A/n: Chapter 4, wherein Peter as annoying (as usual), James falls on his face (as usual) and we meet the Tin Man (err...as usual too, i think)

Chapter 4

"… So then this other crow came at me and I could just tell it wanted to eat all the corn! So I waved my arms at it, and it squawked at me, and I yelled at it, and it squawked at me again before starting to eat all the corn! I would have gotten down and chased it away but I couldn't because I was all attached to that pole thing! How am I supposed to scare crows if I can't move?"

James rolled his eyes and just barely resisted the urge to cover his ears with his hands and run away screaming. After three hours of non-stop chatter from Scarecrow-Peter he knew why it was all scarecrows didn't talk. It was just so bloody annoying. If he could cut off his ears, he most certainly would.

"… And it was all because I didn't have my shoes on! They were my favourite shoes you know, they were black and had shoelaces. Do you know that every shoe I've ever seen has had shoelaces? I mean, not the sandals and slippers, but they aren't shoes. Well, I mean, they're shoes of course, but the aren't shoe shoes, do you know what I mean?"

"I have no idea what you mean." James said helplessly. The scarecrow didn't seem to notice and continued to slowly drive James insane with his incessant babble.

About an hour or so ago they had left the never-ending sea of cornfields and entered a sort of forest. Yet the yellow brick road meandered onwards and James was wondering how many times his shoes had caused him to fall over his own feet since he set off on his journey, about one hundred and thirty seven by his count.

'Oomph,' thought James as he found himself face first on the yellow bricks yet again, 'make that one hundred and thirty eight.'

James picked himself up and stared in slack-jawed amazement as Scarecrow-Peter continued to list every shoe he had ever laid eyes on and describe it in great, mind-numbing detail without pausing once for breath.

"…Well there was this one pair shoes someone had taken the laces out of, I don't know why, what good are shoelaces without shoes to lace? Maybe they lost their shoelaces and decided to replace them with someone else's! Or maybe the shoes I saw were their shoes that they'd lost the laces of. It's really amazing you know, all this stuff that people disregard as unimportant just links to all these other people we've never met! It's amazing. And you know those shoes I was talking about? They were gone the next day! I bet there's a really long and interesting story to go with that. I wonder what it is? Maybe there was a giraffe…"

'I'm dying,' James thought, 'Oh God, I'm dying. I will soon be dead.'

"Hey Look! What's that? Over there! Be quiet for one bloody moment whilst you look for what I'm pointing at! Just please, oh God please don't say anything." James said thrusting his pointing hand towards nowhere in particular in desperation.

"What? What's that? What do you see? Where? Where is it James? Did I miss it? Oh, I hope not. What if it was a shoe? James, was it a shoe? Did it have shoelaces? Yes? No? What? Where is it James I don't see anything? Unless you meant that tin man over there, but he isn't wearing any shoes. Did you mean the tin man? And does tin feet count as shoes? Or does he need to have something over the tin feet? But he wouldn't really need to would he? Would he?"

"SHUT UP!" James cried before turning around and marching towards the tin man, his heels click-clacking on the bricks. He remembered vaguely that Scarecrow had mentioned something about a Tin Man telling him to guard the cornfields, and was wondering if perhaps this was the tin man he'd been talking about.

"You! I have issues to sort out with you," James fumed, "If you hadn't told that bloody scarecrow to guard that corn he wouldn't be following me around talking my ears off!"

"Muhmmhhrm? Hffhfmmmrrmh!" Replied the Tin Man indignantly.

"What?" James frowned in confusion, what the hell? He thought, is everyone here insane but me?

"Uhh… James?" Asked Scarecrow-Peter tentatively.

"No. Be quiet. I don't want to hear it. You have no idea how much I do not want to hear it."

Scarecrow-Peter thrust an oilcan in front of James' face. "He's all rusty." He said.

"What?"

"Well he's made of tin right? Right. So when it rains he goes all rusty, like other tin things. And because he's all rusty he can't speak. Because of, you know, all the rust. I saw some rust the other day you know? I did. It was really rusty. Who would have guessed? I wonder where it came from? It was probably this flying doorbell…"

James grabbed the oilcan from the scarecrow's hands and poured its entire contents over the tin man's head.

"Yuck. I have oil in my mouth. Yuck, yuck, yuck!" cried the tin man spitting vehemently on the ground around him.

"Hey tin man, what's your name?" asked James, he had a nagging feeling he'd seen the man before, he just couldn't place where, "do I know you?"

"My name is Tin Man."

"Tin Man?"

"Yeah, don't you just hate parents?"

James suddenly realised why the tin man had seemed so familiar; he was remarkably like Sirius.

"Hi! My name's Scarecrow!" Peter piped up from behind James.

"Oh bugger, not you again." Tin-Sirius said irritably.

"Hey! That's mean," Scarecrow-Peter protested, "you're so heartless!"

"So? Do I look like I give a damn? Shut it or I'll light your hay on fire."

The scarecrow immediately quieted. This could come in handy, James thought.

"Hey! Tin Man, why don't you tag along? We're going to see the Wizard of Hogs."

Tin-Sirius shrugged, "Fine, s'not like I have anything better to do."

Peter brightened, "Hey! I know a song about that! We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Hogs! Because, because, because, because, because! Because of the wonderful things he does! If ever there ever a wiz there was the wizard of Hogs is one because--"

"SHUT UP!" cried James and Tin-Sirius at the same time.

Scarecrow-Peter shut up.

Hello readers! That was discombobulated.shoe's chapter, so i hope you all enjoyed it. Sorry it took so long to update. Shoe is a dedicated procrastinator and is easily distracted, unlike m- hey! look, it's a bird!

anyway, please Read and Review! it would be so lovely if you did. I'd really rather not beg, but if its the only way...please please please R&R!!!!

thanks either way, and i hope to see you all soo- err, eventually, on the next chapter.

See ya

- Tiger-Cub684