of the above, and especially when he doesn't realise he's saying something wrong until he spots everyone else's expressions. Sometimes even that's not enough to make him stop, but last night he seemed like he actually wanted to shut up but forced himself to keep talking anyway. That was weird enough to make her take notice. "Don't go quitting now."

"Rai, I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, even though she kind of did.

"Teammates look out for each other. They talk to each other and make sure the other members of their team don't go batshit or anything."

"Wow, is that a technical term?"

"You know what I mean!"

And she does, but still, it was weird hearing it from him. Sometimes she's still surprised that Rai made leader, and sometimes … really not.

"We rely on each other, and that means we have to trust each other. So … y'know, not that I have a stunning track record or anything, but you can trust me. I just … wanted you to know that." Rai strode away, hands deep in his pockets and shoulders hunched like he'd lost one of their arguments. He got as far as the pillars before her voice stopped him.

"I'm scared we can't do it."

He paused for a moment, facing away from her. Then he looked back with a grin and a thumbs-up. "Sure we can. Xiaolin Dragons, remember? Trouncing the impossible is what we're good at. If beating the odds was an Olympic sport, we'd take gold, silver and bronze."

"Great rhetoric, but … not so great so far."

"Great what?" he echoed, genuinely puzzled.

Kimiko sighed. She didn't even want to take up the opportunity of needling him, and it was an easy one. "It's been three days. The episodes are coming more often." That's what they've been calling them – episodes. Kimiko Two calls each one 'an attack of the invisibles', but 'episodes' makes it less forbidding. Or at least, that's what Dojo thought when he came up with the idea. In truth, nothing can make this whole thing seem less scary than it is. "I've never felt so helpless before. Their lives depend on us figuring this out, and even though we've been firing on all cylinders we still have bupkiss. What if … what if we can't do it, Rai? What if we're too late?"

Raimundo turned around then. He's leader of the team, her teammate, her friend, her antagonist in everything from what to have for dinner to how best to beat the bad guy and save the world. He disagrees with her just for the hell of it and, even though it drives her crazy, she actually likes that because it makes winning an argument against him feel like she's earned it. Clay and Omi are just as competitive – nobody will ever be as competitive as Omi – but somehow it's just not the same. Clay's too amiable and Omi's too gullible, whereas Rai isn't just a thorn in her side, he's a giant-sized mutant claw from a radioactive giant lizard – impossible to ignore, completely ridiculous, and enjoyable to both defeat and watch work when he gets it right in the field. Plus, ever since they almost lost him to the dark side, he kind of makes it hurt somewhere on the other side of her ribs that she doesn't like to think about, especially not now.

But right then, standing just outside the twilit Shen Gong Wu Vault, with nobody around but them, Kimiko didn't want him to be any of those things. She wanted him to be the guy who'd tell her it would all be fine, and say it in a way she'd believe.

"We just keep trying," he said eventually. "It's all we can do."

She'd wanted him to lie to her. Just like not knowing when to shut up, Rai is also a brilliant liar. Unfortunately, not this time. Jerk.

She hunched, and he half-turned towards her. For a second she thought maybe he was going to come back and, like, apologise, or hug her or something, which was stupid because hugging comes to Rai like altruism does to cats – not often, and when it happens you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop so the universe will go back to normal. He didn't, though. Hug her, that is. Instead, his own shoulders hunched, his hands clenched and went even deeper into his pockets, and his face took on the frustrated expression that's been making potato-worthy furrows in his forehead for three days now.

Kimiko made an effort to straighten her back instead of hunching. "Thanks, Rai. You're … you're a pretty good leader."

"Whatever," he shrugged, uncomfortable in a way he rarely is.

"But if you tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it."

His mouth twitched. The lines on his forehead eased slightly. "Yeah, right. You think I'm great, really. You're probably president of my fan club or something, and that's why you're always picking on me, so nobody will realise."

"Dream on!"

"You protest too much."

So she'd run up, punched him on the shoulder, and then dashed across the courtyard with him in pursuit like they hadn't just been discussing a literal matter of life and death. It was only a few seconds' reprieve, but Kimiko felt better afterwards.

"Hey, why were you in the Vault, anyway?" she asked as they parted ways.

"Saw you go in."

