Disclaimer: Snippitty snoppitty snuppit. (I don't own anything)
Hagrid steps out onto the ground wearing a tuxedo and bows to the daffodils who don't bow back and you shouldn't expect them to. He starts walking proudly like in very old movies.
Music: Winter Wonderland. You know. The Christmas song.
Hagrid: Feel the rain,
On your shoulders.
Alfred (the ant): It causes pain,
To us it's boulders.
Hagrid: Don't you dare touch that rake.
To rake stealer.
The Rake Stealer: But eat his crunchy rock cakes.
Hagrid: Eating rock cakes makes you understand.
Music: Grease Lightning from Grease
We're now looking in on a disco hall with lots of floating afros. Hee.
Ron: Ron's Disco!!!
Harry: If you ever feel lonely, come over to our groove domain.
Gryffindors: Ron's Disco, Oh! Ron's Disco!
Ron's sitting in a throne at the end of the room looking very proud with girls fanning him.
Harry: For it sure doesn't, have a risk at all to do with trains.
Slytherins: Ron's Disco, Oh. Ron's Disco.
Half-heartedly.
Harry: For when you open up the door,
And you see a carrot cake.
You leave it on the floor,
And you dance around it's plate
Ron's Disco.
Everyone: Whoa Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Friend Like Me - Aladdin
Now in a cave of redness. Like Scar's cave. The cool lion out of the Lion King who slaps his head and then says 'I'm surrounded by idiots.'
Voldemort: I used to be a handsome man,
And it's very hard to sing this song,
So I am going to improvise,
And maybe you could tag along.
You see, I am the coolest dude,
No ever dares disagree,
And that my friends, is eating you,
That was nearly like the chocolate factory.
Wormtail: Mr! Voldemort!
Voldemort: What is it stupid mouse.
Wormtail: Well you see, you're very cool.
Voldemort: You ain't ever had afoe like me!
Hands up in the air (for the record, I just spelt air wrong twice) looking Voldemortey.
Bicycle Song - Queen
In the hall now, everyone is swaying side to side.
Everyone: Jack Sparrow!
Jack Sparrow!
Professor McGonagall: Jack Sparrow doesn't have anything,
To do with this story.
Looking disapproving.
Random girl in pigtails: Jack Sparrow is so cool you see,
We included him in poetry!
Dumbledore stands up from his throne-like chair, his hair blowing in the non existent breeze, he shakes his hair and bit then puts his hands in the air.
Music: The Circle Of Life from The Lion King
Dumbledore: It's the hall of hogwaaaaaaaaaaaaaarts,
Look at them all.
Professor Sprout: What a strange little booooooooy,
Points at boy.
Professor Sprout: He ran into a wa-all.
Everyone: Bumedum, Bumedum.
Do do do do do do!
(writers block)
Dumbledore: It's the haaaaw aw aw aw all,
The hall of hogwartssssssssssssssssss,
Yeah!
Dumbledore jumps up on desk and strips off to reveal a shiny Elvis suit. Everyone else jumps on table and starts disco diva demon dancing. (I think my brother's nickname is Disco Diva Demon Dancing Dude or something.)
Music: Daddy Cool
Dumble-cool: Dumble-cool Dumble-cool!
Everyone: Oh Dumble-cool!
Dumble-cool: Dumble-cool Dumble-cool!
Everyone: Oh Dumble-cool!
Dumble-cool: Dumble-cool Dumble-coo oo oo ool.
Dumble-cool Dumble-cool.
Everyone: Uh uh uh! Uh uh uh!
Everyone's dancing while Hermione looks thoughtful, not dancing.
Music: Any Dream Will Do from Joseph
Hermione: I like to read.
I read in hallways,
What rhymes with hallways.
Damn, I should know.
Snape: Yes you should.
You disappoint me
Toenail. Clippings.
In my tea.
Harry and Ron snigger in a corner nearby.
Harry: I see an owl!
Ron: An owl of white!
Harry: That owl is mine!
Ron: It's out of sight!
Harry: Oh why did you leave me Hedwig.
Ron: Harry wants some mail!
Girls nearby: Mail Mail Mail MAIL!
Everyone gathers together in the middle.
Music: Once Upon A Dream from Sleeping Beauty
Everyone: We, all, live in Hogwarts school of witchcraft, and wizardry,
The syll-a-bles don't fit but who cares,
You do?
Luna: Screw you I have flu.
Dobby: It's a shame you smell, but I guess you'll find, some good, deodorant.
Malfoy: And you know I'm cool!
Ron: No we don't FOOL!
Everyone: We all need a hat
To help us with maths
Even though, we don't, learn it.
Music: Any Dream Will Do (again) from Joseph (the last line)
Everyone: Hogwarts.
School.
Is.
Cool.
Instrumental end
Everyone holds hands and bows, applause rings out, people throws roses at them even though they have no idea why they have roses in the first place, the curtain close.