Okay here we go you'll get a glimpse of what's happened between Ryan and his wife. Thanks for the awesome reviews everyone lots and lots of love Noor! Sing I used is called Tears and Rain by James Blunt.
Chapter 8: Save my soul
What is better knowing or not knowing? Putting things of for the next day, but why would you do that if you could do it now. Because of fear, fear of rejection. Afraid of making a horrible mistake that you can't undo. Then again isn't it better when you just know, so you could move on and get on with your life have some certainty?
'Wow direct…' said Ryan as he turned around in his chair so he was facing Marissa. She looked at him her eyes were filled with hope and fear. 'I don't know…' he said quietly barely unable to hear.
Marissa nodded her head and walked towards him while saying 'okay' with a definite quiver in her tone. She sat down opposite of him and looked at her hands which she was playing with, a habit she always picked up when she was nervous. 'But why…?' she asked this time with a little more confident and strength in her voice her head was still down.
'Because…she's is or was my family…because since I was 18 I shared everything with her…' Ryan said unsure of himself while he kept glancing at Marissa.
'But why did you lead me on…let me to believe that what we had was special…let me fall in love with you…' she asked this time looking him straight in the eye her vision became blurry when she looked at him due to the tears that were pooling in her eyes.
'I didn't…I didn't let you on intentionally…' he said this time he looked down he couldn't stand to see the pain in her eyes he couldn't stand to see how hurt she was and he really couldn't stand the idea that it was him who caused her this pain.
'Was it the chase…the sneaking around…the thrill did you like it enjoy it?' she asked her voice turned hostile just like that. Ryan immediately looked up again and shook his head no over and over again.
'No it's not that…it's not the thrill…it's because I fell for you too, for your singing when you were drunk…' Ryan said with a small smile on his face while he was trying to lighten the mood it worked for a little while because he made Marissa laugh a little and that was something he really wanted.
Ryan watched Marissa and he loved to watch her while she laughed a little her eyes lit up and had a sparkle in them which would make anyone melt. He did however see the tear that was escaping her eye and making its way down her beautiful flawless pinkish cheek. She looked strikingly beautiful, breath taking beautiful.
'Ryan…I need to know where you stand I need to know who you'll choose.' Marissa said while more tears came down her cheek and fell on her blue scrubs.
'Marissa you have to understand I've been married to her for 9 years…it's a lot…she's been with me for 9 years…' he said while eyeing the blue papers which were still lying on his desk.
'But she cheated on you and not just once…quite a few times…' Marissa said.
'I can't do this right now…I need to have some time to think…' he said.
'Well think…take all the time you need…' she said while getting up and walking towards his office door she took in another shaky breath while opening the door, she hesitated and turned around. 'But just know that's not good enough…' she said and walked away letting all the tears escape she had been holding.
How I wish I could surrender my soul
Shed the clothes that become my skin
See the liar that burns within my needing
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold
How I wish I had screamed out loud
Instead I've found no meaning
Ryan let out yet another suppressed sigh and sat back against his chair. Placing his head in his hands and letting out a groan. He just needed some time some time to come to terms with everything some time to make a decision which he would not regret later on.
Marissa walked down the halls of the hospital while her cheeks were strained with tears. Nurses looked at her with a weird look but then resumed with their jobs. Seth stepped out of his office he was about to check on his patients when Marissa walked passed him and he shook his head sympathetically. Marissa started to run she couldn't be here right now he shift was over as it was and she just needed some peace and quiet. He definitely chose to fight against her.
Summer saw Marissa run towards the exit and she followed her calling her name while she did so. It was raining outside and freezing but Marissa did not stop she just run towards the exit her escape. Her peace and quiet the doors opened when she got closer and she walked out within a minute she was soaking wet.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain
Her tears mingled with the rain drops the only sign of her tears were her red eyes. Summer put her white coat over her head and walked towards Marissa. 'Coop…' she said while standing behind her and putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. 'Are you alright?' she asked while moving towards her front so she could see her.
'Yeah…' Marissa replied softly.
'Oh sweetie…' Summer said when she saw how distraught Marissa looked she took her in her arms and let her cry into her shoulder. Marissa did the sobs came out of her body whenever she thought about everything. He was married and she had already been planning to tell him she loved him…she thought he was the guy she was going to spent her life with. Marissa pulled away from Summer and they both walked back inside.
