Bleach: Fun with the Espada
Author's notes:
1. The original working title was "Fun with Stark, Nnoitra, Szayel, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Halibel, Aarioneri, Yammy, All of their Fraccion, Aizen, Gin, Tousen, Wonderwiece, and the other two, thus-unnamed Espada", however the idea was dropped because people didn't think that "Fun with Stark, Nnoitra, Szayel, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Halibel, Aarioneri, Yammy, All of their Fraccion, Aizen, Gin, Tousen, Wonderwiece, and the other two, thus-unnamed Espada" was not as catchy...
3. Seeing as how the names of two of the espada the silent, black espada and the old dude have not been given, they will be referred to as Grandpa espada and Los Negros. I know, I'm not a very creative guy... But I digress...
4. I'm open to new ideas for the story... Just thought you might wanna know...
DISCLAIMER: I do not own bleach, nor any of the characters afiliated with bleach. The person who DOES own bleach is named Tite Kubo. The name's not too common, so it's probably easy to find in the phone book... Look it up some time. Also, the number "2" will rarely be used in the Author's notes.
Chapter One
The Meeting of the Espada
As per Aizen's request, his 10 most powerful arrancars, The Espada, gathered in the sanctified meeting hall, equipped with 11 chairs, and a long, black table. Each of the 10 espada arrived relatively on time, assuming their seats before Aizen entered the room. From the left to the right sat Ulquiorra, Stark, Nnoitra, Halibel, Aaroniero, Yammy, Grandpa Espada, Szayel Aporro Grantz, Los Negros, and, at the far right, Grimmjow Jaejerjaques. Ulquiorra had his eyes shut, his hands resting neatly on his lap. As per usual, he wore a melancholic frown.
"Did anyone else hear that voice?" Nnoitra asked.
Stark sat, his chin resting on top of his over-lapping hands.
"There it was again!" Nnoitra yelled.
Nnoitra leaned back in his chair, resting his head on his hands, which sat behind his head. He persistently continued to badger the narrator, although he had no reason to do so.
"You wanna start something narrator guy!" Nnoitra barked.
"Two things. First, let's let the narrator finish the narration, eh? Second, I do have a name outside of 'Narator Guy.'" The narrator responded.
"And what might that be?" Ulquiorra asked.
"Saint Ravenmane. Most people just call me Raven though." Raven responded.
"Why do you refer to yourself as a 'saint'?" Ulquiorra inquired.
"Do you really want to know?" Raven asked.
"No." Ulquiorra inquired.
"So can i resume my narration?" Raven asked.
"By all means." Ulquiorra responded.
Alright, where was I... Oh, right... ahem Halibel cradled her veluptuous bosoms under her folded arms, her face masked by her coat. Halibel shifted her yes to her left and right, noting that every Espada with the exception of Stark turned their heads to observe.
"Hey, Stark, what are you, gay?" Nnoitra mocked.
"No, he's just sleeping with his eyes opened." Raven responded.
ANYWAY... Aaroniero glared forward, his hands resting on his lap as well. Next to him, Yammy rested his elbow on the meeting table, gritting his teeth impatiently. To his left, Grandpa Espada-
"WHAT...THE...DID...YOU...CALL...ME..." Grandpa Espada barked.
"I called you Grandpa Espada." Raven responded.
"WHY...THE...DID...YOU...DO...THAT!!!!" Grandpa Espada roared. "AND...WHY...THE...CAN'T...I...CURSE!!!!"
"That's an easy one... You can't curse because I'm shooting for a PG rating, PG-13 at most, and I'm already pushing that with the 'veluptuous breasts' reference..." Eyes shifted once again. "And i called you Grandpa Espada because you don't have any other name at the moment. ." Raven responded.
"OH YEAH!!! I...DO...HAVE...A...NAME!!..." Grandpa Espada yelled out.
"Then what is it?" Raven retorted.
"..."
"Your silence is answer enough." Raven responded.
Well then... Moving on... Szayel dreamily gazed at the snoozing Stark-
"I AM NOT!" Szayel cried.
"Then who are you oogling?" Raven asked.
