Authors note: This is not my best chapter, not by a mile. But at least its an update. Enjoy! I hope...

6 days, 8 hours, and 23 minutes. That's how long it's been since I was raped. I thought every day, things would get a little easier but they haven't. I continued to hurt Edward. My body just wouldn't relax when I was near him, let alone when he tried to hold me. Every day I see that pain flash across his beautiful face I hate myself even more.

Alice had kept her promise though. That night after my angry outburst, she went home and talked Jasper into taking a vacation. I haven't heard from her since. I knew I had hurt her. At the time I didn't care. I just wanted to be left alone. But now…Sometimes I wish I had someone I could confide in.

Edward had stopped coming over a few nights ago. He always said he would never leave me again unless I didn't want to be with him anymore. I still wanted Edward. With every fiber of my being. But I knew my actions were saying otherwise. It kills me inside, knowing what he must be thinking. I imagine my behavior must be very similar to what I went through before Edward left me. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I didn't want him to suffer. Not because of me. Maybe I should just let him go. It couldn't be any worse than what I've put him through every day since the attack. A clean break might end his suffering. Or he could blame himself for ever leaving me in the first place. I wouldn't want him to head off to Italy again. The thought sent a surge of pain through my chest.

No. I would stay with Edward for now. But I need to find a way to get over this and fast. Maybe if I tried to spend more time around people I would get used to having that contact. Even if it wasn't direct. It's a Friday night; I bet Angela would be willing to go out. Have a girl's night. I've been avoiding her too. I could see the concerned looks she gave me whenever we passed each other in the hall. I picked up the phone and dialed her number. It felt like forever since I've called anyone.

"Hey Angela. It's Bella." There was a pause on the other end, like she didn't quite believe it was actually me calling.

"Bella. Hey. What's going on?" Her voice was laced with concern. I felt bad yet again. I was hurting everyone. I didn't think it was possible to hate myself anymore than I already did. I was wrong.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight. Maybe go to Port Angeles and catch a movie…" I trailed off waiting for her answer. Conflicted between wanting her to say yes and wanting her to be busy.

"Yeah that would be great. I could use a night out away from Ben. He's driving me crazy with all these movies he's into, insisting I watch them all. I can't stand another one, not tonight at least."

"Great. How about I pick you up in an hour?"

"Sure, sounds good. I'll see you then."

"Bye."

I hung up slightly relieved, but mostly nervous. It's not like Angela would be trying to hold me or anything. But being near people made me uneasy. I always felt like they were looking at me with disgust. Deep down I knew this was ridiculous. But I couldn't stop feeling like everyone was judging me.

I took a quick shower and then looked through my closet for something to wear. I grabbed what used to be my favorite pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt. These days I didn't really care what I looked like. It took a lot of effort just to shower and comb my hair. I put on my pants and stopped. They were very loose. I turned towards the mirror. I had always been thin but looking at my reflection…I could see the outline of my ribs. My pants were on the verge of falling down. I took them off and stood there examining myself. My hip bone was more noticeable. My collar bone stood out next to my bony shoulders. My face looked thinner and I had dark circles under my eyes. I wondered when the last time I had anything to eat was. I couldn't remember. Had I even eaten since that dreadful day?

I thought back on the past week. I couldn't remember even picking up an apple. It's only been six days though. Surely that couldn't have such an effect. I threw on my robe and walked into the bathroom. Shutting the door I left the robe fall. I stepped on the scale that sat across from the toilet next to the sink. Shocked, I took a step backward, nearly tripping in the process. I'd lost 15 lbs. Was that really possible? To lose that much weight in one week? Not even a week. 6 days. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. How had I not noticed how horrible I looked? Or how loose my pants were becoming? Was I that out of it? The thought scared me a little bit.

Despite my appearance, I still had no desire to eat anything. I knew I should. Maybe I was just punishing myself. It didn't matter why. I had no plans to eat anything anytime soon. I'd have to invest in some smaller jeans before anyone noticed. Or my pants fell down in public. For tonight I would have to wear a belt. I was surprised though to find even that didn't fit. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and cut a new hole. It would work for now. Throwing on another shirt and sweatshirt, to hide my body, I was finally ready to leave. I was only a few minutes late picking up Angela. She didn't mind of course.

The evening went by slowly. I was counting the minutes till the movie would be over. I let Angela pick since I knew I wouldn't be watching anyways. The theater was packed. My body was so on edge my muscles were starting to hurt. I could see people moving out of the corner of my eye. I was paranoid, I knew this. I didn't know how bad it would be. Suddenly laying in bed in Edwards arms didn't sound so bad. I would at least be safe there. Angela wanted to get something to eat afterwards but I lied and said I was feeling sick.

Finally home, I leaned against the front door after shutting and locking it. Charlie was already in bed. I could him snoring all the way downstairs. I hung my parka up on the hooks in the entry way before heading upstairs. I flicked on my light as I began to undress. I turned away from the mirror not wanting to look at myself anymore. I started to scream when I saw a figure standing in the corner. I realized it was just Edward and stopped myself. He stood there with wide eyes, horrified. I quickly covered myself up. I wasn't sure if he didn't like the way I looked half naked or if he was horrified by how bony I had become. I was almost hoping for the first option.

"Oh my god, Bella. What…" He trailed off, speechless. I couldn't look at him. Reluctantly I turned around facing the mirror. I could see Edward still standing in the corner with a look I'd never seen on his face. He snapped out of it and I saw him start walking towards me. I turned around and willed my body to not freak out at his closeness. Edward took me in his arms and held me close to him. There were no words spoken. I wanted to pull away. I was holding my breath praying he would release me. I managed to get through his embrace this time. Edward pulled back and searched my eyes for answers. Answers he knew I wouldn't give. The look on his face broke my heart and I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep hurting him. It was selfish of me to keep him around when obviously I couldn't handle this closeness. I took a deep breath and muttered the words I never thought I'd hear come from my mouth.

"Edward, I can't do this anymore. It's over. We're over."

His face fell as the realization of what I was saying finally hit him. Within seconds, faster than my eyes could even see, he was gone. I fell to my knees, gasping for air, as tears streamed down my face.