Fido smiled, lying down beside Henry. "I love you." He whispered.

Henry grinned. "I would be happy if I didn't know that you were talking to the chocolate bar you are no doubt eating."

Fido laughed, placing the chocolate into his mouth. "You know me too well."

Tom Riddle closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. "Someone lock him back in the closet."

Fred lay on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet, as he had been all morning, and ever morning before that for a week. He had also gained four pounds, and had constant cravings, for foods such as French fries and maple syrup. He felt his once flat stomach that now was a little loose.

"Honey," George walked in, "Are you ok?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

Flying through the house on the back of a duck that clutched a taxidermied tabby, a 6 inch tall man dressed in a loincloth cried out: "I stole the kitty! I stole the kitty!"

Somewhere, Willow was sighing.

Fido winked at Lucius. "Was it good for you?"

Tom woke up. Blinked. Looked around, blearily. "I want French fries," he said decisively. "With maple syrup." He blinked. "Why the hell do I want that?"

Voldemort looked at Fido. "You got him so drunk he doesn't remember, does he?"

Fido shrugged, grinning.

Henry smiled as well. "I kinda wanna see how long it will take him to notice." He turned to Fido. "How'd you drug him, anyhow?"

Fido smirked. "Took a leaf outta ol' Archibald's book."

Archibald grinned wickedly. "Toothpaste?" he asked, hopefully.

Fido nodded. "Toothpaste."

Dumbledore paced in his office, bored out of his mind, mildly content to magic various items of furniture into dancing about, until he accidentally turned an end table full of bones evil, so he had to push it out the window.

Durning its long fall to the grounds of Hogwarts, the end table contemplated the complexities of its existence, and shortly before its collision, it decided that life was in fact worth living, because it had yet to enjoy the pleasures life had to offer, like french fries with maple syrup.

Dumbledore paced in a circle and threw out a random curse.

"Fred, come and look at this!" George screamed, pulling his twin out of the bathroom and out into the street.

Fred nearly threw up again at the smell. "What the hell is that?"

George grinned wickedly. "A dead whale and a bowl of petunias."

Fred grinned back. "That means that the heart of gold—" it landed.

George was beginning to be excited now. "And that means the crew—" they stepped out of the spaceship.

The twins looked at each other and both screamed, "Zephod!"

The galactic president winked at them. "Wanna stroke my ego?"

Dumbledore was happy a duck.

Henry patted his stomach as he addressed the Death Eaters, "I would like an Eggo, and not an off brand Eggo, but a real Eggo brand Eggo. The first one of you to bring me an Eggo, wins a prize."

The Death Eaters blinked, and stared at Bob Lestrange who was currently clutching a box of Eggos to his chest. Several Death Eaters had all ready run to the nearest convenience store.

"What?" he asked testily, handing the box to the Dark Lord. "I'm a wizard, how bout you?"

Narcissa beamed at him. "Think he's pregnant?" she hissed to her sisbrother.

Bob smiled, watching Henry place Eggos covered in ketchup in his mouth. "I think that would be a safe assumption."

"Windows, any size!" Draco gasped as he and Harry passed by a booth at a fair, "I want an any size window!"

Harry muttered something about Orcas and walked away, leaving Draco to stare in awe at the windows.

Jacques the vampire ran through the crowded streets of Rome, searching the faces for those of Harry and Draco, while, unbeknownst to him but knownst to us, they lay in England, otherwise occupied. He ducked into an old building when he saw a group of people approach him, carrying blueprints and cloth swatches.

As the renovators passed him, Jacques threw a pile of bricks at them, causing them to tumble to the ground, spontaneously combust, drown, and be shot in the head, though only the tumbling to the ground could truly be attributed to the pile of bricks.

"Harry, is that an Orca tattooed on your navel, doing a suspiciously suggestive dive down your pants?"

"Why, Draco, would that turn you on?"

Tom looked at his stomach. "I'm getting a beer belly. Dear god, I have a beer belly! Voldemort!"

"What?" Voldemort asked, eyeing Tom.

"Make the beer belly go away!"

Voldemort raised an eyebrow. "What kind of wizard are you?"

"The really, really, lazy kind." Tom grinned.

Lucius ran in. "Oh my god, you're pregnant!"

Henry grinned. "You owe me twenty galleons, Fido!" he cried.

Fido sighed. "He really didn't get it until Lucius told him?" he whined, pulling money out of his pocket.

Henry grinned, sticking out his hand to catch the money.

Archibald walked by, shaking his head. "Stupid toothpaste."

Tom gripped at Voldemort's skin, groaning lowly as his limbs shook. Voldemort fell on top Tom, grinning madly as their warm bodies collided. Shuddering with cold, Tom smiled and motioned to the window, Voldemort rolled his eyes, closed the window, and walked back to the bed, hopeful that Tom would be placated now that the balmy 74 degree weather was no longer making him cold.

"Thanks love." Tom smiled, pulling at Voldemort to rejoin him on the bed; the two began to move when Tom stopped, "Honey," He whined, "could you open the window, I'm hot."

Draco rubbed his stomach. "Can we name it Paris?" he asked after a moment.

Harry stopped rubbing along the length of his new, Orca tattoo. "What if it's a boy?"

"Then it's a boy named Paris?" Draco said, raising his eyebrow.

"Don't you think it's a bit of a wussy name?" Harry asked, tracing the tattoo again.

"No," said Draco. "I like it."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Well then."

"Naturally."

"Can we just have sex?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

Jacques ran away, frightened from the newly dead renovators, looking desperately for Harry and Draco, and asking in broken Italian for toast, thinking he was asking for an airport. After being directed to several breakfast restaurants, he gave up, had some toast, and flew off to England.

"Ow."

"Sorry."

"Don't say sorry."

"Sorry, what would you like me to say?"

"I wouldn't like you to say anything; I'd like you to get rid of the damn tea kettle!"

"The tea was your idea."

"Yes, but you weren't supposed to make it like that!"

"I'm sorry, but your instructions weren't very clear."

"Would you like a diagram next time?"

"Yes thank you that would help."

"Well then, I'll draw you a diagram next time, but one would hope you've learned not to stick the tea kettle in the toaster."

"Harry," Draco called. "Your orca is winking at me!"

George sighed, rubbing his belly. "I hate being pregnant."

Fred grinned, rubbing his own. Then stopped. "If it's blond, or looks anything like Zephod you are so dead."

Lucius grinned, poking Henry's stomach. Henry hissed. "I will kill you."

Yero looked down at his growing stomach, desperately trying to see his toes, and upon failing, he looked in the mirror, sighing at his lost figure. He decided to call his adopted dad/father in law, for emotional support, but then he remembered trying to toast the phone after he got mad at it, so he threw some flu powder into the fire, and appeared in Draco's bedroom.

"Hey dad."

"Yero!" Draco shrieked, covering his completely nude body in a sheet.

"This a bad time?"

"Not really, I was just tidying up."

"Without clothes?"

"None of my clothes fit me anymore." Draco pouted.

"Doesn't dad have any maternity clothes left?" Yero asked.

"I'm not wearing a circus tent!" Draco scoffed, "I'm just retaining water."

"You're retaining a foetus dad."

"I'm not retaining a foetus, I'm temporarily housing one."

"You're pregnant."

"Yes."

"So wear maternity robes, I am."

"Yes well, I'm not wearing maternity clothes, I don't need them." Draco replied proudly.

"So you're just going to walk around naked then?"

"Yes."

"What does dad think about this?"

"He rather likes it I should think."