A/n: Hello whoever may be reading this. Welcome to the second chapter of The Wizards of Hogs. It's been a while on the update, but thats what heppens when your co-author is stuck in a bottomless pit of school work. But now we can rejoice over the fact that now it is the holidays and there is much time for writing.

This chapter was completely written by discombobulated.shoe so if you would kindly adress her with much praise.

Well, looks like it's my turn next. I guess I'd better start the next chapter. Please Read and Review.

Disclaimer: If I owned the maraduers, i would be living it up in LA, with my stretch limo and hot male models all around me...Oh well, i suppose this life is good too.

Chapter Two

"Well look at what we have here…"

James took a moment to consider the caretaker before him and decided that Filch's smile was by far more sinister than his scowl. His scowl, he figured, meant you'd gotten away with something but his smile meant you'd been caught, and would very soon wish you'd never been born.

"Erm… well…" James stuttered, at an uncharacteristic loss for words, "Oh! Look behind you!"

Filch turned suddenly and though it seemed he'd just fallen for the oldest trick in the book it turned out it wasn't so effective when there really was something behind him. Especially something monstrous, like Professor McGonagall for instance.

"I am appalled that four members of my own house should be found wandering the school at such an indecent hour of the night." McGonagall pursed her lips and glared at them in turn. "And in such suspicious circumstances!" She added frowning at James' broom. He immediately hid it behind his back as if to protect it and caught himself wondering why the hell they weren't invisible right now.

"What's that piece of parchment in your hand Mr. Lupin? I am particularly disappointed in you; I thought you'd have more sense than to involve yourself in something such as this."

James watched as Remus withered under McGonagall's withering gaze and handed over the, fortunately disguised, Marauders Map.

"Mr. Black, what suspicious items may I find on your person? Turn out your pockets."

Sirius did so and revealed about a dozen or so dungbombs, which made James wonder if perhaps Sirius slept with a pocket full of dungbombs; he never seemed to run out of them.

"I thought as much," said McGonagall handing the dungbombs to Filch. She then turned to Peter and after his pockets revealed nothing, she decided his shoes looked much too dangerous to remain in his possession.

"What are you going to do with our stuff?" inquired Peter, his voice shaking as he looked forlornly at his shoeless feet.

"I am taking them to the Headmaster, you can consider them confiscated Mr. Pettigrew." McGonagall said icily before turning to James. "Hand over your broom Mr. Potter."

James' eyes widened. "What!? But Professor! This can't be necessary! My broom has nothing to do with it! It's innocent I tell you! What about Quidditch? Think of how pompous Slytherin will be if they win this year! They don't deserve the Cup Professor! Please!" James cried clutching his broom to his chest.

"Mr. Potter I'm sure the confiscation of your broomstick won't deplete Gryffindor's chance at winning the Quidditch Cup. I haven't banned you from Quidditch, you'll just have to make do with one of the school brooms."

"The school brooms are a bloody disgrace and you know it Professor. This is one of the new Nimbus models! Flies like a bird she does. Better even. You can't be doing this!"

"I can assure you I am Mr. Potter--"

Professor McGonagall was interrupted by a loud bang and the most god-awful smell ever to have attacked an innocent nose. James grinned; Sirius' never-ending supply of dungbombs was very useful indeed. He grabbed Peter's arm as Sirius grabbed Remus' and they all bolted for the Gryffindor common room.

--

Sirius sat guiltily as James paced the floor in front of him.

"Sirius, you had the cloak, can you kindly explain why we were invisible on the way up to Lily's dormitory but not on the way back to ours?"

"Well, you see mate, the thing about that is, I'm pretty sure I accidentally left it in the Girl's Dorm--"

"You WHAT!" James exclaimed.

"I said: I think I accidentally left--"

"I know what you said! I'm just appalled that it's actually true!"

Sirius looked at his best friend seriously, "Prongsie mate, you're scaring me; you sounded like McGonagall just then."

"I don't think you understand what this means." James said in disbelief.

"It means," said Remus matter-of-factly, "That Lily now has a trap spell in her underwear draw, James' cloak in her dormitory and plenty of evidence to support the rumour that James has been rummaging around in her underthings."

Sirius blinked and James groaned and thumped his head on the nearest book he could find.

