Note: Hello everybody who is nice enough to read this. I forgot for the past few chapters. But, I have to thank my betas chibichibik, silverstrings, and steffilump. Thanks!

Warning:In thischapter Banmentions sex with both males and females. Andhe uses foullanguage.

I sat at the bar in the Honky Tonk with Ginji and his friends, the String Roller and Monkey Boy, stirring my coffee in much the same way I had three days earlier when I told Ginji that maybe it was better if he did not remember what happened. He did not like that answer. He insisted on being told. So, I told him. I told him that there had been no heroics. I did not bring any of the harm I had planned in that long, awful car ride down upon Akabane. I did not forcefully take Ginji back. He was given back to me like a little rag doll, like a borrowed toy.

I was twenty kilometers outside of Shijuku. I had the truck in my sight and I was surprised when it suddenly stopped. I squinted through the darkness and saw two forms stumble out onto the road side. They were silhouetted against the bright lights of the distant city. Only one climbed back into the truck. As it pulled away I sped up.

I found Ginji a little ways off from where the truck had paused. He was staggering lamely up the road. I parked the car and yelled for him to stop. He didn't. The halting stride of his step was similar to that of zombies or the undead in second rate horror flicks. Gravel crunched underfoot when I ran to catch up with him. He didn't notice me until I reached out and grabbed him.

Then he turned to me, he murmured my name, but, I don't think he really saw me standing there next to him. No light of recognition reached his drugged eyes. There was no spark in them. There was no life in them. Literally, they were the eyes of a dead man – brown and glazed over like those of a day old fish at the market. I gasped his name back at him. He only held out his bloody hands to offer me a heavy, white plastic grocery bag.

There was another folded note pinned through the cloth of his ruined vest. It wasn't until I heard his whimper at the pin being pulled out that I realized that the needle had also pierced skin. The note read:

Sorry to do this, but I have a job as well. As you can see, Ginji has some nasty cuts, some very strategically placed cuts. He is bleeding. And at the rate he is losing blood he probably won't last for more than ninety minutes. Also, diazepam has a half-life of about one hundred hours. In other words, Ginji won't be doing his healing trick anytime soon.

It really is astounding that he is still standing. I can see why you like him. I'm envious of you, Midou-kun. You really have found yourself an excellent partner. Now, however, he needs medical attention. Do yourself a favor and don't follow me. I we'll have plenty of time to fight sometime soon. I expect you'll be looking forward to it as much as I am.

PS: I'll have you know that I gave Ginji what you are looking for. Hopefully my clients won't be too upset. This cloth is definitely not the most valuable piece in this shipment. But, still, I'm risking my reputation because he begged. And how can anyone with a heart deny Ginji something he asks nicely for?

I tore my shirt and bandaged his wounds. I had to hold him still. He was moving so much. I think he had somehow gotten the idea into his drugged head that he could make it all the way back to Shinjuku on his own power. Akabane was right; there was no way that I was going to catch up with them and Ginji desperately needed a doctor, so I carried Ginji to the car. For the second time that day all I could do was drive.

Even though neither of us had much of an appetite after discussing the incident Ginji took the news without any theatrics. He did mention having memory of some events. I have the feeling that he already knew, that he had already pieced together what had happened.

He is still all smiles and sunshine. But, I'm worried about him. I gained back my appetite on Tuesday, but he has not been eating as much. I don't mean that he doesn't want second helpings. I mean he doesn't even finish his first. Food doesn't taste as good if we don't fight over it. I am very worried about him.

Apparently, I'm not the only one. When Ginji got up from his half-eaten sandwich and announced with a smile that he was going for a walk, Kazuki smiled demurely back at him over his tea cup and asked, "Aren't you hungry? It isn't like you to waste food."

Ginji insisted brightly. "I'm plenty hungry. But, today is a nice day and I'd like to go for a walk. Besides, I'm not wasting it. I bet Ban-chan will eat it."

He left. Our heads turned as he walked out the door. When it snapped closed and we all looked at the sandwich in question as if it were carrying the plague. Shido glanced towards me as if wondering if I would actually eat it.

The smile melted off of Kazuki's face as soon as Ginji was gone down the sidewalk. He clicked his teacup down on the saucer. I have no idea how but, his graceful hands somehow imbued that simple gesture with concern. "I don't think Ginji-san is well."

Shido pushed the straw around in his soy smoothie. He only drinks that crap because he is a vegetarian and it is the only way he can get protein. I don't mind vegetarians. Really, I don't. But he is such a dick about it.

