A/N: I totally reworked the second half of this chapter, it just didnt fit or work for me at all. I am such a perfectionist, I often tweak chapters after I write them, and I have so much I want to do with this story, that often the ideas run together. Super sorry! Just so you all know, it all will make sense, I promise!

Lifeline; Beyond the pain
An LP fan-fiction
Chapter 3; Home is me, you are mine

Oblivious to the people and sounds around him, Lucas' eyes were focused on the bartender, hoping to grab his attention, but it seemed tonight he was oblivious. Lucas sighed, as the new bar guy finally spotted him & took his time coming over. Having lost count of the number of drinks he'd poured for Luke that night, the bartender didn't bother asking what he wanted; he simply picked up the vodka bottle and filled Lucas' glass. Lucas didn't acknowledge him, simply picked up the glass, swirled the ice around, and swallowed the bitter liquid in one gulp. Coughing as the cold slid down his throat, Lucas looked up and saw the couple next to him giving him a strange look.

"Same again," he said, louder than necessary, for the benefit of the couple next to him.

The drink was placed in front of him, beads of condensation running down the sides of the glass, as the bar swelled with people, noise & heat. Lucas didn't look up, simply picked the glass up and swallowed the bitterness down.

"Same again," he said, putting a wad of bills on the bar. "That ought to cover it." He matched the concerned glare of the bartender with a look of contempt.

"Problem?" he asked, daringly.

"None," was the reply, "none at all."

- - - -

It wasn't until the taxi pulled up outside his house that Lucas was aware he had moved. He didn't remember getting into the yellow car that was sitting idly by the curb.

"That's $6 please," a clear voice spoke from the front. Lucas threw some notes through the hole in the partition, before pushing the door open and falling onto the sidewalk. The cabby laughed before asking, "Need a hand?"

Lucas didn't respond, simply waited for the car to disappear. Hearing the roar of the engine slowly fade away, he tried to stand but his legs were like jelly; so he crawled up the path to the front door, his knees wet from the rain that had fallen earlier.

When he reached the red front door, he sat on the mat and closed his eyes, his limbs heavy as his body gave up fighting to be awake. Holding onto the mailbox for support, he struggled to standing, before finding the handle and pushing. Landing awkwardly in the hallway, he pulled himself to the couch and finally was able to lie down, in the dark.

Hearing nothing but the sound of his heartbeat getting slower, and the gentle in-out of air in his chest, Lucas was suddenly aware of being alone in the house. Wishing so hard it wasn't true, he almost fooled himself into thinking there was a noise in the kitchen, that somehow she was here.

The silence was almost deafening, the dark house showing no signs of life. Breathing in slowly, Lucas felt the familiar ache in his chest, the pain that not even alcohol could numb; it felt like his heart was literally breaking, and there was nothing he could do to stem the tears that flowed as he wallowed in his sadness, as he thought about Peyton.

Wanting to be near a part of her Lucas stood slowly, the vodka he'd drank making his legs shaky, and made his way down the hallway to his bedroom, cursing to himself when he bumped into furniture. He sighed with relief when he fell onto the bed, and kicked off his shoes, socks & jeans before climbing under the covers. Reaching underneath the pillow next to him, he pulled out a very familiar t-shirt, and held it to his face, breathing in the floral, light scent that still lingered. Peyton's A&A shirt was her favourite to sleep in, and Lucas loved it too, especially the way it left her legs deliciously bare.

He hadn't washed any of her clothes, didn't want to wash away her smell, the last piece of her Lucas could hold onto. His heart slowed as he held her shirt near, as though that small piece of her allowed him to relax.

Finally, he found some escape as the alcohol swirling in his stomach, and the smell of the woman he loved, combined to let his mind rest, and for him to drift in an easy sleep.

--

The next morning Lucas woke with a start as he heard a door slam loudly, reverberating through the house. Sitting up suddenly, his head felt like it was going to explode as a headache began pounding relentlessly.

"Peyton, is that you?" he called out, hearing nothing but silence back. "Can you put on some coffee?" he asked again, before falling back against the pillow. Lying in the bright morning light, Lucas willed the throbbing to stop, as he focused on simply breathing slowly, keeping the nausea at bay. He turned to see the clock, and felt something brush against his cheek; Peyton's shirt.

Holding it in his hands, and hearing nothing but silence in the house, Lucas took a shaky breath, as his heart caught up with what his head already knew.

The pain in his head was nothing as he was forced again to remember that his wife was no longer with him, that he was as alone today as he was yesterday. He could feel his heart beginning to race, as he glanced at her side of the bed, and saw that her side was untouched, a reminder that he slept alone.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly, as he felt a familiar wave of anger and grief wash over him. His attempts at numbing the pain last night made him feel even worse, as his hands began to shake and his head throb even more intensely.

Gritting his teeth, Lucas forced himself not to cry, to spend one day without breaking down in tears. Haley reassured him it was ok, but he knew that when Anna came home, when he was strong enough to face it all on his own, he couldn't let himself fall to pieces so often.

As a few stray tears dripped slowly on his hands, Lucas looked down, and his sadness was replaced by a swell of anger. As he looked at his wedding ring, at the engraving Peyton had made specially, he didn't feel sad anymore. He was enraged.