Remus ignored the book abuse and continued, "It also means, that I was right--"

James groaned again. "That's it. I'm going to throw myself out a window now." He said and ran towards the stairs that lead up to the dormitories. The only problem was, they were the wrong dormitories.

"Er… James those are the girls dormitories." Peter said before James feet gave out under him and the stairs he was running up turned into a massive stone slide.

There was a resounding crack as James' head hit the leg of an inconveniently placed table.

"Ouch." Peter winced as he hurried to join the other two boys who were leaning concernedly over James' unconscious form.

--

James sat up and rubbed his head unconsciously ruffling his much ruffled hair. He sat up and with one look at the clashing colours that surrounded him he clutched his Nimbus, which had been sitting on the ground next to him, protectively to his chest. "I don't think we're in Hogwarts anymore Nimbo." He said quietly.

"Potter!"

James uttered a small scream and managed to jump about three feet in the air and land firmly on his two feet facing a most beautiful and terrifying sight.

Lily Evans glared at him. "You arrogant, self-cantered twat!" she exclaimed. "How much more selfish can you get?"

"Err…" James blinked dumbly at her for a moment having been preoccupied with her massive pink dress that made her look remarkably like a giant marshmallow. A giant marshmallow with firey red hair and dreamy green eyes that seemed to say 'you are so dead Potter.'

"Landing that castle so unceremoniously and rudely on the Wicked Squib of the East!"

"Um… what?" James was now thoroughly confused, he turned around and gaped at what he saw. Hogwarts castle was planted firmly on what appeared to be Filch; though he wasn't sure as all he could see of the caretaker were his legs and a pair of startling ruby red slippers.

Lily rolled her eyes at him, "Honestly, don't you know anything? I am the Good Witch of the North and you have just killed the Wicked Squib of the East." She jerked her thumb in the direction of the recently flattened Filch.

"It's all right, you can come out now." She said in a louder and kinder voice.

A swarm of house elves marched out of various cupboards and started singing at the top of their squeaky voices. "Ding dong the squib is dead! Which old squib? The Wicked Squib! Ding dong the Wicked Squib is dead!" When their sudden onslaught of singing had ended Lily turned to him expectantly.

"Uh…" He said begging his brain for the appropriate thing to say. "You're welcome?"

Lily put her hands on her hips and he steeled himself for another verbal bashing, "You're welcome? You should be sorry! Now the Wicked Witch of the West is going to come looking for revenge!"

As if on cue there was a puff of smoke and Professor McGonagall appeared. The house elves all ran back for the cover of their respective cupboards screaming "The Wicked Witch of the West!" in pure terror.

McGonagall took a few steps towards Filch and turned to Lily and James, her pursed lips making a pale line across her face.

"Mr Potter, are you aware that there's a dead squib under this here castle?"

"Professor, I don't think that's a fair question!" James protested, "I only just found out a few minutes ago!"

"Or so you say. Now Mr Potter, don't lie to me, where are the shoes?"

"Um… What shoes?"

"The ruby red slippers!" She demanded irritably.

Lily let out a sudden laugh and they both turned to her. She grinned at them and pointed at James' feet. They all looked down. The much desired footwear had appeared by magic in place of James' own school shoes. He cringed. They had heels; he might have been able to tolerate it if they hadn't had heels. He wondered what Filch was doing with them in the first place.

McGonagall glared at them in turn. "This isn't over Potter," she said, "I'll get you, and your little broomstick too!" And with that she disappeared in yet another puff of smoke.

James blinked three times exactly before looking over at Lily and saying, "What now?"

"The Wizard of course!" She exclaimed, "You should go straight to the Wizard of Hogs and tell him all about it. He'll wan't to hear of this."

"Will he?"

"Yes."

"Okay then, how do I, uh, find him?"

"Follow the yellow brick road! It will lead you straight to him."

"There's a road leading to him? How convenient."

The house elves all scurried out of their hiding places and swarmed around him chanting, "Follow the yellow brick road! Follow the yellow brick road!" James twisted around beating off elves with his broom and trying not the trip on his new shoes. "Lily!" He called, "Don't I get a goodbye kiss?"

"Just follow the damn road Potter," she said before disappearing in a flurry of house elves.

If you are reading this then you have just finished the above chapter. Good for you! Here, have a cookie! Now, if you liked the chapter, or even if you have constructive critizem, feel free to leave a review and make my day. I'll just sit here and wait.

Onward, to chapter 3!