Vexen in Wonderland

I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Alice in Wonderland. Kingdom Hearts belongs to Disney and Square Enix. Alice in Wonderland references are used from both Lewis Carroll and Disney.

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It was another, smaller door. Vexen opened that one, too. There was another door under that one, too.

"This is ridiculous!" Vexen exclaimed, yanking open that door as well.

Vexen opened about five more doors until he got to the door for the room beyond the doorframe. It was a problem since the door was only four feet tall and two feet wide. He looked at the opening, wondering how he could get inside comfortably.

"Curse this nonsensical realm!" Vexen exclaimed, laying on his side and wriggling through the door like a worm. He got to his feet once he was on the other side, looking around.

It was a kitchen in the gayest colors he'd ever seen in a house.

"Marluxia must have decorated this room." He said, blinking as he looked around.

The floor was a vertical stripe pattern in pale pink and buttercup yellow with the walls and the ceiling pastel blue. A brick oven that had its grate shut and a fire burning inside, giving a cozy feel to the room. The wall space next to the oven had a bright green shelf laden with various cookbooks. The counters underneath were clean and polished and a pale purple, covered with knives of various shapes and sizes that shone brilliantly in the overhead light.

Vexen felt a chill go down his spine as he looked at the countertops. Was that a red stain he saw on the butcher knife? He pitied the poor soul that had their innards scooped out by that knife. He turned away, nearly stumbling into the glass topped table and white painted iron chair.

Frowning, he walked to the other end of the room to a door that was even shorter than the last one.

There was no way in hell he would be able to fit through this pitiful door. Still, he was curious as to what was on the other side. He grabbed the knob, and the brass handle responded with a loud honking noise.

"AHEM! Do you mind?!" The doorknob asked, wriggling its knobby nose, the keyhole moving like lips as it talked.

"Excuse me?" Vexen asked, clearly miffed that he was being scolded by a doorknob.

"Just grabbing my nose like that! Honestly! You have no manners, old man!"

"Old man?!" Vexen screeched.

"There's a perfectly good key over there." The doorknob continued, waving it's knobby nose towards the glass table.

Vexen turned his head towards the table and saw the brass skeleton key resting on the table. That hadn't been there before… had it?

Regardless, Vexen stomped over to the table, snatching up the brass key and shoved it into the keyhole. The doorknob began to struggle and gag, but Vexen ignored it as he turned the key. Then the doorknob was still as he yanked open the door.

Annoyance slowly ebbing away, he got on his hands and knees and poked his head through the door and looked around.

It was a beautiful meadow with the sun shining upon it in a brilliant blue sky, the grass a bright green in the light. It was so pleasant, Vexen wanted nothing more than to be in it.

"If only I could shrink down to the proper size." He mused, deep in pleasant daydreams of the meadow.

He suddenly had to sneeze. With such a force that when his head came up and his neck hit the door frame and he fell flat on his stomach. He crawled out rubbing his neck, wincing. Perhaps he could find some ice for his neck somewhere in the kitchen. His eyes scanned the room, and he saw nothing but a newly arrived pie upon the glass table.

The piecrust was a perfect golden brown, and gave off such a heavenly aroma that made his mouth water. A fork, knife, a beautiful china plate, and embroidered cloth napkin was next to the pie.

Why not? Vexen thought to himself, stomach roaring in longing. I might as well… There's no one else here… His thoughts came back to the talking doorknob. He's as dead as a doorknob! I don't believe he should want any pie. Vexen laughed, despite the cold-blooded murder he had committed just a few moments ago.

He cut himself a large portion of the pie and used the knife to take it out and place it on the plate. Setting down the knife, he grabbed the fork and turned it sideways to cut the tip off of the pie. He now noticed the cherry pie filling as it oozed out from between the crusts.

"So that's what the stain on the butcher knife was." He said, more to assure himself. But then… Why was a butcher knife used?

He tried to fight off the thoughts as he put the hot piece of cherry pie into his mouth, letting the exquisite flavor wash over his tongue as he chewed. He tried to concentrate on the flaky, buttery crust or the freshness of the cherries, or even the sugary euphoriant that preserved the fruit, but the gay kitchen began to seem more and more menacing with each bite of the pie he took.

