Disclaimer: I do not own HP or CSM
Snape grimaced at the shrill horn whistle that reverberated painfully in his ear as he existed the train in methodical precision.
These muggles must be half deaf; why else would they make everything so bloody loud?
From the honking of cars to the mindless chatter of the insignificant, the sheer volume outdid a room filled with a hundred first-year rabble on a mindless sugar rush.
But even the wretched noise was not enough to drown out the curious and mocking whispers that followed his every step. He was not blind to how different he looked from the rest. With his billowing black robes that flowed with the wind and his hair that reached past his chin, he blended in like a troll in the market.
A single spell would have allowed him to go unnoticed and more importantly, unbothered. But he was no criminal in hiding, and these muggles should have been old enough to understand basic decorum.
A Death Eater would have sworn blood for such insults, and the more unhinged such as Bellatrix Lestrange would have flooded the station in a blooming garden of scarlet and white. But Snape allowed the words to slide by, even as he scowled in displeasure.
Their rudeness was pathetic and feeble as their minds. While the teacher in him was tempted to reeducate them in the proper etiquette and mannerisms, they were not his students. He had no obligation nor the time to drill his lessons into their obnoxiously thick skulls as he did with his learners.
Most of Hogwarts, even the professors, believed he hated his students.
And they were right.
He loathed their utter stupidity and reckless arrogance, traits that were unfortunately common in those that styled themselves as lions. Bravery was admirable, but courage without sense was a path to an early grave. No matter how hard he tried to dissuade the children from blundering away their lives like some dunderhead, there were always a few who refused to listen to sense.
Their obstinate stubbornness was frustrating, but that did not mean he had no care for them. If he genuinely wished his students harm, he would have treated them the same way he treated these muggles, like they didn't exist and allowed natural selection to weed away dimwits from the wise.
But what truly dirtied his potion like the feces of a toadstool was his current 'mission.' As a spy and double agent that had served two opposing masters, he had done… many things. Some he relished, while others had left an unending sense of guilt. Despite what he felt, he had always complied with his orders. As one of the most powerful wizards in the world in more ways than one, he was a suitable agent and could be relied upon
But this? Introducing some muggle-born child to the wizarding world? He could not understand what Dumbledore was thinking. He had protested vehemently, not because of some blood purity nonsense, but because this was not a duty he was suited for. He had neither the temperament nor the personality to patiently deal with the questions a child new to the wizarding world would undoubtedly have. It would be a miracle if the child didn't end up in snot and tears.
Dumbledore had claimed that there was no one available for the task. Despite Snape's misgivings, he had to admit that the headmaster was probably telling the truth.
Every prospective child eligible to attend Hogwarts this year had long since received their letters. But a few days ago, with less than a week until the school year began, a new name was added to the list. With the staff busy setting up for the opening ceremony, something that he had always refused to take part in, there was a significant shortage of professors available for the task.
Nonetheless, he resisted and only complied after Dumbledore said that Trelawney would be sent if he refused. Whatever emotional damage he inflicted on the child would be far better than having your death prophesized every ten minutes.
But while the duty was bothersome, he had to admit that curiosity had lingered in his mind. The circumstances of the addition were strange enough to have sparked his interest.
The moment a child cast accidental magic, the Quill of Acceptance scribed their names upon the Book of Admittance. For a name to have been added so late, it either meant that she was a late bloomer or a foreigner.
But what was truly odd was that the name was without a family.
'Nayuta'
The Quill transcribed the family names even if they were orphans unaware of their heritage or unacknowledged bastards. For there to be only a single name meant that both the child's parents were without a name connecting them to a more extensive bloodline, something that was very unusual. Even muggles, as clueless as they were, followed the same naming scheme as wizards.
"Hey you! Hey! Don't ignore me. I'm talking to you!" Called out a youthful, feminine voice. He ignored the woman without a glance, she was far too young to be the one he was supposed to meet.
"Wait, Mr… Uh…. Snake? Snack? Snape?"
He stopped, halting his steps to slowly turn to face a young nun that had only recently reached adulthood. But hiding beneath her smile was an apparent reluctance as if she wished to be anywhere but here, something that he shared. But that was where the similarities came to an end.
From her slouching gait and tired eyes to the wrinkled habit and coif, she resembled a student rushing to their morning class after oversleeping more than a woman of God. While most would have found her attractive, Snape had little wish to interact with this repulsive creature that carried herself with neither the dignity nor professionalism of a representative.
"You are?"
"I'm Sister Catherine! But you can call me Cathy," she said, yawning.
