There Will Be No Divorce Chapter 8
"Our love is like the border between Greece and Albania
Trucks loaded down with weapons crossing over every night."
"International Small Arms Traffic Blues", The Mountain Goats
Wilson was signing off his last chart of clinic duty when the sudden crash from behind made his pen skew wildly across the paper.
The crash had come from the direction of Cuddy's office and sounded remarkably like porcelain meeting floor. A braver man might have gone in to investigate, but the last time he'd been curious about the rhythmic thumping from the fourth floor janitor's closet, he'd walked in on House and Cuddy in the middle of something that left him feeling jealous and slightly intimidated. Never again.
As he turned to leave, he caught Cameron's eye across the nurse's station. She was hovering by the outer doors to Cuddy's office, clearly dissuaded from knocking by the commotion.
With a noncommittal shrug, Wilson crossed the room to speak with her. Cameron had been so kind to him since his return to work, the least he could do was warn her.
"I, uh, wouldn't rush in there if I were you."
"Cuddy's remodeling?"
Wilson caught the knowing look and smiled. The hospital gossip network was clearly as proficient as ever.
"You need something? Cuddy's been locked away all morning, no appointments."
Cameron regarded him suspiciously, and Wilson wondered for the hundredth time why he always felt the need to involve himself in Cuddy's business. Not to mention that he'd barely seen House in the past couple of weeks, save for the occasional limp-by mugging in the cafeteria, items from his tray propelled away with nothing more than a grunt from the thief.
"Yeah, she's been off limits all the time lately, and I can't wait any longer for her to sign off on the new beds I've ordered for the ER. She responds to emails, but getting her to come down and sign something seems to be impossible."
Wilson was about to respond when Cuddy's inner door came flying open, House storming through it with an expression that didn't suggest an afternoon delight had been the reason for his visit. Or perhaps they still thought their performances were still fooling anyone.
Cuddy was hot on House's heels, her strides for once unencumbered by her typical tight skirts. She looked lovely in a flowing red skirt that was more playful than her usual work attire, and Wilson noted that it did a pretty good job of drawing attention from the bump he'd gotten so used to noticing.
"Don't you dare go back in there, House!"
House turned suddenly, causing Cuddy to barrel straight into him. They sprang apart like magnets repelling each other.
"Well, if you won't let me treat the patient, I have no option but to go home."
Cuddy crossed her arms over her chest.
"Like hell you will. You'll go back to the lab and get me some evidence before you give your patient so much as an aspirin. Then I will decide on the appropriate course of treatment."
House gave her one of his more insolent looks, his fingers twisting around the handle of his cane as he considered his next move.
"Fine. But when he dies, you can help the parents pick out the coffin. I hear they do all kinds of cheerful ones for toddlers now."
With that, he beat a hasty retreat toward the clinic exit, leaving Cuddy fuming in his wake. When she turned around to deal with the previously invisible Wilson and Cameron, he had to stop himself from running for shelter in the nearest exam room.
"What?"
For Cuddy to snap was unheard of. As icy cool as she could be, she always kept up some form of civility. Wilson didn't dare speak, but Cameron clearly had more balls. Before she could finish asking the question, Cuddy had grabbed the form and signed with an angry scrawl. Within seconds, she was safely back behind two sets of closed doors, leaving Wilson and Cameron to stare at each other in confusion.
Unwilling to gossip about his friends where the nurses could pick up on anything, Wilson offered to walk Cameron back to the ER. It prompted a curious look from her, the chivalry completely unnecessary, but she nodded in agreement.
"So, trouble in paradise?"
Her opening remark took him by surprise. He hadn't seen anything particularly unusual in the slightly savage nature of House and Cuddy's interaction.
"Well, I can't give out privileged information. But I've barely seen House in the past two weeks so I think that little show might be a lame attempt at throwing the gossips off their trail."
Cameron stopped to read the staff notice board, but still took the time to disagree.
"Something's up, it's quite obvious. Usually when they argue, Cuddy makes all those little gestures like touching his forearm. And House uses his height to lean in and intimidate her. That last one looked like they were feeling sick about even being in the same room as each other."
Wilson laughed at the fake nonchalance Cameron was trying to project.
"How long do you spend observing the mating rituals of your former boss? Not to mention your current one."
"Our paths cross, and I know a thing or two about office romances."
Wilson caught the wistful note in Cameron's statement, and wondered if the rumors about trouble between her and Chase were true. However, the same gossip mill also whispered that they were getting married with the same predictable frequency.
"Not that I'm confirming there is any romance."
"Yeah, and Cuddy's taken to wearing a fanny pack under her blouses, right? Couldn't possibly be a second trimester pregnancy, could it?"