'My shift is over so I'm going home…' Marissa said while she was looking down. 'Okay…' said Summer while walking away. Marissa walked towards the locker room Ryan saw her walk in and followed her.
'What are you doing here?' Marissa asked as she saw him walk in he didn't say anything just closed the door behind him and leaned against one of the lockers while watching her get dressed she was angry he saw that by the way she put her shirt on and threw her scrubs in her locker with so much force. 'You know I don't want to know because you used me…' Marissa said while putting on her boots.
'I never used you I feel the same way for you…' Ryan said.
'No you don't…you used me to get back at your wife or I was your rebound…no matter how you slice it you used me.' She said. 'And you know what when Seth told me why you married her I couldn't believe it you married her because you thought she was pregnant then she miscarries and you stay with her even when you only married her for a baby that doesn't exists, she knew you married her for the baby…I know you were trying to be a better man it makes you…you…and still she cheats on you…several times…she treated you like trash and there's one thing I know, I would've never treated you that way because you deserve to be happy and I think if you gave me a shot you'd be happy.' Marissa said while she stood in front of him. Her rant against him had soon turned into a plead, a plead for him to love her just as much as she loved him.
'Ryan, choose me…let me sing for you when I'm drunk…love me as much as I love you…' she said while the tears silently cascaded along her cheeks.
'Marissa…I…' Ryan said while looking down he still needed some time.
'Oh…so you chose her…' Marissa said while walking towards the door, Ryan shook his head he hadn't chosen anyone yet. Ryan moved towards the door and stopped Marissa.
'I need you to understand.' Ryan said while holding her back by her shoulders.
'Consider it understood…now move!' she said while pushing into him with all of her force.
'No you're not going anywhere not like this.' Ryan said while pushing her back. 'Ryan move I mean it!' Marissa said while she pushed into him again and one hand was trying to get his hands off of her. 'God damn it!' Marissa yelled while Ryan held her wrists in his hands. She collapsed in front of him and cried.
Ryan held her and let her cry; she did cry her heart out. It was not only Ryan who was making her cry this heart it was her entire life which was just screwed up to the point of blowing up and this really was the last straw. Marissa's cries subsided and she wiped away her tears while inhaling deeply she released herself from Ryan's grip and he looked at her. 'Thanks' she said quietly.
'Goodbye Ryan…' she said while crying a little he nodded his head and saw her walk away.
Ryan got up and looked at the lockers he kicked some of them over and over again while swearing as he did so. The locker room opened and Summer came in she heard some loud banging and when she saw who was making that noise she closed the door again…'better give him some time' she thought while walking away.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind
Hold memory close at hand
Help me understand the years
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell
How I wish I would save my soul
I'm so cold from fear
'Hey mom…' said Marissa as she looked at her red haired mother. Julie smiled at her softly. And patted the spot next to her Marissa walked towards her and sat down next to her. The nurse made eye contact with Marissa and winked at her while giving her a reassuring smile.
'Marissa sweetie how is it being an intern?' she asked while looking at her. Marissa blinked a couple of times and looked at her.
'Mom…mommy is that you…?' she asked while watching her nod her head. Marissa's tears sprung to life again and she held her mother tight. Julie was shocked at first but soon hugged her back kissing her temple affectionately as she did so. 'I love you mommy…' she said. 'I love you too princess…' she told her beautiful daughter who was probably having an emotional break down. 'It's going to be okay honey…you'll be okay…' Julie said and held her daughter close to her for as long as she could.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble
Far, far away; find comfort in pain
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain
Marissa nodded and held her mother for her dear life times like these when she remembered her and loved her were very rare but when they did happen it made Marissa's entire day another day to stand up and go to bed. Every time hoping for yet another day she was going to tell her she loved her. Another day where she could sit and cry into her mother's comforting arms just like a little girl.
In my case I had a right to be afraid. But now that I know I know…knowing is better then not knowing because at the end of the day you want some clarity you want to know what you need to do and where you stand. So at the end of the day after all of the questions you just get out there and wait for the fire works.
Okay guys hoped you liked it let me know what you thought love Noor!