I'm watching Loveless. Underage Shounen Ai + Cat ears and tails = super-special-awesomely kawaii.
My parents decided to stay for the week, which was fine because it's just spring break anyway, too commercialized and still cold. So I ended up sneaking out to Larxene's house every night, we'd have sex then lie together. I'd watch her face, so much calmer.
I feel no love for her, no pity, just a desire for salvation. She knows it too, in her tempest of emotions. What she calls love is just guilt and sadness and the promise of freedom, of escape, of redemption. I know, even now, even when we're far away and I'm fucking some girl I barely know, that I can only love one person, I only want to love one person. Every night when I fall asleep, the name on my lips is still 'Namine.'
--
It's my last night in Twilight Town. Larx takes me out to an island on a little lake. I didn't even know there was a lake here; it's too big to be a pond though. We end up fucking then we go back, she sleeps, I think.
--
When we get home the first thing I do is dump my bag on the floor. I dig through the pile until I find my DS, then I flip it open, grinning like a maniac. Inside I find a little piece of paper and my first thought is that Zexion used up the batteries and left a note about it or something but I don't think he'd do that, besides it's folded so I'm pretty sure it's more than that.
Hi Xi!
Anyway I should come out and say it. I'm probably dead by now. Don't look so surprised and don't you dare blame yourself. To be honest I was planning this for a while, after my sister died I was just like "Fuck it." Then my parents stopped talking to me and to each other. When my 16th birthday came around they just threw some car keys in my face, did I tell you that?
Anyway Marluxia was really my only friend after that, I got kind of anti-social and bitchy but he saw through it. After he died everyone stopped talking to me. It was like I was cut off from the world, which wasn't that bad because nothing was real; it was like I was watching a movie.
When you showed up I existed for a week. It was nice, you showed me the lighter side of reality and I didn't feel like going back. It's like now I'm ready to die because you made it so I can forgive myself.
Thanks, and you know I love you. Larx
When I realized what the note was I had all these random flashes of stealing a motorcycle or something and rushing off to save her. It'd probably be too late though. I only knew her for a week so it shouldn't really be a big deal. Still I knew her, I fucked her, and now she's saying it's because of me. Maybe it's better that she hung onto the 'love' thing until the end.