Disclaimer: And sorry I don't do this very often. I don't really have an excuse.
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Harry walks down a hallway trying to find the new defence against the dark arts classroom. He opens a door to see Professor McGonagall arm wrestling with some chipmunks. He closes the door. He opens the next door, but that was just a room full of sad people on chairs with a banner saying "trombones anonymous" above their heads. He tries the next door.
Hermione and Ron: Harry!
Seamus: Gel?
Harry slides a pot of gel down his arm towards Seamus and then winks. Seamus swoons. He goes to sit next to Ron and Hermione.
Harry: Who's the new defence against the dark arts teacher then?
The lights dim and the portraits clap their hands enthusiastically.
Music Be Our Guest in Beauty and the Beast
Strange voice behind the curtain. Beehiiind thee currrtaaain: It. Is I!
The strange voice jumps out from behind the curtain. Or course it wasn't just a voice but that's what Lavender was wondering.
Bearded Guy: Bearded guy! And I'd like you all to fly. Come up and stand up on top of me. I'll launch you up Clive.
Clive up on chandelier: Hi!
Bearded Guy jumps up onto a desk stylishly, crushing someone's hand albeit, but he was shoved to one side as Homer came to watch.
Homer: Wooooow.
Bearded Guy: Parvati! Can't you see? There's a monkey in your tea.
Parvati sees and screams.
Bearded Guy: Don't you worry; don't despair, why it's only fishing there.
Parvati gives a sigh of relief and gazes adoringly at the monkey.
Bearded Guy: Try to waltz to Aberdeen. I can teach you Ron and Dean!
Hermione: But what about the learning for defeeence!
They all glare at Hermione.
Bearded Guy: What the point in trying, stuff that prevents us dying!
Where's the fun! Where's the fun! Where's the fun!
Hermione looks humph-ey.
Harry: I do agree. We can't just flee. What do we do when there's no tea!
Do we starve?
Bearded Guy: I don't care. All I know is stuff with flair.
Clive: So true.
Bearded Guy rips off his tie and does that whip thing that Indiana Jones does with it across the classroom.
Hermione: That's not right. It held on tight.
Ron: A charm to give it might?
Harry: You forgot this school your at, is full of magi-
Hermione: Oh yes that.
Bearded Guy starts grooving to the classes delight.
Seamus: Teach me judo!
Portrait of Monopoly: But not cludo.
Glares at portrait of Cludo.
Portrait of Cludo: Oh don't spread out your angry mood.
Opera Singer: Oh!
Music stops suddenly.
Opera singer is muffled and stole by Homer. Everyone stares.
Homer: Whew! That was close.
Someone coughs.
Music starts again, with everyone looking suspicious.
Bearded Guy: Won't you all come in and share your lives to Lynne–
Lynne waves.
Bearded Guy: It is I! Bearded Guy! From the sky!
Music stops.
Everyone is silent and unblinking while looking at Bearded Guy.
Homer: Wooooow.