A/N: This chapter contains mention of hippogriffs, so technically it's still fanfiction.
Warnings: Many run-on sentences
Excessive use of Chemistry terms because Claire tried to sound smart.
Once upon a time, at approximately 2:03pm, Claire was very fat and one day she exploded. Everyone was covered with bits of spleen. These bits flew over the world until Old Man Grav made them gravitate down to hit Mr Palmer in the face with the car. He fell off his bike, but was perfectly ok after he taught his Specialist Maths class with Palmy D. Palmy D was teaching them how to fut mathematically. It was a practical lesson.
When the lesson finished, Jhacas(s) didn't want to stop so they went for a smoke on the front porch, but were interrupted by a herd of rampaging hippogriffs and they were very scared so they went to find the black and white monkeys. While they were looking for the monkeys, they started to bang coconuts together and play pranks on girls who were eating their own heads. But hypothetically, if Mr Gubbins were to eat his own head, then his enormous oopsilon. But noone was paying attention, because they were all just so interested in Chem. Boy oh boy! Those hygroscopic substances just as Ms Pillans was explaining some really complicated stuff in Chem, and everyone was really confused. Then they did a fun prac. Oh the hydrous and anhydrous CuSO4. It was just so exciting that all the students fell asleep. However, everything changed when Claire came in, because the plan was to seduce them.
And then the metal thing was in the Fut Hut. Samy was in her haus hiding from the Mafia who wanted to kill her. While she was there, she heard Palmy D say, "I am gay." Claire came running across the room, "Nooooooo!" she screamed, clearly distraught. "But I thought you loved me?" "I have never loved you!" replied the old kangaroo. Then he shot him. I don't know why, but then he used anhydrous Claire's face to carry out the experiment. This didn't go down too well. Claire's face is pretty, but only to Claire.
The weather indicator strip is pink! Ye gads! A storm is coming! Tie down the fixings and run, for your penis is bigger than everyone else's.
Anyway, they then went and had a picnic and played "Pin the Tail on Lunsa." So Lunsa put the metal thingo in the old kangaroo's pocket by seducing him and hydrated water of nomenclatures in the electronegative mitochondrial intermolecular interactions blew up the Earth and everyone died.