CHAPTER FIVE – Doubts, Decisions, and Forgiveness

Revello Drive – Buffy's Room

Faith sat on the bed wondering how she'd ended up in charge. She'd never wanted to lead. If she was honest with herself she knew she was nowhere near the leader Buffy was. But now Buffy wasn't here. Faith was scared – everyone had turned on Buffy – what would happen if she didn't measure up to everyone's expectations.

Quickly Faith stood up from the bed a decision made. She would find Buffy and hopefully together they would be able to plan what to do about the First. She knew the Scoobies thought she'd returned to Sunnydale to spite Buffy but that wasn't the case. She'd come back hoping that Buffy would forgive her. She walked purposefully down the stairs and out the front door hoping it wasn't to late for forgiveness.

Revello Drive – Willow's Room

Willow lay on her bed running her fingers through the dark strands of Kennedy's hair as she lay sleeping next to her. She flinched internally as she absently wished the hair was the soft golden brown of Tara.

Tara who she'd driven away by doing too much magic. How ashamed would she be if she knew what she'd done to Dawn and Buffy? Willow pushed those thoughts as far down as they would go trying to convince herself that everything she'd done had been for the best.

Buffy just wasn't able to make the hard decisions. She would never have seen what they did to Dawn was right. They had to protect the world from Glory opening the portal. The spell altering Buffy and Spike's memories had been essential. Buffy would never have understood. How could they have foreseen that Dawn's death would force the power of the key into the slayer – back to the blood its human host was created from.

Unfortunately, the death of Dawn had another consequence. By forcing the essence of the key into the Slayer the delicate balance between good and evil had shifted dramatically allowing the First to gain a foothold. The First was still incorporeal but it had been able to imbue a human with extraordinary power and bring forth the Turok Han.

While Buffy didn't know the true circumstances of Dawn's death they had been forced to tell her she now contained the essence of the key. They'd faced Glory and in the end they'd defeated her when Giles had killed Ben. Another hard decision Buffy had been unable to make.

The more Willow thought about it the more she realized that Buffy's leaving was the best thing that could have happened. They still had a slayer and while Faith had been out of the game there was hope she'd be able to make the tough decisions Buffy never could.

Crawford Street Mansion

Buffy gently pulled away from Spike and wiped away his tears with her hand. She looked into his eyes trying to convey tenderness, love and family with both her look and touch. In the last year Spike had stood by her when the Scoobies had expected her just to get over Dawn and Joyce's deaths and she silently vowed that as soon as they'd dealt with the First they'd deal with the Scoobies. She wasn't sure yet what they would do but they had time to plan.

Slowly Spike's tears stopped and his eyes took on a look of cold steel. It was all he could do not to rip himself out of the Slayer's arms and run to Revello Drive to wreck vengeance against the people who'd killed his bit.

As if she'd read his mind Buffy spoke, "Not yet Spike. We have to take care of the First. Then we'll decide what to do about the Scoobies."

"Luv…"

"Please, Spike."

Spike sighed, "Only for you."

"Thank you."

Duncan, Methos and Amanda silently watched the exchange between the two grieving warriors when suddenly the front door burst open.

"Yo, B!"

"What the hell are you doing here Faith? I already told Willow not to try and find me," Buffy said as she stood facing the other slayer.

"B, I didn't come here for them. I wanted to talk to you. Please, hear me out," the dark haired girl pleaded.

Buffy saw something in her eyes and relaxed her rigid posture. "All right I'll hear what you have to say."

Suddenly the dark Slayer noticed they had an audience.

"Woah B, who are your friends?"

"Faith, I'd like you to meet some 'old friends' of mine – Duncan, Methos and Amanda. I called them last night for help against the First."

Faith looked over all three newcomers with appraising eyes. "I got to say B – you've got some beautiful friends. But can they fight."

Methos spoke first with a glint in his eyes, "I assure you we're more than adequate. After all I taught Bella…uh Buffy here everything she knows."

"Methos, if I'd paid attention to anything you'd taught me I'd have lost my head a long time ago," Buffy said laughingly.

"So how long have you guys known B here?"

"Wait, wait - before we get into my life story here you said you had something you wanted to say to me Faith."

Faith nervously clasped her hands together and began to twist them trying to formulate the words for the apology she felt she owed Buffy.

"This is hard for me B so don't interrupt until I'm finished."

"Ok."

Faith began to speak in a quite voice. "When I came to Sunnydale you tried to reach out to me – include me – but I didn't know how to handle it. No one…No one, had ever done that for me before without wanting something in return. I thought you were just like everybody else – so I pushed you away – and then after the thing with the Deputy Mayor I thought there was no way you'd forgive me. So, I turned to the mayor. B…god I was so screwed up…what I tried with Angel…and then poisoning him. I don't blame you for trying to kill me. Sometimes I'm sorry you didn't."

Faith looked up at Buffy with such pain in her eyes as if she was pleading for her to understand. Slowly she began to speak again. "And when I woke up from the coma – I was so angry – really at myself but I took it out on you. I never told you how sorry I was for that and for what happened in L.A. after. When you saved me from the Council…I knew that I had to make amends. I wanted more than anything to make it up to you…so I turned myself in."

Again Faith stopped speaking and took a deep breath trying to find a way to continue. "When Wesley came to the prison – to ask for my help – I knew I had to do it – for once I had to stand up and be the Slayer. I also knew that as soon as I'd helped them in L.A. that I'd come here and try to make things right with you. I know that I haven't handled things well since I got here. But I really want to make things right with you B. Is there a chance you'll forgive me?"

Buffy listened to everything Faith said and she knew that the only thing she could do was forgive her. All she'd ever wanted was to befriend Faith but the situation they'd been in had seemed to twist every attempt they'd made.

Buffy slowly stood and walked toward Faith. She reached out and cupped Faith's face in her hand and said, "I forgive you. But you also need to forgive yourself. Can you do that?"

Faith looked at Buffy in disbelief. Did she really just say the words? She had and Faith responded, "Will you help me?"

Buffy smiled gently at her and said, "Of course that's what friends are for."

Then Faith surprised Buffy by pulling her into a quick hug. "Thank you."

Buffy slipped her arm around Faith's shoulder and led her to the couch. "Your welcome to stay here with us. You know the more the merrier in our fun filled quest to stop the latest apocalypse."