For example, last time we were hanging out with him also happened to be a day on which we had gotten paid. Ginji and I had gone to the grocery store and Ginji bought – for some reason beyond my comprehension – the biggest bag of marshmallows he could find. With his mouth full he offered Shido a marshmallow. Shido shook his head and answered that he wouldn't eat one because marshmallows have gelatin in them. When Ginji asked what gelatin is Shido simply answered, 'Gelatin is a nearly tasteless and odorless substance which is created by prolonged boiling of animal skin, connective tissue or bones.' Ginji doesn't eat marshmallows anymore.

Shido took a long sip of his drink, hunched forward in his chair, sighed and announced without taking his eyes off of the counter. "He probably had an argument with some girl he's dating. I think that she should put her 'big girl' panties on and go apologize."

I tensed. I wanted to grab him and spit something along the lines of, 'Listen, butt wipe, you have no idea what happened. So if you want to pick a fight with me come out and say it. I'll just have to kick your ass – again.' But, I didn't. Frankly, even though I know everyone knows the way I feel about Ginji, I don't think I'm entirely ready to come out and say it. The idea of being in love with another boy is still weird to me.

I grabbed Ginji's abandoned sandwich off the plate and stuffed the entire thing in my mouth to say, 'Bite me' without actually speaking the words aloud.

Shido got the message. He spat, "Didn't your mother teach you any manners?"

It was hard to reply with my mouth full of food. "She tried."

"You're really disgusting," he continued.

I couldn't think of anything better to say than, "Shut up."

"You shut up," he growled. "And don't talk with your mouth full."

Both of us were startled when Kazuki snapped, "The two of you need to grow up." His bells jingled with disappointment. "I'm going to find Ginji-san."

"Wait," I got up and cut Kazuki off, partially because I did not want to look like a scolded child but, mostly because he was right. Ginji was in no state to be moping around alone. I swallowed. "I'll go get him."

Our eyes locked for a long moment before he backed down. "He went left."

I went left. But, other than that I had no clue where he went. I checked a couple of bars that usually kick us out because we're underage. He wasn't in any of them and, thank God, nobody had seen him there. Second, I checked around all of the park benches that have views of billboards advertising women's panties. He wasn't at any of them. Finally, I looked for him in from of the electronics display windows where he gawks at things that we can't afford and he probably shouldn't touch. I struck out. He wasn't there either.

I decided to head back to the Subaru, mentally cursing him the entire way for being so damn unpredictable. I was surprised when I saw him, sitting on the sidewalk, leaning up against the car. He was staring dully down at the little pink marks on his fingers where his cuts had been. I roused him from his trance by tapping him sharply on his head, "Hey, Dumdum. Are you okay? I was looking all over for you."

He started guiltily before looking up at me with a wince and a smile, one hand buried in his thick hair and rubbing the spot I had tapped. I guess I was a little rough.

"I'm fine. I just kind of got lost on the way to the bakery. So, I came here to wait for you."

He was obviously not fine. But I didn't push him. Some fights are not worth picking, especially in public. Besides, I don't know it that would have made him feel any better. I'm totally hopeless in situations like this. If he doesn't tell me in explicit detail what he needs then I have no idea what to do. So, I just wait for some hint or sign from him. It's been difficult these past few days. He's behaving oddly: everything is hidden behind a smile. I wish he would just tell me.

"You came here or you happened to stumble upon this spot when you were looking for the Honky Tonk?" I leaned up against the car and lit a cigarette. I didn't wait for his reply. "Do you still want to go to the bakery? I'll take you there." I don't have a sweet tooth like he does, but I would do just about anything to make him feel better.

"No," he sighed. "I'm not really hungry anymore."

"Well, what do you want to do?" I knew we should be trying to land another job. But there's only so much advertising you can put out there.

"Take me for a drive, Ban-chan."

I could feel myself grin, "Good idea."

We put the top down and turned the radio up. I let Ginji pick the station. I'm glad that Ginji enjoys joy rides as much as I do because we've poured a lot of money into this car with the excuse that it was for business. I whipped around turns, disobeyed traffic laws, made lewd gestures to the people in the cars I wove through and had myself a boyishly good time.

But Ginji just sat there with his fingers laced together behind his head looking disinterestedly out the window. He wasn't white knuckled or telling me to be nice or laughing or anything. He was just sitting there, staring off into outer space like he had no idea what was going on – like he just didn't care at all.

That made me nervous. So, I did the only thing I could. I reached over and punched his shoulder. "What's the matter with you?"

He just looked at me like he used to when I first met him and had made a rude joke about someone or something that he didn't think was funny. "What do you mean?"

