Vexen in Wonderland
I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Alice in Wonderland. Kingdom Hearts belongs to Disney and Square Enix. Alice in Wonderland references are used from both Lewis Carroll and Disney.
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After a couple of minutes, Larxene returned with a grumpy looking Saïx following close behind her, carrying a long ladder.
"So, Bill, I've got this MAJOR problem. My idiot maid got gigantic and broke my house, and I was wondering if you could get him out." She said, gesturing to her ruined cottage.
"I'll see what I can do." Saïx replied simply, blue tail flicking behind him.
Tail?
Vexen looked closer at the Luna Diviner. He could see that he was wearing a black turtleneck, slightly worn jeans and worn black shoes. His skin was slightly tinted blue, as if he was deathly cold, and his gold eyes had pupils of reptilian slits.
Had Saïx infused his DNA with a lizard's in this crazy realm?
"Maid." Saïx greeted him curtly before putting his ladder up against the side of the house.
Vexen watched Saïx, wondering just what he would do to him. Saïx was impossibly small, and Vexen fancied that he could squish him in his hand if he so chose to. Even so, the small blue man began to climb up towards him.
"What could a small man like you possibly do to a big man like me?" Vexen asked, looking down upon Saïx.
"Small?" He growled in reply, looking up at Vexen and baring sharp, curved teeth.
"I could flick you right off your ladder." Vexen continued, lifting up his nose.
With a loud snarl, Saïx pounced upon Vexen. Biting, tearing, punching, kicking. One hundred times more effective than having rocks thrown at him. It hurt so much…
Vexen panicked, moving his arm up through the window, ripping the wood up off the side of the house and getting splinters and nails poked in his arm. He grabbed the berserk Saïx in that hand and threw him as far as he could into the dark and forbidding forest.
"I'll come back to you later, maid!" Larxene screeched before hopping along the path, cursing and spitting into the forest, leaving Vexen all alone yet again.
"How am I supposed to get out?" He asked himself. Vexen looked around, but all he could see were the remains of the smashed up cottage strewn about. Then he saw the well down by the road, just an arm's length away from him. He leaned over and reached for the bucket hanging from the rope, snapping its support beam, causing the well roof to collapse. He took the bucket in his hand and drank down the cool well water sloshing around inside of it.
Immediately, everything around him began to get larger and taller, while Vexen found himself among the wreckage of Larxene's cottage.
Fearing of any other unpleasant surprises, Vexen quickly followed the dirt path into the dark forest.
The light in the forest was a pale jade green, with the sun shining through the tree branches in dappled spots upon the forest floor. The ground was covered in dark green grass, ferns, bushes, fallen logs covered in thick green moss, and brightly colored mushrooms of all shapes and sizes.
It's peaceful here. Vexen thought with a soft smile on his face as he walked along the path.
After about a mile of walking or so, he found Axel and Demyx standing side by side with ridiculously goofy expressions on their faces. Both wore matching red beanies with yellow propellers, a black and white striped T-shirts, red overalls with yellow buttons, and black boots.
Vexen couldn't help but laugh at the two.
"You shouldn't laugh quite yet." Axel said, frowning slightly.
"We have yet to tell you anything to laugh at." Demyx added.
"Who are you two supposed to be?" Vexen chuckled.
"I'm Tweedledee." Axel said, holding out a hand.
"And I'm Tweedledum." Demyx replied, holding out a hand.
Yes, you are. Vexen thought dryly, shaking both of their hands at the same time.
"I'm Vexen." He announced, deciding to play along with this little game.
"Would you like to hear a limerick, Vexen?" Axel asked.
"They're tons of fun." Demyx smiled.
"Sure." Vexen replied, feigning interest.
"There once was a man from Peru;
Who had a dream he was eating his shoe.
He woke with a fright in the middle of the night to find that his dream had come true."
"I know a better limerick than that!" Demyx exclaimed, turning to Vexen.
"There once was a woman from Eyling
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She laid on her back and opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling."
"Tweedledum, that was disgusting." Vexen frowned. "Do you two know anything other than limericks, like haikus or something?"
Axel cleared his throat.
"Vexen does not like
The limericks we have said.
He is very old."
"That's just stupid." Vexen replied, which seemed to dishearten Axel.
Demyx' eyes brightened.
"Dee! We can tell him the one about the Walrus and the Carpenter!"
"You're right, Dum!" Axel replied.
They both took a breath and spoke in unison.
"The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
'It's very rude of him,' she said,
'To come and spoil the fun!'
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand:
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
'If this were only cleared away,'
They said, 'it would be grand!'
'If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,' the Walrus said,
'That they should get it clear?'
'I doubt it,' said the Carpenter
And shed a bitter tear.
'O Oysters, come and walk with us!'
The Walrus did beseech.
'A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.'
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Four Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings.'
'But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried,
'Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!'
'No hurry!' said the Carpenter,
They thanked him much for that.
'A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said,
'Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now, if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.'
'But not on us!' the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
'After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!'
'The night is fine,' the Walrus said.
'Do you admire the view?
'It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'Cut us another slice.
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!'
'It seems a shame,' the Walrus said,
'To play them such a trick.
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'The butter's spread too thick!'
'I weep for you,' the Walrus said:
'I deeply sympathize.'
With sobs and tears, he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
'O Oysters,' said the Carpenter
'You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer there came none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one."
"Where do you two learn these poems?" He asked, looking at the two strangely.
"Now we must play a game!" Demyx announced.
"Yes, a game! Good idea, Tweedledum!" Axel agreed, high-fiving Demyx.
"What game?" Vexen asked warily.
"Hide and seek! And I'm not it!" They both exclaimed in unison before turning to Vexen.
"Close your eyes and count to fifty!" Demyx ordered.
Vexen shrugged and clapped his hands over his eyes, beginning to count.
After he was sure they were both in a hiding spot, he took his hands off his eyes and continued to follow the dirt path farther into the forest, where the scenery became more dark and menacing. He kept following the path to a fork in the road with a large tree in the grassy median.
"Which way do I go?" He asked himself, dreading the idea of becoming hopelessly and desperately lost in the gloomy forest.
"That depends on where you want to go." A familiar voice replied from within the darkness of the tree branches.
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Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
"There once was a man from Peru" is from Spongebobsquarepants, and I don't know where the other one comes from. "The Walrus and the Carpenter" is from Lewis Carroll's "Through the Looking Glass."
Review, please!