Snape scrunched his brows in disgust at the woman's lack of self-respect. "May I presume that you are my guide?"
"Yep! That's me! You know, I was kind of confused when they told me to look for some weirdo. I mean, what the hell does a weirdo look like? I thought those wrinkled bats were just cranky until I saw you!"
A vein pulsed dangerously across his temple.
Teeth grinding at her rudeness, he drawled. "How fortunate… But I was scheduled to meet the Matron, a respectable woman with authority to represent the children of your institute… Not one of your… Questionable quality."
"The old bag is one foot away from meeting our Lord and Savior," she answered, half-heartedly shrugging without an ounce of concern for her superior. "So I was designated by the popular vote to represent her while she's busy hovering between Heaven and Hell. Although if you ask me, the latter is more like- wait a minute, what the hell do you mean by questionable quality?"
"You must have misheard. I said no such thing."
"Huh, really? Man, these things must clog my ears. I can hardly hear anything in them," she complained as she adjusted her head coverings over her ears.
Snape stared in disbelief, flamfloosaled by her alien nature.
"Well, what are you waiting for, Chinese New Year? Come on. You can ogle me all you want at the orphanage."
"I-," he started before choking on his own tongue in indignation. "I have done no such thing."
"Uh-huh, that's what they all say. Whatever. Just follow me, we're not far from the church so we should arrive in just a few minutes. But don't stick too close. I don't want rumors about a pretty nun and some dude overeager for Halloween. That just sounds like a punchline of a bad joke."
No quip or insult formed on his tongue for the first time in years. He was genuinely buffooned for words, stunned not by a hex but by the utter brazenness of this muggle.
"So, what do you want with Nayuta?" She asked as they walked.
The question sounded innocent with her upbeat nature. But despite her apparent nonchalance, he could hear the wariness in her voice.
"I was not aware that your 'esteemed' institution was so incompetent that it failed to notify the supposed guardian of the reason for my visit."
To his surprise, Sister Catherine merely raised an eyebrow before snickering. "Esteemed? Hah! You'll get along just fine with our eldest clergy. They talk just like you, all strict and with fancy vocabulary, so the listener would feel lesser. I grew up here and dealt with people like you all my life, so toddles to you. That won't be enough if you're trying to get under my skin."
"Yes… Perhaps the word esteemed was too generous for a place that had raised someone like you," he shot back, refusing to back down in a mix of pride and annoyance.
"I know, right? This place is a total shit show if you ask me. It's God's miracle that I turned out so well!"
Snape's hand inched closer and closer to his wand holster.
"Look, we can exchange information or keep wasting time exchanging barbs. I have questions that I want answered, and I think you do too," she said placatingly.
He stared, studying her face and expression before sighing in compliance. She was right in that there were certain… worries that he hoped were unfounded.
"Very well, what would you like to know."
"Well… I know you're here to take her to some fancy school, but… Why? Why Nayuta? Is it because of… uh…"
"Of what?" He demanded, eyes narrowing in suspicion.
But the nun, who had been a chaotic whirlpool of nonsensical words just seconds ago, made no move to respond. While her mouth opened and closed, no syllable left her gullet.
"Are you going to talk, or will you just gape like a fish?" He peered intently into her eyes, casting a surface-level Legilimency to ascertain truth from lies. "Do strange things happen around her? Impossible occurrences? Unexplainable events?"
This was precisely what he had been worried about.
It was an utter misfortune that Nayuta had ended up in a Catholic orphanage of all places. Muggles were intolerant of anything that differed from the norm, the church even more so. He was well aware of how they viewed magic. Their priests may have touted love and forgiveness, but those virtues were conditional, reserved only for those that acted and thought a certain way. For those that were different? For those that had magic?
If Nayuta had performed accidental magic in full sight of the church clergy…
He grimaced.
It was not uncommon for muggle-born wizards to become outcasts from their muggle counterparts. But the resulting stress only triggered more accidental magic, leading to even more alienation, creating an endless loop.
He doubted the church still burned his kind alive, but those who had held absolute faith often went to extreme lengths to secure their ideologies. Muggles, as primitive as they were, were not alone in that regard.
All he could do was hope for the best and that the church had an ounce of the morality they preached. Snape sighed as he tried to relax. It would be improper for him to greet his charge with a scowl. He softened his brows, loosening the creases that formed into a frown and tried to raise the corners of his lips into a… smile. Even he could afford to be… not as strict for a few minutes for a child in her circumstances.
But the scowl returned after the Sister took one look at his face and flinched.
