Yes, I know, it's been a long time. I'm sorry. I just get so easily distracted.

I don't own Twilight.

RPOV

Time passed. Minutes, days, weeks, months: they all receded until they were just a dark smudge surrounding me. Colors didn't seem as bright. I couldn't play music or focus on school. I was lost. Grandma broke down and built me a house. It was a very nice gesture, but it didn't help. It just gave me a place to exist in peace.

Mom talked to me about the time when Dad left her. It sounded a lot like how I felt. Accept she had to be normal for Charlie. I had no such obligations. Oh, I could have tried for my family, but I was bitter. I felt betrayed by my father.

Also, Mom and dad had at least had time together. They had had time as a couple to create memories. Even if those memories were painful, at least they were there. Jake and I hadn't had that kind of time as a couple.

The worst difference was that Mom had been mortal. She had had the comfort of mortality as a background thought. She may not have thought of it, but it was there. She had the assurance that the pain had to end, eventually. What I would give for that kind of knowledge. It's not that I wanted to die. It's just that the pain seemed so endless. Eternity just got longer and longer with every passing minute.

Dad talked to me too, of course. His story was even closer to mine than Mom's. Accept, he had had the option of returning. I had no such choice. I just had to wait.

I immersed myself in books. Grandpa supplied me with new reading material almost daily. It was my only escape. Every second brought with it new pain. Memories attacked me. Images haunted me. Movies, music, and certain books: they all reminded me of Jake. Everything reminded me of Jake.

I was fighting myself every moment to keep from following him. My every instinct screamed at me to fight for what was mine, but I couldn't. Jacob had chosen his path, leaving me to deal with mine. So, I withdrew. I sunk deep inside writing and ignored the fact that my very being was splitting into multiple directions.

I tried to believe that this had happened for a reason, comforted myself with the fact that Jake would be happier this way. He wouldn't have to live a lie anymore. He could love someone else. That thought was enough to send me spiraling down a whole new path of anguish. The idea of another woman touching him, kissing him, holding him when he was sad, and laughing with him almost shattered me. I was a broken creature.

My family desperately tried to help me. It was no use. The only person who could save me did not have the inclination to do so. I sometimes wondered if my father felt even a touch of remorse. I knew, somewhere inside, that I was being unfair. He just wanted the best for me. They all wanted the best for me. I just wasn't sure if I wanted the best for me. I definitely didn't want it if it meant being without Jacob.

He may have imprinted on me, but I was just as connected to him. It was a two-way thing. That was what none of them understood. Actually, that was unfair. There were a few who understood. All of them were werewolves or imprintees. Occasionally, Quil or one of the others would visit. Quil was the only one that I willingly "woke up" for. He would never replace Jake, but he seemed to understand. He would sit quietly while I read or talk about absolutely nothing.

Those were the times that I felt closest to Jake. Knowing that there was another person in the room who missed him, another person who could hear his thoughts sometimes, helped; it wasn't enough, but it helped.

JPOV

I ran and ran. There was no escape from the pain that followed me like a ghost. It was ever present, ever waiting. I knew no sanctuary accept for in those arms that I had willingly left. I spent little time in wolf form. It provided me with a small distraction, but there were always others in my head. The voices of my pack were there. It did not help, the closeness. It only made it harder to avoid the hurt. That last connection to home, to her, was the most painful.

After a long time of running, sifting, and running more, time seemed to stop flowing. I was stuck in a singular moment. I would be frozen forever in an empty existence. At that point, the lowest moment, I saw Renesmee in Quil's mind. IT wasn't a picture of how she was at the moment, just a memory. That was when I stopped shifting. Seeing Nessie almost killed me. It was like my heart was ripped out through my skin.

I would have preferred any pain more as I lay on the forest form, half wolf and half man, writhing in pain, physical pain, from seeing her. It was too much. She was supposed to be mine. We were supposed to be together, but that was over. All I could feel was anguish as wave after wave of memories and pain finally caught up to me.

Nessie smiling up at me, a baby, as my whole world suddenly fell into place.

Nessies' first hunting experience.

Nessie sleeping, projecting her dreams into my head.

Nessie changing from outfit to outfit as her Aunts tried to recreate a whole lifetime of photos in one day.

Nessie, 13 years old, taking my hand in hers and smiling a smile that was just slightly different from what it had been before.

Nessie doodling in history class, passing notes to Alice and me.

Nessie fighting a bear.

Nessie dancing in my arms.

Nessie telling me she loves me.

Kissing Nessie.

Holding Nessie.

Telling her goodbye.

Nessie with tears on her beautiful face.

A hundred waves of emotions washed over me. I felt like I was dying. I finally pulled myself out of it, panting. Nothing had changed. I was still far away from her. We were still not together. This had to stop. I had to make this right. I just had to figure out how.

Okay, so kind of short but whatever. Review, please! I have a new poll, vote!