Wilson shrugged in defeat. It wasn't as though it was his secret to keep.
"House taught you well."
Cameron raised an incredulous eyebrow at that, and Wilson realized it did sound kind of patronizing.
"Not really. He just gave me a chance to use what I was already good at."
Wilson couldn't quite believe the change he saw in Allison Cameron. Four years ago she'd been all wide-eyed and hero-worshipping. Now she was confident, secure and downright sassy. He had to give her credit for surviving the ordeal of working for House in the first place, never mind coming through it to become an even better doctor.
"Well, I'm not entirely convinced. They've always had a pretty complicated relationship, and they're as likely to kill each other as to kiss."
Cameron considered his point; she had always been thoughtful enough to listen to him, but he could see that her mind was already made up. The increased noise as they approached the ER put a spring in her step, and she said a hasty goodbye. As Wilson made his way back to the lobby, Cameron called over her shoulder to him.
"I just wondered if it was anything to do with the extra pills?"
Wilson stopped dead at the comment, but before he could reply, the double doors were swinging and he was alone in the corridor.
After a detour to check his messages and get a cup of coffee from the cart, Wilson realized he had no choice but to breach the lion's den. He'd see House as well, but there was no point trying to get blood from a stone without some ammunition. For that, he'd have to offer his shoulder to Cuddy and hope she didn't cut off his head instead.
He knocked lightly when he arrived back at her office, and opened the door before he could be told to go away. Wilson wished he hadn't been so gung-ho when he came across a crying Lisa Cuddy behind her desk. Ever efficient, she had a tissue in one hand, signing paperwork with her left.
"I'm not in the mood, Wilson."
There was no mistaking the warning, but having overcome the first hurdle, there was little point in turning back now. A casual glance at her wastepaper basket confirmed the destruction of a vase that accounted for the earlier noises. He straightened his lab coat and sat down in front of her desk. Conjuring up his most sympathetic expression, he asked gently what was wrong.
"I'm sure you can guess. Turns out some habits really do die hard, on top of which House was just hanging around until I got too fat to put out."
Wilson was taken aback at the frankness of her confession. Usually, getting Cuddy to open up took all of his charm and possibly some form of cake.
"I'd say that doesn't sound like him, but certain parts do ring true. He got more Vicodin?"
Cuddy nodded sadly, pretending to be fascinated by the papers in front of her.
"And knowing House as I do, I'll assume it wasn't procured with the full cooperation of his attending?"
"Right again. Seems the ER has turned into a pharmacy in the past few weeks. You warned me he was back to his old tricks, but I didn't want to believe it. Of course, when I confronted him all I got was childishness and insults. So I called it off."
Wilson covered his grunt of surprise with a sudden, sharp cough. That meant Cameron had been implying exactly what he thought. Which made this an even bigger mess.
"How are you doing, though? Getting enough sleep? It can't be easy with everything on your mind."
Cuddy's head snapped up so suddenly, Wilson was concerned she might have whiplash.
"There's nothing on my mind, other than work and preparing for the baby. It's hardly unexpected that it would crash and burn, so why worry about it?"
Her business-like demeanor might fool her employees, but Wilson could see the strain as she tried to convince herself of those words. Man, he was going to kick
House's ass just as soon as he tracked him down.
"He won't abandon the baby, Cuddy. Whatever you think of him, he's not that twisted."
She scoffed quietly at his statement, but made no move to contradict him
"Well, I'll leave you to your work. If you need anything, a lift to your doctor's appointments, anything at all, just let me know."
Cuddy dropped her pen and reached across the desk for his hand, giving it a light squeeze.
"Thank you. That's so sweet of you. I've got one tomorrow, but I'll be fine to drive myself."
Wilson stood once she released his hand.
"Let me know how it goes, okay?"
Cuddy offered him the closest to a smile that she could summon, and he made his way quickly back into the relative safety of the clinic. Without breaking stride, he headed straight for the elevators. This afternoon was turning into a marathon around the hospital, but there was no way he could let this drop now.
Twenty fruitless minutes later, Wilson was beginning to feel lightly concussed, probably due to the metaphorical brick wall he'd been banging his head against. Undeterred, he continued with the conversation that had earned him only contemptuous glares and sarcastic replies so far.
"But Cameron? Hell, even I feel a little betrayed by that."
House retained his bored expression, juggling his oversized tennis ball with the lazy skill borne of too much free time.
"You too? I told you, Jimmy, if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it."
Wilson couldn't help but roll his eyes at the flippancy.
"Beyoncé? Wow, you really are growing as a person."
House affected his mock serious face and leaned forward as though about to share a dark secret.
"You know that young lady has a habit of wearing hotpants? A complete surprise to me, really. I've always just respected her for her music."