"Unexplainable things? I… I guess?" Does getting carried down from the sky by a giant seven-fingered hand count?"
Snape stumbled, nearly tripping over his robes before catching himself.
"What?!"
"Oh fuck…" She muttered, swearing in a manner unfit for a woman of the cross. "I don't think I should have said that. Just forget what you heard."
"Explain, woman!"
"Explain what?"
"What you just said!"
"I… I didn't say anything," Catherine insisted, suddenly finding the birds that bad been following them fascinating.
"You. Just. Did," he growled, enunciating every word.
"Really?" She asked, scratching the back of her head. "Huh. Let me check my memory archives… Nope, didn't say anything. My mind has nothing but hymns and praise for our Lord. Would you care to hear one?"
"Do not play with me, you little wretch. The seven-fingered hand… You told me Nayuta was carried down by a seven-fingered hand!"
"Good sir!" She exclaimed, sounding scandalized. "I think I would remember if I had ever spoken of such an exotic fantasy! We are all but lambs under the protection of God Almighty and his Chosen Savior, Jesus Christ. Such insanity would never occur within these sacred grounds."
Never had he met such a shameless woman, muggle or not. Snape was no expert on her kind despite having one as a father, but he was reasonably certain this was not how a nun was supposed to act.
I have no time for this buffoonery. If something happened to Nayuta…
After silently and wandlessly casting a Notice Me Not charm that encompassed himself and the nun, he drew his wand.
Sister Catherine chuckled in amusement. "Is that supposed to be threatening? You'll have to brandish something better than some twig before you can-"
"Baceto," he cast, pointing the wand at a nearby rock.
White light flashed, shining so brightly that it illuminated the two even under the sun's rays. When the light faded, what was once stone was now flesh and feathers.
-scare me; what the fuck?" She cursed in surprise as the newly formed bird took to the skies, joining the rest of the avians of his kind.
"You're a magician?!" She shouted so loudly that if not for his charm, every head would have turned their way.
"Wizard," he corrected.
"That's the same thing!" She exclaimed excitedly, with eyes shining in awe and wonder before pausing. "Can you make me a million pounds worth of gold?"
"Wizard, not a genie."
"But can you?"
"I will give you what you want if you answer my question," he relented in exasperation at the greedy muggle. Selling transfigured gold was illegal, but it wasn't like she would ever remember the deal after suffering from a mild amnesia. Her only reward would be that he would forgo his temptation of doing something worse for all the stress and humiliation she had brought him.
"Well, all the weird stuff started a week ago," Sister Catherine began.
"Didn't you say that nothing strange ever happened?" Snape interrupted with a glare.
"Uh… No I didn't."
"… Just continue."
"One day, on a beautiful night free of July's summer heat, a young beautiful nun was-"
"Stop," Snape snapped, cutting the nun off.
"Oh, what now!"
"Why are you talking like that."
"Like what?"
"I want the details, not a bloody bedtime story!"
"I was getting to the details before you bloody interrupted me! And it's my story, so I tells it how I wants it."
"Then don't."
"What?" She asked in surprise.
"While I would prefer to hear what I want to know now, there should be plenty of others that have seen what you have. Do not forget you are unnecessary or mistakenly overvalue your worth. If you have no wish to answer, then don't. I could care less. Of course, you won't see an ounce of the gold I promised," he sneered.
"… You don't have any friends, do you?"
"What?"
"I said fine! Geez."
"Good. No more of this tomfoolery. Displease me one more time, and the deal is off."
She raised her arms in surrender even as she rolled her eyes.
"When the clergy was gathered in the fields for a late-night prayer, a giant shining gate appeared out of thin air in the sky."
"A gate?"
"Yeah, really shiny and super ornate. I still remember it like it happened yesterday. Some priests thought they saw the pearl gates, so they got on their knees and genuflected while some ran away screaming. But most did both."
"I'm assuming this gate was where the hand appeared from."
"Got it in one. The gate opened, and wallah! A giant hand came through, arm and all."
"This hand transported Nayuta here?"
"Yep. It's been kept a secret within the clergy because nobody would believe them, but they're still debating the implications. A few even think she's an omen or a message from God. Possibly the prophesized Second Coming of Christ."
"Ridiculous," he sneered. Such a spell was unheard of. It was probably a wizard or witch playing a prank with an illusion on the idiotic muggles.
"Maybe," Sister Catherine admitted with a shrug. "But there is some reasonable evidence supporting the contrary. The hand that brought Nayuta had seven fingers; you know how it is with us Christians and the number seven. It's a holy number, so some of the fathers think the hand belonged to one of God's angels. Also, there's the matter with her eyes."
