Note: Sorry if this chapter is a little snappish and/or pissy, but I've been watching a lot of Foamy the Squirrel and he's kind of poisoned my brain. Yeah. So...

A BIG thank you to KaiAN-Chan (God, I hope I spelled that right...) for reviewing my story sooo many times!

Happy Birthday Death is Painless!

I don't own Jak and Daxter. I don't. So you damn lawyers can back off. Go away. No one wants you here. Leave. Go.

On with the show!

Chapter 18 (Not gonna bother with a funny reference today.)

"I always hated weddings." Torn commented glumly, looking at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a snowy-white tuxedo with a rich royal purple tie and cummerbund. "I look like some random street pimp." Jak straightened his own collar in a different mirror. "If you were wearing bright yellow and a feathered hat, maybe." He grumbled, obviously regretting his choice of a bright blue tux. But, he was stuck with it now. "God, this is so humiliating." Torn complained. "Stop complaining. You look fine. Me, on the other hand; I look like an idiot."

"No you don't you look fine." Torn said. "Our wedding is in a freakin' week. How am I going to survive?" Jak mumbled to himself. "The anticipation is killing me." Torn laughed. "It's only seven days. Seven days and we're off to somewhere nice and summery. Like...I don't know. Not Haven City."

Jak rolled his eyes. "We'll figure that out later." He said. Torn whined nasally at the tight fit of his white dress shoes. Jak started laughing his head off. "What's so funny?" Torn demanded. "N-Nothing...Y--you sound like...like a little girl...when y-you whine like th-that..hahaha..." Jak replied, stifling a laugh behind his hand. "Oh, shut up. You'd whine too if the circulation in your feet were being cut off by these damned uncomfortable shoes." Jak laughed harder at Torn's reply. "You know, you're really starting to piss me off." Torn said.

"S-Sorry, Torn...Haa..." Jak gasped for air and took off his dress jacket. "Let's get these things back on the hangers and pay for them." Torn looked around and realized they were still in the store, and people were beginning to stare. One lady in particular had this look on her face like she'd never seen a happy blonde man and a skinny tattooed man walk into a tuxedo store before. Jak and Torn changed back into their normal clothes and Torn walked up to the counter to buy both of the tuxedos.

As they were walking out, Torn shuddered involuntarily. "What is it?" Jak asked.

"The lady behind the counter kept hitting on me." Jak began to laugh again. "Shut up!" Torn demanded. "S-sorry. Come on, let's go get some ice cream. My treat." Jak said, a big grin still plastered on his face. Torn rolled his eyes. "Yeah, alright." Jak began to run towards the ice cream shop next door in the strip mall. "Hey! Slow down, you look a kid in a candy store!" Torn called, running behind him, lifting the tuxedos so they weren't dragging on the ground. Jak paid for a quadruple cone for himself and one for Torn. "There is no damned way I can eat that much ice cream." However, Jak had already downed half of his. "Jesus."

"You can call me Jak."

"Shut up, you windbag." Jak grinned evilly and downed the rest of his cone. "How about I help you with that over there?" Jak said suggestively, pointing to a spot farther away, under a tree. Torn have a cockeyed grin and followed him.

It was about two hours before Torn and Jak could find the inner strength to peel themselves off of each other and realize they had to get home. "Mm. I almost don't want to go home." Torn mumbled.

"Oh, lord. Me neither. I want to stay here and shove my tongue down your throat." Jak replied. The ice cream had been long since forgotten.

"We've got to get home, though, before Ashlien has every cop in the city looking for us."

"Why is she such a bitch?"

"I have no idea." Torn said, getting up. "Come on." Jak got up behind him and they began walking.

It was yet another uneventful two hours before they reached the hideout. "Finally peeled off each other and came back?" Ashlien asked. "Yes..I mean, no! We were just out getting the tuxes!" Jak answered nervously. "Then we stopped for ice cream."

"And began screwing under a tree." Torn finished. "Torn!" Jak exclaimed embarrassedly.

"Hey, you were the one busting my balls about not telling people what was going on, you hypocrite."

"True..." Jak replied. Ashlien rolled her eyes and took the tuxes. "I'll put these somewhere safe." She said walking away, rolling her eyes at Jak's blush and Torn's cocked grin.

Another week, and they would be gone for two.

End of Chapter 18

Holy 18th chapter, Batman! How will this story play out?

I don't know, Robin, but we'll be there every step of the way.