"And you followed me?"

He cocked a half-hearted salute that would've gotten him tossed out of the armed forces. "Teammates, remember?"

She stared at him for a moment before remembering herself and rolling her eyes. "Teammates. But if you let power go to your head and start trying to make us all do secret Xiaolin Dragon handshakes, or introduction monologues like Team Rocket, or theme songs -" She pulled a face. "- then I will put peroxide in your shampoo."

Now Kimiko pushes open the curtain, tipping the tray as a picked plum plops out of its dish and tries to roll off the edge. "Hey," she says softy. "I thought you might be -" She stops. "-hungry?"

The other Kimiko is staring at an unfurled scroll, each end clasped in a tight fist. Her expression is shocked and her hands tremble. If she was pale before, now plain yoghurt has more colour than her face. Her head jerks up at Kimiko's words, and for a moment her eyes are so bleary that Kimiko worries she's about to have another episode, but then her doppelganger refocuses with a sharp intake of breath.

"Are you okay?"

She starts to nod, pauses, half shakes her head and then swallows hard. She looks back at the scroll. Kimiko moves closer to see what it is, but her doppelganger jerks it away and gets to her feet so fast that she staggers a little. She hasn't eaten anything since yesterday, Kimiko remembers, but she ignores the tray of food in Kimiko's hands and pushes past to get out.

"Hey, wait! What's wrong? What's the mat-?"

"I have to find Clay," she says, not in reply. Kimiko might as well not be there at all. "I have to find him. I have to … to find him."

"What?" Kimiko wavers, then sets the tray down on the floor for want of a better, speedier place, and sets off after her doppelganger. "Seriously, what's the matter?" She catches her arm. "Spill it! What's got you so hot under the collar?"

The other girl stops, elbows straight at her sides. At first Kimiko thinks maybe she's going to yell, but instead she turns a strange gaze on her and simply stares for a moment, as if committing Kimiko to memory – which is stupid, as she's only a hop, skip and a jump from being a proper twin with more pounds and fewer scars. Well, that and minus the haunted expression, but that'll go as soon as they figure out how to keep her and Clay Two in this world permanently. Despite the terrible odds and lack of success so far, after last night Kimiko refuses to believe that it's entirely hopeless. She's decided to be like Casey Junior – if she thinks they can, then they can. She wants this more than she's ever wanted anything before, and not just because she's a Xiaolin Dragon.

The truth is she wants her doppelganger to stay. She never would have believed it when this whole thing started – or even afterwards, actually, in the first few days of prickliness and tales of horror. Now, however, Kimiko wants her to stay not just because the alternative is cruel and unfair, but because she knows deep down that without her double she would be … would be … oh hell, she can think it to herself without sounding like a weenie, surely? She'd be lonely without the other Kimiko. Not the kind of loneliness of social outcasts and bullied kids, or the kind that comes with having nobody else around, but … if it didn't sound so weird, she'd say loneliness of the soul. She'd feel like a part of herself is missing if all they've been through together ends only in tragedy.

"What is it?" she asks after a few minutes, trying to keep her tone soft.

The other Kimiko shakes her head, as if forcibly bringing herself back to her senses. "I need to speak to Clay," she says. "Where is he?"

"Still eating, I think. Did you find something?"

"Oh, I found something, all right."

Kimiko's hopes soar. "What did you find?"

"First I have to talk to Clay."

Kimiko hears the iron in the other girl's voice and recognises that she'll get an answer afterwards. It's the same tone she uses herself when she's promising to come back and explain a piece of pop culture to Omi after she's beaten the living snot out of Rai for some insult or other.

"All right, consider me rainchecked. But can I ask a question before you run off?"

"I guess."

"If you found something usable, how come you don't look happy?"

The other Kimiko's gaze turns blank. "It's about what it involves to make it happen. That's why I need to talk to Clay."

Kimiko's soaring hopes lose altitude and crash into the windshield of an oncoming truck. "That doesn't sound good." She wants to grab the words as soon as they leave her mouth. Whoa, talk about dumb things to say. After plenty of experience, she's fully aware that sometimes the price of getting something is far greater than the thing is worth.

Her doppelganger says nothing, just turns and dashes off in the direction of the kitchens. This time, Kimiko doesn't follow.