"Her eyes?" He parroted.
"Yeah, it's an odd shade between yellow and gold with multiple rings expanding from the pupil. God's eyes are sometimes depicted with swirls or rings, similar to Nayuta's, which is why some think that she's the Daughter of God."
Some kind of half-breed?
Snape frowned at the implication. Such eyes were unusual even in the Wizarding world. In fact, he had never heard of such an occurrence in any creature.
"That is quite the stretch, not that I'm surprised. Your people would latch onto anything if it validates their inane beliefs," he mocked, annoyed not at her but at himself.
He had worried for Nayuta, thinking that some tragedy had befallen her. Now it seemed that he had to rip away the nonsense these muggles had fed her before she developed a false sense of vainglory.
"True that," Catherine agreed with a laugh. "Can you blame them? They dedicate their lives to the service of God without a single word of acknowledgment from the Father above. But those that think of Nayuta as the daughter of God is a small minority. Most don't know what to make of her."
"Good. I will have you know that she is no omen or a deity. She is a Magical like myself, so do not fill her head with any more nonsense," Snape ordered with finality before he shut his metaphorical ears to the further rambling of the crazy nun. While his ears received the words, his mind refused to register them. It wasn't like she had anything of value to say.
"- and then five of the priests tried to kill Nayuta in her sleep."
"WHAT!" He shouted in a mix of outrage and utter disbelief, spinning with unbelievable athleticism to face his temporary guide.
Sister Catherine jumped back in surprise, flinching at the sudden closing of the distance between them.
"Hey! Don't shove that thing you call a face into other people's faces! First, it's rude as hell, and second, have you ever seen your face? It's the stuff of nightmares!"
"Repeat yourself, woman!"
"About Sister Lindsey and the goat?"
"About the priests trying to kill the girl you stupid wench!"
"Oh… Well… Just like how some of the clergy thought Nayuta was the daughter of God, others thought the opposite. That she was the spawn of the Devil so…."
Snape's stomach churned in disgust as his mouth dried in horror.
"The girl… Is she?"
Was I too late?
"Nayuta's fine if that's what you're worried about. The priests… Not so much."
He sighed in relief. "The priests… Where are they?"
"Over there… and there… and there… some on the carpet… and the rest on the ceiling," she replied, her complexion turning into a shade of green at the memory.
"Speak clearly!"
"They're dead! Blown to bits! I couldn't even tell the difference between the mouth and the anus, and I got the shit task of cleaning everything up! I didn't even know that your hands could get literally stained in blood! I thought that was just a saying, but no! I had to use bleach to get all that crap out of my skin!"
Snape paled, blood draining from his already pallor skin. It wasn't unusual for intense accidental magic to erupt when under threat, but to be that destructive? The girl must be powerful, very powerful. But more importantly… He could not imagine the damage inflicted on the young child, even if they weren't wounds that bled.
"Your auro- police never got involved?"
"What would we even tell them? That God smote them in his anger? No… The Matron and the Bishop ordered everyone's silence. No one talks about it, and nothing gets out."
With neither of them in the mood to talk, the rest of the journey continued in silence.
"Nayuta is probably in here; she typically hangs around in the garden with her… 'friends.'"
"You won't be coming?"
"I think it would be better to give the two of you some space."
"That is…" Surprisingly sensible, Snape thought in surprise.
"I'll be waiting here; holler if you need me... Or scream."
Snape frowned at her… choice of words. But he nodded in acceptance and entered the garden. He had run multiple simulations in his mind, trying to think of the ideal path to deal with what was laid forth. Several plans came and left within his mind, along with their proper diction for deliverance, but nothing seemed relevant.
The gardens were a strange place for children to play. But he was grateful that Nayuta had friends within the orphanage.
Snape glanced at his surroundings as he walked, judging and examining every herb, fruit, and vegetable that grew in the soil. He was no admirer of gardening, but the design and selection were surprisingly tasteful and well done. Too many wizards and witches dumped the most colorful or expensive flowers they could find together without regard for compatibility or-
Snape dived to the side with reflexes trained by years of dueling as a monkey, deer, python, panda, and parrot shot past.
What the-
The strange menagerie of beasts converged onto a single tiny figure made large by the massive black mutt she rode like a stallion while surrounded by all manners of critters that should not have been native to Britain.
While her head was obscured by a metal bucket that she wore on her head, he could see her gold-amber eyes and the raven-black hair that flowed like water. On her hand was a ceremonial scepter that she wielded like a sword as if she was a knight from a fantasy.
