Vexen in Wonderland

I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Alice in Wonderland. Kingdom Hearts belongs to Disney and Square Enix. Alice in Wonderland references are used from both Lewis Carroll and Disney.

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"Oh, I bet you just wanna rub your pistil in his stamen." The violet teased, prodding the Marluxia rose with its leaves.

"What on earth gave you that idea?" The Marluxia rose asked, aghast.

Vexen's face was turning slightly red with all of the dirty plant jokes and the vulgarity of the flowers.

"Feeling a little thorny today?" A daffodil teased.

"Shut the hell up!" Marluxia screeched. "This is inappropriate to speak of in front of the buds."

"Buds, shmuds." the violet replied. "We all know that the only pleasure you get is from the bees!"

"And your self pollinating." The daffodil muttered. "We've all seen you. The garden is hardly a private place."

The flowers giggled and shrieked with laughter, except for the Marluxia rose.

Vexen's jaw dropped slightly. This conversation was terrible! As if he didn't get enough of this kind of thing back at the castle with Marluxia constantly chasing him.

All the times he felt number eleven's gloved hands sliding down his back or down his stomach to grope at his unmentionables, which got a prompt response of a punch in the face. Nevertheless, he'd just give a pervy little smile and disappeared before he came back for more either a couple hours later or the next day.

Yes, Marluxia was another reason why he hid away in his laboratory.

Before the flowers could return their attention on him, Vexen quickly and quietly crept away from the flowerbed.

He had managed to get away from the bed, only going about a foot or so away (in big people's measurements, not that of the three inch tall Vexen) before he heard the flowers say: "Maybe another Vexen'll come around, Rose. You'll get some next time."

More giggles ensued.

Vexen shook his head and rolled his green eyes skyward as he continued to make his way to the forest of grass in the distance.

It took him a little while, but he finally found himself struggling through the tangled blades of grass, watching for the giant-sized bugs that occasionally crawled through. It had been twice that he saw a large fire ant or a huge slug wave its feelers past him. The ant was about the size of a small dog at this height, and the slug was nothing to mess with.

Vexen feared for any worms that might rear their slimy pink heads out of the ground, or feet that may suddenly come upon him with bone-crushing force.

Luckily, there were none.

Vexen made his way to yet another clearing, and this one had several mushrooms in it. They had mauve stalks and butter-yellow caps. The sunlight filtered through the leaves of the trees above as the wind rustled the branches, making the scenery dance in light and shadow.

More interesting, though, was the multicolored smoke that wafted through the air.

It carried an odd aroma, and it was nothing Vexen could recognize. It didn't smell like a barbeque, it didn't smell like burning shrubbery, and it didn't smell of incense or nicotine, either.

Vexen followed the trail of smoke through the mushroom maze, and found himself in front of a low mushroom, just tall enough to peek over and climb upon.

A blue clothed figure sat on that mushroom, smoking a hookah, puffing out rings of smoke.

The figure took a deep puff off of the mouthpiece, before releasing it in a straight line of smoke.

Vexen made his way around the mushroom to see that the blue clothed figure was Xemnas. His dark skin and orange-gold eyes contrasted nicely with the robes and pants he was wearing. They were in an Arabian style, and they looked foreign and exotic. Slippers with curled up toes were worn on his feet. Vexen was slightly disturbed to find that Xemnas had two pairs of arms, but other than that, he was normal.

"Superior?" Vexen asked, raising a blond eyebrow.

"I guess I am superior." Xemnas mused in his velvety voice, eyes rolling towards Vexen.

"You can't possibly be the leader of our organization." Vexen said, puzzled.

Xemnas ran a hand through his silver hair with his top left hand as he used his top right one to take another puff of his hookah.

"How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin
How neatly spreads his claws
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!"

As Xemnas spoke, golden smoke curled from his mouth and into the air to form a grinning crocodile swimming through the air. Twelve red fish were also formed, and the crocodile opened its yawning mouth as the fish swam in. The jaws snapped shut behind them, and the crocodile continued to grin, swimming over to Vexen and curling around him before dispersing into regular, curling smoke.

Vexen coughed and waved the smoke away from him, holding his nose.

Xemnas watched him for another moment before taking another puff of his hookah.

"What is in that hookah? Hashish or something?"

"I have no such thing in my hookah!" Xemnas replied indignantly as the smoke flowed out of his mouth to create a purple "I" in the air. "Now who are you?"

The letters "R" and "U" joined "I," swirling and dancing in the air before hitting Vexen square in the face, causing another coughing fit.

"Vexen." He managed to reply.

"Vexen, hm? Recite You are old, Father William to me."

"What?" Vexen didn't know what Xemnas was talking about, but words began to flow out of his mouth as if he'd known them for all his life.

"'You are old, Father William,' the young man said
'And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
Do you think, at your age, it is right?'

'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
'I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.'

'You are old,' said the youth, 'As I mentioned before.
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
Pray, what is the reason of that?'

'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
'I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
Allow me to sell you a couple?'

'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
Pray, how do you manage to do it?'

'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life.'

'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
What made you so awfully clever?'

'I have answered three question, and that is enough,'
Said his father, 'Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down-stairs!'"

"That isn't right at all." Xemnas finally said, shaking his head in disapproval as he took another puff of his hookah. "Who are you to tell a poem so wrongfully?"

A blue "R" and "U" formed out of the smoke.

"Listen, whoever you are," Vexen began, waving yet more smoke out of his face as Xemnas' lips twitched up into a small smirk of amusement.

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I hoped you liked my dirty flower jokes! xD LOL! Anyhoo, review, please!