Yanking the white gold band off the third finger of his left hand, Lucas let out a yell that seemed to rip from his soul, as his bitterness and rage at his wife's passing escaped in a loud roar that seemed too angry, too raw to come from a man who had loved so tenderly, so freely.

Holding his wedding band in his hand, it suddenly felt white hot, as though it burned his skin; he looked at it, read the small writing on the inside; When you fixed my car, you fixed my heart, and threw it, as hard and as far as he could through the door leading to the hallway. He heard it hit something glass, and then heard it break as it fell and hit the floor.

Lucas held his head in his hands as he waited for his heart to stop racing and his hands to stop shaking. His breath came in rasps as he slowly tried to regain control of himself.

It was the suddenness he couldn't get his head around, that one day, one morning she was there, his beautiful, blonde, sexy wife, and then that afternoon, he'd gotten a call from Haley, she was in an ambulance, sirens blaring, heading towards the hospital, his Peyton barely clinging to life.

If he'd known that that night would be the last night he'd feel her next to him, he would have kissed her deeper, held her closer, stayed awake all night, just holding her, watching her sleep. There was so much he never said, things he'd never told her, words she'd never hear now.

He closed his eyes, as he felt his heart begin to slow, and remembered their last night together, except of course they didn't know it was their last night. They both they'd have forever, that they'd have the next night, and the night after that…

"And Sleeping Beauty and the Prince lived happily ever after," Lucas read, closing the book quietly as he saw his babies eyes fighting sleep. "Daddy loves you, pretty girl, sweet dreams." He pressed a kiss on her forehead, and slowly walked away, smiling as he avoided the toys and books strewn across the floor – she definitely got her messiness from her mother.

Looking up, he saw her standing in the doorway, her hair wet and beginning to curl around her shoulders, a few drops of water landing on her shoulders as she watched her handsome husband precariously find his way through dolls, teddies, crayons and drawings. Lots and lots of drawings.

He looked at her, stood in the doorway, her hip leaning against the door jamb. She smiled as Lucas kissed her gently as he tiptoed out of the room, before quietly closing Anna's door, and pulling Peyton in for another kiss.

It was slow, languid and full of meaning as they stood together in their hallway, joined at the lips, simply enjoying each other as they reconnected after a busy day. Breaking away, Lucas wrapped his arm around her, and led her toward their kitchen. Sitting her in a chair, he kissed the top of her head before heading toward the stove, flicking it on before filling the kettle with water.

"So how was your day?" she asked, turning to face him.

He placed the kettle on the hot stove, took a cup down and placed a teabag inside, before turning and smiling at her. "Long. I had a call from my editor in New York, she wanted to talk about my new chapters, the ones I haven't sent her yet, they're not ready yet, I'd rather wait"

"Lucas, she's an editor she's meant to help you make it better. It doesn't have to be perfect! She just needs to know you're writing, and you are. I love your new stuff, its an amazing love story."

"Well I don't know about that… the ending is messy, and the chapters are too long…"

Lucas' sentence went unfinished as Peyton stood and pressed her lips against his, quieting his protestations that his work wasn't good.

"You know your writing is amazing Lucas, how could it not be?" She smiled, placed one hand on his chest. "You write from the heart."

"Have I told you lately that I love you Mrs Scott?"

She smiled, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, before whispering, "Prove it."

He picked her up in one easy, fluid motion and carried her bridal style towards the couch, her tea forgotten.

She let out a yelp as her feet left the floor, before nestling close to his chest and enjoying hearing his heart beating, inhaling the lingering scent of his aftershave on his neck. She gently kissed the bare hollow of his throat, felt him take in a sudden breath she placed another kiss just below his ear.

Lucas sat down on the couch, Peyton on his lap, and kissed her, deeply, his hands running through her blonde hair as he poured all his feelings into the meeting of their lips.

"Oh!" Peyton said, jumping slightly and breaking from the kiss. She looked up at Lucas, her face full of surprise. He frowned at her, held her hand, waited for her to explain.

"Oh!" she said again, laughing at the surprise. She smiled at Lucas, his confused expression.

She said nothing, simply kissed their entwined hands, and moved them to her stomach, never taking her eyes off him, smiling as he felt it too.

"Oh!" he said, as he too felt their unborn son kicking.

Lucas' trip down memory lane was interrupted by the phone ringing, and then the machine clicking on.

"Hey you've reached Peyton and Lucas we-"

Hearing Peyton's voice on the machine stirred a strange reaction in Lucas. He flew from his bed, and hurried to the phone, interupting her message and stopping her voice from echoing in their house.

"Hello?" he asked, as he bent and picked up the broken glass from the floor, sighing at his anger and his stupidity.

"Hey Luke, its me," came the reply. "Jamie and Nathan are off to the rivercourt, and so I wondered if you were free this afternoon?" his best friend timidly asked.

Luke cursed under his breath as he cut himself on a piece of a piece of glass. "Haley, I'm really not in the mood. Okay?"

"Lucas, I wouldnt ask if it wasnt important. I have something for you, a gift."

Lucas sighed. "Haley, my birthday isnt for months. Just leave it alone, I'm fine."

"This isnt about you. I have something to give you. Its not from me." She paused. "Its from Peyton."

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