Exasperated beyond belief, Wilson snatched House's beloved toy away from him.
"You pushed Cuddy away because you don't know how to be happy!"
House pouted at the confiscation.
"I didn't push anyone, I got bored."
"This is so typical! The first time in years that you're not miserable and you throw it away!"
House was on the defensive now, sitting up out of his slouch and crossing his arms huffily.
"I never stopped being miserable, I just had something to occupy my time. I'm not stupid enough to turn down the chance of getting laid. And not to get in the way of a good lecture, but she ended things with me."
The words sounded hollow, even as House tried to play down the break-up, Wilson could see the red rims of his eyes. He clearly hadn't been sleeping properly, and from what Wilson could establish, all this had happened nearly two weeks ago.
"That's all it was to you? Just sex?"
The "duh" face House responded with was as unconvincing as it was unnecessary.
"Yeah, and pretty soon that's all over anyway. Babies do bad things to a woman's body. In a couple of months most of her fun parts won't be working any more, and then the rest will be quite different. What's the point in sticking around, then?"
"I don't believe you. I've never seen you like this, or at least not since Stacy. You were involved, you care about her. You care about that baby, too."
House had clearly had enough, and stood to leave, grabbing for his bag and cane as he attempted to escape.
"Don't do this House, don't be the jerk. If you just apologized for whatever you said…"
"Too late for that. The damage is done. If you're so concerned about Cuddy and my unborn child, you're welcome to go offer yourself as a stand-in. Don't let me stop you."
With that, House trudged out towards the elevators, leaving a frustrated Wilson in the empty office. Wilson rubbed wearily at his face, this was going to get worse before it got better, of that much he was sure.
As the elevator doors closed on House, his fellows suddenly appeared from around the corner, scurrying back in the direction of the conference room. Intrigued by their blatant avoidance, Wilson stuck around and grabbed Kutner by the elbow before the younger man could reach safety.
"I know House is a pain to work for, but are three grown adults really playing hide and seek?"
Kutner was nonplussed by the question, clearly he didn't see anything unusual in their behavior.
"You would be too if you'd had to work for him lately. He's ordering ridiculous tests for patients with nothing worse than the flu, and insisting we run everything past Cuddy who's threatening to fire us if we show up at her office again. He's way more evil than usual. And uh, can you let go of me now? You're kind of hurting my elbow."
Wilson released his grip with a mumbled apology, catching Taub's eye as he came to join the conversation.
"Please tell me you know a way to snap House out of whatever this mood is. If I wanted danger in the workplace, I'd have joined the Marines."
"Your guess is as good as mine, he has bad spells every so often."
"Yeah, Foreman warned us about that. So did Chase and Cameron. Funnily enough, it always seems to coincide with chaos in House's personal life. Wouldn't be anything to do with him schtupping Cuddy for the past few months, would it? I'm assuming she finally saw sense?"
Thirteen joined them in the doorway to contribute her theory.
"I told you, she's pregnant. Maybe he freaked out on her?"
She looked to Wilson with a hopeful expression, seeking confirmation that she was right.
Kutner jumped in before he could say anything incriminating.
"You don't know that she's pregnant. Sometimes people put on a little weight when they settle down."
"They tend to put in on in places other than their abdomen. And trust me, Cuddy's just as slim everywhere else."
Wilson felt a little funny at the thought of Thirteen checking Cuddy out, but shook it off as he realized how inappropriate it was.
"We shouldn't really be speculating. House will snap out of it eventually."
All three turned their most incredulous looks on him, and Wilson remembered that they'd been working there long enough to know better. With a shrug, he excused himself and walked the short distance back to his own office.
By the time six o'clock rolled around he had seen all his patients for the day and signed off a respectable number of files. Free to puzzle over the House and Cuddy debacle, he gathered his things and headed to the parking lot. Just as he was fishing his keys out of his pocket, he caught a flash of blonde hair in his peripheral vision.
The momentary flash of hope gave way to the nausea of grief as soon as he realized the impossibility that the tall blonde now getting into a Range Rover could be Amber. When he was distracted like that it was so easy to forget the hell he'd been through, if only for a few seconds. It hurt twice as bad when it all came crashing back, and before he could even think about driving he took a moment to get his breathing back to normal and let the nausea pass.
When he was finally ready to put the key in the door, he made up his mind about one thing. If House was going to be an asshole, Wilson wasn't going to let Cuddy suffer for it. He'd call her tonight and arrange to pick her up for her doctor's appointment. Maybe that would spur House into some kind of action, and if not, at least he'd be doing the right thing by a friend.
Satisfied, Wilson started his BMW and drove off to his empty apartment.