I sped up. "What do you mean, what do I mean? I mean why are you just sitting there like a lump?"

He shrugged. "I was just thinking. That's all."

"I'm the one that does the thinking in this operation," I joked.

He didn't laugh and the smile that broke over his features was weak. "How are we looking with money?"

"What? Good, why?" I can usually gauge his sporadic movements, but for the past few days he has been completely unpredictable.

One of the naked fingers of his gloved hand point out the window at a motel. "Pull over."

I blinked slowly, completely exasperated with his odd behavior. "One bed or two?"

"One – we're poor."

I pulled over and we got one bed. I assumed that he was just tired and wanted to sleep. But again, I was mistaken. As soon as we got into the room he fell down and pulled me on top of him. I was confused, but I didn't question. I gave him what he wanted. For a long while we just lay with one another and kissed like two awkward, shaking teenagers.

Usually in bed he's dramatic, loud, greedy and demanding. When I do something he likes he tells me – loudly – that he wants more. When I do something that he doesn't like he makes sure I know. And he's always insisting that if I'm really the World's Strongest Man that it should be easy for me to fuck him standing up. Also, he often calls me clingy because I prefer to do it in positions where I can easily see his eyes and kiss his lips. We tear into one another like we tear into our opponents on the battlefield. It hurts. But it's worth it.

So I was bewildered on this day by the neediness of his tongue and his hands. Somewhere I lost my glasses and he lost his gloves. We both lost our shirts. I kissed roughly down his neck. He trembled, covered his face and looked at me through the cage of his perfect fingers. I enjoyed the clean taste of his skin with my smoky mouth and he gasped wetly.

He isn't like Himiko or most of the other girls I've been with. He'll tease a little. But he is proud of his body and he is open about what he likes. So when I go to touch between his legs he lets me. He doesn't get scared and grab his shirt then leave me all hot and bothered to take care of myself like some people I've known.

But this time, through the dizzy haze of endorphins I did not understand his mumbled plea of, "Stop." He chanted, "Stop, stop, stop," and tensed up. I slowed, but I did not stop. I licked the tight skin that pulls over his hips. He shivered. He cried, "Ban-chan! Stop it!" and his voice had the same torn tone as a cloth bandage being ripped off of a fresh wound. I stopped.

Ginji does not cry because he is weak. He cries because he as such strong emotions and he cries when he is fighting the dark, cold parts of himself. I was very, very afraid for him. And I was very afraid that there was nothing I could do to help. This wasn't a situation where I could just slap him out of it to make everything better.

He was trembling uncontrollably. Another sob ripped out of him with the words, "Oh, God. God. Stop. Please." Two large tears stained his beautiful cheeks. He curled away from me and held his arms over his chest like he was in physical pain. He looked like a hole had been sliced into his heart and the light of his hot, living soul was spilling out through it into the darkness. I could see that he was trying desperately to keep his sweet spirit out of the cold, but his eyes had already lost their warm glow.

I haltingly tried, "Do you need to talk about it?" and pathetically reached for my glasses to hide behind.

He choked, "Ban-chan, I hurt. Maybe, if I could do it again. It—I." I just looked at him. So he looked away and gasped, "I'm so tired. What should I do? Tell me what I should do."

I didn't know what to say to that but I had an idea. "Look. I understand if you need to take a break from the recovery service and get a temp job."

He snapped electricity back at me without looking up. His voice cracked like a tree struck by lightning. They were Ginji's words. But, they were spoken in a voice that was not entirely his. It was angry. It was completely devoid of hope. And it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. "Don't say that, Ban-chan. This is all we've got and you know it."

I knew he was about to break completely. Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say. But I didn't back down, "Hey, hey, hey. Ginji, chill. I'm sorry." He didn't look at me. "Do you need me to hold you or something?"

Except for the shaking and the gasping his voice returned to normal. He forgave me quickly and smiled, but no joy reached his sad, lightless eyes. "You really suck at comforting people."

I pulled him into my lap and forced his head down against my shoulder. "Shut up, dumbass." He pulled himself together quickly. I wiped the snot out from under his nose with my fingers. He looked like shit. I could tell that he wasn't done crying.

But he retreated to the bathroom before I could say anything, breathing something along the lines of, "I feel so fucking flithy." I let him go even though I knew when the shower turned on that he was in there sobbing.

My poor Ginji; something was stolen from him that I am not sure we can get back. We will both die with out his light and warmth. I can only hope that we are strong enough to pull through this. And I can only pray that his sunny, trusting disposition has only been eclipsed – not extinguished.