Vexen in Wonderland

I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Alice in Wonderland. Kingdom Hearts belongs to Disney and Square Enix. Alice in Wonderland references are used from both Lewis Carroll and Disney.

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"I am Vexen-- number four of Organization XIII. I am getting frustrated that you are continuing to blow smoke in my face, when all I want to do is ask you how I can get taller than three-fucking-inches!"

Xemnas straightened out, putting down the mouthpiece to his hookah and crossing his two pairs of arms over his chest.

"Three inches is a perfect height." hissed Xemnas (who was exactly three inches tall himself).

"Not for me! It seems that ever since I got here, I've been shrinking and growing-- growing and shrinking! I used to be taller than this! I want to go back to my normal height, not stay at this wretched height of three inches!"

"Listen closely, Vexen. It would not be wise to display this sort of conduct in Wonderland."

Vexen couldn't help but notice the faint sound of fabric being ripped.

"I'm going to let this slide by as if nothing ever happened."

The ripping grew louder, and Vexen saw some motions coming from behind Xemnas.

"But keep in mind that Wonderland is a dangerous place."

With a final, loud rip, Xemnas' robes fell off of him as black and white butterfly wings unfurled from his back in a majestic manner.

In two flaps of the wings, he was up and flying away, leaving the hookah and the shredded robes behind.

"One side makes you bigger and the other makes you smaller!" He called, flying upward.

"Side of what?" Vexen yelled back.

"The mushroom!"

And with that, butterfly Xemnas was gone.

Vexen looked at the mushroom.

One side would make him bigger, and the other would make him smaller… He reached out both of his hands, grabbing and tearing off pieces from both sides of the mushroom. Now was the first part of the experiment: Trial and error.

Vexen nibbled off a piece of the mushroom in his left hand, nearly gagging at how it felt rubbery in his mouth. How he loathed mushrooms!

He forced himself to swallow down the fungus he had chewed, making horrible faces as he felt the taste slide down his throat in one big lump.

It's even worse than Xigbar's cooking! Vexen thought with a shudder, placing the mushroom pieces in his pocket, expecting himself to change.

Indeed, Vexen did change.

The transformation stretched out his limbs, his torso, his neck--he felt as if a giant had come along, grabbed his head and feet and yanked as hard as he could.

It probably hurts because I've done this so much in one day!

Vexen gritted his teeth and screwed his eyes shut as the pain passed over him like a wave, leaving him completely numb for a moment.

He opened his green eyes, peering around the forest.

The dirt road was right next to him, so he stepped over the mushroom patch and onto the trail. He followed it, the jade green light filtering through the leaves getting darker with every step.

-IV-

Soon enough, the forest was completely dark, save for the occasional, slim shafts of light from above.

Vexen trudged on, wary of the eyes that seemed to be following him and the occasional sound of the forest: growls, snarls, bird calls, snapping twigs that seemed to get closer and closer, hot breath that seemed to be on the back of his neck, the low growl right in his ear…

Vexen screamed the loudest, most girly, most high-pitched scream he had ever produced in his life before, running down the path, taking random twists and turns, trying to lose whatever was behind him, the predator running right behind him, gaining on him.

He came to a fork in the road before a revelation occurred.

I can fight! What am I running for?

He turned to face the oncoming foe, ready to release whatever deadly blizzard attack he needed to end this… but there was nothing there.

There was chuckling coming from a nearby tree, and a golden eye appeared… as well as a grin.

"You did this?!" Vexen exclaimed, glaring at the slowly forming Cheshire Cat.

"I have to get my fun, somehow, dude. Damn! That was the loudest scream I've ever heard! You're fun to scare, you know that?"

"I should kill you for what you did!" Vexen growled, clenching his fists.

"But if you kill me, you'd never find your way out of the woods." Xigbar hung upside-down from a branch by his legs as he continued to look at Vexen.

"Of course I would!" Vexen replied, miffed.

"You're lost." Xigbar said, pointing to a nearby signpost. One direction was labeled Lost, and the other was Very Lost.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen."

"Nah, you've seen ridiculouser things."

"That's not even a word."

Xigbar gracefully dropped to the ground, landing on his hands before jumping to his feet.

"Anyhoo, since I'm a nice Cheshire Cat, I'm gonna show you the way to the Queen of Hearts' castle."

"You're too kind." Vexen replied dryly, rolling his eyes.

Xigbar went up to the trunk of the tree he was sitting on, knocking on the trunk, receiving solid thumps. He continued to knock until he heard a different noise.

Thonk!

Xigbar grinned, peeling back the bark in that spot to reveal a pathway to a rose garden with a castle just a little bit farther off.

"No need to thank me." Xigbar said before he disappeared.

Vexen walked through the pathway into the garden, looking around.

On one side, there was a hedge maze that seemed to stretch out for miles, and on the other side, there was a garden full of heart-shaped rose bushes, whose fragrance was covered up by something…

Vexen walked towards the garden, and the closer he got, he could hear a group of tenors singing a song:

"Da dee dee da da da,
Doodle de do, dee do dee do,
Bum bum bum bum,
Painting the roses red,
We're painting the roses red,
We dare not stop or waste a drop, so let the paint be spread.
We're painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red!
Painting the roses red, and many a tear we shed,
Because we know they'll cease to grow, in fact they'll soon be dead.
Noooo! And yet we go ahead,
Painting the roses red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red.
Painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red…"

Vexen came closer, and when he saw them, he couldn't help but stare at the sight before him in all of its oddity.

It was a group of eleven men dressed up as playing cards, painting the white roses on the bushes red.

He went up to the nearest card.

"Why are you painting the roses red?" Vexen asked.

"Oh! We planted these white rose bushes by mistake!" They continued the song:

"And, the queen, she likes them red.
If she saw what we said,
She'd raise a fuss and each of us would quickly loose his head.
Since this is the thought we dread,
We're painting the roses red!"

"I might as well help you poor souls." Vexen muttered, picking up a red paintbrush, beginning to paint the roses.

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Here comes one of my favorite parts... Who is this mysterious Queen of Hearts? You should have narrowed it down to like, two people by now! Review, please!