Now, he wanted nothing more than to escape into the meadow, where all his fears of this menacing kitchen would just melt away into nothing.

He slammed the plate down and made a run for the meadow, and he could not help but notice how the door got taller with each stride until he passed neatly underneath.

He was scarcely out into the open when the doorway he had just come out of, that seemed attached to nothing he could see, when it slammed shut behind him.

Vexen turned towards the door to see the doorknob scowling at him, knobby nose turning either direction as it grumbled.

So perhaps he hadn't killed it after all.

This information hardly mattered to Vexen as he strode through the meadow, where the forget-me-nots and pansies and sunflower and all sorts of brilliant blooms grew, thriving in the sunlight where butterflies of every color danced from flower to flower. For the first time in a rather long time, he felt genuinely happy. Or as happy as he could be for something with no heart.

That idea puzzled Vexen as we walked upon a newly found dirt road to a charming cottage at the end with a great expanse of trees behind it in a dark and forbidding forest. He kept walking towards the cottage until he heard a familiar voice calling out.

"Hey! Maid! You listenin' to me?" He turned to see the ridiculously garbed Larxene running towards him from a different direction.

He looked around to see if she was yelling at someone else, but he saw no one around him.

She was on him quickly, grabbing him by the arm.

"Yes, you, stupid! ¿Habla usted Inglés?" She quickly began to drag him towards the cottage.

"I'm not your maid!" Vexen hissed, trying to get her arm off.

"So you do speak English!" Larxene said with fake amazement. "Yeah, yeah. You give me that same shit every week."

They were now upon the cottage where a mailbox was atop one of the white picket fence posts, proclaiming this the be the home of W. Rabbit. Larxene pushed open the gate and began to fish for her key in her waistcoat pocket.

"Anyways, it's hot outside, so get me my fan. I can't be sweating like a pig in front of the royal court." She found the keys and unlocked the door, shoving Vexen roughly inside. "My fan is upstairs in my room on the vanity. Be quick! I'm already fuckin' late as it is."

Vexen nodded, quickly scurrying up the staircase in the cottage that immediately opened up into Larxene's bedroom.

To put why he was playing maid for Larxene was quite simply because if he didn't, he would be the prime target for "pranks" that would leave him maimed or injured in some sort of way.

He made his way to the light blue painted vanity at the other end of the room and grabbed the black fan from its resting spot. As he took the object in his hand, his eyes could not help but wander to an open box of truffles on the other side of the table.

They were beautifully decorated, and they looked so delicious. She wouldn't notice if he just had one, would she?

He licked his lips as he picked one up from the wrapper it was so cozily nestled in. It looked to be milk chocolate with lines of dark chocolate waving across the top. He popped the chocolate into his mouth in one bite and began to chew, savoring the taste of the caramel that came out.

"Maid! Get your ass down here with my fan right now!" Larxene yelled.

Vexen swallowed the chocolate treat contentedly before walking towards the stairwell. His head hit something, and he looked up only to get his face pressed against the ceiling of the cottage. He could feel his limbs and torso elongating as he grew, and he just couldn't stop growing as he was pushing up against everything in the room. He heard glass shatter and strange popping noises as nails came undone from whatever they were hammered to, and just like that, his head was out into the open sky with bales of itchy hay in his hair from the thatched roof.

"YOU RUINED MY HOUSE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, MAID!" Larxene screeched, picking up rocks and hurling them at Vexen's head with expert precision. However, the stone bounced harmlessly off Vexen's face as he tried to situate himself into a comfortable position in the house.

His arms were stuck out the windows that were now freed of glass and one of his legs stuck out the door, the other was bunched up somewhere beneath him on the first floor.

"Great! Now I'm going to be even more late, and I have to get that lizard guy's help, whatever his name is. Was it Bob, Bill, Bart, Beadle…?" Larxene trailed off and began to do an agitated hop towards a nearby hill, her bunny ears bouncing as she did so until Vexen could see her no more when she went over the hill.

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Second installment. Read and review, please!