Authors Note: Brackets are chat transcripts. I still have no idea who the pairing is going to involve. Heh.

The next three days pass nearly identically to Monday. Cartman laughs at me, Kenny hangs on me to keep me emotionally upright, and Stan acts as if the last four years of intense love didn't happen. Then something horrible happens on Thursday night.

For the first time since the breakup I have my first internet conversation with Stan; that's not the horrible part. It is so good to talk to him again virtually, since I don't have to look into his eyes or resist kissing him. Strangely, I think this feels more intimate.

[GoSPCows: So why did Craig do that?

Stansman4eva : The hell if I know. He's kinda a dick. Hey, Kenny is asking if we wanna form a room. You game?

GoSPCows: Sure. Might as well let fatass know too.

Stansman4eva: Ugh. Whatever.

Chat room initialized. , , , .]

I sip on some diet soda while everything gets loaded. Every time that I type something I see that I really need to change my email address. I should have gone with something a little less dependent, but I didn't expect our relationship to end so fast, if at all. I'm not too eager to be sharing virtual space with Cartman, but then again when have I ever been?

[ GoSPCows: Hey guys. Whats up?

LazarusBoi: not much. hi kyle!

Stansman4eva: Hey Kenny. Whatchya up to?"

LazarusBoi: was just telling my sister that she can wait five fucking minutes for the phone.

J00zsuk: Goddamn your family sucks kenny. How can you not have the internet you black asshole?

LazarusBoi: we have the internet rectum breath. it's just dialup.

J00zsuk: whatever. Poor people suck

LazarusBoi: so do fat assholes

GoSPCows: LOL.

Stansman4eva: lol. Nice one Kenny.]

Things are rolling about like they normally do when we're all in chat together. We kind of take turns ganging up on the others. I guess that's just what teenage guys do. It surprises me when I see a private message pop up from Cartman.

[J00zsuk: check out this fucking funny video. You will laugh so hard.]

He then includes a youtube link. I'm wondering why he didn't just post it to the chat room. Now I'm going to be behind in the conversation, but whatever, my curiosity urges me to cut and paste the link in my browser.

It's a home movie. At first the camera is so dark that I can't really make anything out. I hear talking though, a girl's voice. I squint a bit as if that will make the images visible. Finally, the camera's auto-zoom corrects itself and I'm staring at Wendy Testeburger. Dude, Cartman sent me a link to Wendy on youtube? It's hard to hear what she's saying; I turn up the volume.

"I can't believe I'm here with you. It's been so long. I… I missed you so much!" Wendy says tearfully. She hugs someone in front of her.

"I missed you too babe."

My stomach drops to my feet. Oh god. I know that voice. That was my Stan. The camera, pulling back a bit reveals his face. He is looking sweetly into Wendy's eyes as he holds her close. My eyes start to sting. In horror, I watch as their faces draw closer.

"No…" I whisper, looking away. "No, no, no, no." I look back. They're kissing. My Stan and Wendy are kissing and looking obliviously happy doing so.

The clip ends as abruptly as it feels that my life has. "No!" I shout, banging my fists on the keyboard in front of me. "No!"

My computer lets out an error noise, but I ignore it. I stand up from my chair and fling it away from me. In front of me youtube is making recommendations of other videos that I might want to see. I can't believe what I've just seen. I hurt so bad. I am perhaps as close as I've ever been to a berserker rage in my life. I want to run all the way to Stan's house and demand to know what he was doing with Wendy Testeburger. I want to track her down and beat her until she's known as much pain as I have the last week.

I need to get out. I grab my coat and hat and run down the stairs. I pass my mother and father on the way out. "Kyle, where are you going?" asks my mom.

I don't even answer her. I am afraid that if I let even one sound pass through my lips I will just start yelling and cursing and crying. I head off into the night, breaking into a sprint. It's shockingly cold and I'll probably slip and fall, but I need to run. I want to let my legs carry me wherever they wish to go, but I know where they want to go. I can't go to Stan's.

I run.

The cold air is burning my lungs and my feet are slipping on the snow. I'm running to Stan's house; it's a route I know well. Perhaps that's why my body went there, but I think it's deeper than that. I'm on his street now and if I just keep going, I'll be outside his house and then where will I be? What could I do at that point? He's no longer mine and I have no claim to him.

Finally I do lose my balance on an icy patch a few houses from Stan's. Even though I'd been expecting it, my adrenaline kicks in as my feet fly up and I'm suddenly thumped down on my back. All the wind is knocked out of me and pain shoots up my spine. Goddamn that hurt. I lay in the snow and cry, but not for long. It's just too cold to lay out in. I look towards Stan's house standing still in the night air. Somewhere in that house is the boy that I love, only that boy no longer loves me back.

"How could you do this to me?" I shout towards his house. I take a few achy steps towards the building as if confronting it. "You said that you would love me forever! Is this what you call forever? Is this what you call love?"

At that moment I hate Stan Marsh with every fiber of my being. I hate him for not loving me. It is only on the long walk back home that I think of the person that sent me the youtube link, but then, I'm used to hating Cartman.

