Hey guys…I owe you all one hell of an apology I know I haven't updated in ages…and when I say ages I literally mean ages…but here is an update and I guess we should focus on that. I'm very sorry for the long wait I just hope it was worth it! Love Noor! I can't promise a new update very soon…seeing as I'll be very busy with school stuff and right now that's my first concern! Thanks all so much for the people who've been trying to keep me on my toes! I promise this is not the last you've seen of me! Love Noor! Song I used is called Breathe by Anna Nalick!
Chapter 11: Just breathe
Life..life is messy it's confusing and weird all in one. A life can be given nevertheless it can also be taken away, at any time, any moment and by anyone. Life is unexpected. You don't know when you'll live neither do you know when you'll stop living. Life is therefore one of the most scary yet loveable things in the world.
'Oh my god…oh my god oh my god…' said a scary Marissa as she kept her eyes shut and felt the tears escape her green orbs. She could feel his heavy body on her and she didn't know what was going on. Everything was silent in her ears, she could hear faint screams but she didn't know who was screaming, all she could do was concentrate on the noises inside the OR, and when she didn't hear any her heart sank.
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Marissa…' she could hear, but how she didn't know and who said it was a mystery as well. She heard it again, the voice belonged to a man…but not just a man, the man that she was in love with.
'Ryan…' she asked her voice was shaky and her lips were trembling, she heard him reply and tears of happiness escaped her already swollen red eyes. 'Oh god Ryan…' she repeated a couple of times, while crying her heart out. 'Are you okay?' she asked in the same shaky voice.
'Yeah…' he said while holding her tighter. 'And you?' he asked the question back. She replied with the same yeah he had and before either knew what he was doing, Ryan was starting to sit up, while his eyes scanned through the OR room he came face to face with a horrific scene one he hoped to never see again. His breath was caught in his throat and it felt as if he was choking…two dead bodies in the OR room. One on the OR table and one was sat against the wall with a whole through his head. Marissa opened her eyes as well and she too was terrified. She screamed on the top of her lungs and held on to Ryan while keeping her eyes on the man she knew as John, the angry trucker man.
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
'Oh my gosh!' she screamed while trying to catch her breath. Ryan put his hands before her eyes and held her close to his chest, he kept trying to calm her down, while he himself was upset. The door of the OR opened with a loud thud, and people came storming in, people as in the police. Ryan saw them rush through the OR room making it clear, even checking John's pulse and finding none. They cleared the OR room and before Ryan or Marissa knew what was happening one policeman took Marissa out of Ryan's arms to take her outside.
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Ryan got up and walked towards the OR door, he glanced back once and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts unfortunately for him it didn't work. His legs felt heavy with every step he took, he had never experienced something as scary as this before. He turned around the corner, only to be met by his anxious brother who was practically running the two feet towards him. Seth sighed a sigh of relief and put his hands on either side of his brother's shoulder. Their eyes met, and both were of relief.
Ryan saw that a crying Summer was hugging a shocked and silent Marissa, Taylor came running towards them as well and hugged Marissa and Summer too, then soon enough their geeky friend came towards them also and he did the same as Taylor. Ryan and Marissa's eyes met and he nodded at her and smiled sadly at her, know one was ever going to know or even understand how Ryan and Marissa felt. This was something only they shared.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
Marissa didn't smile back nor did she nod, she just walked away the minute she was released by her friends. She went to the locker rooms and changed her scrubs for her normal gear, closed her locker put her hair in a pony tail and walked out of the room. She was met by a police officer who told her that they wanted to question her; Marissa asked him in return if it could wait until in the morning, the policeman nodded and told her to come to the police station around 10 am, and to bring the other doctor.
'Marissa…' she could hear him say, Marissa closed her eyes briefly and cursed the policeman for keeping her up. She turned around and came face to face with a dressed Ryan. 'Hey…' she said and gave him a small smile.
'Are you okay?' he asked her and she nodded. 'That was scary…' he added. 'Yeah I know' Marissa said in return, no real emotion could be heard in her voice. 'Well I'll see you tomorrow…' Ryan said while walking towards the other direction. Marissa nodded and started to walk towards the car park. But suddenly stopped and turned back around.