"...Halibel...?" Szayel responded, nervously.
"...Halibel's on your right... your loking to your left..." Raven responded.
"..Peripheral Vision...?" Szayel said.
The narrator, Saint Ravenmane, facepalmed... ANYWAY... Los Negros sat down, his hands interlocked, and his eyes closed. Finally, Grimmjow sat impatiently, his eyes locked on the door...
"Because the sooner Aizen arrives the sooner I can ge the out of here." Grimmjow said.
"Amen to that." Yammy said.
"...Shut up Yammy..." Grimmjow said.
Then came silence... The only audible sound made in the meeting hall was the Narrator's voice. Then, without warning, the dors to the hall flew open. Subsequently, Stark suddenly shot upright, looked to his left and right, and then re-assumed his position. Into the throne room walked Aizen, followed by Gin and Tousen, followed by a figure with neat, black, mid-back-length hair, piercing yellow eyes, a red cape, and an outfit consisting of tannish boots, black jeans, and a black button-down shirt. His lip movements matched the words that the narrator spoke, including the ones just spoken. Yanno, the ones mentioning the lip movements? They were seriously like 15 words ago... But enough about that... Aizen was ready to make his announcement...
"Espada, I would like to introduce you to an all-powerful entity whose abilities tresspass in the realm of god." Aizen began.
"Pet-sama!" Nnoitra yelled out, siting upstraight in his chair, a lustful glint in his eye. "Quiet you..." He quickly said to the narrator.
"No, Nnoitra, you've already met Orihime... I was talking about the gentleman behind me. I would like you all to meet an individual that goes by the name of Saint Ravenmane. He is what is known as a Narrator. Whatever he says becomes reality... And he is on our side." Aizen said, gesturing towards Raven. Still, Szayel held Stark in his dreamy gaze.
"Szayel held me in his what!?" Stark asked.
"I DID NOT!!" Szayel yelled.
Raven responded by blowing Szayel a rasberry.
"What was that?" Halibel asked.
"That was a rasberry, big boobies." Raven replied, sarcastically.
"Aizen-sama, you expect me to believe that a person who blows rasberries is all-powerful?" Halibel asked, doubtful.
"Well, if you need proof I can make it so that you strip down, and streak throughout Las Noches." Raven said, resulting in every guy in the room except Szayel turning their heads towards Halibel.
"STOP THAT!!!" Szayel shouted.
"But it's just too easy!" Raven said, laughing.
"Well, Tousen-sama, what do you think of this 'Saint Ravenmane'?" Aaroniero asked.
"I view him as a monster whoserves no purpose but to create chaos, and that will eventually break the tenuous peace of Las Noches." Tousen responded.
"Oh yeah? Well you have pretty eyes!" Raven said in his defense, albier sardonically.
"You really think so? I tend to get that alot fro- See? This is what I'm talking about..." Tousen responded, irritated.
Afterwards, Aizen adjourned the meeting, and began to walk out. The narrator, tired and losing interest in making "Szayel is gay" jokes, decided to retire to a room for the night. He walked up to Aizen and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Yes?" Aizen asked.
"Out of curiosity, which room is Orihime's room?" Raven asked.
"Make a right there, and it's the third door on the left." Aizen responded.
"Thanks." Raven responded, taking the right and entering the room.
Moments later, Aizen stopped in his tracks, blinked twice, and back-tracked until he reached the hallway Raven had turned down. He walked up to Orihime's room, slowly reaching for the dor knob... Really slowly... Slower... MUCH SLOWER... HEY, MAN, SLOW THE DOWN!!!
"Raven!" Aizen yelled.
"...Fine..." Raven replied, allowing Aizen to open the door.
Upon entering, Aizen found Raven and Orihime engaged in a very competitive game of OPERATION.
"Well what did you think we were doing in here?" Raven asked.
"Uh... Um... Well.." Aizen responded, flustered, before exiting the room.
"Now then, where were we?" Raven asked.
Orihime moved the game board to the side, and removed her top.
"Man, oh man, it is good to be a narrator." Raven said, sitting back and enjoying the show.
-END OF CHAPTER 1-