Disclaimer: Hellsing and all other associated copyrights owned by Kouta Hirano, Genon, et al. Should any one of these parties wish it, I will remove this story at once.
Too many new recruits these days, Walter thought. Forty gone last month, thirty this month and five to lemon-creme pies this week. How that happened still mystified him.
Too many to properly orientate, so he needed to write up a list of all the dumb things the rookies did, but shouldn't do.
Attention New Recruits!
Please Follow These Few Rules While
You Adapt to Your New Job
There, that's a good start, now lets see, what else do the rookies keep doing? Oh, yes...
Do not attempt to impress Sergent Victoria with how much you know about vampires, she knows more than you ever will
Amazing that they kept doing that, weren't the red eyes enough of a warning? Which reminds me...
Challenging Sgt. Victoria to a fight will send you to the infirmary
She tried not to break them into fifty pieces, but it still happened. That should be enough for Seras, Alucard's next.
Do not talk to the man in red about 'old loves'.
That's a good start.
Do not talk to the man in red about 'girl problems' either.
Delete, delete, umm... there must be a way phrasing this better.
Do not talk to the man in red about women.
There, that's better!
Do not talk to the man in red about the past.
Do not talk to the man in red about losing.
Walter paused, thinking, then he simply deleted all the Alucard entries.
Do not talk to the man in red at all.
That's perfect!
Do not pet any large dogs on the Manor
No need to tell them exactly what they are.
Do not feed them either.
And no need to tell them they would eaten for it. Now what were some other things that... oh yes...
Despite the title, Sir Hellsing is a woman.
And one last item for Integra...
Sir Hellsing's personal habits are not your concern.
For she has good hearing and an even better gun. One last point.
Always have your Last Will and Testament updated.
That should do!