'I felt safe…' she said, causing Ryan to turn back around and ask her 'what'. 'In the OR room, when you came in and jumped me all I could feel was safe…' she said a little louder than she had planned.
'That's…that's good.' he said and Marissa nodded yet again. 'Well I'll see you tomorrow…' she said and was stopped by Ryan's voice. 'You know if you ever want to talk about…I'm here.' He said and walked away; leaving Marissa with a timid smile on her face she nodded her self.
'That means a lot…' she said to none other then herself. Walking towards her car she couldn't help but picture John…she hadn't seen him as a harmful man…at first of course she did, but then again who wouldn't see the man with a gun in his hand threatening to kill you as harmful. But the more time she spent with him, she saw he was just very desperate and really didn't know what to do…and now he was dead…because he didn't see any other way out.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
'Hey Summer wait!' Seth called out to a rushing Summer who just wanted to go home and talk to her best friend about everything. Seth was running towards her and calling her name, but Summer didn't turn around nor did she respond to his desperate calls, the only thing on her mind was Marissa. She was however forced to a sudden halt when Seth's hand reached her shoulder and stopped her from walking.
'What is it Seth?' she asked in a not so friendly manner…she just couldn't deal with everything right now, she had to do everything one step at a time and step one was making sure Marissa was safe and sound.
'Uh I just wanted to make sure you were alright…today wasn't easy especially not on Marissa and Ryan, but it wasn't easy for us either…' Seth tried to reason with Summer, Summer let out a little bitter laugh…the last thing she was worried about was herself, Marissa risked her life for a patient, and then Ryan risked his life for her, how was this hard on Summer, she just stood there and didn't do anything. She cried her eyes out, but did she come up with a reasonable plan…no she didn't, so why was this entire event hard on her, when she didn't as so much lifted a finger.
'Yeah…well I'm fine…thanks…I was just on my way home so if you'll excuse me.' Summer said not once making eye contact with Seth, she knew he was on his way home too, or more likely to his brother. She turned around and walked away leaving a stunned Seth behind. Didn't they kiss, and weren't they there for each other while Ryan and Marissa were in actual mortal danger. Why was she being so cold and distant all of a sudden? Seth shook his head and decided to put that thought to the back of his mind, now he had to make sure his brother was okay.
Ryan was sitting on his sofa, the TV was on and BBC news was playing, he didn't listen to anything didn't even see the pictures on the screen of the hospital he worked at which were flashing by, the only reason the TV was on was because it was lulling his thoughts, it kept him from thinking too much. The events of today weren't even going through his mind a million times, there was one particular thing which was going on through his mind, the same thing which had been going through his mind when everything happened…she. She was in his mind, and he didn't know why…he probably knew why he was just not ready to admit it.
But he could not deny the fact any longer that he wanted to hear her voice and talk to her, talk things through once and for all, he had finally made his decision and he would tell her. Ryan got up from the couch and walked towards his phone; he dialled the number and listened to the dial tone.
'Hello…' came a reply, Ryan's breathing stopped for merely a second.
'Hey Theresa it's me Ryan…' he said and he could hear her gasp for air, he could hear the sniffles, and could only imagine how she would look like, how the tears would stream down her face just like they did when he walked in on her with another man.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
'Marissa…' Summer called softly while her hand knocked on the door, she didn't hear a reply, but that didn't make her go away, slowly she opened the door and saw Marissa lying on her side. She didn't look over her shoulder to see Summer, she knew she was there already. Summer walked to the side of the bed and her and Marissa looked each other in the eye. Summer could see the tears which had been forming in her eyes and lay down on the bed, holding Marissa tight while she could feel her cry and sob heavily. She kissed her head and tried to soothe her as well as she could. She maybe wasn't there for her before but now she was, and that was all that mattered.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
Unexpected and confusing or not, life is what makes us who we are. It's what makes us live, and once you get through the hard times there will be good times to, we are not the once who decides whether or not we should live or not, who can and can't live. We just need to live, because in the end you would want to look back and say 'I've lived my life to the fullest.'
Well guys I hope you liked this update! Tomorrow and the day after I'll be gone but once I'm back I'll try to update soon. Read and Review guys! Love Noor!