Kyuubi –vs- Naruto Chapter 3
Wednesday begins
Kyuubi is starting to make perverted comments due to the Icha Icha books
Team 7 has a mission
Naruto gets tricked into doing most of the work and begins to mutter to Kyuubi
Kyuubi takes over and annoys the team and tortures them in a round-about way
It lands him in the psycho ward of the hospital
End with Kyuubi saying that he is starting to succeed in getting out of Naruto
Wednesday was a rainy day. Not what you would expect from a fanfiction, huh?
Anyway, it wasn't just rainy, it was stormy. So stormy, in fact, that the thunder almost drowned out Kyuubi's incessant chatter. Almost. Unfortunately, that almost was good enough to save Naruto.
"…And then she told me…" Kyuubi just went on and on. Naruto was almost ready to tear his ears off.
Heading to the door, Naruto was surprised when Kyuubi stopped talking for a moment.
"Where are you going?" Kyuubi asked Naruto slowly, talking like Naruto was making a very stupid mistake.
"I'm going to meet my team! I have to get there on time!" Naruto exclaimed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Kyuubi sighed and Naruto got the feeling like he was missing something very obvious.
"And you feel like you have to stand in the rain for two hours waiting for your sensei… why?" Kyuubi asked in a tone that said Naruto was a stupid idiot. The question did make Naruto pause for a minute.
"I have to impress Sakura-chan and show Sasuke up!" Naruto exclaimed pumping his fist in the air in conviction. Once again, Kyuubi sighed in irritation.
"How are you impressing them by being wet and cold? I think you just look a drowned rat in orange," Kyuubi sneered. Naruto pouted slightly.
"So what do you propose?" Naruto asked, quite proud of his new word.
"That you wait a few hours until you know Scarecrow is going to be there. Kiss," Kyuubi said. Naruto started gagging and choking.
"Kiss?" he finally managed. Kyuubi smiled at having made Naruto ask.
"Keep it simple, stupid," he defined it for him. Naruto found himself nodding in agreement. Kyuubi cheered at getting more sway over him.
"Did I ever tell you that 1+1=3? Well, there was this one time…" Kyuubi started again. Naruto didn't notice that these stories were becoming increasingly graphic. In the sense that he now knew that Kyuubi should have a lot of kits running around by now if they didn't kill each other off.
YOUTHOUGHTIFORGOTTHELINEBREAKS!
Naruto ran to the rest of the team. Sakura started screaming at him that he was late and Sasuke just didn't care. As usual. It turns out that Naruto got there just in time as Kakashi showed up just as Naruto joined his team.
"You know, in this case I think 1+1+1+1=6 if you catch my drift."
"That's gro- wait, there's only one girl here…"
"I think of Sasuke as a girl."
Naruto nearly started gagging at that one. The mental images started flowing in his mind, from Kyuubi, and he had the sudden urge to run. He nearly missed what Kakashi was saying.
"-mission. You will be pulling weeds in the Hyuuga Compound," Kakashi beamed at them as he said this, clearly expecting them to be pleased with a mission. Naruto, of course, didn't share this sentiment.
"What! Why are we doing stupid stuff like this if we're ninja?" Naruto shouted at him, trying to act normal.
THEREAREMORELINEBREAKS!
"Stupid people making me do all the work," Naruto grumbled. Sakura was fawning over Sasuke, who was ignoring her, and Kakashi was reading his porno novel and 'supervising' the mission.
"Well, you could always let me help," Kyuubi tried. Naruto paused for a second, thinking it over.
"How could you help, stupid fox?" Naruto asked, not really paying attention to what could happen. Kyuubi smirked.
"You could let me take over. I would get this done faster," Kyuubi pushed a little farther.
"Only if you promise to do the mission and not hurt anyone!" Naruto declared.
"On my word as a demon lord." That was good enough for Naruto. He let Kyuubi take over.
"I'm finally out! Take that Shukaku!" Kyuubi quietly cheered, conscious of the fact that he was talking out loud. It was nice to feel grass and air again. He had decided to gain Naruto's trust first. That way it would be easier to convince the stupid human to release the seal.
"Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to-and-fro? Do you tie them in a knot? Do you tie them in a bow? Do you hang them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do your ears hang low?" Kyuubi sang, making Naruto look thoroughly retarded as he weeded the garden, with dozens of Shadow Clones all over and they all song in unison. He also sang really loud and off-key. Which wasn't that hard with Naruto's annoying voice.
"Naruto, shut up. You're making my ears bleed," Sasuke insulted, holding his ears for effect. Wait, was that blood leaking between his fingers?
"God, Naruto! Shut up! You are so stupid!" Sakura pitched in, mimicking Sasuke. He, of course, didn't listen to what she had to say.
"This song goes on forever! Do your ears hang low?" Kyuubi started again. This caused the rest of Team 7 to moan in despair. At least, until Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke and be replaced by a log, him having used Substitution Technique.
"Naruto, I'll kill you if you don't shut up!" Sasuke threatened, while in extreme pain.
"Shut your mouth before someone puts something in it," Kyuubi snapped back, making Sasuke's mouth shut and his blood rush to his cheeks. It took Sakura a second before she realized what Kyuubi meant.
"NARUTO! YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO SASUKE-KUN LIKE THAT?!" Sakura screeched in a voice that broke Kyuubi's ears, causing him to have to heal it quickly with his demonic chakra.
"Shut up. It's not like you're doing anything to help get this mission done. You're just stalking the bastard," Kyuubi snidely insulted the pink-haired girl. She glared right back, unable to accept that he was right.
"Shut up, Naruto. I'm doing more than you are!" she retorted, completely ignoring the fact that Kyuubi was the one weeding the garden and she was just staring at the ice-cube.
"Ok then, how many weeds have you pulled up?" Kyuubi challenged. Sakura thought about it for a minute. Then, realizing he was right, stuck up her nose.
"It doesn't matter! I pulled more than you!" she snapped, not admitting she was useless. By this point, Sasuke had run off.
"Naruto! What the hell are you doing?" Tsunade yelled as she arrived on the scene. It appeared that Sasuke went for help.
"In the middle of my backswing?!" Naruto shouted. Kyuubi gave him back control when he saw Tsunade. No reason for him to get in trouble!
"What?" Tsunade asked. Backswing? What backswing? Naruto, meanwhile, was yelling at Kyuubi. Finally, he figured out it was possible, but he thought he had to scream his thoughts.
"Something wrong, Naruto?" she asked deceptively sweet. She had noticed his silence and his facial expression looked like he was constipated. Naruto froze and Kyuubi smirked in his mind.
'What are you going to do now?' he taunted Naruto. Naruto took a breath before deciding.
"Nothing's wrong, Baa-chan! I've just been hearing these voices in my head... they're really aggravating!" he lied, hoping that nothing would happen to him.
"Voices? Naruto, you need to come with me. I'll sort it out for you," Tsunade ordered. Naruto inwardly groaned and Kyuubi laughed at his misery.
"Alright, Baa-chan! Are you going to do some super-cool technique on me?" Naruto asked excitedly. Maybe she could get Kyuubi to shut up!
THELINEISBACK!
As you can imagine, Naruto was not pleased when Tsunade led him to the hospital to knock him out. When he woke up he was in a straight-jacket in a white padded room. He promptly began to freak out and scream like a little girl.
Kyuubi, meanwhile, was sitting in his cage. The water was annoying, but it was only a matter of time before he was free. After all, the human mind can only take so much and Naruto was only human.