Authors' Notes:
We apologise for the redundancy, repetition and redundancy.
Warnings:
 Squidwarts
 Harmoanians

"Only I know how to defeat the Dark Lord!" exclaimed Harry angstily, "Woe is me!" Hermione patted him on the back, don't worry Harry, the Harmoanians are coming to eat us!" Ron laughed until his spleen burst. He screamed in pain "My cervix!"

Hermione smirked at Claire, but she was busy drawing stars. So Claire rang Samy who said "I always pay for the nasal spray." So Claire used a piece of chocolate to convince Alana that she was not a sexual predator and told her that Mr Invisible was going to die in 7 days. Oh dear, Snape cried, because he and Mr Invisible were chess buddies and he died. However, he came back as a zombie and frightened millions of people and the millions of people were very frightened. They screamed in terror at the horrendous sight before them.

The giant squid was raping Hogwarts. I'd tell you about it in detail, but it's censored.

Unfortunately, Ron wasn't censored and ran wild in the garden with a bottle. Something bit him onto the ceiling. Then they ate tea on the ceiling and then they fell to the ground and dropped dead. Apart from Claire and Munga who made the really really crap bowler called Lunsa a world champion bowler, shocking Muggles everywhere.

The prize for winning the foot race was a date with Mr Palmer in a kilt. How enticing!! Anyway, back at the ranch, the ranch was burning down and was very hot. But that's not important because noone was there with her boyfriend.

Hermione was applying at Wendy's, because everyone has a gate. Harry was happy because he wanted to get free icecream. Icecream is cold and creamy. That was the favourite food of Joe, an eye surgeon. He ate eyecream for breakfast and then the ripe bananas gave off ethene gas which poisoned Claire and then she died and went to hell.

The Jhacas rejoiced because all the mungas had died and so they could finally win the bowling championships and TAKE OVER THE WORLD after they finished dinner. They were looking forward to dinner. It was "Crumbed Sheep's Brain, Kidney and Liver Pie and Spotted Dick Night".

And after dinner, they played strip poker but soon stopped, as they were interrupted by their mothers telling them to go to bed. When they were in bed they decided to tell each other bedtime stories. All the Weasleys told boring fairy tales but Hermione told very kinky tales about a man and his goat. These tales blew up his head and so he went to see a game of Penis played by the expert, Samy. She was so good at Penis that she always played for the Prime Minister to be assassinated.

It would require, well, not much effort because noone really wanted him to do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, yeah, get down tonight. But he did anyway, just to spite, and spite he did. He did not account for, however, the horde of hippogriffs that insisted on going with him and annoying him. He was so annoyed by the annoying behaviour that, annoyingly, he shot the annoying perpetrator in an annoyed manner.

He also decided to shoot a chicken so he could eat its tongue. He had a couple - only a few - mental problems. So he decided to make biodegradable plastic, but then the British Plastics Federation said NO to plastic bags which are stupid and so are assignments on them. This is why she left Chemistry to go and eat a moose while dinner was being cooked. It took a while to make that crumbed brain. The sheep wouldn't stand still long enough! Bad experience with New Zealanders, apparently.

Anyway, that Harry has been diagnosed with Wizard AIDS, Hermione doesn't want him anymore. HMS Pumpkin Pie is sunk again! All the slashers rejoice! While all the other people cling onto their "delusions" and ignore the "anvil-sized hints" that just happen to be a really big problem, because it was hard hide the fact his mother was a vampire who killed a million people from Mars.

Then the man on the moon got bored and went to Mars for a "sleepover" if you want to live. He replied "Actually, I want to die and I'm also a terrorist, HAHA!" And then they blew up and died.