&&&

I don't dare try and go to school on Friday. My mom was super pissed when I came back from my run, but she was surprisingly sympathetic when I told her that I felt sick the next morning. We both knew that it was a likely outcome from my late night jog in the snow. So, when I tell her that I'm not feeling well, she kisses my forehead and declares that I have a fever. Hell, maybe I even do. I imagine my face is just warm from all the crying through the night. If it gets me out of school though, I don't care. At this point I don't really care if I do get pneumonia and die.

Once the house is still with my parents and Ike out of the house, I force myself out of bed to the computer. I need to see what happened after I just left the chat room. First though, I look at the window with Cartman's private message.

[J00zsuk: wasnt that hella funny Kyle? I knew youd like it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Na na na na na na!]

I sigh and click the window closed. Then I scan the chat. It looks like it took them a while to notice that I was gone. Kenny was the first to notice that I wasn't talking. I can just imagine that Stan assumed it was something he'd said in chat. He's always so careful not to hurt others' feelings.

I hear a weird clicking sound. I look around my room. Was that my computer? I examine the tower, but the sound clicks again behind me. It's coming from outside. I get up to investigate.

Kenny is standing in front of my window. I'm on the second floor, so I can only assume that he has been throwing pebbles at my window. I slide the window open. "Are you throwing rocks at my window?"

"Yep!" Kenny yells up at me.

"Why?"

He shrugs. I get the impression even with the coat over his face that he's smiling. Well, I guess I should invite him up. "Um, I'll unlock the door for you."

"Good, it's fucking freezing."

It's a good thing that my parents are both at work. I might seem less than sick if I have friends visiting. I feel a bit self-conscious as I open the door shirtless. My pants are plaid pajamas with a Pooh bear stitched into the side. Well, I'm supposed to be sick; I don't have to be wearing a suit around my bedroom.

Kenny raises up his right hand. "Hi," he greets before stepping inside. He looks around a bit. "Your parents home?"

"No. You could have knocked."

"Well, I didn't know that, did I?" He starts up the step towards my room. I guess we're hanging out then. It's not going to be as easy to mope, but I still haven't gone into details with him about what happened the night that Stan dumped me. Oh, and he really doesn't know about the youtube link. I don't think that Cartman would have shared that with him, but maybe he did.

Kenny sits down at my computer. He sees that I've been looking over the chat from last night. "So, what made you leave?" He spins around in the chair and looks at me.

I lean against my door frame. I sigh deeply. "Cartman."

His eyebrows press together and downward. "What did that lardy canker sore say?"

"He sent me a link, youtube. It's still up in my browser."

He swivels back to the computer and pulls up the page that sent my whole world into a tailspin last night. I don't think I can handle listening to it again, so I take the opportunity to pee. When I get back from the bathroom, Kenny is sitting on my bed with the hood off his parka. He doesn't say anything as I sit next to him on the bed.

An arm slides around my shoulder. I'm feeling a bit emotionally numb at this moment, probably burnt out from my escapade in the snow. "You'll be okay," he cooes. His hand strokes my shoulder. "I'm here for you."

"Thanks Kenny."

"He made a big mistake you know. Stan did."

I think so too. Stan chose Wendy over me. When they were dating in grade school, she broke his heart. He even became goth for a little while over how messed up she left him. I, on the other hand, have never done anything to hurt him. I have been doting, caring, emotionally and physically available, and his best friend since kindergarten. Yes, I agree with Kenny. I think that Stan fucked up.

God, I hope that he realizes it so that we can get back together.

"You are an awesome person. You're smart and fun to be with," gushes Kenny. I smile a bit at Kenny's over-doing it. I look at him to see how serious he is while he's saying all this crap. He does appear to be serious and his face is moving closer to mine. "Some might say you're…perfect."

Oh no. I realize about half a second too late that Kenny is about to kiss me. When his cold and chapped lips press against me I freeze. I am so surprised, though in retrospect I shouldn't be. So that's why he's been so quick to console me lately.

I can smell his house on him, cigarette smoke, alcohol, and dust. His hand is on the back of my neck and is gently petting with rough skin. Kenny McCormick is kissing me. It's such a weird concept. My lips haven't moved once, but that doesn't seem to be stopping him. It has to be like kissing a corpse. I can imagine that necrophilia isn't something that Kenny feels very taboo about.

So many things are going through my head. I mean, I haven't kissed another boy before, only Stan. I've only kissed one other person before, a girl named Rebecca, but that was a little pucker of elementary school kids. Stan and I had kissed for so long that our lips were bruised around the edges.

As sick as it is, the kiss feels like cheating. My body hasn't caught up to the fact that I no longer belong to Stan.

Finally, Kenny stops trying to force me into a kiss. He gazes into my eyes. "Is it too soon or… or is it me?"

My first instinctive answer is 'both,' but I don't say that. "Way too soon," I breathe.

Kenny nods. He unsuctions himself from me, disentangling his arms. Then, he pulls his hood back up over his head. "So, wanna play some GTA while you vent about the breakup?"

He really is an amazing friend. "Sure," I say.

&&&