The monkey trotted past his fellow beasts, holding up a very familiar pointed stick.
Snape's hand flew to his holster, only to find it empty.
My wand!
Nayuta released the scepter, letting it roll on the dirt and cradled his wand in her hands, staring intently at a Wizard's greatest possession.
"Hand that over girl, that is no toy for you to play with," he demanded, although with more vitriol than necessary.
But rather than complying, she tucked the wand under her arms, embracing it protectively from its rightful owner.
"Mine," she claimed.
Eyes narrowed in displeasure as he advanced, "Are you daft? I said-."
Almost in unison, every beast with teeth bared their canines and those with beaks beat their wings, screeching threateningly.
Startled, Snape hastily retreated, eyeing the creatures warily.
Animal empathy? No… It's far too powerful to be mere empathy… Something akin to parseltongue?
As humiliating as it was, he had no confidence in dealing with this small army without a wand.
That bloody wench! He had thought it was strange that the nun had sent him in alone… He assumed that she was trying to be helpful, but it seemed that he had overestimated her.
Fortunately, he was well prepared for situations such as this.
"Accio Wand."
At the utterance of the spell, the wand was ripped from the girl's hands and slapped into his.
Nayuta's eyes widened in surprise, staring at her now empty palm and then in curiosity at his as he placed his wand back into his holster.
Straightening his robes and patting away the twigs and dirt, he spoke softly with gravitas. "I am Professor Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Nayuta, you are-."
"Accio Wand," interrupted the girl, extending her hand in the same manner he had done seconds ago.
On the girl's command, his wand was torn out of his holster before arriving into her hand.
Snape stopped mid-speech, stunned at the display.
The Summoning Spell: Accio was not a difficult charm for a fully-fledged wizard. But to a student? If any student, regardless of age, could learn that spell within a day, he would have awarded points irrespective of their house. But to cast it in a single try? Even if she had prior training, she had performed the magic wandlessly. Only the greatest wizards and witches could cast even the simplest spells without a wand.
This… What she had done… Unbelievable.
"Mine," she obstinately claimed again with a stubbornness that would fit right in with the lions. Her hands gripped his wand tightly to prevent it from being taken away.
"May I have the wand back child?" He asked carefully. Snape had always preferred vinegar over honey, but he was all out of vinegar.
"No!"
"I will make a trade for it. Is there something you want?"
"Biscuits!" She shouted excitedly.
"Biscuits?" He had expected chocolate, candy, or a toy.
Is she not being fed?
"I will give you all the biscuits you want."
"Promise?"
"Yes, I promise."
Hesitantly, the girl relinquished the wand in which he promptly snatched it out of her hands. But rather than placing it in his holster, he held onto it with a firm grip.
Snape stepped closer, slowly to prevent alarming the band of beasts and knelt to her height.
"You're a witch, Nayuta."
"I know."
"You do?" He asked in surprise
"That's what everyone calls me."
Snape froze, taking a moment to digest what he had heard. He doubted that she was referring to the magical kind… No… She was referring to the ones that the church burned at stake.
"You are a witch… But not that kind. You are no spawn of the Devil, but a Magical. Like myself. I am a wizard, and you are a witch, a female wizard. Whatever they said about you, whatever they told you, do not believe it. Muggles… The non-magical… They are ignorant as they are foolish. There is little worth in their words, so do not take what the nonsense they spew to heart."
Nayuta stared into his eyes, her ringed amber pupils staring into his own without a word as if she was waiting for something. Now that he saw them closely, they were indeed peculiar.
As he stared back, he wondered what she was thinking. He would not be surprised if she were struggling to believe. Her face was blank from shock, so it was hard to tell. Hopefully, this revelation would help her forget her past traumas and find peace. He was not socially disabled enough to think that words were sufficient, perhaps a more fanciful demonstration of magic would-
"Biscuits," she said with a frown as she reached out her hand. "Give me."
Canon Extras:
Thirty minutes after Snape apparated with Nayuta into Diagon ally to shop for her Hogwarts supplies, he was struck with a strange sensation… Like he had forgotten something… He pondered with a frown, carefully searching through his memories until the girl tried to stuff a wailing Gringotts goblin into her suitcase.
Meanwhile, on Church Grounds.
"That son of a bitch didn't give me my gold!
This is my third CSM crossover fanfic although it is rather different from what I normally write. This is not a crack fic but I tried to be humorous. I have no idea if other people will find it funny so I would appreciate any and all comments and feedback.